Nat watched numbly while the water pooled around her feet, the rust stains appearing and disappearing as the suds from her shampoo streamed by. The bus wouldn’t be here for another hour. For once, she’d woken up in plenty of time. Too much time. Too much time to think.
He’d run away. More horrified of the idea of being with her than she’d been at finding out her wolf—no. Not hers. At finding out the wolf was a human. She couldn’t blame him. But that didn’t stop the feeling of a knife slicing into her stomach.
Her hand reached to turn off the water, and she pulled the ripped plastic curtain aside to grab a thin towel. Time to do the laundry again. She’d been a bit remiss the last couple of weeks, but life was back to normal now.
She swiped the fog away on the small mirror over the sink before turning her head upside-down to wrap the towel around her hair. When she stood back up, she stared at her reflection for a moment. She’d grown a little too thin lately. Her eyes loomed hugely in her small face, her protruding lips a stark contrast with the sharp lines of her cheeks and jaw.
She reached up to touch the full, soft flesh, remembering the feel as they’d wrapped around the tips of his fingers. As he’d slid them back out. The way he’d looked at her, his own lips parting. Her pulse quickened, and her body responded as it had when he’d touched her. She stroked her lips softly back and forth, lost in the memory.
Caleb. He dwarfed her with his human size nearly as much as when he was a wolf, towering over her maybe eight inches with a well muscled body he moved so gracefully.
His hair was pitch black and shaggy, falling onto his forehead in silky dark locks. Thick, dark eyebrows arched cockily or furrowed in concern while deep black eyelashes framed his beautiful amber eyes. He had the perfect nose, straight and not too sharp or flat. It squared off at the tip, the strong line echoing his wolf form. A square jaw and chin gave him a far manlier look than other boys his age, and his lips…
Nat’s touch paused on her own lips. His lips were full and wide, pulling to the side in a charmingly smug smile or parting gently in thought. They were perfect on him, his every feature in harmony, creating the darkest, wildest, most gorgeous boy she had ever seen. She’d thought her own lips too full, but they would be perfect under his.
A sound beneath the trailer made her jump, and she dropped her hand hastily, heat flooding her face. Probably another raccoon. She’d have to take a look once she got home from school before it chewed through any wires. They couldn’t afford the repairs. She blinked at her flushed cheeks in the mirror, her lashes tangling with the scraggly line of her bangs. Caleb’s touch had been so soft when he’d brushed them from her eyes…
Stop it!
The towel fell to her feet, and her hands reached for the scissors. She trimmed her bangs before flipping her head upside down to cut the long strands in a straight line across as high up as her arms would reach. The website said it would give her a layered look, but she hadn’t tried it before. She reached for her blowdryer, drying her hair with one hand while cleaning up with her other.
When she stood up again, her eyes widened. She looked like a lion, with her brown hair poofing out all around her like a huge mane. She stared a moment before turning to finish getting ready. Her hood would hide it. By the time the bus got to school, it would probably have calmed down…or give everyone yet another reason to mock her all day.
Her mother lay passed out on the couch as usual. At least she managed to shower herself frequently enough. They might be poor, but they were clean.
Nat grabbed an egg and cracked it into a cup to microwave it, scarfing down the rubbery mess quickly once done. Eggs were cheap for a meal. Maybe the wolf could eat—
Pain hit her when she remembered she wouldn’t need to worry about that anymore. And evidently she hadn’t been helping anyway.
Egg stuck to the sides of the scratched up plastic cup while she washed it, and she scraped it carefully before setting it to drain in the plastic dish rack beside the stained sink.
The clock on the microwave said it was time to go at last. She skipped the bags on her legs. They would have still been nice, but she couldn’t afford to waste them when she didn’t need to be walking through the heavy snow. So she wrapped the heavy coat around her and left the trailer.
Her footsteps crunched over the snow, her toes freezing almost immediately. A sound beneath the trailer pulled her gaze back as she walked away, but she didn’t look too carefully. It seemed a little late for a raccoon to still be awake, but whatever it was, she didn’t have time to deal with it right now. So she headed to her stop without looking back again.
Nat stepped off the bus, straight into a snowball planted right in her face. The bus driver at least had the decency to yell at Preston while he and the other boys laughed uproariously. She wiped the snow away, her eyes stinging from the blow and tears. At least there hadn’t been a rock in it.
Her mother had always told her to ignore bullies and they’d go away when they realized they couldn’t get under your skin. The advice usually worked, but not with Preston. Maybe it was because it did get under her skin. She might not be able to hide it as well as she thought.
The new fallen snow crept into her socks again as she walked home with heavy feet. Hopefully this weather would end soon. She was so tired. So very tired.
Keeping her head down as she walked, she only vaguely registered the sound of the screen door as she approached the trailer and lifted her eyes wearily.
Adrenaline shot through her, gluing her to the spot where she stood at the edge of the drive. His truck. Why hadn’t she checked!
“Natty! Sweetie, I haven’t seen you in forever! Come give your uncle a hug.”
Her stomach lodged in her throat while the smiling man who most definitely was not her uncle approached. Could she run? The cops had given her to him once when she had. He’d told them she was going through a rebellious phase, and they didn’t seem interested in listening to her trying to tell them anything. Aw, he’s just a good ol’ boy, they’d told her. He’d known too many of them since they were kids.
Her eyes flew to the door behind him as she backed away, hoping that somehow her mother would walk to it. Through it. To be up. But no one came.
“Now Natty, don’t go running off again,” he said pleasantly, now only a few feet away. “Your mom and I might have to have another talk.”
Her heart hammered in her chest. She knew what that meant. The bruises he’d left last time had taken weeks to go away.
Sickness curled in her gut, and she bit down on her tongue, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay. She would never let him see her cry.
“Now why don’t you come inside, honey, and get those wet clothes off,” he murmured, reaching out for her.
A blur of black fur flew out from under the trailer a moment before he was thrown to the ground, his body shaken like a rag doll by monstrous jaws clenched around his neck. Strangled sounds came from the pasty, fleshy throat, and Nat threw her arms around Caleb with a cry, whispering in his ear frantically.
“If you hurt him, the cops will come! I know you can get away. But I can’t. Social services will take me.”
Her heart pounded in terror against him. Terror that someone would see him. That someone would grab their shotgun and race outside to help the disgusting, bloated man making strange bleating sounds from the ground.
She could feel Caleb’s heart pounding even faster than her own, the tension in his enormous body radiating into hers, and she hugged him tightly. If anyone came out, maybe they wouldn’t shoot if she was holding him.
Caleb slowly lifted his head, and a trickle of blood leaked onto the snow. The man didn’t move, and Nat’s stomach clenched in fear that it was too late. If he’d killed someone, they’d hunt him down and he’d have to run so far away she would never see him again.
She leaned over to check while Caleb growled low and menacing, his teeth not far from the punctured throat. Punctured—but only slightly. Breath filled her lungs once more.
“Get out of here,” she hissed, looking down into the terrified eyes locked on the bared teeth in front of him. “And don’t come back.”
When he didn’t move, she kicked his side, even the small touch making her insides heave.
“Go!”
Caleb punctuated her words with a sharp snarl and snap, and the man twisted away at last, a mewling sound coming from his throat as he crawled on shaky arms toward his truck. He reached up and opened the door without standing, pulling himself up and looking ready to fall over each moment until it closed behind him.
Nat could see him fumbling with something before the engine roared to life. She breathed a sigh of relief that he’d left his keys in the ignition as usual. The tires rolled down the drive, alternately lurching and squealing, stalling in the snow before traction would kick in until at last the truck raced away far down the lane.
Nat looked around, panic setting in that someone would have heard the sounds and looked out the window to see Caleb.
“Hide!”
Her eyes flew down when he grabbed her wrist in his jaws and pulled her with him until he was under the trailer. She crouched low, blinking rapidly as he shifted.
“I’m going to need some clothes.”
Nat unzipped her jacket and quickly wiggled out of it before passing it to him under the trailer.
“Maybe you could wrap it around your…waist.” She finished with a squeak, jerking her face away, the blood rushing to her cheeks. He really wasn’t shy at all.
A moment later he crept out to stand beside her, and she glanced up, ready to rush them inside—and completely forgot what she was doing.
He stood so close, his muscles rippling as his hand clenched the coat around his waist while he scanned the area slowly. Her breath caught in her throat when his dark fringed amber eyes suddenly dropped to hers, his thick black locks falling onto his forehead while he stared down at her, his expression alert. Focused. Until his eyes began to soften and his lips parted, one corner of his mouth pulling up. She swallowed. And froze completely when his gaze slid down her body, a light growing in his eyes until he frowned and pressed a hand to his stomach, turning away.
Her heart jumped, remembering where they were.
“Will you come inside?” she whispered.
He glanced at her, and his tone was a bit wistful when he answered.
“Unless you want to run away in the woods with me.”
Her heart leapt again, but this time from something else.
“I wish I could.” Her voice sounded very small to her ears, so very small to hide the feelings that were so big. He had rescued her. He had come back. He would let her run away with him…
“I’ll come inside,” he said softly.
Her eyes grew wet, and she looked down to hurry toward the trailer…trying not to think of how warm his own eyes had just grown.
She opened the door quickly, hoping no one was peeking out, and moved to the side once indoors to wait for him to walk in.
He hesitated, pressing his lips together while his eyes searched the dark, enclosed space. Her heart caught, torn between melting at the endearing, beautiful image in front of her and fear that he would change his mind. That he would be miserable. That he must be horrified at what he was seeing.
Matted carpet that no amount of vacuuming could fix. Linoleum peeling away on the kitchen floor. Rust stained fixtures. An old TV with an actual dial on it and a rough, sticky couch, where her mother lay oblivious. And worst of all, a musty odor that choked her—she couldn’t even imagine what it must be like to him.
Tears stung her eyes. Was she being selfish? He could go far away from here. Keep his freedom. There was nothing she could provide for him that he needed. That he couldn’t get for himself and in a much better way.
He had done enough for her. So much more than enough. It might even keep the creep away from her forever. And she was going to reward him with this?
She drew in a breath and opened her mouth in the same moment he stepped through the doorway and reached for her, closing the door behind him.
Her lashes fluttered rapidly when he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck, breathing deeply and filling his lungs over and over. It took her a moment to be able to speak, and her voice quavered when she finally could.
“I keep the window cracked in my room. It’s easier to breathe in there.”
His head perked up immediately, his eyes bright on hers.
“Show me!”
Nat took a quick look at her mother, making sure she was breathing okay and looked normal, before leading Caleb down the very short hall, past her mother’s room that was almost never used and the tiny bathroom directly across from it, to her room at the end.
Opening her door, she barely had time to move before he’d bounded past her, the coat falling to the floor as he shifted and began sniffing everything. His wagging tail beat against the walls while she quickly shut her door, her heart pounding.
He was almost too big for the room. It was only a nine by nine foot space, and Caleb was easily five feet from front to back. Adding on the extra two or three feet of tail, and the room didn’t stand a chance.
She rescued her TV tray with the cup on it before they flew into the wall, only to yelp as the modular metal grid shelving she’d put together for her clothes crumbled in on itself, pieces scattering and clothing falling as she grabbed it.
“Caleb!”
But he was too busy digging through her pile of dirty clothes now, sniffing everything, and she shrieked, dropping the shelving, tray, and cup to dive for the clothes, bundling them up as he rammed his head between her arms and her body, still trying to sniff everything.
“Would you stop!” her cry was a bit strangled, and she buried the clothes in a tight ball beneath her, trying to keep them away. He bounded away to her mattress on the floor, pouncing on it and burying his nose under the covers as he finally stilled, watching her.
Her heart was hammering against the clothing underneath her while she stared at him lying on her bed, her breathing slowly beginning to return to normal when he remained still. Okay. He was finally calming. Or… Wait. Was he… Her eyes widened as she realized he was sniffing the pillow she slept with between her legs, and she lunged forward across her clothes, reaching out to snatch it. He grabbed it with his teeth, pulling back and jerking his head side to side, trying to tear it from her.
“Caleb—you can’t—would—you—STOP!” she choked out, struggling to hold on as he growled, still shaking the pillow fiercely every few seconds until he finally tore it from her grasp. He turned quickly in the bed, plopping down with it buried under his front paws to continue sniffing, and she climbed into the bed beside him, shoving at his body and trying to pull it away.
She might as well have tried moving the entire trailer. A long whine sounded in her throat, and she collapsed on the bed, hiding her face in her hands and making mewling sounds while he lay beside her, continuing to sniff for a painfully long couple of minutes. She didn’t move when she felt him get up. Or when he began sniffing her. Until his muzzle went right between her legs.
She sat up instantly and hit his nose hard.
“NO!”
He yelped and jumped back, shifting immediately and rubbing his nose.
“What’d you do that for!”
Nat’s face was on fire, but her voice was furious.
“You do not sniff…people’s…private things!” she finished with a raised voice, pointing her finger at him.
“Why not!” he shot back, thoroughly disgruntled.
She threw a blanket at him.
“And cover up!”
He snatched it, glaring at her as he put it around his shoulders. And left his appendage completely exposed.
She smacked her hands over her eyes.
“Not that part!”
“Well what part then!” The frustration in his voice couldn’t quite disguise the hurt, and she peeked out, a whine coming from her throat again.
“Caleb…don’t you…I mean…” Oh god. Was she really going to have to say this? She covered her cheeks with her hands, trying to cool them as she spoke. “Caleb…the parts we use to…” HOW WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO SAY THIS?
She closed her eyes and tried again, blocking out his gorgeous, disturbing confusion.
“Caleb, your penis. Please cover your penis. And your butt. Those two things, you need to keep covered.” She opened one eye to see him frowning at her before he opened his mouth to speak. “AND—” she cut him off—“never never never try to sniff or touch or look at…this.” She gestured with her hand around her breasts, and he blinked. “Or this,” she gestured between her legs, and his frown deepened, “or my butt. Or anything that has touched these parts!”
He stared at her for just a few beats of silence.
“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?” he exploded. “You are sitting on the bed and you sit on the ground sometimes and you’ve even hugged me and then your chest is on me and now I’m not supposed to even smell myself?”
She gave a mini scream and turned to take her shoes off, her cold wet socks a welcome distraction.
“You are impossible! Just…just…oh. Just stop embarrassing me!”
She whimpered as she peeled off the fabric sticking to her skin and held her toes in her hands, warming them. When he didn’t say anything, she snuck a peak under her lashes. And her heart turned over.
He looked so lost. What was she doing…
“Caleb,” she whispered, crawling over to sit beside him. He didn’t look at her but stared down and away. “I’m sorry. It’s just…you’re…very attractive.” Nat was sure she was blood red, but his eyes darted to hers in surprise.
“Then why don’t you want to look at me?”
Her body tightened and her lips parted, but she didn’t have an answer.
“And why does your scent change like that sometimes,” he said, his voice softer, and she was sure her body was flaming so badly now she would melt right through the floor.
“I think it’s when…I think you’re…attractive,” she managed to choke out.
He blinked and smiled, turning toward her more and alarming her when he leaned in closer to breathe her neck.
“But I like that scent,” he murmured, his lips brushing her skin. A shiver went through her, and his hand went to his stomach.
“But…it makes me…uncomfortable,” she whispered.
He leaned back immediately, his eyes wide.
“It does?”
She nodded. Vehemently.
“Very. Very very very very very. Very.”
He frowned, but he didn’t look hurt anymore.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Relief flooded her body.
”Good! Then…will you just…cover up like you see other people doing?”
He looked down and pulled the cover around himself, hiding everything this time. She sighed.
“Better?” he asked, uncertain.
“Much.” And she smiled.
“And I won’t put my nose between your legs again.”
A choked sound came from her throat, but she drew in a deep breath. His eyes were so earnest.
“Thank you,” she said at last, only the smallest wobble in her voice.
He frowned suddenly.
“Are you attracted to my wolf penis and butt?”
A coughing fit seized her, and he stroked her back in concern until she finally leaned up, wheezing.
“No. No, I do not feel attraction to your wolf body.”
His eyes brightened.
“So I can be naked as a wolf?”
She stared at him a moment, her lips parted and her brows pulled together and raised.
“Yes. Yes, Caleb. It’s…yes.”
He let out a little yip before shifting and suddenly he was licking her all over her face, her neck, little chirping sounds coming from his throat while she alternately groaned and laughed until she finally collapsed on him, her arms around his neck and her hands buried in his fur.
Her eyes closed, and she breathed him in. He always smelled so clean. Like the wind and the trees. She leaned a bit more heavily, drowsiness stealing over her. She needed to get up. There was laundry to do. Homework. She needed to clean up the room. Eat.
Sliding down into his fur as he laid back, she fell asleep.
Nat awoke to the feel of fingers running softly through her hair, and she reached her hands up to stroke Caleb’s fur, starting to burrow her face into him more deeply. And froze at the feel of bare skin.
Her eyes flew open to find her cheek pressed against his naked chest and her bare leg crossed over his under the covers.
“What’s wrong?” Worry filled his voice as small, high pitched sounds came from her throat. “I’m still covered! If you look down you won’t see anything, and I didn’t touch the thing on your chest or your butt! I did everything you said!”
His sincerity only stole what little voice she had remaining, and her breath came in small, wheezing gasps.
“I had to change back. I couldn’t pet you with paws,” he complained. “And I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable on the floor. And those clothes—I know those are uncomfortable. I was just trying to help.”
A whine crept into his voice, and he started to curl up into her.
She bolted up off the mattress, tearing the blanket from him to wrap it around herself only to gasp again and throw it back at him, covering him as he sat up with wounded eyes.
Her eyes flew down to see her body clothed only in her underwear and bra, and she tore the blanket back again halfway, dropping to her knees to cover herself and squeezing her eyes together tightly.
“You didn’t say anything about the rest of the parts,” he said petulantly.
Nat wished she knew a prayer right now. Any prayer. Something to recite. Anything.
She started rattling off the pledge of allegiance.
“What are you doing?”
“And to the republic for which it stands…”
“Nat…” His mournful tone pierced her hysteria, and she slowly opened her eyes to find him staring at her with growing distress, the muscles of his arms and chest a mixture of light and shadows in the moonlight streaming through the window.
“Caleb,” her voice was hoarse. “You also can’t put your…parts near…my parts.”
He looked down, twisting the blanket in his hands.
“Why are there so many rules,” he mumbled. He swallowed and looked over at her. “I thought it was just if you saw me.”
She shook her head. And once she started, it kept going. Back and forth, over and over, until she had to reach up and press her cheeks together with her hands to stop it.
“When I see you. When you touch me. When I touch you. When you look at my body…” She trailed off in a whisper.
He swallowed and pressed a hand against his stomach as a deep line formed between his brows.
“So I’m not supposed to touch you? Why can’t I pet you, too? It’s not fair.” He sounded like such a child…but a very lonely child.
Tears stung her eyes. He must not have been held in human arms since his parents died. She was so panicked at how gorgeous he was, she forgot how deeply hurt he’d been.
He was so innocent. Genuine. And trying so hard to be good to her. And she was making him feel bad.
“Oh, Caleb…” She looked around for a shirt and saw her cubby organizer—all put back together. Her eyes drifted back to him, deep warmth and remorse filling them. She quickly threw a long t-shirt on and moved back to sit by his side.
“Please pet me,” she whispered, looking up at him.
He glanced over, uncertainty clouding his eyes, and she leaned her head into his arm.
“Please. I love it when you touch me. So much that it makes me a little crazy. I’m so sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’ve been…” A deep sigh drifted from her as she searched for the words. “You’re my hero. I’ve never had a hero. I didn’t think someone like me could ever get one. I didn’t think someone like you even existed.”
She raised her head. He still looked so unsure of himself, and her stomach clenched in pain.
“I don’t mean because you’re a wolf. That’s…crazy and amazing and wonderful. I mean you. You are so brave. So bold. And so, so kind.”
His eyes were warming at last, his hair falling forward on his forehead and making her stomach clench again. But differently.
“And unfortunately for you, you are also sooo cute that it’s really hard to be close to you without going crazy.”
A little smile finally tugged at a corner of his mouth, and she remembered his fingers on her lips and swallowed when he finally began stroking her hair again.
“Honestly,” she whispered. “You have no idea.”
His lips parted, and he stared down at her for a long time, his eyes growing heavy. But he pulled his brow together and looked away with a frown, pulling his hand back from her hair and rubbing his stomach.
“Are you hungry?”
“No…I just—does it hurt?” He looked back at her. “The way you feel. When you think I look attractive. Does it hurt?”
Her breath caught as she considered the question. She supposed it did send certain…pangs to certain places.
“In a way, I guess.”
His frown deepened as he looked at her.
“Then I think I feel that, too.”
She stared up at him silent. And burst into laughter, wrapping her arms around him when he seemed hurt.
“No no—I’m not laughing at you. Just the idea of you being attracted to me!” She giggled, squeezing him harder. “Trust me when I tell you this: you aren’t. I may not know wolves, but this is something I learned…”
Dark memories brushed through her mind for a moment, but she’d also learned how to not let them own her. And a wolf boy who had protected her was here, in her arms. She was as safe as she could ever be.
Caleb seemed agitated, and she released him. He was rubbing his stomach harder, and she frowned now.
“What is it? Do you feel sick?” Was it something in the trailer? Panic started to fill her again that she might have brought harm to him, but he was shaking his head.
“I don’t know,” he muttered. “It kept happening while you were sleeping, too.”
She reached out to stroke his back, trying to soothe him, but it only seemed to agitate him more so she stopped.
“You’re sure this isn’t what it feels like?” He looked back at her, his eyes more intense that usual. “I mean—how can you know for sure?”
She hesitated, biting down on her lip, before sighing. She needed to get over her embarrassment with him. He was truly very innocent, and there was no one else to tell him.
“When a guy feels attracted, his penis gets really stiff and sticks out or up. The harder it is, the more attracted he is.”
Caleb blinked.
“You’ve never gotten even a little bit hard with me. Trust me—what you are feeling is not attraction.”
He stared at her intently, almost glaring, but finally turned his eyes away. His lips were set in a harder line than usual, matching the line between his brow. But then he turned back with a cocky smile.
“I think you’re wrong.”
She stared at him, her lips slightly apart, a laugh stuck in her throat. He was so perfectly, confidently, charmingly, totally ignorant about human attraction. It was sooo adorable.
“And anyway, the pain goes away when I shift. So—“
“Wait!” she stopped him, grabbing his arm, and he raised a brow. “We need to figure out what we’re going to do! How long do you want to stay? We need a story to tell my mom. And anyone else we might need to tell.”
He blinked in surprise.
“I want to stay forever.”
