Tap water runs over my hands while I stare at my reflection. My mind is numb. But my body isn’t. It aches everywhere, especially between my thighs. Alexius was ruthless and unrelenting. His touch was cruel and unkind like he didn’t give a shit about me. All he cared about was fucking me, marking me in front of Isaia—a twisted display of ownership.
But no matter his intentions, he still made me come. My most sordid part liked it, and now I have to choose to believe he knew that, which is why he didn’t stop. I refuse to think of the alternative—I refuse to let that thought take root. If it does, there’s no telling what it’ll destroy.
“You okay?” Isaia touches my shoulder, and I jolt, water splashing on my shirt.
“Shit. Yeah. I’m just…” I wipe my forehead with my arm. “I’m just on edge. Um…I thought you left?”
“I did. But I had to come back and see if you were okay.”
I suck my bottom lip, unsure if I want him here or not. I’m a ticking time bomb right now, and I could burst into tears and collapse into a heap of misery at any moment. The last thing I want is to have anyone around to witness my breakdown.
“Did he hurt you?” Isaia’s voice is soft, almost like he’s afraid of the answer.
I shake my head. “No. Not physically, anyway.” I reach up and touch his chin, studying his cuts and wounds, but Isaia leans away from my touch, grimacing.
“Sit,” I order, indicating the edge of the tub, grabbing a hand towel. “Let me clean that.”
“You don’t have—”
“Sit down, Isaia.”
His mouth pulls in a straight line as he hesitates, but then walks over to the tub and sits down, leaning with his elbows on his knees, clutching his fists together. “Shit went too far today.”
“It did, but it’s done now. We can’t change it.” I wet the towel then place it against the side of his face, lightly patting at the crusted blood.
“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t look at me. “For, um…for the part I played in all of it.”
An image of him standing there while Alexius fucked me flashes in my head. He was hard as his body responded to the scene in front of him, his eyes dark with lust as he watched. The look on his face was that of dangerous desire and filthy intentions. Just like me, he lost himself in the moment of carnal sin, no matter how fucked up it was.
“It’s okay,” I breathe out. “Don’t apologize. We were all kind of…out of it. High on adrenaline and endorphins and all that shit.”
He’s still not looking at me, keeping his eyes downcast. “I have to ask, and I need you to be honest with me.”
I lean back.
“Did he do…” He clears his throat and shifts, running his palms down his jean-clad thighs. “Did he do anything to you that you didn’t want him to?”
There’s a sharp stab in my gut, and I swallow hard. “Are you asking me if he raped me?”
“Jesus,” he mutters under his breath, rolling his head back, letting out a low groan like the thought pains him.
“No, Isaia. He didn’t.” It’s the truth. “And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have just stood there if he did.”
“God, this is so fucked up.”
“I’m serious.” I start wiping along his jaw. “I know you. I know that if you doubted it for a second, you would have stopped him.”
Isaia grabs my hand, stilling it next to his face. There’s a heavy silence between us. So many unspoken words. But everything that needs to be said is heard in the quiet.
I squeeze his hand, ease my palm out of his grip, and continue cleaning his face.
“You’re pregnant,” he says, and I pause for a moment, holding my breath before nodding.
“Yes.”
“You and Alexius are having a baby.”
“Babies.”
His gaze cuts to mine, his brows snapped together. “Twins?”
“Hmm-hmm.”
“Wow. I wasn’t sure whether I should congratulate you or not, but now I just kinda feel sorry for you.”
I snicker. “I feel sorry for me, too.”
“Was it planned?”
“Not by me.”
His face pulls with confusion, and I decide to redirect. Isaia is already too caught up in my relationship with Alexius. There’s already too much animosity between the brothers, and the last thing we need is for Isaia to know what Alexius did.
“I mean, it was a surprise…to both of us,” I continue.
“Is he being an asshole about it? Is that what made you so upset with him?”
“God, no. In fact, it’s because of him…” But I stop short, biting my tongue.
“Because of him, what?”
“I, um…” I reach for the scar behind my ear, then gather my hair and pull it over my shoulder. “We’re both still trying to wrap our heads around it.”
There’s another deep silence between us, but the sound of the storm outside makes it bearable. Through the window, I can see the snow angrily carried by the rough winds, a white blanket forming on the outside windowsill. Some days, I wish I could get lost in the snow and pretend it’s a different world. Today is one of those days.
Isaia keeps his head down while I take care of his wounds. The blood on his face is thick and sticky, making it difficult to clean without hurting him.
The more I inspect his wounds and nurse his cuts, the more guilt eats away at me, a dull ache fiercely gnawing at my stomach. I hate that I’m the cause of all this. If not for me, none of this would have happened. Alexius and Isaia wouldn’t be hating each other right now.
“I’m sorry he did this to you.”
“Don’t. It’s not your fault my brother is an asshole.”
“Isn’t it?” I look into his brown eyes, touching the wet fabric against the cut on his lower lip. “I’m the cause of this conflict between you and him.”
“Nah. We’ve been going at each other’s throats since I was old enough to call out his bullshit. Our parents groomed him to be the head of this family one day, and all that extra attention, constantly telling him he’ll be in charge, has given him an ego the size of Texas, thinking he controls everyone around him.”
“Maybe. But have you ever considered that maybe he’s controlling because of the weighted responsibility he carries for this family?”
Isaia frowns at me. “Are you defending him?”
“He’s my husband. I’d be a shitty wife if I didn’t.”
“Yeah, because he’s been such an amazing husband to you,” he sneers, sarcasm dripping from his words.
“Stop.” I slap his shoulder lightly. “I think that sometimes he overcompensates by making his presence known because he feels like the outsider.”
Isaia snorts. “Ah, I can promise you that’s not it. Alexius has no idea what it feels like to be an outsider in this family.”
I lean my head to the side. “And you do? Because your brothers are in control of the Dark Sovereign, and you’re not a part of that?”
His jaw tics, and he rubs his fists together, his shoulders tense and muscles taut. “I know it sounds petty, but it’s not so much about me wanting the control they have, but more about being a part of something that defines this family.” He shrugs. “Sharing something with my brothers.”
My heart swells with empathy. He’s not a man hungry for power; he’s a brother and son who yearns to be a part of the family dynasty. Alexius and Nicoli have sat beside their father for years. Now Caelian has joined them, and that leaves Isaia on the sidelines.
“I mean,” he straightens his shoulders, “I know Alexius and Nicoli want to get rid of my uncles, make the Dark Sovereign a Del Rossa legacy alone.”
“So, Alexius plans on including you?”
“That’s what he said, yes. But with Rome being back, it’s not that simple anymore.”
“Because Rome is taking his father’s place?” I walk to the sink and rinse the towel, and Isaia cocks a brow.
“You’re really clued-up about everything. Too clued-up.”
I shrug. “Mirabella is quite…informed.”
“Of course.” He rolls his eyes. “I forgot she’s like a ninja when it comes to snooping. Do you know how hard it was for my brothers and me to sneak girls into this house or come home drunk with Mira always seeing fucking everything? She was constantly blackmailing us.” He grins and winces at the same time, touching his lip. “Ouch. Goddammit.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah. It’s a beast of a split, but thankfully not the first time I got my ass beaten by one of my brothers.” He winks playfully. “What doesn’t kill you…”
A fierce sense of blame roils inside me. And I hate it. I hate feeling responsible for the wedge between him and his brother that’s growing bigger every day.
I stare down at my hands. “How do we fix this?”
“What? My face?”
“No.” I snicker. “This…thing between you and him. You’re brothers. You shouldn’t want to kill each other all the time.”
“Clearly, you didn’t grow up with any siblings. Brothers want to kill each other all the damn time.”
I toss the towel at him. “I’m serious.”
“So am I.” He smirks. “Do you know how many times the four of us have kicked each other’s asses? Multiple times. It’s what we do.”
“You’re not in love with me, are you?” I just fell out of the air with that one.
He scoffs. “You psychoanalyzing me now?”
“Maybe.”
“I’d prefer you don’t.”
“You’re not in love with me,” I say again because I know I’m right.
“Yeah, well, everyone else seems to think I am.”
“You don’t.”
He lowers his gaze, wiping at his hands. “For a while, I thought I was.”
I lean against the vanity countertop, crossing my arms. “But?”
“But…” He stands, still clutching the bloodstained towel. “After the whole Micah thing, losing Melanie, and keeping my distance from you for a while, it somehow put things into perspective for me.” He drops the towel in the sink and moves up to me. “From the moment I walked you down the aisle, I knew we had something. A connection. I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t figure it out. And after everything that happened,” he looks into my eyes, “the night you watched Melanie and me, and our little show on the patio with Alexius—”
My cheeks burn as I stare down at the floor, recalling that night.
“Hey.” He touches my chin and forces me to look at him, his eyes warm and kind. “Don’t do that. Don’t be shy about it. We’re all adults here. Sex is a big part of who we are as humans, and as long as you’re not hurting anyone with your desires, you shouldn’t spend your life being shy about it or feeling shame because of it. All you’ll be doing is fighting against your own nature.”
I clear my throat. “Yeah. I know.”
“Good. At least that’s one thing my brothers and I all agree on.”
“Of course you do. How else would you all be able to share women?” I smirk, and he merely stares at me, unamused.
“So, anyway. I guess I was trying so hard to put a label on whatever it is you and I have, I ended up convincing myself that I’m in love with you.”
“Which you’re not.”
“No.” He shakes his head and takes my hand. “But I do care for you, Leandra. And I’m not wrong about this connection we share. It’s there, but it’s more like, I dunno, like we’re twin souls or something.”
I grin. “Twin souls? BFFs?”
“Not the time, smart-ass.”
“Okay, okay.” I hold up my arms in mocking surrender, and he smiles. A tiny dimple appears, and I realize that Isaia smiling isn’t something I’ve seen a lot of. It’s a good look for him, a shade of light cracking through his dark, hardened exterior.
But his smile fades as quickly as it appears. “I need to know that you’re okay.”
“I’m okay,” I assure him.
He shakes his head. “You answered that too fast. I’m serious.”
“So am I. I’m fine, Isaia. Really.”
He reaches out and touches his thumb on my jaw, and there’s a flash of something kind and tender in his eyes. “You’re a bad liar, you know that?”
My eyes start to prickle, and I look away, biting my bottom lip to keep myself from crying.
He steps back. “Just know that I’ll always be here for you. And when it comes to my asshole brother, I will always be there to defend you.”
Isaia’s words offer some comfort, and it’s a reminder that he’s been there for me all along. Always stepping in when I needed him. But doing so has also affected his relationship with Alexius, and it’s a difficult pill for me to swallow.
I turn my back on him, staring down at the silver-clawed feet of the tub. The last thing I want right now is to lose the battle against the tears threatening to break through the facade I’m desperately trying to keep. “I don’t need you to defend me when it comes to your brother.”
“After what happened today, I’m not so sure about that.”
“Alexius is.” I crane my neck, staring up at the ceiling, searching for the right words. “He’s slightly possessive when it comes to me.”
“Slightly? My brother almost crossed a line today.”
“Newsflash.” I turn to face him again. “Your brother has been crossing and cutting lines with me like he’s hitting cocaine.”
“Do you want to leave?”
His question takes me by surprise, and I gnaw the inside of my cheek.
“If you want to leave, I’ll help you.”
“Isaia—”
“I’m serious. If you want to leave this place, leave this family, I’ll help you.”
I let out a deep sigh. “I’m not gonna lie, there are times I want nothing more than to leave and forget about everything that’s happened here.” I place my hand on my belly. “But leaving is not that simple anymore.”
“I hate that my brother is hurting you.”
“Me too.”
“Asshole,” Isaia mutters, placing his hands on his sides.
“Yeah. He is an asshole. But I love him. I love him more than I know how to deal with, and whenever he does something so fucking stupid or selfish, a part of me hopes I’ll just wake up one morning and realize I don’t love him anymore.” I glance down at my hands, the hole in my heart a throbbing ache. “God knows it would be much easier if I’d stop loving him.”
“You and me both.”
Our eyes meet, and we both snicker, the moment giving us a slight reprieve from the weight that’s been bearing down on our conversation. Out of the four Del Rossa brothers, Isaia always comes across as the dark horse. The tortured soul. But right now, at this moment, I’m catching a glimpse of a different Isaia—one who carries a light inside him, a light he hides so damn well. It makes it easy for me to want to confide in him. Almost too easy.
“I should probably go,” Isaia says, brushing his hand through his disheveled hair. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I smile. “I’m okay.”
He touches my elbow gently, his thumb brushing across my flesh. “I know I haven’t been around lately, but that’s going to change, starting today. So, if you need anything, I’m here.”
“Thank you. But it’s probably best if we keep our distance until things cool off.”
“Nope. Not happening. I plan on being here for you, Leandra, and if my brother doesn’t like that, he can go fuck himself.”
“I don’t want to cause more trouble between the two of you.”
“Hey.” He takes my shoulders and leans back, taking my gaze captive. “You didn’t cause this. It’s not your fault, and I won’t let you blame yourself for it. So just…take it easy. For you and the babies.”
I shoot him the warmest smile my cold soul can muster and merely nod.
“Good. Try to get some rest.” He turns and walks out, and I have no idea how long I stay there staring out in front of me, yet not looking at anything. My mind is a maze, and I don’t know which way to go or which path to take. I’m so sick and tired of always making the wrong decisions and going right instead of left or left instead of right. I’m always thinking about what would have happened if I had chosen differently.
What would have happened if I didn’t run that day my father brought a friend home? What would have happened if I had chosen to lie to the cops that day? Maybe my father would have stopped his friend, realizing what he was doing was wrong, that he loved his little girl too much to whore her out for drug money. Maybe that would have been the day he changed for the better. Turned his life around so we could be a happy family. Maybe I should have given him a chance, and things would have been different.
Maybe…
