My eyes blink open. The room is at the point where light is just entering dark, casting an eerie glow.
And I’m not alone.
I push myself up to a seated position.
Kas is in the armchair. He’s leaning forward, his forearms resting on his thighs, his hands clasped together, his eyes watching me. I see that his shoes are on his feet, like he’s not staying.
My heart sinks.
“How are you…feeling?” I ask tentatively. My throat is dry, my voice croaky from sleep—or lack of.
When our eyes meet, I see a heavy mixture of pain and regret in his. Those feelings clamp down on my heart, like a vise.
He exhales a tired-sounding breath and looks away from me.
“Haley was my girlfriend,” he says in a quiet voice. “We were together for two years, ever since we were both fifteen. She was my childhood sweetheart, so to speak. She was pretty and sweet and smart and kind. She was just good, Daisy. And I loved her for all those reasons.
“We went to the same high school. We’d just finished our A Levels, and we were going to be heading off to university. We’d both gotten places at Birmingham. We had it all planned. We’d go to university, graduate, get jobs, and then move in together. It was supposed to be the start of our lives. It turned out to be the end of our lives…well, the end of hers.”
I slowly slide my legs off the sofa and put my feet on the floor, so I’m sitting upright. Kas doesn’t even seem to notice I’ve moved. Right now, he’s in a whole other place, and it’s not here with me.
It’s somewhere bad and haunting.
“It was a Saturday night. Our school was hosting a prom at the Marriott Hotel in central London. Haley was so excited to go. She had spent the entire day getting ready. She’d gone to the beauty salon to have her nails, hair, and makeup done.”
His eyes drift across the room, like he’s seeing something else, someone else in another time and place. A soft expression enters his eyes. “She looked beautiful.”
A sad smile touches his lips and quickly clears. “At prom, Haley wasn’t drinking anything, but I had some whiskey with my friends in the restroom. One of them had snuck in a bottle, but I wasn’t drunk, by any means. Prom was coming to a close. We had a limo to take us home, but it was a really great night, and I wasn’t ready for it to be over. So, I suggested to Haley that we take a walk. I thought it’d be romantic, like in the movies.” He lets out a sad-sounding laugh. “So, I told the limo driver to wait. We started walking around the outside of Hyde Park. I suggested we go in. Haley wasn’t sure, but I assured her that we’d be fine.” He lets out a hollow laugh.
“We’d been walking in the park for only about five minutes when I heard footsteps behind us. I hadn’t even known there was anyone else in the park. We hadn’t seen another soul the whole time we were in there. I didn’t think anything was wrong off the bat…until the footsteps got closer and heavier.
“When I glanced back, I saw two guys—older than us, early twenties—and I just knew. I whispered to Haley to walk faster and then to run when we hit the corner. She told me she was afraid. And I told her not to be, that I wouldn’t let anything happen to her.”
His eyes lift to mine, and the pain in them is palpable. Looking away, he starts wringing his hands together.
“When we hit that corner, ready to run, we walked straight into another guy…and he had a knife in his hand. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that they’d cornered us.” He blows out a breath. “I just thought they were going to mug us. Take our stuff and go. But that wasn’t just what they were there for.
“They forced us off the main path, deep into the foliage. I tried to fight back. I’d always been tall for my age, but I wasn’t built like I am now. I wasn’t as strong. And they were older, stronger, and armed. All three of them were carrying knives. I didn’t stand a chance against them. They took turns kicking the shit out of me. I remember hearing Haley screaming, begging them to stop, and then her screams became muffled until they were just soft whimpers.”
His brows draw together in pain, and more than anything, I want to go to him, comfort him. But unsure of if he wants me to, I stay in my seat, feeling helpless.
“I was on the ground, beaten up pretty bad. My nose was broken, and my eyebrow was split and bleeding into my eye. I could hear them laughing about it…me. They were talking, but I couldn’t make out what was being said. Then, I was rolled over onto my back. Two of them held me down. One with a knife to my throat, and the other bastard sat down on me, straddling me, as he hovered his knife over my stomach.” He drags a hand over his face, clearing all emotion from it.
I feel sick at the thought of what’s to come.
“The guy with the knife at my throat leaned in and laughed in my face. I can still remember exactly how he smelled…rotten breath that stank of cheap alcohol and cigarette smoke.” He draws in a breath. “He laughed and said, ‘Now, you get to watch while we take turns fucking your pretty girlfriend.’ Then, he grabbed my face”—Kas puts his hands to his face, holding his cheeks, in what seems to be a subconscious movement—“and turned it to the side. Haley was…”
He stops, swallowing back his grief.
The pain I’m feeling for him is indescribable. I’ve never hurt for someone like I’m hurting for him right now.
He exhales a harsh breath. “Haley was on the ground a few feet from me. Something had been tied over her mouth, so she couldn’t scream. And the other guy…he was on top of her…raping her.”
Oh God, no. My eyes briefly close in anguish.
“He was raping her, and I couldn’t do a goddamn thing to help her. She was looking at me with fear and pleading in her eyes, and I…couldn’t watch.” His words catch in his throat. He presses his fist to his mouth before dropping it.
“I shut my eyes, Daisy. I left her there, alone. I shut my fucking eyes, like the coward I was, because I couldn’t bear to see them hurting her.
“A second later, I felt a hot pain in my stomach. The guy sitting on me had stabbed me in the stomach for shutting my eyes. They’d meant it when they said they wanted me to watch. It was just a fucking game to them. We were a game to them. The bastard told me, if I shut my eyes again, then he’d kill me. And he meant it.” His glistening eyes stare at the floor.
“So, I watched while they took turns raping her. I watched them hurt her over and over again.” He swallows hard.
“The leader of the gang knelt on top of me, holding me down. I knew he was in charge, as he’d been the one giving all the orders…and he was the first one of those bastards to rape Haley. He’d made it clear to them that he was going first.
“They were all sick fucks, but he was a special brand of sick, all on his own. He really got off on it. He taunted me, telling me what a good fuck she was. He—” He breaks off at his own words, his breathing heavier, angrier. “He even thanked me for sharing her with him and his boys.” The sound of disbelief that escapes him is filled with agony.
Bile rises in my throat at the thought of what he and Haley went through that night.
I wrap my arms around my stomach, trying to hold myself together.
“Then, he told me that, even though I’d been good to him by letting him have my girl, he couldn’t let me live. He drove his knife into my chest, and then he just kept on stabbing. He was smiling the whole fucking time.
“I must’ve blacked out from the pain because I eventually came to, and when I did, they were gone. Maybe they had thought I was dead, or maybe they just hadn’t cared to check. But Haley…she was dead. They’d stabbed her multiple times in the chest while I was blacked out, and as I found out later, they’d finally strangled her to death.
“She died alone and in pain.”
He’s silent for a long moment before he speaks again, “Not long after I awoke, we were found by a passerby who was out late, walking his dog. Somehow, I survived. Some days, I wish I hadn’t.”
His eyes come to me. His expression is unreadable. “So, now, you know everything.”
He stands abruptly.
I shakily get to my feet. “Kas—”
“Don’t.” He lifts a hand, stopping me from going further, even though I have no clue what to say. “You don’t need to say anything, Daisy. I didn’t tell you to be a bastard or hurt you or have you feel sorry for me. You wanted to know, and now, you do. You know the very worst part of me.”
Then, he walks out of my living room and out of my apartment.
And I let him go.
