MAGGIE
I called West as soon as Brady told me the news this morning. But he hadn’t answered. I’d texted him twice, but he hadn’t replied. I considered walking to his house, which was four miles away, but decided he was probably sleeping. I waited. All day.
It was after nine that evening when my phone finally rang. I was curled up in my window seat, watching and waiting for some sign of him. His name lit up the screen. “Hey,” I said as I pressed the phone to my ear.
“Hey. Sorry I missed your call and texts. I slept all day. Haven’t been up long. Nash’s mother brought lasagna over, so I got Momma to eat something. She’s gone back to bed now.”
“I hoped you were getting sleep. Did you eat too?” “Yeah. It was good lasagna.”
“I’m sorry I left. I should have stayed.” All day I had regretted leaving. I shouldn’t have let him and my aunt and uncle convince me to go home to sleep. He’d lost his dad, and I hadn’t been there for him. But Brady had, and I was glad for that.
“Nothing you could have done. I wanted you to go get your rest. Don’t apologize for doing what I asked you to do.”
“How’s your mom?”
He sighed. “Sad. Missing him.”
“How are you?”
He didn’t respond at first. I almost wished I hadn’t asked that. He’d probably been asked that enough. “I’m in denial, I think. Does that happen? I mean, it’s like I keep expecting him to walk through the door any minute. It doesn’t seem real.”
I knew that feeling. Once I had stopped screaming in a corner, I had gone through a time where I expected my mother to show up at any moment and take me home. Or I’d wake up from the nightmare I was having. “That will fade. When it does, it isn’t easy. Right now you’re coping.” He didn’t say anything at first. We just sat in silence on each end of the phone.
“I’ve slept all day. I won’t be able to sleep tonight. Would you . . . would you sneak out after your aunt and uncle are in bed and go riding with me? I want to get out, but I don’t want to be alone.”
It was five minutes after eleven when I slipped out my window and went down the fire escape ladder. West was waiting at the bottom so I could jump to him. The ladder didn’t go all the way to the ground.
“Let’s go,” he whispered in my ear, then grabbed my hand. We ran down the driveway to his truck.
I had never snuck out in my life. But doing it for West seemed like the appropriate time to do it. I was finding that I would do anything he asked me to.
West opened the passenger door and helped me up inside before closing it and going over to his side. He kept his headlights off until we had backed out and headed away from my house. When he finally turned them on, he glanced over at me. “Thank you.”
The moonlight shone on the emptiness in his eyes, an emptiness I was all too familiar with. That feeling wouldn’t go away any time soon. Even when it began to ease, there would be days when he’d wake up and it would hit him again at full force.
I unbuckled my seat belt and moved over to the middle before fastening it again and sliding my hand over his. I couldn’t do anything to make the pain stop. No one could. But I could sit here and let him know he wasn’t alone.
West flipped his hand over and threaded his fingers through mine. This connection between us meant something more to me than it did to him, but that didn’t matter. At least I got to experience it.
We drove for more than thirty minutes without music or talking. I had no idea where we were going, but as long as I was with West, I didn’t care. I did know we had left Lawton behind. If we kept heading this way, we’d be in Tennessee soon.
“I want to show you something,” West said as he slowed down and turned off the highway. We drove a few miles before he slowed then turned again. This road was unpaved and narrow. It was between tall trees, and spooky at night.
When the trees cleared, we were on a bluff overlooking a small town with only a few lights still on. West opened the truck door and stepped out, then reached for my hand. “Come on,” he said with a smile on his lips. I would have gone anywhere to get him to smile on a day like today.
I took his hand and moved to climb out on his side. West grabbed my waist and picked me up instead of letting me get down on my own. I wasn’t going to complain. His hands lingered a moment longer than necessary, and I couldn’t help but wish we were something more. That West was mine. Because whether he realized it or not, I was his.
I followed him as close to the edge as I was willing to get. I wasn’t afraid of heights, but I wasn’t about to go out on the edge of a bluff.
“That’s Lawton. Looks so small from up here. Peaceful. There’s no pain from up here. No loss.”
I moved my gaze from the town to look at West.
He had his hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans as he stared down. The moonlight only made him even more beautiful.
“Dad used to bring me here when I was a kid. Told me that I would be the biggest thing to come out of Lawton. That I could do whatever I set my mind to. I loved looking down on my town and realizing I was standing over it, larger than it was. Or so it seemed.” He paused and let out a sad laugh. “But without Dad here, I don’t want that dream anymore. I don’t care about being the biggest thing to come out of Lawton. Truth is, the biggest thing to come out of Lawton will be Brady. I just want to survive, to forget, to remember.”
“You’ll survive and you’ll remember, but you’re never going to forget. One day you’ll be thankful for those memories. Thankful you don’t forget.”
West turned to look at me then. The anguish in his gaze made my throat tighten and my chest ache. “Only you. Only you, Maggie. I can’t imagine being able to let anyone else close to me. I’ve never been one to let people in. But something about you has gotten to me since the first moment I saw you. I just—” He shook his head as if he didn’t know what to say. “I can’t figure out how to handle it. You. What I’m feeling.”
“Do you remember the first time we met?” I asked him, unable to let it go. I wanted him to admit he remembered kissing me. Maybe I shouldn’t push that tonight, but at least it was a distraction. He needed that too.
A small smile tugged on his lips, and he looked away from me, back down at the town below us. “Yeah. Not exactly something a guy forgets.”
Okay. . . . Did that mean he remembered kissing me? Or that I didn’t used to talk?
“You’ve never mentioned that night,” I said, wanting more from him.
He turned his gaze back to me. “But I think about it all the time. Even though I shouldn’t. I think about it.”
That made me happy. Knowing he liked remembering that moment. Because it was one of my favorite memories, and I wanted him to think about it too.
“Do you think about it?” he asked.
I nodded but didn’t say anything else.
He took a step toward me, and my heart rate picked up. “Do you think about it often?”
If he got any closer, I wasn’t sure I would be able to continue breathing. The birds in my stomach were going crazy. Finally I nodded.
“Did you enjoy it?” he asked.
Oh God. I needed air. Lots of air. West was so close to me now, and he was asking me if I had enjoyed our kiss. I managed a nod, then blurted out, “Did you?” before I could stop myself.
He grinned. “Best I ever had.”
I stared up at him and held his gaze. “It was the only one I’ve ever had.”
West froze, and his sexy smolder turned to surprise. “What?” he asked.
I wanted him to know he was my first kiss. My only kiss. It was special to me. I wanted it to be special to him, too. “That was the first kiss I ever had. The only kiss I’ve ever had.”
West held my gaze as he looked at me with disbelief. Then he hung his head and muttered a curse before backing away from me. That was definitely not the reaction I’d wanted.
I wasn’t sure how to fix this. I was good at helping him deal with pain and sorrow because that was something I knew. I didn’t know much about boy-girl relationships.
I had just opened my mouth to say something when West lifted his face and turned back to me. Then he moved. I didn’t have a chance to react before his hands were on my waist and his chest was pressed against mine. “A girl’s first kiss should never be from an asshole who’s taking his anger at life out on her. Lips this sweet shouldn’t be treated the way I treated them. I can’t take it back, but I can replace it. With something better.” He dipped his head. “This is what your first kiss should have been like,” he whispered against my lips before his mouth covered mine.
His hands moved to cup my face as if I were something he treasured and didn’t want to break. Then his tongue slid across my bottom lip, and I opened up for him.
My hands slid into his hair as I held on to him. The warmth of his minty breath teased me and made me crave more. When the tip of his tongue slid along mine, I trembled in his arms.
His hands moved down from my face and grabbed my waist again as he jerked me closer to him and deepened the kiss. It was as if he couldn’t get enough of me. Not like I was any better. My hands fisted in his hair and were holding him to me. Afraid he’d leave me again. I wasn’t sure I could handle him regretting this. I didn’t want him to pretend like this hadn’t happened.
I heard a distant moan and realized it had come from me. West broke our kiss. He didn’t move far, just rested his forehead against mine while breathing heavily. “I take it back. This . . . this was the best I’ve ever had.”
My body hummed with pleasure. I had made him feel this way. Me. His friend. The girl he didn’t touch that way or look at with any kind of attraction.
