WEST
I had just wanted to fix it. Make her first kiss something special. I didn’t want that kiss I’d taken while I was hurting to be her first fucking kiss. I just meant to give her what she deserved. But holy hell, she’d tasted even better than I remembered. Her body was meant to be worshiped. It molded so perfectly under my hands. And her sweet sounds. God help me, I wanted more of that. Of her.
Fuck.
I hadn’t meant to do that. What we had was more than this. More than a sexual attraction. More than something cheap. It was deeper, and I couldn’t lose it. If I had more with her, I would mess it up and I would lose her. But I couldn’t lose Maggie. I would do anything to keep her. Including not taking more of that mouth currently swollen and wet from my kiss.
“West?” she whispered. I could hear the unease in her voice.
I forced my hands to let her go.
“That . . . that was how it should have been,” I said, forcing myself to look at her but not grab her again.
Maggie touched her lips with her fingertips, and I swear to God my knees buckled a little. She had to stop doing sexy shit.
Her eyes were studying me. The endearing, glazed-over look they’d had when I’d first moved away from her was turning into something else. I was confusing her. Damn it.
“I wanted your first kiss to be special, Maggie. That was all,” I said, hearing the lie in my own voice.
Her hand dropped to her side, and her gaze fell to the ground. “It was. Both of them. In different ways,” she said without looking at me.
Was she hurt? Why wasn’t she looking at me?
“Are you okay? Did I do something I shouldn’t have? Don’t be mad at me. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She lifted her gaze and gave me a smile that didn’t meet her eyes. There was sadness to it. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not upset. Just taken by surprise. But not upset . . . Thank you.”
We didn’t talk about it again. I led us back to the truck, and Maggie sat beside me as we looked out at the town. We talked some but not much. This was all I needed. Having her here with me. When I was alone, I’d let myself remember how she felt in my arms. How she tasted and the sounds she made that drove me crazy. But for now I was just thankful I had her with me.
Around three that morning I got Maggie safely back up to her room before heading home. Momma was sleeping peacefully. I was sure the pill had helped. I thought about taking a shower, but I took a sniff of my shirt. I could smell the faint scent of vanilla. I decided I wouldn’t shower or even change.
I climbed into bed and went to sleep thinking about Maggie. I held on to memories of that kiss to keep the other memories back. I wasn’t ready to face them yet.
The next day was full, helping Momma make funeral arrangements. Dad had left several requests about his funeral. It was tough reading the paper where he’d written them down. Several times I reached for my phone, wanting to hear Maggie’s voice. But I never dialed.
I had to be strong for my mother today. I couldn’t keep reaching out for Maggie.
Making sure my momma ate and slept took all my attention while I answered the door and took in the food people in town were bringing. Where they thought we’d put all this, I didn’t know. We had more food than we had space. I filled up the freezer and fridge. Now things were just sitting on the bar. For the last pound cake that had arrived, I’d just put it on the table.
Why did they think food would help? Getting my mother to actually eat was hard enough. I sure couldn’t eat all this by myself.
The funeral was scheduled for three days after Dad’s passing. Dealing with the arrangements, the phone calls, and my mother had kept me from talking to Maggie for more than an hour the past couple of nights. I hadn’t been to school this week, and I didn’t make the mistake of going to get her. I was so emotional right now, I couldn’t be sure I wouldn’t kiss her again. Pull her closer. My need for her was changing and growing, and I was scared of it. I didn’t trust myself to push things further with her and not mess up. I always messed up.
I would not lose her.
