That night, I mope around at the Meet Up.
Okay, maybe mope around is the wrong word. I’m sulking like a whore without clients.
And who gets to witness my misery? The three other fuckers I don’t want near me right now.
Xander just returned from rehab and is grinning like a fucking idiot with those dimples someone should get rid of to give the world some peace. What’s so special about them anyway? They’re like holes in his cheeks. I’ve always thought they’re overrated with the ladies.
Even Kimmy loves them, secretly or openly or whatever you want to call it, but we all agree that Kimmy and Elsa have terrible taste in men. And by we all, I mean Lars and me when I slur stories to him whenever I’m stoned.
Like now.
This shit is good.
I take a drag of the joint and close my eyes, letting it submerge me into its hold. I’m not a junkie. Unlike common belief, I don’t smoke weed every day. I only do it when I don’t want to be in my head or when I want to throttle someone and I know I can’t.
Lars PMSes and writes about me in his little black book when I smoke in my room, especially now that his favourite earl is in the house. Lars is a fucking traitor. I’m removing him from my list of people. I’m also removing Cole and Aiden.
These two fuckers are lucky I’m in no fighting mood or I would’ve jammed both their faces against each other.
Or not.
Violence might cross my mind once and again, but I don’t act on it — or rather I have enough self-control to never act on it. That whole package comes together: an earl’s heir, a noble title, expectations, and a good boy tag.
Maybe if I hadn’t been fucked up at a young age, I would’ve grown into that image. Maybe I wouldn’t be smoking my joint and imagining her disappointed, angry obsidian eyes staring up at me, as if I let her down and scared her at the same fucking time.
I glare at Cole, who’s sitting beside Aiden, leaning his head against his fist and reading from that same book he had when they were together earlier.
That book is going down.
“We should all agree that my pussy suggestion is the best,” Aiden tells Xander, who’s sitting on the armrest of my chair and twirling a ball.
“Your suggestions are never the best.” Xan rolls his eyes. “If anything, they’re the worst.”
“They are the best.” Aiden’s lips tilt in a smirk. “Ask Nash.”
Cole flips him off without looking up from his book.
“Nash is a petty little bitch, so his opinion doesn’t matter anyway.” Aiden points at me. “Ask Astor. I gave him the best tip today.”
I nod without saying a word.
“And you sent that text to Silver,” Cole says. It’s not a question; he’s dead sure about it, and I’m a hundred per cent certain he’s planning Aiden’s demise as we speak.
Usually, I’d watch their clashing with a grin. I even instigate it at times, but now, I want Cole down, not Aiden, in a grudge-like, I’ll-haunt-you-for-eternity kind of way.
“Wait.” Xander pauses twirling his ball. “Drama went down today, didn’t it? Damn. I can’t believe I missed it. Updates, anyone? Ron?”
“You tell me nothing.” I continue glaring at Cole. “Why should I tell you?”
“Come on.” Xan jokingly hits my shoulder with his. “You’re still salty about that? You have a big mouth, Ron. If I told you anything, it would’ve been in the Daily Mail.”
He and everyone on the team like to think I don’t keep secrets, and I perfected that image because I don’t want them to throw their darkest secrets on me. I don’t want to be the vessel of those because they only bring me down.
That’s why whenever any of them tells me something, I make sure the entire team knows, so they’ll stop dumping their shit on me.
I’m already bubbling with one secret. It keeps expanding and becoming larger than life with time, and if I add others, I’ll just snap. I’ll just let it all go.
And I can’t do that to my mother. I just…can’t.
“Here’s the condensed version of what went down,” Aiden starts in a semi-bored tone. “Nash here was trying to start a battle by spending time with Teal, and Astor brought Silver and started his own war after making us believe wars are beneath him. Astor has been trying to make us think he doesn’t care about his new fiancée who has a tendency towards satanic rituals and sarcasm, but he is actually contemplating the best way to kill Nash and bury him without anyone finding out. Oh, by the way, Nash is contemplating the same while pretending to read that book, because, as I always say though no one believes me, Nash is a petty little bitch.”
“Damn.” Xan throws his ball in the air then catches it. “I can’t believe I missed all of that.”
Cole doesn’t even lift his head from his book, because if he did, he’d show his real emotions, and he’s not the type to do that.
Lucky for me, I have my beloved joint. It erases all emotions whether I like it to or not. My expression must look serene, happy almost.
“So…” Xan pokes me. “New fiancée and stuff, huh? Since when do you take your father’s orders?”
“I don’t.” I drag a long inhalation and check my phone.
Nothing.
Absolute desert. She hasn’t replied to any of my texts.
Yes, she ignores me sometimes, but not to this extent.
On a scale from one to ten, how dangerous is climbing someone’s balcony?
I’d take pointers from Aiden and Xan, but fuck them basically.
“But you’re engaged to her, right?” Xander insists.
“I am, and if some fucker gets in the way of that, I won’t stay still.”
“Do I hear a threat?” Aiden smirks.
Cole lifts his head slowly even though he’s still leaning on his fist. “Is it? A threat, I mean.”
“You tell me, Captain. Play in my half of the field and I’ll crush you.”
“Woah.” Xander chuckles, pointing at me. “Death is coming out. He’s coming out. Hold on to your tits, bitches.”
“Show him, Astor.” Aiden grabs Cole’s shoulder. “He deserves that side of you.”
I glare at Cole, and he glares back before saying, “I thought you didn’t want Teal?”
“I thought it’s none of your business.”
“Of course he wants her,” Aiden scoffs.
My glare snaps to him.
“What?” He feigns innocence. “I’m just saying if you want pointers about chasing and conquering, I can give you pointers from the King household manual of cease and desist.”
“That sounded so fucking wrong,” Xander says. “You know that, right?”
“How do you think my dear cousin Lev got Astrid? We both take those genes from Jonathan. I’m not an alien. My father is only more interested in business. Imagine if he wanted a human being.”
We all pause then shake our heads with distaste.
Jonathan King is better off without any human presence near him.
“See?” Aiden raises a brow as if proving a point. “Now, back to Astor — you want help with your fiancée?”
“I don’t need help. I just need you all to fuck off.”
And for her to answer my texts.
There’s still no reply. She didn’t even see the fucking messages.
Cole stares at me funny for a second before he stands up and heads in the bathroom’s direction.
“Hey, Knight,” Aiden starts. “Give him pointers. I still vote for chase and conquer, but maybe Knight’s pussy ways work.”
“Fuck you, King.” Xander grins. “You’re just jealous because you can never have my connection with Kim.”
“I can live with that.”
“Do any of you have a lighter?” I ask.
“I have Nash’s.” Aiden dangles it in front of me. “Why?”
I stagger to my feet, snatch the lighter, and set the book Nash just left on his chair on fire. A smirk tugs at my lips as the flames eat it up. I heard he had so much trouble getting this book here with all the translation issues and limited editions and blah fucking blah.
He shouldn’t have read it with Teal. He shouldn’t have sat with her and allowed her to palm his cheeks.
I’m the only one whose fucking cheeks she’s allowed to palm.
“He’ll kill you.” Xander chuckles under his breath.
“Way to go, Astor.” Aiden squeezes my shoulder. “You’re fit to be my friend.”
Neither of them tries to stop me.
I throw the burning book and the lighter in the fireplace on my way out. “Give Captain my fucking regards.”
I don’t wait for their replies as I step outside. The cold air seeps under my uniform’s jacket and the shirt.
An arm wraps around my shoulder as soon as I’m in front of the Meet Up.
“Yo.” Xan grins at me. “You okay?”
While Aiden and Cole share sadism and sociopathic tendencies — among other things — Xander and I have always been the closest.
He’s the only one who knows about my secret. I told him a few years ago when he found me hiding at a party – when I never do that. It was so suffocating, and I felt like crashing my car to feel something other than numbness. I blurted it out, not everything, but the part that weighed on me.
Xander has kept my secret since then. We might tease each other, but he always has my back, and I have his. I lied earlier — I’m not mad he didn’t tell me his secret. Besides, I played Cupid in his tale with Kimmy. That’s how much his support means to me.
That’s why I felt kind of empty when he went to rehab. Of course, I’ll never admit that to the fucker or he’ll record it and show it to my great-grandchildren.
“I’m fine,” I say.
“No, you’re not. You barely talked in there, Ron. It’s so unlike you.”
“It’s the weed.”
“Not a certain Teal?” He waggles his brows suggestively.
“Fuck off.”
“Nah, I’m really interested to know about the girl who’s stealing your heart.”
“She’s not stealing my heart.”
“Your sanity, then?”
Probably. “She just hides so much.”
“Hides?”
“Yeah, I feel like I can’t reach her.”
“You know, Kim tried to hide from me before, and do you know how I was able to see her when no one else could?”
“How?”
His face softens. “I took that moment and really saw her. Not my prejudice of her, not my misconceptions. Just her.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to do that if she’s hiding?” Teal is so different from Kim. The latter has her heart on her sleeve in a way. Teal is a closed off gate.
“Then you’re not doing it right.”
“That’s not an answer. You’re a terrible councillor, Xan.”
“Screw you, mate.” He squeezes my shoulder. “I’m here if you need me.”
“Save the pussy moments for Kimmy.”
He flips me off with a grin, and I return the gesture as I head to my car then stop in front of the door.
I bring my phone up and stare at it. My subconscious is having this crazy thought that if I stare at it long enough or hard enough, it’ll magically light up with a reply.
The screen lights up, and I pause.
That tactic actually works?
My hope is crushed when I make out Knox’s name on the screen. I was going to pay a visit to their household anyway, maybe murder Agnus if she’s spending time with him. I’m sure Lars will be up to covering up murder if I give him his favourite tea for Christmas.
“Yo, Van Doren,” I answer.
“Have you seen Teal?”
“Funny, I was going to ask you that same question.”
“Ah, fuck, okay.”
“Ah, fuck, okay?” I repeat, bemused. “What is that supposed to mean? Where is she?”
“Probably purging somewhere.”
“Purging.”
“She does this sometimes. She disappears to purge by swimming or running and then she returns better. It’s just how she rolls.”
How she rolls? Why the fuck does he make it sound as if it’s normal?
And why do I feel like swimming and running aren’t the ways someone like Teal purges?
“Where does she usually go?” I ask.
“We don’t know. We never do.”
Well, fuck.
