THE SKY OPENED UP, pelting us with chilly rain, which mixed with the heat around us, and between us. I looked at Simon underneath me, warm and wet, and there was nothing in the world I wanted more than his lips against mine. So even though every single cowbell in my head was ringing out the alarm, I centered myself, wrapped my legs tighter around his waist, and gazed directly into his eyes.
“Mmm, Caroline, what are you up to?” He smiled, his hands strong on my waist as his fingers dug into my skin. His skin slipped against mine in a way that made me not right in the head, and I could feel—I could actually feel—his abs against my tummy. He was so strong, so powerfully delicious that Brain began to burn, and other organs began to make all my decisions.
I think O even popped her head up for a moment, like a groundhog. She took a quick glance around and pronounced it much closer to spring than she’d been in months.
I licked my lips, and he mirrored my actions. I could barely see him through the haze of steam from the hot tub and the lust now brewing in this little cauldron of chlorinated chemistry.
“I’m up to no good, that’s for sure,” I breathed, rising up just a little. The feeling of my breasts crushing against his skin was unimaginable. As I settled on his lap again, I felt his reaction in a very tangible way, and we both groaned at the contact.
“You’re up to no good, huh?” he said, his voice gruff and thick and maple syrup pouring over me.
“No good,” I whispered in his ear as he pressed his mouth against my neck. “Wanna be bad with me?”
“You sure about that?” he groaned, hands clutching at my back with delightful abandon.
“Come on, Simon, let’s bang some walls,” I answered, allowing my tongue to dart out from between my lips and against the skin just underneath his jaw. The scruff scratched my taste buds and gave me a sense of what that very scruff would feel like against other soft places on my body.
O poked her head out just a little more at that point and went straight to Brain, which in turn spoke directly to my hands.
I grasped him firmly at the base of his neck, and positioned him directly in front of me, his eyes flaring wide and turning into tiny little hypnotizers.
His grin was hard, and so was he.
I leaned in and sucked his bottom lip between my teeth, nibbling lightly before biting down and pulling him closer. He came willingly, ceding control as my fingers pulled and pushed at his hair, and my tongue pressed into his mouth as he groaned into mine. Everything in my world now narrowed to just the feeling of this man, this wonderful man in my arms and threaded between my legs, and I kissed him like the world was about to end.
It wasn’t sweet and tentative, it was pure carnal frustration spiked with incomprehensible lust and rolled into a giant ball of please-God-let-me-live-in-this-man’s-mouth-for-the-forseeable-future. My mouth led his in a dance as old as the mountains that watched over us approvingly, our tongues and teeth and lips smacking and cracking and giving in to the sweet tension that had been building since I showed up at his door wearing the inspiration for my nickname.
I shook as I felt his hands reach lower to grasp my bottom and pull me closer still, my legs scrambling as I panted like a whore in church. The Church Of Simon…where I was dying to kneel before him.
My eyes were closed, my legs were open, and I was now moaning into his mouth like some kind of rabid dog. The idea that a kiss, just a kiss, had turned me into this giant lusting bag of CarolineNeedThat was undeniable, and I knew that if he continued to make me feel this way I was going to invite him straight into my Tahoe. Great idea.
“Come into my Tahoe, Simon,” I mumbled incoherently into his mouth.
He paused. “Caroline, come into your what? Oh, God,” he managed, as I pushed us off the side of the hot tub and vaulted us across the water, emptying half of its contents onto the deck and the other half sloshing us around like it was high tide. He slammed me into the opposite wall, pushing me up against the bench and rewrapping my legs around his waist, as I gamely pushed my mouth back onto his, unwilling to let go of him. At one point, I kissed him so hard, he had to push me off so he could catch a breath.
“Breathe, Simon, breathe.” I giggled, stroking his face as he struggled before me.
“You…are…a mad woman,” he panted, his hands looping underneath my arms and curling around the tops of my shoulders, keeping me firmly against the side while I dug my heels into his backside, nudging him to exactly where I needed him. He closed his eyes and bit down on his lower lip, an animalistic growl sounding low in his throat as I launched my second wave of the Lower Caroline-commanded attack.
“You feel uncommonly good,” I moaned as I began to kiss him again, raining them down across his mouth, his cheeks, his jaw, slipping underneath to suck and bite at his neck as he dropped his head back to allow my assault. His hands were rough on me, dipping down low on my back and catching on my bikini strings, loosening the sides. The thought of my naked breasts against his skin drove me crazy with lust, and I removed my hands from his poor hair to snake back behind my neck and pull on the knot. As I maneuvered, I knocked into one of the empty bottles of Cava, starting a domino effect of bottles crashing to the ground. I giggled as he pulled back, startled at the sound.
His eyes were smoky blue, crowded with lust, but as they focused on me, they began to crystallize. I finally managed to get to the knot untied and could feel the water swirl across my naked skin. I started to drop the strings, when Simon grasped them tightly in his hands. He shook his head as though to clear it, then closed his eyes firmly, cutting off our connection.
“Hey, hey, hey!” I prodded, forcing his eyes open and making him look at me. “Where did you go just now?” I whispered.
He wrapped his hands, still holding my strings, back around my neck. He slowly began to tie my suit back together, and I felt my face flush bright red, all the blood in my body betraying me in that instant.
“Caroline,” he began, breathing heavily, but looking at me carefully.
“What’s wrong?” I interrupted.
His hands came to rest on my shoulders, and he seemed to be keeping a specific distance between us.
“Caroline, you’re amazing, but I…I can’t—” he started.
Now I was the one to close my eyes. Emotions whirled behind my eyelids, shame being chief among them. Heart plummeted. I could feel his eyes on me, willing me to open my own.
“You can’t,” I stated, opening my eyes and looking anywhere but at him.
“No, I mean, I…” he stammered, clearly uneasy as he moved away from me.
I began to shake. “You…can’t?” I asked, suddenly feeling icy cold, even in the water. I unlocked my legs from around him, allowing him the room he needed to move away.
“No, Caroline, not you. Not like—”
“Well, don’t I feel like a fucking idiot?” I managed, laughing shortly and pulling myself up and out of the water to the side of the hot tub.
“What? No, you don’t understand, I just can’t—” he started toward me, and I kicked out a leg, pressing my foot square in the center of his chest to keep him away.
“Hey, Simon, I get it. You can’t. It’s cool. Wow, what a crazy night, huh?” I laughed again, swinging over the side and starting for the house, wanting to get away before he could see the tears I knew were on their way. Of course, as I tried to navigate the steps, I slipped in a wet spot and fell with a big thud. I could feel the back of my eyeballs begin to burn as I scrambled up as quickly as I could, panicked that I was going to cry before I could get inside. Now that I was moving, I could feel the effects of all the alcohol I’d consumed, and the beginnings of a very strong headache.
“Caroline! Are you okay?” Simon cried, starting to get out of the hot tub.
“I’m fine. I’m fine. Just…” I got out, my throat beginning to close as I choked back a sob. I held my hand out behind me, willing him to understand that I did not need his help. “I’m fine, Simon.”
I couldn’t turn around and see him. I just continued walking away. The cursed big band music still played on the turntable, but I still heard him say my name once more. Ignoring it, I made my way to the door, feeling foolish now in my teeny bikini that was clearly not as enticing as I thought it was.
I didn’t even bother to grab a towel. Instead I threw open the glass door and heard it slam shut behind me as I all but ran for my room. I left little puddles along the slate floor down the hallway, trying to ignore the giggles coming from Sophia’s room. As the tears finally coursed down my cheeks, I locked the door and stripped off my bathing suit. I stumbled into the bathroom, flicked on the light, and there I stood, reflected back to me. Naked, wet hair streaming down my back, a bruise already beginning to form on my thigh from my drunken spill…and puffy, kiss-swollen lips.
I wrapped my hair in a towel, and then leaned on the countertop, bringing my face within inches of the mirror.
“Caroline, my dear, you just got turned down by a man who once made a woman meow for thirty minutes straight. How do you feel?” the naked woman in the mirror asked me, turning my thumb into a little microphone. She gestured toward me, holding out her thumb.
“Well, I drank enough wine to sustain a small Spanish village, I haven’t had an orgasm in a thousand years, and I will probably die old and alone in a beautifully designed apartment with all of Clive’s illegitimate children swarming around me…How do you think I feel?” I asked back, offering Mirror Caroline her thumb.
“Silly Caroline, you had Clive neutered,” Mirror Caroline answered, shaking her head at me.
“Go fuck yourself, Mirror Caroline, since I can’t even do that,” I finished, ending the interview and taking my naked ass back into the bedroom. Throwing on a T-shirt, I fell into bed, my drunk self exhausted from the hike and the dinner and the wine and the music and the best make-out session I’d ever engaged in. The thought of it brought my tears to the surface again, and I rolled over to grab some tissues, only to find an empty box, which made me cry even harder.
Stupid Wallbanger voodoo.
Could this night get any worse?
Then my phone rang.
“Pancakes, sweetie?”
“Love some. Thanks, babe.”
Jesus.
“Is there still cream for the coffee?”
“I got your cream right here, honeybunch.”
Sweet Jesus.
Listening to a new couple, much less two new couples was sometimes vomit-worthy. Add that to a hangover, and this was going to be a long morning.
After talking to James on the phone last night, I’d fallen into a deep sleep, aided, no doubt, by all the wine I’d consumed. I woke with a thick tongue, a splitting headache, and a queasy stomach—made even more queasy by the knowledge that I’d have to see Simon this morning and have that weird we-totally-made-out-last-night conversation.
James had made me feel better, though. He’d made me laugh, and I remembered how well he took care of me back in the day. It was a nice memory, and an even nicer feeling. He’d called under the pretense of checking with me about a paint color, which I quickly called as a bluff. Then he’d admitted he just wanted to talk to me, and fresh off the Great Hot Tub Rejection, I was happy to talk to someone I knew wanted my attention. Damn you, Simon. When James asked me to dinner next weekend, I agreed immediately. We’d have a great time…and since my O was back in her hidey-hole, I might as well enjoy a night on the town.
Now, I was seated at the breakfast table, surrounded by two new couples who were filling the kitchen with enough sexual satisfaction to make me scream. I didn’t though. I kept it to myself as Mimi perched happily on Ryan’s lap, and Neil fed Sophia melon balls as though he was put on the earth for this reason and this reason alone.
“How was the rest of your evening, Ms. Caroline?” Mimi chirped, raising a knowing eyebrow. I pressed the tines of my fork into her hand and told her to zip it.
“Wow, grumpy. Someone must have spent the night alone,” Sophia murmured to Neil.
I looked up at her in surprise. The casualness with which they were treating this was really starting to bother me.
“Well, of course I spent the night alone. Who the hell do you think I spent the night with? Huh?” I asked, slamming back from the table and knocking my orange juice glass over. “Ah, fuck it all to hell,” I muttered, stomping off toward the patio, tears threatening for the second time in less than twelve hours.
I sat in one of the Adirondack chairs, looking out over the lake. The cool of the morning soothed my heated face, and I wiped clumsily at my tears as I heard the girls footsteps follow me outside.
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” I instructed, as they took the seats opposite me.
“Okay…but you gotta give us something. I mean, I thought for sure when we left last night, I mean…you and Simon are just—” Mimi started, and I stopped her.
“Me and Simon nothing. There is no me and Simon. What, you thought we’d pair off just because you four finally figured your shit out? You’re welcome for that, by the way,” I snapped, pulling my ball cap down lower on my face, hiding my continuing tears from my best friends.
“Caroline, we just thought—” Sophia began, and I cut her off as well.
“You thought since we were the ones left over we’d just magically become a couple? How storybook—three sets of perfectly matched couples, right? Like that ever happens. This isn’t some romance novel.”
“Oh, come on, you two are perfect for each other. You called us blind last night? Hi, pot. It’s me, kettle,” Sophia snapped back.
“Hi, kettle, you have about thirty seconds before this pot kicks your ass. Nothing happened. Nothing is going to happen. In case you forgot, he has a harem, ladies. A harem! And I’m not about to become his third chippie. So you can forget it, okay?” I yelled, pushing out of the chair, turning for the house, and running right into a quiet Simon.
“Great! You’re here too! And I see you two peeking through the blinds, idiots!” I cried as Neil and Ryan backed away from the window.
“Caroline, can we talk, please?” Simon asked, grasping me by the arms and spinning me toward him.
“Sure, why not? Let’s make the embarrassment complete. Since I know you’re all dying to know, I threw myself at this guy last night, and he turned me down. Okay, secret’s out. Now can we please drop it?” I wiggled out of his grip and walked toward the trail to the lake. I heard nothing behind me and turned to see all five of them, wide eyed and evidently unsure what to do next.
“Hey! Come on, Simon. Let’s go,” I snapped my fingers, and he started after me, looking a little afraid.
I stomped down the trail and tried to slow my breathing. My heart was pounding, and I didn’t want to talk when I was this riled up. No good could come of it. As I breathed in and out, I took in the beautiful morning all around and tried to let that lighten my heart a bit. Did I need to make this more awkward that it already was? No. I had the control here, last night notwithstanding. I could make it so last night never happened, or I could certainly try.
I breathed again, feeling a bit of the tension leave my body. Despite everything that happened, I enjoyed Simon’s company and had to come to think of him as my friend. I still stomped along the path, but eventually eased back into a moderately pissy stroll.
I left the trees behind and didn’t stop until I reached the end of the dock. The sun peeked out after last night’s storm, casting a silver light on the water.
I heard him approach and stop just behind me. I took one more deep breath. He was silent.
“You’re not going to push me in, are you? That would be a bad move, Simon.” He exhaled a laugh, and I smiled a little, not wanting to, but not able to help it.
“Caroline, can I explain about last night? I need to you know that—”
“Just don’t, okay? Can’t we just chalk it up to the wine?” I asked, whirling about to face him and trying to beat him to the punch.
He stared down at me with the strangest look on his face. He looked like he’d gotten dressed in a hurry: white thermal, well worn jeans, and hiking boots that weren’t even laced up, the strings now damp and muddy from the trek through the woods. Still, he was stunning, the early morning sun illuminating the strong planes of his face and that scruff that was so delicious.
“I wish I could, Caroline, but—” he started again.
I shook my head. “Seriously, Simon, just—” I began, but stopped when he pressed his fingers against my mouth.
“You have to shut up, okay? You keep interrupting me, and watch how fast you get tossed in that very lake,” he warned with the twinkle in his eye I’d become so used to.
I nodded, and he removed his hand. I tried to ignore the flames that licked at my lips, brought to the surface by just that little touch.
“So, last night we came really close to making a very big mistake,” he said, and when he saw my mouth begin to open, he wagged his finger at me.
I zipped my lip, miming throwing the key into the water. He smiled sadly and continued.
“Obviously I’m attracted to you. How could I not be? You’re amazing. But you were drunk, I was drunk, and as great as it would have been, it would have—ah, it would have changed things, you know? And I just can’t, Caroline. I can’t allow myself to…I just…” He struggled, running his hands through his hair in a gesture I’d come to understand as frustration. He stared at me, willing me to make this okay, to tell him we were okay.
Did I want to lose a friend over this? No way.
“Hey, like I said, it’s cool—too much wine. Besides, I know you have your arrangement, and I can’t…Things just got away from me last night,” I explained, trying to sell it to him.
He opened his mouth to comment, but after a moment he nodded and sighed a great sigh. “We still friends? I don’t want this to get weird for us. I really like you, Caroline,” he asked, looking as though his world was about to come to an end.
“Of course friends. What else would we be?” I swallowed hard and forced a smile. He smiled too, and we began to walk back up the trail. Okay, that wasn’t too bad. Maybe this could work. He stopped to pick up a handful of sand from the beach and put it in a little plastic baggie.
“Bottles?”
“Bottles.” He nodded, and we started up the path.
“So it looks like our little plan worked,” I began, searching for conversation.
“With those guys? Oh yeah, I think it worked well. They seem to have found what they needed.”
“That’s all anyone’s trying to do, right?” I laughed as we crossed the patio to the kitchen. Four heads disappeared from the window and began to assume positions of nonchalance around the table. I chuckled.
“Always good when what you need and what you want are the same things,” Simon said, holding the door open for me.
“Boy, did you say a mouthful.” A pang of sadness hit me again, but I didn’t have to force the smile once I saw how happy my friends were.
“You want some breakfast? There are still some cinnamon buns, I think,” Simon offered, walking over to the counter.
“Um, no. I think I’m gonna go pack, get my stuff together,” I said, noticing a flash of disappointment cross his face before he smiled bravely.
Okay, so this wasn’t great. Well, that’s what happens when two friends kiss. Things are never the same. I nodded at my girls and headed for my room.
Spurred by my insistence about getting back to the city, within two hours we were all packed and deciding who was going to ride with whom. I didn’t want to ride alone with Simon, so I pulled Mimi aside and instructed her to bring Ryan along with us. Now we were all outside arranging bags. As Simon piled everything into the Range Rover, I shivered a little, realizing too late that I’d packed my fleece jacket into my bag, which was now buried. As he turned back toward me, he noticed.
“You cold?”
“A little, but it’s fine. My bag’s at the bottom, and I don’t want you to have to rearrange everything,” I answered, stamping my foot to keep warm.
“Oh! That reminds me, I have something for you,” he exclaimed, rummaging in his bag, which was on top. He handed me a lumpy package, wrapped in brown paper.
“What’s this?” I asked, as he blushed deeply. Simon does blush? I rarely saw that…
“You didn’t think I forgot this, did you?” he replied, his hair falling into his eyes a little as he smiled a boyish smile. “I was going to give it to you last night, but then—”
“Hey, Parker! Could use a little help over here!” Neil called as he struggled to load all of Sophia’s luggage. Yesterday, this would have been Ryan’s job. Now it was Neil’s. Yesterday. How the world had changed in one day.
He backed away from me as Mimi and Ryan got themselves settled in the backseat.
I opened the package to find a very thick, very soft Irish sweater. I lifted it out of the paper, feeling the weight and the nubbly texture of the weave. I pressed it against my nose, inhaling the scent of wool and unmistakable Simon that clung to it. I grinned into the sweater, then quickly slipped it over my T-shirt, admiring the way it hung loose and low, yet still wrapped me in a comforting way. I turned to see Simon watching me from over at Neil’s truck. He smiled as I twirled for him.
“Thank you,” I mouthed.
“You’re welcome,” he mouthed back.
I gave my sweater a long, deep sniff, hoping no one noticed.
