“I think that’s all of them.” Tristan tossed a stack of papers down on the coffee table and rolled his shoulders. “I remember when I used to get five to ten reports a week. I get twice that many every day now.”
I rubbed the back of my neck, which ached from hours poring over the detailed field reports. “Dax and I have been trying to come up with some kind of pattern to explain why the vampires have been active in certain cities more than others. LA and Vegas have been hit the hardest, but we’re also seeing higher activity in Houston and San Diego.”
“All western cities.” Tristan leaned back in his chair.
I nodded. “I talked to Maxwell Kelly yesterday, and he said it’s been so quiet in Maine he went back to normal patrols. He said the whole East Coast is quiet.”
Tristan stared at the reports. “I don’t know if that’s good or bad news at this point.”
“It’s definitely not good for the western half,” I said. “Did you know Stefan Price was spotted in Albuquerque last night?”
“Stefan Price?”
I understood his surprise. Price was an old vampire, over one hundred and fifty years old, and we had been trying to catch him for the last seventy-five years. He was a strong bastard and skilled at evading us.
“There hasn’t been a Price sighting in years. Word was he went to South America.”
I shrugged. “Looks like he’s back.”
Tristan swore softly and stood. “I’ll have to let the Council know.”
“And that’s my cue to leave.” I got up and opened the door. Instead of leaving, I turned back to Tristan. “Have you talked to Sara today? She was upset in training this morning, but she wouldn’t talk about it.”
“Yes.” He sighed heavily. “Nate’s taken ill with pneumonia, and he can’t come for the holiday.”
“We can send one of the healers to him. He can still make it for Thanksgiving dinner.” Sara would be crushed if Nate couldn’t be here.
Tristan shook his head. “I offered, but he’s not comfortable with non-human medicine. He said he’ll come as soon as he’s fit to travel.”
“Sara’s been looking forward to his visit for weeks. This must be killing her, especially on top of everything else.”
“I know, but she’s strong. She’ll be okay –”
“She’s not okay, Tristan,” I said harshly, thinking about the pain Sara must be in. “Nothing about this is okay. I’ve never seen her so unhappy. I wanted her to know about us, but this is all wrong. This is not what I wanted for her.”
He nodded gravely. “This hasn’t been easy on either of you.”
“I don’t care about me. She’s miserable. I can’t stand to see her like this. I’d rather she break the bond and be free than be tied to someone she doesn’t want.”
“You don’t mean that.” Tristan came over and laid a hand on my shoulder. “It’s only been a week, though I’m sure it feels like much longer to you. Sara does care about you, and she’s trying to understand all of this. She’s seventeen, and she just found out she’s bonded to you. She probably doesn’t know how to talk to you about it.”
Some of the tension left my body. “I’ll wait until after the holiday. If she doesn’t come to me by then, I’m going to her. We have to work this out one way or the other.”
* * *
After my talk with Tristan, the last person I expected to see two hours later when I came back from the security center was Sara. She was standing in the hallway, facing the other end, and so lost in thought she didn’t hear me approach.
“Sara?”
She gasped and spun around, and I caught her before she fell. Her eyes met mine, and she looked as surprised as I was.
I let her go. “What are you doing here? Were you looking for me?”
Her mouth opened and closed, and a panicked look entered her eyes. “N-no,” she uttered, stumbling past me.
What the hell? I caught her again and turned her to face me. That was when I got a whiff of alcohol coming from her. Didn’t she know that faeries couldn’t handle human alcohol?
“What is wrong with you? Are you drunk?”
“No!” She jerked her arms out of my hold and immediately began to turn a sickly shade of green. A hand came up to cover her mouth. “Oh, I don’t feel good.”
Something told me I was the last person she wanted to see her like this, but that couldn’t be helped now. I picked her up as gently as I could and carried her to my apartment. Inside, I went straight to the bathroom and set her down on the floor. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet and began to vomit.
I stood behind her, holding her hair back, and I was assailed by the sour odor of alcohol, which left no doubt as to what she’d been up to before she came here.
“Oh God, I’m dying,” she moaned piteously then retched again.
I smiled, remembering the few times in my life when I’d overindulged in spirits. Sara wasn’t soon going to forget this experience.
She raised her head a few inches. “Please, go away and let me die in peace.”
Not a chance. I grabbed a cloth and ran it under cold water. Squeezing the water from it, I carried it over and lifted her hair to lay it across the back of her neck. She let out a sigh before she threw up again.
Eventually, the vomiting stopped, and she flushed the toilet with a trembling hand. I went to the sink to wet the cloth again, and I turned around to find her huddled against the tub.
Suppressing a smile, I sat on my haunches and lifted her chin so I could wash her face. She didn’t protest, which told me how miserable she was.
“Do you need to throw up again?” I asked.
She shook her head and rested her forehead on her knees, which were drawn up to her chest. It made her look so small and helpless, and all I wanted to do was hold her. Instead, I went to the cabinet and took out a can of gunna paste.
She pushed at my hand when I held the paste to her lips. She hated this stuff, but it was a lot better than the monster hangover she’d have in the morning without it.
“Trust me; you’ll be glad for it tomorrow.”
She opened her mouth and obediently took the paste, and her expression as she swallowed had me fighting back a laugh.
“Okay, let’s get you off this floor.”
I scooped her up in my arms and carried her into the living room where I set her down on one end of the couch. I sat on the other end and watched her as she leaned her head against the armrest with her eyes closed. Now that I had her here, there was so much I wanted to say to her, but I didn’t know if she was up to talking.
“Were you coming to see me?” I prodded gently.
A nod.
Her silent admission drew another smile from me. “And you had to get drunk first?” I teased.
“The trainees had a party,” she said hoarsely.
My smile grew. “Were you coming to invite me?”
She lifted her head, but didn’t look at me. “No, I –”
“Take your time,” I said when she struggled with her next words. I’d waited a long time to talk to her. What were a few more minutes?
“I…” She swallowed hard, and her voice shook. “I wanted to let you know that…that you’re free. I’m going to break the bond.”
Pain tore through me, and it felt like someone had shoved a red hot poker into my gut. My Mori howled, making it hard to speak.
“What?”
She looked at me, and I couldn’t bear the misery on her face. I stared at the window, trying to breathe and control my wailing demon.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m handling this all wrong,” she said in a trembling voice.
“Don’t apologize. I don’t think there is an easy way to do something like this.”
I took a deep breath, trying to accept what was happening. I’d feared she might not want the bond, but deep down, I’d never believed she would break it.
The poker twisted deeper when I realized I’d have to leave here tonight. I could never see her, never hold her again. People said the bond faded completely when the couple was apart long enough, but my heart belonged to Sara. In my mind, she would always be my mate.
“This is why you were upset in training today,” I said numbly.
“No, that was something else.”
I steeled myself. It made no sense to stay here and torture myself further, but I had to know. “What made you wait until now to tell me? We see each other every day.”
“I-I overheard you talking to Tristan tonight.” Her voice cracked. “You said you wanted to break the bond.”
I jerked my head in her direction. “What are you talking about?”
Her shoulders were hunched and her eyes dark with pain. “You told Tristan you were miserable and that you didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t mean to listen, and I only heard bits of it. And then Celine said…”
Celine? I swore silently. “What did Celine say?”
“She said it wasn’t fair to hold you to a bond you didn’t want, and that you were too honorable to break it.”
Hope fluttered in my chest. Was she saying –?
A wave of pain came through the bond. Sara covered her face with her hands and began to cry.
“I’m s-sorry,” she sobbed brokenly. “I never meant to h-hurt you.”
“Damn it.” I never should have let things go this far without talking to her. I’d only ended up hurting her more.
I moved to the center of the couch and pulled her into my arms. My chest constricted when I thought of how close I’d come to never being able to hold her like this.
“Celine had no right to say that to you,” I said against her hair. “And you misunderstood what you heard me say to Tristan. I told him I never wanted you to find out the way you did, and that I would rather you break the bond than see you unhappy because of it.”
She grew very still against me. “You don’t want to break the bond?”
“No.”
Her breath hitched. “You don’t?”
“Do you?” I asked, not sure if I was ready to hear her answer.
I tried not to be discouraged when she didn’t respond. She hadn’t said yes, so that had to mean something. “You don’t have to answer right now,” I told her softly.
My words didn’t have the effect I intended. She started to cry again.
I tightened my embrace. “I’m sorry you had to learn about it all this way. The last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt.”
After a few minutes she stopped crying and hiccupped. “Why didn’t you tell me about the bond back in New Hastings?”
Because I was afraid you’d run from me and I’d lose you.
“If I’d told you the truth back then, you never would have come here, and I needed you to be safe.”
She sniffled quietly. “Tristan told me the bond makes you overprotective. Maybe you would feel different if we broke it. You wouldn’t have to worry about me all the time.”
I rested my chin on top of her head. How did I explain that it wasn’t just the bond that made me protective and that nothing would change how I felt about her? Things were too fragile and uncertain between us right now for her to learn the depth of my feelings for her.
“I’ll always care about you. Don’t you know that by now?”
She nodded, and the band around my heart loosened a little.
“What are you thinking? Talk to me,” I said gently.
Her voice came out as a raspy whisper. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I mean, we’ve been fighting since we met, and I know you weren’t exactly happy to meet me in the first place. My life is a mess and I’ll never be a warrior like…Celine.”
It was true that I’d been surly when we met, but that had lasted only a few days. And not once had I been unhappy about finding her. I wanted to reassure her about that, but first I had to make sure she was clear on one thing.
“Sara, I don’t want you to be like Celine.”
“But how do you know what you want? How do you know if what you feel comes from you or from a Mori thing you have no control over?”
I sighed because I knew she, having barely connected to her own demon, couldn’t understand how my Mori and I lived together in one body.
“My Mori and I share our minds and emotions, but I always know the difference.”
“I’m so confused,” she said hoarsely. “I don’t understand any of this. It’s like I have no control over my life anymore. I’m scared.”
My fingers toyed with her hair. “I felt the same way at first.”
“You were scared?”
I laughed softly at the disbelief in her voice. “It scared the hell out of me when I saw you in that club and felt something between us. I’d never experienced anything like it, and I wasn’t prepared to feel that way for anyone, let alone an orphan I found in a bar. I wanted to stay with you and get far away from you at the same time. I tried to leave, but I couldn’t.”
My voice grew rough. “And when I saw you in the hands of that vampire…”
Her hand came up and rested over my heart, soothing me. I closed my eyes and banished the memory of Eli holding her against him in that alley.
She cleared her throat. “You said you were confused and scared at first. You aren’t anymore?”
“No, I’m not. Yes, it started with my Mori in that bar, but it wasn’t long before I realized there was more to you than you let people see. You drove me nuts when you were so stubborn and reckless, and you have an uncanny ability to find trouble. At the same time, I couldn’t help but admire your independent spirit and how fiercely protective you were of your friends.”
I smiled over her head. “You were an untrained orphan with no apparent abilities, standing your own against a Mohiri warrior while defending two werewolves and a troll. You were something to behold. I didn’t want to feel anything more than responsibility for you, but you made it impossible not to.”
She was quiet for a long moment. “I felt something too when we met. It was like I knew you somehow even though we’d never met. My life was turned upside down that night in more ways than one. Then you came to see me and I resented you for telling me what I was and for changing everything. I did some pretty stupid things and I hated that you were right about them. I hated that you wouldn’t go away and let me be the way I used to be. I thought you were arrogant and bossy and determined to drive me insane.”
I almost laughed at her description of me. Leaning down, I spoke close to her ear. “If this is a declaration of love, I’m not getting a warm fuzzy feeling about it.”
“I’m not finished!” she said in a rush, and I grinned, loving that I had this effect on her. “Even when I was angry at you, I knew everything you did was to protect me and I always felt safe with you. It was strange. I didn’t trust people easily, but I trusted you almost immediately. But I don’t think it was until that day at the cliff, before you showed up, that I realized I felt something more. I was alone and expecting to die, and all I could think about was the people I’d never see again. You were one of them.”
Her admission made the last week fall away. She might not be where I was in our relationship, but there was no denying we had something strong between us.
She shifted slightly in my arms. “And…I did miss you when you left me here, and it hurt because I thought you were glad to be free of me.”
Regret stabbed at me again. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I should have waited a few days for you to settle in and told you I was leaving for a while.”
She was quiet for another long moment. “What do we do now…about this, us?”
“What do you want to do?” As long as we were together, that was all that mattered to me.
“I don’t know. I mean…” She exhaled slowly. “When Tristan told me about the bond, I was upset that you kept it from me, and I admit I kind of freaked. Don’t take this the wrong way after what we just shared, but we’ve only known each other for a few months. I like you a lot, but how are we supposed to know if we want to spend forever together. Forever is a long time.”
My grin was back. She was adorable when she was flustered.
“You like me a lot?”
“Sometimes,” she muttered.
“Forever is a long time, but we don’t have to think about that right now. Let’s just take it slow and see what happens. Just promise you’ll talk to me if you have questions or doubts, instead of listening to other people.”
She nodded. “I promise.”
“Good. Now, do you want to tell me what was bothering you in training today if it wasn’t this?”
I already knew she’d been upset about Nate, but I wanted her to tell me. She needed to know she could come to me for anything.
“Nate can’t come for Thanksgiving. He called yesterday and said he has pneumonia and he’s not allowed to travel.” Her voice cracked, and I could tell she was trying not to cry again. “I wanted to go to him, but he wouldn’t let me. Now he’s going to be alone and sick at Thanksgiving. We’ve always spent it together.”
I rubbed her back, and she curled into me more.
“I’m sorry. I know how much you were looking forward to his visit.”
“It won’t be the same without him.” She wiped her eyes. “God, I can’t stop crying tonight.”
“Then it’s a good thing my shirts don’t shrink when they get wet,” I teased.
She answered with a soft hiccup. I chuckled and kissed her lightly on the top of the head, something I’d wanted to do since I’d pulled her into my arms. I was rewarded by her arms slipping around my waist. Contentment flowed through me, and I couldn’t fathom how I had lived my whole life without this, without her.
I began to rub her back again, and she sighed.
“Do you feel better?”
She yawned. “Yes, but I’m never touching tequila again.”
I couldn’t stop the laughter that spilled from me. “If I’d known you were going on a drinking binge, I would have told you that Faeries have very little tolerance for human alcohol, unlike the rest of us. Looks like you inherited that trait from your Fae family.”
“Great, now you tell me,” she grumbled halfheartedly. “Some trainer you are.”
“Actually a good trainer lets you make mistakes at first so you learn never to repeat them.”
“Then you are the best trainer ever.”
I laughed again, enjoying the playful banter with her. “How did you ever get by without me?”
“I have no idea,” she murmured sleepily.
We fell silent, and I continued to rub her back as I savored the freedom to hold her as I’d always wanted. She made no move to leave my arms, and eventually her breathing evened out and her arms grew limp around my waist.
A part of me said I should wake her or carry her back to her room, but the selfish part of me didn’t want to let her go.
It wasn’t much of an argument.
I moved until I was stretched out on the couch with her tucked into my side. She muttered something unintelligible and snuggled against me.
If the last week had been hell, then this was heaven.
Wrapping my arms more tightly around her, I brushed my lips against her forehead.
“I love you, Sara.”
* * *
The sky was streaked with pink when I woke. For a second, I thought last night had been a dream, until I felt the warm body lying on top of me. I gazed at the sleeping girl sprawled across my chest and smiled at the way her fingers were curled in my sweater, as if she was afraid to let me go. I was okay with that. I’d be content to stay here like this with her all day.
Sara moved until her face nuzzled my throat. Her warm lips against my skin sent heat shooting straight to my belly. It didn’t help that her soft body was suddenly pressed intimately against mine.
I bit back a groan and shifted slightly to get comfortable, praying she didn’t wake up until my body started behaving. Last night she’d said she wanted a relationship as long as we took it slow. She was most definitely not ready to know how much I wanted her.
I gazed out the window at the tops of the trees, heavy with snow from an overnight storm. I was filled with a sense of peace, and amazement at how my life had changed in the last twelve hours. If Sara hadn’t overheard my conversation with Tristan, if Celine hadn’t interfered, she might not have come to me to break the bond, and we might never have worked things out. I wouldn’t be lying here now, holding her as she slept.
I was angry when Sara told me what Celine had said, but now I could only feel gratitude. Celine had unwittingly sent Sara into my arms, giving me the greatest gift I could have asked for.
An hour after I awoke, Sara began to stir. I smiled when she let out a sigh and snuggled against me again. I was tempted to let her go back to sleep, but I was also certain she would be embarrassed walking back to her room after everyone woke up. It wasn’t as if I could give her my clothes to wear, as much as I liked the idea of her in one of my shirts.
“Good morning,” I said in a low voice.
She went very still. “Morning.”
“How do you feel?”
“Good, considering,” she replied in a husky voice.
I fought back a laugh. “Considering the gallon of alcohol you threw up, you mean?”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” she grumbled. She sat up with a small groan and presented me with her profile as she combed her fingers through her hair.
I wanted to tell her she couldn’t be more beautiful to me.
“Are you going to look at me?” I asked after several minutes of her staring at the window.
“I hadn’t planned on it.”
Chuckling, I sat up, facing her at the other end of the couch. “You know you can’t avoid me forever.”
“What makes you think I can’t?”
I remembered what she’d said last night, and my smile grew. “Because you like me…a lot.”
That got the reaction I wanted. She shot me a glare that might have looked fiercer if she wasn’t blushing prettily.
“See, that didn’t take long,” I teased, earning another hard stare.
“Shut up.”
Her attempt at a scowl drew another laugh from me, and I wanted nothing more than to reach over and pull her into my arms again.
“Are you okay? With us?” I asked her.
She nodded shyly. “Are you…okay with it?”
“Yes,” I said even though okay couldn’t come close to how I felt in that moment.
She jumped to her feet and blurted, “Excuse me; I need to use your bathroom and about a bottle of mouthwash.”
I couldn’t hold back my knowing smirk. “Help yourself.”
She shut herself in the bathroom, and I got up and went to see what I had in my refrigerator to offer her. I didn’t keep much food there, but I had plenty of water and juice. Looking around my rarely-used kitchen, I had an idea to invite Sara for dinner soon. I wasn’t much of a cook, but the kitchen could make anything.
The knock at my door surprised me because it was still fairly early. I opened it, and Tristan entered looking worried.
“Jordan just told me Sara left their party last night and never returned. I went to Sara’s room, and her bed hasn’t been slept in. She’s upset about Nate. You don’t think she –?”
I put up a hand. “Sara’s fine. She’s here with me.”
“With you?” His eyes swept over the living room and landed on my bedroom door.
“Yes, with me. She got a little too drunk at the party and came to see me. She was in no shape to go anywhere.”
Tristan frowned. “You should have taken her back to her room or to my place. People will see her leaving here and –”
“And think a bonded couple spent the night together,” I said. “My relationship with Sara is no one’s business but ours.”
He pressed his lips together. “Is she okay?”
“Why don’t you see for yourself?” I walked over and knocked on the bathroom door. “Sara, do you mind coming out here for a minute?”
“Sure,” she called hesitantly.
She emerged from the bathroom, and her eyes immediately went to Tristan. A flush crept up her cheeks, and she blurted, “Nothing happened. I got drunk and Nikolas took care of me. That’s it.”
“Nikolas already explained it to me,” Tristan said. “And I told him he should have brought you back to your own room or to my apartment down the hall.”
I smiled at her, trying to ease her discomfort. “And I told him that whatever transpires between the two of us is no one’s business but ours.”
Tristan sighed. “Sara is not yet eighteen, Nikolas, and her uncle trusts me to take care of her. That includes her virtue and –”
“Oh my God, you did not just go there!” she yelled at him, and he darted a glance at me for help.
I had to swallow a laugh, which earned me a scorching look from Sara. For once, I was staying quiet.
Tristan, on the other hand, kept digging that grave.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to embarrass you, but in your situation, you cannot take sex lightly. It would –”
She made a choked sound and fled.
“Sara, wait,” I called, but the only answer I got was the door slamming behind her.
I turned and slapped Tristan on the back. “Great job, Grandpa.”
He gave me a sheepish look. “I didn’t handle that well.”
“You think?” I sank down on the couch, my eyes falling on Sara’s shoes beneath the coffee table. “I just hope she remembers to be mad at you and not me this time.”
He took the spot Sara had vacated. “I take it you and she worked things out.”
“Yes.”
“Good.” He gave me a questioning look, and I smiled.
“We’re together and we’re taking it slow,” was all I said.
His brows drew together. “Not that I want you to rush into anything, but does Sara know this will get more difficult for you the longer you wait?”
“No, and we’re not telling her,” I stated firmly. “I’m fine as long as I’m with her.”
He nodded then sighed. “Do you think she’ll forgive me by dinner?”
I laughed at his forlorn expression. “Maybe, as long as you don’t bring up her virtue again.”
He groaned. “Never again. And quit smirking.”
