My pulse still hasn’t fully evened out when I make my way down to dinner hours later that evening.
I feel feverish. My stomach is in knots. There’s even a persistent thrumming sensation in my clit. Is that healthy?
Jesus. My body isn’t equipped to handle this emotional rollercoaster.
I sit down with Allegra and Tommaso and quickly learn from them that Giorgio has left the property. Something important came up, but Allegra doesn’t know the details.
An anxious fear, potent and sudden, plows through my lingering arousal. What happened? Where is he? He’s lying to Sal about me. What if the don found out? The thought of Giorgio being in danger is suddenly unbearable.
“He didn’t say anything?” I ask, doing my best to keep my voice steady.
Allegra places a pork chop on her plate. “No, dear. Don’t worry yourself about it. He’ll be back before you know it.”
The straight face I manage to hold through dinner costs me a year of my life, at least. I’ve never felt more jittery or anxious. I say no to the post-meal espresso Allegra offers me and retreat to my room. Sophia follows me upstairs. Maybe her doggy intuition senses that something is off with me, and she seems pleased when I allow her to jump up on the bed.
As I pet her short fur, I tune my ear to the room on the other side of the wall.
As expected, it’s silent.
Maybe I should call Dem. He might know where Giorgio went. I fish my phone out of the nightstand and allow my finger to hover over his name for a few long seconds.
No, I better not. I don’t want to disturb him if he’s busy, and if I start asking about Giorgio right now, I’m not sure I’ll be able to mask my concern. My brother knows me too well not to see through it.
It’s been a few days since I last talked to Dem. He’s been stingy with the details of how his plan is going. When we talk, he makes everything sound all right, but my brother is a master at controlling his emotions, and he’s never shared much about clan business with me. I can only hope everything is fine with him and Vale.
I’m about to put my phone away when I notice the date.
My birthday is tomorrow. I’m turning nineteen.
I’ve spent every birthday with Dem until now. Ras is usually there too, and some years he’d bring his parents, who took Dem and I in when our own parents died. The realization that tomorrow I won’t see any of my family slams into me exceptionally hard.
I close my eyes against a surge of sadness that layers on top of worry, and the weight of the emotions press against my heart.
Will Giorgio remember it’s my birthday? Not that it’s important. The only gift I need is him coming back here safely.
Dem will call. Of that, I’m sure. Then I can ask him if he knows where Giorgio went.
The thought lifts my mood a tiny bit.
I turn off my phone and flick it under my pillow. Sophia hops off the bed as I settle under the heavy duvet and turn off the lights.
As the clock ticks, each second bringing me closer to midnight, my mind occupies itself with problems that suddenly seem urgent.
What am I going to do when Dem becomes the don?
For all of my complaints about Dem treating me like a child, I still rely on my brother a lot. That’ll have to change. He has a wife now, and one day, he’ll have his own family. He’s mentioned to me before that he wants a lot of kids. If Vale is on board, I wouldn’t be surprised if they start working on it soon. I’m not going to compete for his attention against my future nieces and nephews. They’ll need him more than I do.
He’s going to be even busier with work than before. Running a clan takes… Well, I’m not sure what it takes, but I don’t imagine it’s the kind of thing you check in and out from. He and Vale will probably move to Casal, where the rest of the powerful Casalesi families reside. Will they want me to go with them? Would I want to go?
I pull the blanket up to my chin and try to imagine it, but I draw a blank. Since we left Casal when I was very young, I don’t remember it well. The place comes with negative associations. It’s where my parents died in a house fire that destroyed our family’s home. Dem told me the story when I was a kid, and it made me terrified of the town.
But if I don’t go with Dem, where will I go? My culinary school dream faded after everything that happened over the last few months. I’m not sure what I want out of my future anymore.
I need to find my own place in the world. To carve a path out for myself.
The edges of my consciousness begin to blur with sleep.
I wonder what Giorgio will do when Dem wins. Will he return to Casal? Stay here?
The question that lingers, even as I drift off, is whether he will think about me when I’m gone…
When I wake up, there’s already a long text message from my brother on my phone.
Happy birthday, Mari.
You’re nineteen, and I feel old as fuck. How the hell did this happen? I still remember changing your stinky diapers that one time when Ras’s mom wasn’t around, and you had a blowout—scarred me for life.
I cringe at my phone. Dem’s told me this story a dozen times by now. If he’d stop repeating it so often, maybe he’d manage to forget it.
Anyway, this is the first birthday we’re apart, and I hate it. I wish I could take you out for a nice dinner like I always do. I told Vale about our gift tradition, and she loved it. Said she wants to participate next time.
A grin overtakes my face. Ras and Dem each bring an outlandish gift to my birthday dinner and make me guess who it’s from. One year, Ras got me a talking parrot named Churro that screeched “Pretty girl! Pretty girl!” throughout the entire meal. When we walked out of the restaurant, Dem handed Ras the cage and said that under no circumstances would the parrot be allowed to go home with us.
So now Churro lives with Ras and I visit when I can. His vocabulary has been expanded into multiple languages to include “stronzo,” “joder,” and “fuck off.” He says all exceptionally well.
When this is all over, we’ll have a proper celebration, all right? I’m proud of you and the woman you’ve become, Mari. I’ll call you soon.
I type out a quick response and then spring out of bed, my feet landing on the wood floor. The first thing I do is knock on Giorgio’s door to see if he’s there, and when no one comes, I press my ear against it.
Silence.
Disappointment flickers in me, but I put it out. He might be in his office or having breakfast. I shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
Padding over to the window, I place my hands on the frame and give it a shove. The window creaks softly as it swings open, letting in a burst of fresh air and sunlight.
Birds chirp. Trees move gently in the breeze. A smattering of small, wispy clouds move across the sky.
For a few seconds, I stand there and take it all in, allowing the cool morning air to caress my skin.
I’m nineteen.
I get dressed in a pretty summer dress—yellow and sprinkled with tiny blue flowers. It hugs my chest and waist before opening into an A-line skirt that ends a few inches above my knees. I dab some blush onto my cheeks and put on a few swipes of mascara before I head downstairs.
Voices filter through the half-opened French doors of the dining room, and as soon as I pass through them, a sweet, heady scent envelops me.
My mouth falls open.
The dining room is laden with what seems to be an endless amount of flowers.
Bouquets of red roses, clusters of white tulips, heaping arrangements of peonies, and countless other flowers I don’t know the names of. It looks like a dream—the kind of thing arranged for over-the-top proposals you can’t help but gasp at on Instagram.
Actually walking into something like this feels like an out-of-body experience. My eyes don’t know what to focus on, there’s just too much beauty to take in.
“What’s this?” I breathe.
Allegra stands, her head popping up from behind a bouquet on the dining table, and smiles. “Happy birthday, Martina.”
“This is for me?”
“Giorgio wanted this day to be special,” she says, a knowing spark in her eyes.
My insides perform a pirouette. He did this for my birthday?
“This was Giorgio’s idea?” The question comes on a single breath.
Tommaso comes to Allegra’s side and nods. “All him. He even told us what flowers he specifically wanted us to get.”
My eyes bulge. Are we talking about the same Giorgio? The grumpy, curt, more-often-than-not rude made man that until yesterday wouldn’t stop pushing me away thought of doing this?
A thrill zings up my spine.
I walk around the room, touching my fingertips to the velvety blooms and fighting against the delirious smile that threatens to overtake my face.
“Is he here?” I ask, taking a seat across from Tommaso and Allegra.
The latter shakes her head. “He’s not back yet, unfortunately. He called us late last night and said he’d be back this evening.”
I fight against my disappointment. At least he called, which means he’s okay.
“So the two of you did all this?”
“We did,” Tommaso says, his mustache lopsided from his grin. “Polo helped too.”
My gaze travels to Polo’s usual chair. It’s empty. “Where is he?”
“He had to run an urgent errand in town,” Tommaso says.
We dig into the food, and at the end of the meal, Tommaso brings out a freshly baked tart heaped with strawberries and blueberries and topped with a candle. They insist on singing me happy birthday in Italian, their enthusiastic rendition making me laugh, and then Tommaso serves everyone a slice of the tart.
My cell phone rings when I’m nearly finished with the dessert, and my brother’s name pops up on the caller ID. I excuse myself and take the call from the library.
I’m smiling even before I pick up the phone. “Hi.”
“Happy birthday, Mari. Vale’s here too.”
“Happy birthday!” my sister-in-law’s voice streams in. “We miss you. I’m sad you’re going to be celebrating without us. You are celebrating, right?”
I laugh. “Yes. I just had a birthday breakfast with Tommaso and Allegra. They work here. Tommaso made me a beautiful berry tart.” I don’t mention the flowers from Giorgio, even though their gorgeous scents have wafted through the entire house by now. I’m not sure how I could explain the big gesture without making Vale or my brother suspicious.
“That’s lovely,” Vale says. “Are you doing anything tonight?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Giorgio won’t take you out for dinner?”
“I doubt there’s a restaurant that’ll meet his high security standards. Don’t you know? I’m not allowed to leave the grounds.”
“Good,” Dem says. “Better to not take any chances.”
“That’s what Giorgio keeps saying.”
“Wow. You must be bored out of you mind, Mari,” Vale comments.
“I’m okay, actually. There’s a lot to do here.”
“Is there? Like what?”
“Well, I’ve been doing some gardening, and Giorgio’s been teaching me some self-defense.”
“Ah, yes, he’s mentioned that,” my brother says. “How have your classes been going?”
“I—” I clear my throat. “Well, I’ve been really enjoying learning from him.”
“That’s badass,” Vale says. “Good for you! You’ll have to show me what you’ve learned when we’re all back together.”
Sitting down on the edge of the armchair, I press the phone closer to my ear. “And when will that be?”
I’m not even sure what answer I want to hear. Of course I want Dem to finish doing whatever he needs to do so that he’s no longer in danger, but selfishly, I don’t want to leave here anytime soon.
I recognize my brother’s sigh on the other end of the line. “It’s hard to say, Mari. But everyone is interested in concluding this as soon as possible.”
“Are we talking about days or weeks? Or longer?”
“Weeks. And actually, while I have you, I wanted to raise—”
Vale cuts him off, “Not now, Dem. Let Mari relax on her birthday.”
My brows twitch toward each other. “What is it?”
“Ah, Vale’s right. It’s nothing that can’t wait,” Dem says. “Well, enjoy your—”
I still have to ask him about Giorgio. “Wait. Do you know where Giorgio is? He disappeared yesterday, and he’s still not back. He doesn’t usually leave me here alone for long, so I was just wondering if he’s okay.”
“Yes, we spoke just this morning. He’s fine.”
Some tension leaves my shoulders. “Oh, good.”
“We’ll talk soon, all right?” Dem says.
“Okay. Love you. Bye.”
I languish around all day, keeping myself busy with some reading, but mostly keeping an eye on the clock as the hours tick by and it gets closer and closer to the evening. The desire to see Giorgio morphs into need.
Sophia comes to see me a few times during the day. When I hear her nails against the hardwood floor, I tear off a piece of ham from the half-eaten sandwich I had for lunch and offer it to her. She pads closer, her nose working overtime, as if she can’t believe her luck.
“It’s my birthday, girl. You get a birthday treat.”
She snorts and swallows the entire thing in one go. I giggle. You’d think she was starving based on that move, but I see the big bowl of dog food Tommaso serves her twice a day.
She lets me pet her forehead for a little while before getting back up on her feet and trotting out of the room.
The sun’s reduced to a bright sliver on the horizon. I watch the sunset and then leave the library.
Dinner’s significantly less joyful than breakfast, despite all the flowers still looking beautiful. Tommaso and Allegra sit down, but Polo is missing.
As is Giorgio.
I know he’s likely doing something important, but his absence has awakened my selfish streak today. I want to see him.
I want to finish what we started.
The meal concludes, and when Tommaso isn’t looking, I steal a wine glass and bottle of rose from the fridge and take it to my room.
For the first time since I got my phone back, I pull up my messages with Imogen and start to type.
Do you remember how we celebrated my birthday last year, Imogen? We went to that beach club in Cala Nova with the others from our class. I lost my flip-flops in the water, and you guys wouldn’t stop making fun of me. Then Seb tried to kiss me when we were getting beers at the bar inside. I felt bad for turning my head, but I didn’t want to give him my first kiss. You know I never liked him like that. I never liked anyone like that until now. This birthday, I want someone else to kiss me, but he’s not around.
After I send the message, I toss the phone aside and pour myself a glass of wine. I took a book from the library earlier, so I crack it open and start to read.
Three glasses later, and I’m struggling to follow the text. I’m not drunk, just a little tipsy. Tipsy enough to spill wine down my chin and onto my dress when I take the next sip.
“Shit.”
Until now, some part of me still hoped Giorgio would return and see me in this dress, but this has to be a sign it’s time to give up. I place the glass down on the night table and unzip the back. My chest glistens with the spilled wine. Better take a shower.
I rinse myself off and spend an extra long time just standing under the hot water. When my muscles start to feel like jelly from the heat, I turn the shower off, dry myself, and slip on my robe.
Just as I step into my bedroom, I hear a sound coming from outside. I run to the window to see what it is. Giorgio’s Ferrari pulls into the courtyard, its bright lights illuminating the castello for a few seconds until he turns the car off.
My pulse accelerates as his suited form emerges out of the car. Maybe it’s the wine lowering my inhibitions, but I don’t think twice about hurrying out of my room and making my way downstairs to meet him.
The front door opens.
His azure eyes collide with mine, and I can see something shift inside of them.
He steps across the threshold, closes the door behind him, and lifts something out of his pocket.
It’s a thin box.
He hands it to me. “Happy birthday,” he says in a rough voice that drips into my bloodstream like a drug. My skin tingles under his gaze as I open the box and look at the object inside.
It’s a pendant on a delicate chain. There’s a big diamond in a setting that looks like a miniature gold wreath.
My breath catches. “It’s exquisite.” I drag my fingertip over the giant rock. “It’s too much.”
“Not for you.”
Warmth spreads through my chest as I meet his thoughtful gaze. “Thank you.” I extend the box to him. “Will you put it on?”
He’s silent as he takes the chain out of the box and motions for me to turn around.
The pendant is as cold as ice against my flushed skin. When Giorgio’s hands brush against the sides of my neck, a shiver rolls down my spine. He clips the chain and places his palms on my shoulders. “Look,” he says softly.
I raise my gaze to the antique mirror hanging above the credenza.
The light in the foyer is dim, but the diamond soaks it in and sparkles on my neck like a beacon.
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper, smoothing the edges of my robe with my palms. “But it’s not what I wanted for my birthday.”
His eyes lock on mine in the reflection of the mirror. “What did you want, piccolina?”
Heat travels in a slow wave across my skin. The next word out of my mouth will be irrevocable. The step that sends me over the sharp edge of a cliff. It scares me, but choosing bravery over fear is what’s gotten me to this point, and I’m not about to stop now.
Not when I’m so close to getting what I want.
“You.”
