woke up from our first date night together, and there’s an empty spot next to me. Usually, he’ll at least nudge me to tell me he’s leaving for work.
It’s not like we’ve been together very long to have a reference point of what our routine is, but still.
Our date last night started out amazing. Sometime during dinner, I feel like something happened. He was still sweet enough and being very thoughtful…but he seemed slightly on edge. Then, on our drive home, I swear it shifted to anger.
And though I loved how rough he was last night in bed, even that felt different, too.
Maybe I’m just overthinking things.
What I really want to know is what’s going to happen to us when I leave on Saturday. I’ve already told Alicia I need to stay with her for a week or two while I figure things out. But as the days continue to pass with no acknowledgment from Gabriel, my fears start to grow.
He wouldn’t just let me leave his house without talking about us first, would he?
Surely this is more than having some fun in the sheets for both of us. I thought we were more… I thought we were falling in love.
I know I am.
I drag myself downstairs for a cup of coffee. As I sit on the couch, I think about what I should do. Do I talk to him tonight and just come out and ask him what we’re doing? Do I ask him if he wants to continue to see me after my nannying gig is up?
And Sienna. How am I going to leave her in just a couple days? I have fallen in love with that girl. She is the sweetest and strongest kid I’ve ever met. She has already been abandoned by her mother. What is she going to think of me leaving?
We’ve already talked about it a little bit together. She’s looking forward to time with her grandparents again, but she’s sad that I have to leave.
I promised her I’d come visit, but that was when I thought her father and I were possibly going somewhere.
“Morning,” a little voice greets me from the other side of the room.
Sienna is standing there in her pajamas with wild hair.
I smile at her. “Morning, sweetie,” I greet her as I open my arms for her to come snuggle. “Did you sleep well?”
She nods and rests her head on me. Tears start to form in my eyes at the realization that these mornings are almost over. I’ve come to love our morning cuddles.
“What are we going to do today?” she asks.
“What do you want to do?”
She sits silently for a minute. “I just want to spend the day here. Don’t tell Daddy, but Aunt Mia let me stay up late last night.”
I try to hold back my smile. Mia is a sneaky little one. I wonder if she also gave her all the sweets that Sienna always asks for.
“We can hang here. Maybe we can put the sprinklers on and play around in the backyard.”
“Yes! Let’s do that.”
“Deal. We can change into our suits after breakfast. Just let me finish this cup,” I tell her.
She knows the drill. I need my coffee before I start our days together or I’ll run out of energy.
“I don’t want you to leave,” she whispers.
The tears I thought I had successfully gotten ridden of start to form again.
“I don’t want to leave either, sweetie,” I barely get out.
Thankfully she doesn’t look up at me as tears fall down my cheeks. My lips are trembling as I desperately try to keep my emotions under control.
“Why do you have to leave? You don’t want to, I don’t want you to, and I know Daddy doesn’t want you to.”
“How do you know that?” I ask.
“It’s so obvious. He’s always smiling and happy when you’re around. He wasn’t like that before you got here.”
“I know it’s hard to understand. I was only here to help out until your grandma was better, and now that she is, you guys don’t need me anymore. I have to find a new job.”
“I think we still need you,” she says.
I can’t finish the conversation without crying and getting caught in my grief. I remain silent, and she doesn’t push.
We spend the day doing our favorite things. Baking, playing outside, and ending with more snuggles.
By the time Gabe gets home, I’m exhausted.
Sienna runs into his arms. As they talk about their day, I remain on the couch and watch. It’s not until he puts her down that I notice he won’t look me in the eyes.
“How was your day?” he asks as he focuses on untying his tie.
“It was good. She really enjoyed the sprinklers,” I tell him.
Instead of looking at me, he looks back at Sienna and smiles.
“How about we order in some pizza tonight?” he suggests to her.
She jumps up and down, confirming that his choice is a hit. I know he always insists on me eating with them, but I don’t feel like I’m very welcome at the moment. Maybe everything I thought was only in my head is actually true. I must have done something wrong last night.
“I’m going to go rest for a bit,” I say, excusing myself.
He nods his head at me, barely acknowledging my words.
I think about what it is I could have done to cause this distance he is clearly putting between us, but I’m drawing a blank.
I try to read a book, but my mind is racing, and can’t focus on a single sentence.
An hour passes before I realize I dozed off, and as soon as I’m awake, my stomach is growling.
When I stroll downstairs, I see Sienna and Gabe sitting at the table.
“Alex, pizza is here!” Sienna shouts. “Come sit next to me!”
At least her presence will be a much-needed distraction from the awkwardness in the air.
I take a seat next to Sienna and grab a slice of pizza. I’m not really in the mood to eat, my appetite suddenly vanished as dread now fills my stomach.
“Daddy, I think we should do a special dinner for Alex on her last night. Like we did on her first night here,” Sienna says sweetly.
I look up at Gabe, who, for the first time today, meets my eyes. He offers me a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes like it usually does, then turns to Sienna.
“I think that’s a great idea, sweetie. We will definitely do that, and you can even pick out the food,” he says to Sienna.
She claps her hand and cheers. “Yay! Don’t worry,” she leans into me, “I’ll pick something you love!”
I smile at her. “I know you will. Thank you.”
Dinner continues with more of the same. Both of us talking to Sienna, our own conversation non-existent. When we’re done, the two of them head upstairs for their usual bath and bedtime routine.
I do the dishes and pour myself a glass of Chianti. As I’m sitting on the couch, I remember the first night Gabriel ever taught me about wine. How he patiently instructed me, talking so passionately about it.
What a world of a difference it was from that night to our dinner tonight.
I finish the glass and stay seated on the couch. I’m hoping that when he comes back downstairs, we can talk a bit about what is happening. Maybe I can apologize for whatever happened last night that brought on this sudden change in his mood.
I hear his footsteps as he comes down the stairs, my nerves instantly dancing in my body as he gets closer.
He rounds the corner and starts to walk toward his room when he spots me.
“Oh, hey,” he says.
“Hi.” I smile.
“Um…” He scratches the back of his head. “I’m actually completely exhausted. I think I’m just gonna head to bed tonight if that’s alright.”
My stomach sinks. If there was any chance that I thought I was imagining his change, there’s no doubting it now.
He’s clearly blowing me off. I should say something, I need to say something. He can’t just treat me like this after the night we had last night. Not after the last two weeks we’ve spent together.
Instead, I find myself saying, “Okay. That’s fine. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” he says, then walks away, leaving me alone.
I’m not sure how long I sit in silence on the couch, frozen in place. I don’t even know what to think about what just happened. Who is he? This is not the man I met nor the man I fell in love with. This is someone entirely different.
Or maybe I never really knew him to begin with.
