prick says that shit without explaining?’ I’m pacing back and forth in my apartment while Alicia sits quietly.
It’s been a week since I ran into him, and he decided to play a mindfuck game with me.
You were everything to me.
His words have played over and over in my head. I’m surprised I haven’t gotten fired at work for how little I’ve been able to focus since that night.
“What do you think he meant by it? Do you think he regrets what he did? Maybe there’s more to it than we know,” Alicia suggests.
“There’s not a damn excuse in the world for what he did to me.”
I’m still fuming with rage when I think of him leaving me to pack my bags and walk out of that house alone, feeling used and disposable.
“You’re right. What he did was cruel. I’m just saying we all have our demons. Maybe he’s battling one of his right now. He’s clearly messed up over you. I mean, he ditched his date and called my dad begging to find out where you would have gone.”
There’s no way that can be true. How can he be messed up over me? He’s the one who did this to us. It just doesn’t make sense.
A sudden knock on the door startles me. When I look through the peephole, there’s no one there. I open it up and look left and right.
“Huh. Weird,” I say.
“Anyone there?” Alicia sits up.
“No, but I swear someone knocked.”
When I look down, there’s a box sitting on my doormat with an envelope on top. I grab it, and as I walk over to my countertop, Alicia jumps off the couch and joins me.
“Who’s it from?” she asks as she leans over my shoulder.
“I don’t know.” I pick up the envelope, which then reveals the bakery design on the box.
Corbo’s
“Ooh, I love that place,” Alicia squeals behind me. “Open the card.”
This can’t be from him. Can it?
I open the envelope with shaky hands to find a handwritten note.
Alexis,
I can’t drive by this place without thinking of you and your obsession with their cannolis.
I hope you enjoy these treats and know that I’m thinking of you every second of every day.
I know I messed up, and I’m currently working through my own issues right now. I promise I will explain everything to you. For now, just know that none of this had anything to do with you.
You’re perfect.
Love,
Gabriel
“Shit. I knew there was more to the story. He’s totally in love with you.” Alicia sighs behind me.
I gasp when I open the box, finding there must be at least fifty cannolis.
“How much does the man think you eat?”
I slam the lid shut.
“I don’t know who he thinks he is. Like a box of cannolis is gonna fix everything. The nerve,” I bite out and walk away.
Two days later, I’m on my way home from doing some holiday shopping, juggling my bags as I dig for my keys outside my door when I notice another box sitting on my front doorstep.
It’s heavy and takes a bit of muscle to carry into my place.
I stare at it for several minutes, wondering if I have the heart to open it. I gave in the other day and ate a few cannolis, bringing the rest to work the next day. They weren’t freshly filled anymore, but everyone enjoyed them.
Curiosity gets the best of me, and I tear it open.
Alexis,
These bottles of wine are my favorite. I used to think about how I longed for a woman who was as bold, beautiful, and sexy as these wines.
You came into my life and blew me away. I’ve never felt the way I feel about you. To say it’s scary for me is an understatement.
I’ve been burned and bruised before. It made me shut down and close my heart off to everyone, until you. But that doesn’t mean I made all the right choices once you came along. I’ve screwed up and didn’t treat you like the rare bottle that you are.
I opened a new brand the other day, and even the best bottle in the world doesn’t hold a candle to your taste and beauty.
Enclosed are all the bottles I have left of the first wine we drank together. I can no longer appreciate them without you by my side.
Love,
Gabriel
Tears prick the edges of my eyes as I try to fight back the monsoon of emotions that threaten to release.
This is the Gabriel I thought I knew. The one who made me feel like I was something special, something he valued and adored, from the minute I woke up in his arms to the minute I fell asleep on his chest. I know his ex must have hurt him, but I’m not her. And even if you’re damaged or scared, the level of hurt he caused by how he treated me is still so deep.
How can I forgive him? Is he even asking for forgiveness, or is he just trying to explain himself? I don’t even know what he wants from all of this.
Does he still want me? More importantly, do I still want him?
I hate that my body ignites so quickly at the thought of being in his arms again. My brain and my heart are not so easily persuaded.
The wine he sent me is still sitting on my kitchen island. I can’t get myself to open the bottles without him either.
I’ve picked up the phone so many times to call him, but in the end, I’m still scared.
What if he hurts me again?
It’s a risk to take that leap again. How do I know that this man actually loves me? For starters, he hasn’t actually used those words. And maybe he isn’t even there yet. We were only together for three weeks, but we did spend the entire summer together. And I know I fell in love with him.
I open my door to head to work and am struck by another box on the ground. Is he the one leaving these for me? How does he have the time?
When I pick up this white box, it’s warm. It couldn’t have been sitting here long. Luckily, I’m an early bird at work, so I have some time to open it now. I know there’s no way I’ll get much done at work if I don’t see what’s inside.
When I open the box, there’s a huge stack of sprinkled pancakes sitting in the middle, surrounded by bottles of sprinkles that I used with Sienna every morning.
There’s an envelope tucked in the side of the box. When I open it, a picture falls out of the card.
It’s a picture of Gabe and Sienna in the kitchen as they seem to be mixing together the pancake batter. They are both smiling so wide, it makes my heart ache with how much I wish I was there with them.
Alexis,
Every morning I wake up with Sienna and we make pancakes with sprinkles like you two used to make.
I went ahead and ordered your special magic sprinkles, as I call them, in bulk. I’m not quite sure why these are the only ones that don’t completely dissolve away in the batter, but of course, only you know these things.
You came into my home and my daughter instantly fell in love with you. The way you were with her, it was like watching the life I wish I had for her. You were patient, caring, and generous with your love. It was one of the things that had me so drawn to you.
I know I’ll never be able to take back what I did. I just hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.
P.S.: Sienna asks about you every day. We are both miserable without you.
Love,
Gabriel
Seeing the two of them together is about all I can take. God, I miss them. I need them.
The problem is that if life has taught me anything, it’s that it’s best to be guarded. To only need myself.
I somehow managed to make it through my entire workday today without crying.
After I pulled myself together this morning, I grabbed the pancakes and ate them on the way to work, the warm, yummy flavors taking me back to my time with Sienna. That’s the trick with adding the sprinkles, they offer a little sweetness to it without having to add syrup.
As soon as I get back to my apartment, I kick off my heels and walk straight into my pantry for a bottle of wine.
Sometimes you just need a little something to take the edge off.
Before I even open the bottle, a knock sounds at the door. I practically run over with excitement, not even thinking to look through the peephole this time. When I swing it open, ready for my next surprise, Gabriel is standing there.
I let out a gasp. He was the last thing I was expecting.
He’s wearing a dark blue suit and looking more handsome than ever. I try to take a breath, but it feels like it’s stuck in my lungs.
“Hi,” he says, offering me a small smile.
My jaw has fallen open as I take in his tall, dominating presence. I have to remind myself to speak.
“Hi,” I breathe.
He looks my body up and down as his eyes grow a bit darker. I guess he’s never seen me in work attire, but it seems like he likes my black slacks and white silk top.
“Wow,” he says. “You look incredible.”
“Thank you.”
His hands go in his pockets, showing he’s a bit nervous.
“Can I, uh, come in?” he asks.
“Um, yes. Sorry.” I open the door.
He walks into my apartment as I close the door.
Okay, take a deep breath. You can do this. Just play it cool.
I turn around, and he’s right there in front of me.
“Alexis,” he starts. “God, I’m so fucking sorry.”
I look down at my feet, trying to stop the tears, when I feel his hand on my chin, lifting until our eyes are on each other.
“Don’t hide your tears from me, baby.”
Hearing him call me baby again cracks the armor I’d constructed around my heart.
“I just don’t understand. Why did you leave me that night?” I cry.
“I’m an idiot. I never should have left you, but I panicked. After being with you, after making love to you, I just knew that I wasn’t going to be able to say goodbye. If I spent one more minute with you, I knew I would beg you to stay.”
“Why didn’t you want me to stay?” I whisper.
“I wanted you to stay with every ounce of my being. But I didn’t realize that I was afraid. I was afraid of giving myself to someone again and getting hurt. I didn’t want to give you all I have just for you to tell me down the road that I wasn’t enough. But I didn’t realize that at the time… so I told myself that I didn’t want to hold you back from finding your own happiness. I thought if I asked you to stay, you would regret it down the line. Sienna is a big responsibility. What if you woke up one day and decided you weren’t ready for that kind of commitment?”
I feel my body take a step closer to him, our bodies almost touching.
“You think I could ever regret choosing the two of you?” I ask him in shock.
He shrugs his shoulders. For the first time, I see a wounded boy, not sure if he’s good enough for the world.
“Gabriel. You and Sienna mean everything to me. I’ve been so miserable without the two of you. I don’t know what led your ex to decide she didn’t want you guys… didn’t want that life, but I couldn’t dream of a better life than being with you two.”
He takes in a deep breath as I see his eyes look off in another direction. I know that move. He’s trying not to cry.
When his eyes meet mine again, they are slightly shinier.
“I love you, Alexis. I’m so damn in love with you, I didn’t know it was possible to feel this way about another woman.”
It’s my turn for my eyes to go glossy.
“I’m so sorry for what I did to you. You didn’t deserve that, no matter what kind of pain I was trying to prevent for myself or my daughter. Is there any way you can forgive me? Because, Alexis, you belong with me. We belong together. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”
I can’t believe the words I’m hearing.
I look up at him. “I’ve never belonged anywhere before.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not true. You’ve always belonged with me. It just took some time for us to find each other.”
“And now that we’ve found each other?” I raise an eyebrow at him.
He leans down closer to me, our lips a breath apart.
“Now we live happily ever after,” he whispers.
I smile as his lips come down on mine. We both wrap our arms around each other and sink into the kiss. When he pulls away, I can’t contain the words I’ve thought but not said for so long.
“I love you, Gabriel.”
He growls at my words and slams his lips back on mine. I let his hands roam my body and bask in the sweetness of the moment. Finally, I’ve found where I belong. It was never a city, a job, or anything I tried to conjure up in my mind. It was right here in this man’s arms.
