fucked up about the fact that she’s living here in Cleveland. That she’s been here the entire time.
Why the hell is she here? Why didn’t she tell me? How could she choose to stay and not think to mention it to me?
And fuck my stupid brothers for setting me up on that damn date. I could kill them.
Her face, when she saw me and then noticed who I was with, was like a knife to the heart. I didn’t even want to go. When they came into my office in the morning and told me I was meeting someone for a blind date that same night, I told them to fuck off.
They told me it was a done deal, and I would be a dick to stand her up. I didn’t want to be that guy, one that let some poor innocent woman left to think the worst of herself because my brothers refused to call it off. They insisted that if I wasn’t going to make it right with Alexis, then I had to move on.
But I didn’t want to move on then, and I still don’t want to move on.
Especially now that I know she’s here.
As soon as she and her friend hopped in that car last night, I called Allen immediately. I told him it was an emergency and I needed to find her. I’m sure he’s getting his ass reamed by his daughter by now if the look she gave me when she left us last night was any indication.
I hear my front door open, and my sister comes barging into the living room.
“What the hell is your problem?” Mia starts shouting at me. “Ma and Pa called me saying you called them last night and asked them to keep Sienna all weekend. They said you sounded awful. And…what the hell is that? Are you drinking wine right now? It’s eleven in the morning. You need to snap out of this shit. It’s been almost four months. Shit or get off the pot.”
“Nice to see you too, Mia,” I growl out. I’m really not in the mood for her storming into my home and insulting me.
“Don’t give me that crap.” She takes a seat on the chair diagonal from me. “Seriously, I’m starting to get worried here. You’re not acting like yourself, and it’s been long enough. What’s going on?”
I take a generous sip of my wine.
“Give me that,” she says, stealing the glass from me. “Talk. Now.”
“Maybe I don’t feel like talking, Mia.”
“Tough shit. I’m not here for you, I’m here for my niece. She deserves more from her father. You know… the only parent she has left.”
I lift my dark eyebrows in shock at her words. “That’s a low blow, even for you, sis.”
She looks a bit deflated. “I’m serious. Please talk to me.”
“It’s Alexis,” I admit, assuming it’s the exhaustion that makes me give in so quickly.
“Go on…” she drags out.
“I ran into her last night.”
Her back straightens. “She’s still here?”
“Yes, and she saw me on the stupid date Marcus and Lucas set me up on. Oh, and did I mention they happened to pick the same restaurant I took Alexis to for our first—and only—date?”
If Mia’s cringe is anything to go on, I fucked up big time.
“Damn, that’s some shitty luck you’ve got there, big bro.”
“Yeah, thanks. I’m aware.”
“So,” she continues, “what happened? Did you talk to her?”
“Yeah. You should have seen her face… She basically sprinted for the front door, and I chased her out of the restaurant. When I got outside, she was crying, and then her and her friend jumped in a car before we could really talk. Long story short, I tracked down her apartment. Yeah, you heard that right… She has an apartment here. In the city.”
Mia raises her hand. “I hate to interrupt, but I have to ask. Please tell me you didn’t just ditch your date in the restaurant without saying something?”
“God, no. I ran back in there and gave the waiter my credit card and told her something came up. It was a dick move, and I still have to go back and get my credit card back, but at least I called a car for her.”
“Oh, yeah. Huge dick move. That poor woman will have some issues after last night. Go… on.”
“Anyway… I get to her place. I don’t know what made me so mad at her, but I hated that she didn’t tell me she lived here. It would have changed everything.”
“You were mad at her?”
“The only reason I ended it was because I thought she deserved to make decisions about her future on her own, without me adding any pressure to stay here for me. You don’t know her past.”
“I’m gonna cut you off right there. First of all, you’re a moron. Second, I actually do know some of her past. Her and I had a long talk that night we were all at TOLI. You think she wanted you to ditch her and make her feel even more unlovable than her upbringing made her feel? I can tell you right now… that’s a big fat no.”
“You don’t understand. I did it for her. I don’t want to be a decision she regrets. I’ve already been that for one woman, and I can’t bear to do the same to Alexis. She deserves more than that.”
Mia scoots to the edge of her seat like she’s preparing to say something I won’t like.
“It sounds to me like you were protecting yourself. Do you think there’s a chance you did all this because you were actually afraid to put yourself out there again and get hurt down the road?”
“No!” I defend. “This was for her. I didn’t want to be a thorn in her side. Something she looked back on in five years only to realize she’d compromised her own happiness for me.”
“And why would you think she would come to that conclusion instead of maybe… you being everything she ever wanted? I saw the way she looked at you, the way you looked at her… You guys were in love. How does letting someone you love go without them being an equal part of the decision help that person? I think you did it because you were afraid of another woman regretting being with you. You’re bringing Angie’s issues into this part of your life and projecting them onto Alexis. Alexis is nothing like Angie. She loves you, and she loves Sienna. Based on what I heard of her past, she was just looking for people who loved her enough to fight for her. Not push her away. You did what you thought would protect yourself in the long run.”
“I…” I begin, but the next words don’t come.
Is she right? Did I do all of this because I’m afraid of yet another woman making me feel like I was the one who messed up their chance at happiness?
Oh my god. She’s right. All of this… was for me. I’m the selfish prick who was afraid to love again. I’m the one who didn’t want her to look back and regret it because I would be the one who couldn’t take the rejection. Not her.
Of course, she would want me to fight for her. She’s never had anyone in her life do that. I threw her out and made her feel like another disposable person, just like she’s felt her entire life.
“You’re right…” My voice lowers as I realize the coward that I am. “It was for me. I’m scared.”
Mia gets up and sits right next to me, grabbing my hand.
“It’s okay. You didn’t realize what you were doing. And Angie did a horrible thing to you, it’s only natural that you would be afraid to get hurt again.”
“But…” I take a deep breath. “I pushed away my one real chance at love because of it. Alexis could never forgive me.”
“Hey,” she says, nudging my side. “Don’t sell yourself short. You can be a pretty darn romantic guy when you want to. You might be able to win her back.”
I look over at her. “Might?”
She shrugs. “I can’t promise anything. You did fuck up pretty badly. But there’s definitely a chance.”
“You think?” I ask.
“Absolutely. You just need the ultimate grand gesture,” Mia suggests.
“What’s that?” I probe, waiting for her to reveal the answer.
“That’s up to you. You need to think about what it is that means the most to her, and then give it to her.”
What means the most to her? I know she appreciates loyalty, and her friendship with Alicia. Thinking back to our long talks, I know she’s always felt like her family didn’t care about her. They’ve always put others first and never really done anything to show her that she matters to them.
“I’ll leave you to it.” Mia pats my knee. “Let me know if you need any help.”
After she leaves, I spend the time trying to think about what I could do to show Alexis that I love her, that she belongs with me. That her happiness—well, hers and Sienna’s—is all that matters to me.
