get this stupid piece of hair to cooperate. I just got off work and Alicia wants to get some fancy dinner to celebrate her promotion at work.
I’ve been at my job for three months now and living in my own apartment for two. Work has been going well, the people are super nice, and I’ve even made some friends to do happy hour with occasionally.
I still think of Gabriel and Sienna all the time, but the pain has begun to subside. I’m no longer crying myself to sleep, which I’m counting as a win.
I miss them, though.
Fortunately, work has been keeping me busy. It’s just the distraction that I need. Weekends are a bit tough, especially when Alicia is busy, mostly with all the dates she’s been going on lately.
She’s been begging me to go on double dates with her, but I’m not ready.
There’s no way I could even fake being interested in another man when Gabe still has my heart.
My hair was still damp when I went to sleep last night, and now there’s a piece of hair in the back that wants to stick up at the root an inch over my other hair. Finally, after going over it with a straightener eighty times, the crimp is gone.
“Girl, come on! We have reservations I don’t want to miss,” Alicia shouts from the kitchen.
“I’m coming,” I reply.
She met me at my apartment downtown because she said the restaurant is close, but she won’t tell me where we’re going.
“Am I dressed alright? It would be easier if you just told me the name so I knew the vibe,” I exclaim as I come out of the bathroom.
“Damn. Is that a new dress?”
“It is!” I look down at my new white dress that hugs my curves on top and flows out at the waist. Paired with my strappy black heels, I’m feeling good. “First time in my life I’ve been making some real money… I thought I’d treat myself.”
“Well, you’re dressed perfectly for where we’re going,” she exclaims, and I note that she’s wearing a similar dress in black with her favorite gold heels.
“Where the heck are we going that we need to be this fancy anyway?” I continue with my interrogation.
“What does it matter if I tell you the name? It’s not like you’re going to know what it is, considering you’re not going to fancy dinners all the time, and I know we’ve never been here.”
She has a point there. I don’t ask any more questions about our dinner the entire time we’re in the car. We decided to take an Uber so we can drink as much wine as we want. Apparently, it’s only a five-minute walk, but it’s November in Cleveland, and walking the short distance in a short dress is a hard no in my book.
Alicia is in the middle of telling me all about what her boss had said to her during her promotion meeting when the car pulls up to our location. My stomach drops.
We get out of the car, and I stand frozen in place as I stare up at the sign.
“Come on, girl.” She grabs my arm and she begins to drag me toward the door. “You’re gonna love this place. It used to be this old bank. The food is out of this world. My dad takes me here all the time.”
“I’ve been here before,” I manage to get out.
She turns quickly. “You’ve been here before? When?”
“The one and only time he took me out on a date.”
Her eyes open wide. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Her head looks around the surrounding streets as we stand out here in the freezing cold. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”
My brain instantly wants me to shout yes! But I don’t want to let him ruin this place for me because it was amazing—the food, the vibe, the drinks, everything. And I should be able to go anywhere I want to eat.
Plus, it’s frickin’ freezing out here, and I just want to get inside.
“No, let’s go. It was one meal, one time. I’m not going to let it ruin our night.” I smile at her.
“Atta girl!” She turns around and walks through the doors.
The place instantly makes my stomach churn with its memories, but I ignore it. The hostess seats us at a table in the center of the room. We thank her and take our seats as both of our heads turn left to right to take in the room.
“No matter how many times I’ve come here, I’m still always sucked in by the old architecture,” she leans across the table to tell me.
“I don’t know how you could not be.”
Alicia insists on splurging and orders us a bottle of wine to split. After our glasses are poured, I hold up my glass.
“To a much-deserved promotion. Keep doing your thing and kicking some ass, girl. Show those men it’s a woman’s world,” I say, trying to keep a straight face.
Alicia’s eyebrows raise in surprise as she clinks our glasses together. She can’t control the fit of laughter that escapes her after she takes a drink.
“What the hell kind of toast was that? Do we hate all men now? Are we becoming big feminists?”
I laugh. “No, I just wanted to see what your reaction would be.”
“Oh, god. Okay, good. I thought you were having some kind of quarter-life crisis.”
I finally let myself settle into the evening after a glass of wine. We haven’t even gotten around to looking at the menu yet, too busy laughing and reminiscing.
“I need to use the restroom. You need to?” I ask Alicia.
“Nah. I’m gonna look at the menu.”
I nod and scan the room until I find the corner where the bathrooms are. I don’t want to leave Alicia for very long, so I try to make it quick.
As soon as I leave the bathroom, I’m weaving through the room when my eyes catch a familiar figure a couple tables ahead. There’s no way… Life can’t be so cruel as to make me run into him in this place on the one night I’m here.
When he looks to the side, I realize it is, in fact, Gabe. What’s worse, his new position allows me to see who he’s with: a beautiful woman looking up at him adoringly.
I do my best to keep my head held high as I walk past him, hoping he doesn’t notice me. My entire body feels like crumbling to the floor as I pass, but I somehow manage to make it back to my table.
I risk a quick glance in his direction, finding his dark, heated gaze holding onto mine.
What the hell is he so angry about? The nerve of this asshole.
His date must say something because his eyes leave mine for hers.
I feel like the room is closing in on me as it becomes harder to breathe.
“So, I was thinking that the lamb sounds really good,” Alicia says as she keeps her head in the menu.
When I don’t answer, she finally looks up. Noticing my chest is rising and falling in rapid succession, she sits up straight.
“Alex. Are you okay?” she asks. “What’s going on? Are you going to faint? You look pale and sweaty.”
“He’s here,” I say as a stupid tear escapes. “With another woman.”
“Are you fucking serious?” she whispers.
“Get me out of here. Please,” I beg.
She grabs her purse, throws bills on the table, and stands up. I start to walk forward on wobbly legs and almost stumble until I feel her arm on my back.
“I got you, girl. Just get outside,” she whispers.
One foot in front of the other… That’s all I need to do.
As soon as the cold winter breeze hits me, my tight muscles are able to loosen up, and I can take a deep breath again.
My body is still trembling as hot tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I shudder inwardly at the thought of him going home with her tonight.
Where’s Sienna? Is she in bed at home or at her grandparents’ house?
I feel so damn stupid. He really didn’t care about me. He’s already on a date again while I’m still trying to put back the pieces of my heart that he shattered. And to bring her here of all places.
Does he bring all of his dates here to seduce them?
“I’m trying to get a car right now. Here, put your coat on.”
I take the coat from her, not evening realizing I left it behind. I slip my arms into it and wrap it around my body.
“Alexis.” I hear a deep voice. “Alexis!” he repeats in the same cool tone.
I turn around, too exhausted to hide my tears. I have no words for him.
“What are you doing here?” he asks with a shaky voice.
A bitter, sarcastic laugh escapes me. “What am I doing here?”
He takes a step in my direction, but I take a step back. His eyes follow my move, and I see a look of despair flash across his shocked face. I don’t care. He has no right to act like he’s in pain.
“Why are you here…in Cleveland?” he asks.
“I live here.”
“Car’s here, Alexis. Let’s get out of here,” Alicia calls.
“I need to go. Have fun on your date, Gabriel,” I bite out.
I head for the car, desperate to get away from him. To get away from these feelings of betrayal. Because they aren’t my feelings to have, he was never mine to begin with.
As soon as I get in the car, I look up and see him pacing back and forth as he pulls at his hair. Part of me wants to feel bad for leaving him in this state of anxiety, but the other part just needs to remember how he left me that night.
Thank God Alicia is here. She manages to tell the driver my address and get me back to my apartment without me even realizing it. I’ve been stuck in a state of shock the entire time.
“Okay,” she says as she places me on my couch. “Let’s get you some water.”
“Wine!” I correct her emphatically. “I need wine, not water.”
“Got it. Wine it is.”
She disappears into the kitchen, thankfully knowing exactly where I keep everything. I’m still trying to stock the place, so I only have two wine glasses. Luckily, I’ve only ever had her here, so it hasn’t mattered.
What the hell made me think I was enough to hold the attention of a guy like Gabriel? The man has a damn wine cellar in his house. He lives in a mansion, drives fancy cars, and wears suits that probably cost more than my rent.
Shit, his wine collection alone is worth more than my life.
I’m just a college grad who still doesn’t know where she fits in this world. Someone who feels like they are wandering around trying to figure out who she is, where she fits in. Maybe I never will have that sense of belonging that I desire. Maybe it’s my childhood scar, always there to remind me of my inadequacy.
How could I be enough for him when I wasn’t even enough for my own parents?
Alicia joins me on the couch and hands me a generously poured glass of wine.
“I think tonight calls for another toast.” She smiles. “To us. To always knowing our worth and never letting any smug bastard make us feel any less than the incredible women that we are.”
Her little speech makes me chuckle into my wine glass. I hold it up and cheers.
“Nice try,” I say before taking a big gulp.
“It’s true, though. Don’t let this guy get you down. He’s not worth the—” She gets cut off by a loud bang on my door.
We look at each other, confused and worried. She’s the only one who knows where I live. Well, her and Mr. Albertini because he helped us look for a place. He said if I was living downtown and my parents weren’t coming in to help me, he wouldn’t feel right unless he approved the location.
The knock comes again, even more aggressive this time. I place my glass on the coffee table and slowly stand.
“Wait,” she whispers. “You can’t answer that. What if it’s a serial killer?”
“I’m just gonna look through the peephole,” I whisper back.
I take soft, careful footsteps to the door, trying my best not to make a noise. When I look through the hole, my heart stops.
What the hell is he doing here? And how did he find out where I live?
“Alexis,” he shouts as the knocking continues. “Are you in there? Open up. Please?”
I turn to Alicia, who is now sitting wide-eyed on the couch.
“Alexis!” he repeats.
I’m worried he’s going to wake up one of my neighbors, and then I’ll forever be looked at as the disruptive one on the floor.
I swing the door open just when his hand is in the air, about to knock again.
He looks disheveled. His hair is a mess, his suit jacket is discarded, and his top buttons are undone.
“Can I come in?” he pleads. “Please?”
I open the door for him. He walks in and stops in the kitchen when he sees Alicia on the couch.
She looks nervously between the two of us.
“I’m… um… gonna go home. I’ll call you later,” she says to me.
“You don’t have to,” I say, but she insists.
As soon as the door closes, there’s a silence that falls in the room. He puts his hands in his pockets, a gesture I’ve learned he does when he’s not entirely comfortable.
I look down at the ground, finding it difficult to see this man standing here in my space.
“So…” he begins. “You live here now.”
“I do.” My hands go behind my back nervously.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks with a hint of anger in his voice.
The words coming out of his mouth make no sense. I can’t help but feel my own mood veer sharply to anger.
“Why didn’t I tell you? Why would I do that? What the hell do I owe you to tell you where I’ve decided to live?”
“You never told me you wanted to stay here.”
There it is again, an accusatory tone. One that implies things would have ended differently if I told him.
“I don’t see what difference that would have made,” I say, fury almost choking me.
His arms open up wide. “It would have changed everything, Alexis.”
I advance on him as my finger points at his chest. “Don’t you dare make this about me. You were the one who abandoned me that night. You were the one who used me. You saw a broken young woman who would fall into your bed easily, and you took advantage.”
His shoulders fall at my words. “That’s what you think? You think I took advantage of you?”
I ignore his sad tone.
“What the hell else would I think? Not once did you make me feel like it was anything else.”
That part’s a lie. He made me feel special in every way possible, until the very end where he ripped the rug out from under me.
His head falls in defeat. “I see. I’m sorry you feel that way.” He walks forward, stopping in front of me. “Just know, you’ve got it all wrong. You were everything to me. I know I fucked it all up, but all I ever wanted was for you to find your own happiness. You deserve the world, Alexis. Goodbye.”
He sidesteps me and walks out the door, leaving me in complete shock.
I fall to the ground as I release a choked, desperate cry, a raw and primitive grief taking over.
How could he do this to me? Why would he say all those things and then just leave? Because I don’t believe them. How he treated me doesn’t add up with those words. He thinks I deserve everything. He is everything. Sienna is everything. They are my happiness. I’ve been miserable without them.
Now I’m here, left all alone, like everyone else has done my entire life. He treated me no better than my parents do. And he had the nerve to stand there and tell me he thinks I deserve to be happy.
A bitter despair takes over the holes of my lonely heart.
