take it,’ Alicia says.
After I told her all the sordid details of what happened with Gabriel, she was my shoulder to cry on for as long as I needed it. Then, she gave me a necessary pep talk to pursue my interests and find a career that I’m going to enjoy.
She just poured us a glass of wine—another reminder of him—to celebrate my job offer. I’m still on the fence if I want to take it. Staying here in Cleveland wasn’t the plan, especially knowing he is so close yet so far is like torture.
But I can’t deny that it’s an amazing opportunity. Mr. Albertini hooked me up with an interview at one of the largest event management companies in the country, specializing in sporting events. It’s for a Financial Analyst role, and it seems perfect for me.
“I don’t know.” I sigh into my glass.
“What’s holding you up?” she asks. “Does it have something to do with him?”
Doesn’t everything have to do with him lately? It’s only been a couple weeks since he broke my heart, but my brain has been able to think of nothing else. I have no appetite, no motivation. I cry all the time, especially at night when I’m alone.
To top it off, my parents have both managed to go the entire summer without checking in on me. I think my mom texted me once in the beginning to make sure I made it safely.
“Of course it does. I’m just not sure I want to settle down in the same city. I know the odds of running into him are slim, but just knowing he is so close…”
“It’s only been two weeks. You’ll forget about him eventually. You just need some time.”
Will I, though? There’s no way I will ever completely forget about the moments we shared. They were too transformative. All I can hope for is that maybe, over time, it will hurt less, and I won’t think of him as often.
Plus, it would be nice to stay here and be near Alicia. She’s been the biggest supporter in my life, and the thought of living apart from her fills me with dread.
“Alright,” I exclaim as I hold up my glass.
“Alright, you’ll take it?” she asks hopefully, sitting up straighter.
I chuckle at her excitement. “Yes, I’ll take it. I don’t wanna live apart from you.”
“Yes!” she shouts as she clinks our glasses together. “To a fresh start and sexy office romances.”
I laugh. “I don’t think any of the men I saw at my interview are my type.”
“Well, you’ll just have to find one of the athletes at an event then.”
One step at a time. First, I need to go to bed without crying myself to sleep.
“I think this means we need to go apartment shopping,” she squeals. “Your starting salary is hefty enough that you can definitely afford your own place if you want.”
“Yeah, I think I would really like that. I’ve never had a place to myself,” I tell her.
“It’s not too shabby. I’ve enjoyed my naked Tuesdays. I can walk around in whatever I want, be as messy as I want, and there’s nobody here to judge me.”
“Naked Tuesdays?” I lift an eyebrow at her.
She shrugs. “Don’t knock it till you try it.”
“Noted. I guess I should get started on apartment hunting this weekend. I’ll call tomorrow morning and accept the position.”
With my lack of sleep lately, my eyes are feeling heavy by the time I finish my glass of wine.
“Alright, girl. I’m gonna go get some more work done on my laptop in my room. You look like you could use a good night’s rest. I’ll see ya in the morning.”
“Mmm k,” I say through a yawn.
I lie down on the couch and wrap the covers around me, seeing his face just as my eyes close. An instant jolt of electricity courses through my body, and I know I’m not getting sleep anytime soon.
Why the hell can’t I shake this? I miss him so damn much. I know I only the warmth of his body at night for three weeks, but it was so comforting, and I didn’t realize how much I had come to need it.
I felt so safe in his arms, so loved and adored for the first time in my life.
Too bad it was all a lie.
I keep trying to play it out over and over in my head. Where did I go wrong? What did I miss that made me think there was something more there? How did I fall in love with someone who only saw me as a conquest?
And why did he insist on taking me out on a date that night if we weren’t anything special? I can pinpoint that night as when something shifted for him, but I just don’t know what happened. Maybe I came on too strong or let my feelings show, and it spooked him.
But that just doesn’t excuse him for leading me on and then abandoning me at the end. Would it really have been that hard to say a proper goodbye? It just doesn’t make sense with the man I got to know. I feel like something doesn’t add up.
I think that’s the hardest part. If I thought we were both just in it for the fun, it would be easier to walk away with a scraped knee and move on.
I hope I’m making the right decision in staying here. Hopefully, Alicia is right, and it will get easier with time. I really do want to stay near her, and the job opportunity is fantastic. Plus, it’s close enough to home that I can visit my siblings but still have enough distance from my parents.
What I could use right now to fall asleep is one of my Sienna snuggles. That girl burrowed her way into my heart so fast. I miss her laughter and her sweet affection.
One of these days, I’m going to find out where I belong. For now, I’ll have to settle for where I am.
