“I need you to lay her on the bed, Sawyer.” A tall man in a white doctor’s coat peered at Sawyer with a slight look of alarm. Sawyer hadn’t let me down since we left the Wild Lands. He’d held me to his chest in the helicopter. He’d carried me through campus into his house. And now a bunch of dominant males wanted to examine me and his wolf was back, glaring at the men with yellow eyes.
The bed had been stripped and covered in plastic sheeting, then a white gauzy linen. We didn’t go to his old house where the vampires attacked like I thought we would; he must have moved after that incident. We were in a giant glass house that was slightly more off campus but surrounded by open green grass and men with machine guns monitoring the perimeter.
He just glared at the doctor, chest heaving, arms snuggled tightly around me.
“Sawyer…” I pulled his face to mine and met that blazing yellow gaze. “I’m in pain and I’d like the doctor to help me. I had a really bad fall down the mountain. I need you to put me down.”
His eyes bled into blue and his face contorted in agony, as if thinking of me in pain caused him to also feel discomfort.
With a nod, he lay me on the bed and then hovered six inches over me.
The doctor cleared his throat. “I need space to examine her.”
With a growl, Sawyer pushed off the bed and stood behind the doctor and his female assistant and they immediately went to work.
The female clicked her tongue as she pulled up my shirt to look at my stomach. “Does it hurt when you breathe in deeply?” she asked.
I looked down at the purple splotching bruises on my ribcage and nodded. I’d been taking shallow breaths this entire time.
“Broken ribs,” the doctor typed into his tablet.
I could hear Sawyer’s jaw clamp shut from here; his teeth clacked together. He started to pace the room as they continued to inspect me. Flashing a light in my eyes, they had me follow their finger.
“Concussion,” the doctor said.
“Motherfuckers!” Sawyer growled and the doctor flinched but carried on.
The doctor inspected my bleeding and crusted elbow. “She’ll need sutures for this laceration on the elbow.”
The woman frowned. “Why isn’t she healing?”
Sawyer’s growl turned into a whine. “Where’s the witch!” he cried into the hallway. “Get these fucking cuffs off her!”
Eugene’s voice came back: “She’s on her way.”
The two doctors shared a look, and then Sawyer swallowed hard. “Her … the cuffs basically make her human. She can’t heal until they come off.” There was so much gut-wrenching guilt in his tone that it brought tears to my eyes. I reached out a hand for him but he faced the wall, head down as if he couldn’t even look at me in that moment.
The woman raised her eyebrows but said nothing while the male doctor let his eyes roam over Sawyer’s naked back. “Let me look at that nasty wound on your flank.”
“I’m fine,” Sawyer growled, spinning back around with yellow eyes. “Demi first.”
The doctor shook his head. “I can see your ribcage, Sawyer. Werewolves are not impervious to infection, my duty is to the alpha fami—”
“Your duty is to follow orders.” Sawyer looked murderous, and I just wanted to fall asleep, everything felt so heavy. “Help. Demi. First. She is my family.”
She is my family.
Were there ever four more powerful words? I wondered if I’d even heard him right.
The doctor sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.
“I’ll need to get a CT on her. And I’d like to x-ray her spine and ribs,” he ordered, and the woman typed up something on her tablet. “Even if we can get her healing back, she’ll heal all wrong and have a permanent injury without the bones being set properly.”
Oh God.
I tried to focus on his words but everything in the room spun and I started to feel nauseated.
“I feel sick,” I told them both.
They shared a look. “Could be a brain bleed. Order that CT scan stat, and where is this witch? We need those cuffs off now before damage begins to become permanent,” the doctor barked to the female and Sawyer simultaneously.
Sawyer fell to his knees, leaning over me at the bed, his face contorted into absolute misery. “Demi?” His voice was a hoarse whisper, fading in and out with warbled tones.
“Hmm?” I tried to focus on staying awake, but everything was too bright. Too loud. Too heavy.
Leaning in, he whispered in my ear. “I don’t deserve you.” His breath feathered over me. “But I don’t think I can live without you … assuming you’ll even have me.” My brain was too slow in trying to process those words. Everything felt so heavy and sluggish and loud and painful.
Did Sawyer just … I couldn’t think any more about it because a tide of black water yanked me under and everything drifted away.
When I came to, I felt warmth beneath my cheek. Then the rise and fall of someone’s chest. Cracking open my eyes, I let the sunlight filter in and looked up. Two burning blue eyes stared down at me.
“How are you feeling?” Sawyer’s arms wrapped around me tighter, as if he were afraid I was going to run away.
I took in a deep breath and felt no pain. My eyes flicked down to my wrists—no cuffs.
Oh thank God. My wolf stirred at the thought of freedom.
“I’m okay.” I tried to sit up and there was a moment when Sawyer held on, not letting me go, but then it passed and I pulled myself up to a sitting position as he released me.
We were silent, just looking at each other, unsure what to say. My eyes ran over a bandage at his ribcage. “You okay?”
He shook his head. “My wolf. I … when I heard the Ithaki took you—” He sighed, running his hands over his face. “I need to tell you something, Demi.”
My heart hammered in my chest. I’d forgotten all about his promise to give me answers, to tell me what he knew about me or whatever it was he seemed to be hiding. We were supposed to have some romantic dinner where he cooked for me. Sage had some surprise. Everything got messed up. I didn’t even know what day it was. I’d clearly had some kind of procedure, because my right foot was in a walking boot.
“They called me a demon.” I frowned. “The Ithaki.”
He nodded. “They think split shifters are demons. They say that whatever caused your soul to split is too dark to be allowed to live.”
My throat went bone dry as I thought back to my rape. Is that when it happened? I blacked out and when I’d woken up…
My mouth popped open. The attack on the vampires who assaulted me … they’d said it looked like they’d been mauled by a bear or wolf, but what if … it was me? What if my wolf split off to protect me? With the cuffs on, was that even possible?
I was so in shock that I’d forgotten Sawyer was speaking. “The Ithaki are monsters. They harvest organs, capture animals and torture them for their essence and sell everything to the Danai.”
I frowned. “Danai?”
He nodded. “A band of seriously dark and evil witches who live in the Wild Lands.”
Dawning shone in my eyes. Raven used to speak of them but never said their name. She went all Harry Potter and just called them “the nameless.”
He got quiet and reached out to touch my cheek. “What happened to make your soul split?”
I stilled, swallowing hard. I should probably tell him, especially if we were going to be intimate, and I had no idea how I would react to sex after my attack. I blew out a shaky breath and—
Someone pounded on the door.
“Sawyer!” It was his mother. My eyes widened as I realized we were in his bed together, him with his shirt off.
Soooo not appropriate.
“Open the door, son!” his father growled.
“Shit,” I hissed, and jumped up, but then winced as I realized I came down on my walking boot and my ankle throbbed.
Sawyer’s eyes widened. “Whoa. Go easy. Why don’t you take a relaxing shower and I’ll get rid of them? Then we can have some breakfast brought over and talk some more?”
I nodded and the banging got louder. “Sawyer James Hudson!” his mother roared. “Did you fight the Ithaki last night? Open this door right now!”
He groaned and then stood, looking back at me. “Don’t worry about them knowing you’re here. It’s not a big deal, they know how I feel about you.”
They know how I feel about you?
I just nodded and slipped into his bathroom, shutting the door behind me and resting my head against it.
Muffled shouting made its way back to me as his father’s voice filtered through the room. “I go out of town for one day and you kill the Ithaki leader?”
“He kidnapped Demi, was five seconds from skinning her alive,” Sawyer growled.
“Oh fate.” His mother gasped. “Why … why would they want Demi?”
Silence.
“She fell. Who knows. The Ithaki are sick. They’ll do anything to make a few bucks from the Danai.”
Oh. I’d forgotten for a second that he didn’t tell his parents about my … issues. No longer wanting to hear this conversation, I started to run the shower.
Looking at the countertop, I grinned when I saw a brand-new toothbrush, floral girly coconut shampoo and conditioner, and even fresh new clothes. Sawyer was so thoughtful.
I stripped out of my bloody, dirty, disgusting clothes, pausing when I remembered my walking boot.
Ugh.
Slowly peeling the Velcro straps back, I slipped a purple bruised foot out of the boot and then hobbled into the shower, careful not to bear weight on the healing ankle. When I looked down at the blood-splattered, purple-blotched skin of my naked body, tears formed in my eyes.
Holy shit.
That was so close. I almost died. I tried not to think about falling down that fucking mountain, Walsh running after me, and the sweet Paladin man who tried to help me before the Ithaki killed him. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I started to soap up, watching the red and brown-tinged water pool at my feet as I scrubbed clean. I wanted to stay in here forever and not deal with telling Sawyer I was raped, but it was time to get all this shit out there, especially if I was serious about being with him.
I quickly brushed my teeth, slipped into the new clothes, including the walking boot, and towel dried my long blond hair. Then I stepped out of the room and froze.
“Sawyer, are you sure? If we call off the mating selection and she’s not the one—”
“She’s the one,” he growled, and my stomach bottomed out. A huge grin swept across my face and I wanted to run out there and jump into his arms, but I was totally snooping so I stayed where I was.
“Meredith is a safe bet,” his mother said, and the grin fled from my face.
“I don’t love Meredith.”
There was a deep long sigh as his mother seemingly weighed his words. “You don’t have to love them back, son. Our entire family is depending on you—”
“I’d like you to go now, Mother. I’ve made my choice. It’s Demi, it’s always been her.”
Holy fuck.
This conversation was so confusing but I didn’t care. The only part that mattered was that Sawyer basically just said he chose me.
“If you’re sure, I’ll call an early announcement for a few days’ time.” She sounded dejected.
“Thank you,” Sawyer responded, annoyance in his voice.
The clipped sound of high heels fled down the hallway and then the front door shut.
“You can come out now,” Sawyer spoke into the room and I flinched. How did he know I was there? Hopefully his mom didn’t.
I stepped out gingerly, limping on the walking boot, and Sawyer let his gaze rake up and down my body. It wasn’t his usual hungry gaze, he was searching for wounds.
He tipped his head to the door. “Did you hear all that?”
I shrugged. “Just the part about you choosing me … no big deal.”
A slow grin pulled at his mouth and he stepped closer to me and released a shaky breath. “From the moment I first saw you … I knew you were mine.”
It was like time stopped; my breathing definitely did; and maybe even my heart too. I think I actually died for a minute when he said it. It wasn’t in a possessive way, it was just matter of fact, like we were made for each other.
I swallowed hard and he stepped closer. “Well, my wolf knew. I didn’t want to freak you out, and I’m not sure if you feel the same because your wolf and you are so separate…” His face faltered. “Come to think of it, I’m probably freaking you out right now.” He ran a nervous hand through his hair. “I, uh … I dunno, Demi, I just … what I’m trying to say is—”
I cut his words off with a kiss, pressing my body flat against his, and was rewarded with a moan. His fingers gently came around the back of my neck to cradle my head as my lips parted and our tongues slid against each other. Sawyer thought my wolf and I were separate, and in a way we were, but I’d felt the same from day one about him, I just never wanted to admit it. Survival instinct, or whatever you want to call it, I just didn’t want to get hurt. Knowing that he felt the same, it smashed every wall I had built.
His hand trailed up the back of my shirt and I raked my fingers down his back, causing him to freeze. He pulled away and looked down at me and I frowned.
“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” I asked.
He shook his head. “No, I just … we need to talk about something. Can you come sit down?” He pulled away from me, taking the heat of his body with him, and I frowned.
Fuck. This was not what I expected we’d be doing right now after he all but declared his love for me.
Talking.
I sat on the couch next to him and he faced me, mouth in a hard line, eyes distant. His brokenness was close to the surface, and I knew whatever it was, it would be bad. But I wouldn’t judge him for it, Lord knew I had my own issues.
“I don’t know how to say this, it’s been a secret for so long … I don’t even know how to vocalize it.”
Okay … I was getting more scared by the moment. “Just tell me.” Because I was imagining the worst. He’s already mated and has a kid. He can’t marry me because of what I am. Out with it! I wanted to shake him, but it was clear he needed a moment.
“There’s … there’s a curse over my family,” he breathed, and I frowned. That was not what I was expecting him to say.
“Okay, like how?” Did he turn into an ogre at midnight, because not gonna lie, that would suck.
He chewed his bottom lip. “Sage doesn’t even know this, okay? It’s like top secret. I’m only supposed to tell the woman I choose on our wedding night.”
Whoa. The entire atmosphere in the room shifted and everything felt really scary all of a sudden. “Sawyer, just tell me, I’m freaking out.”
He grabbed my hands. “Okay, sorry, I mean, it’s not that big of a deal. Just … about a thousand years ago my great-great-great-great grandfather pissed off a Danai witch and she cursed our entire family line.”
I nodded, needing him to get on with what the actual curse was! My mind ran wild with fairy tales I’d heard as a kid. Did he turn into a frog? Would he die on his thirtieth birthday? What?
He swallowed hard. “By my twenty-third birthday, I have to find a wife to marry me who actually loves me for me.”
He breathed out like he had been holding in too much air.
I frowned. “Wait … what? You just have to marry someone that loves you? Okay … that’s easy. Obviously half the school loves you. I mean, twenty-three is a bit young but—”
He nodded. “A millennium ago, that was actually pretty old, but no, Demi, you don’t understand. If I pick the wrong girl and she likes me for my money or status or whatever, then the curse … it kills my entire family line.”
I froze, shaking my head. “Say what now?”
He released his hands and stood, starting to pace the floor. “This is so fucking awkward.”
I stood, hobbling across the space and stepping in front of him. “No it’s fine, I’m just … processing. So, everyone dies if you marry the wrong girl?”
He nodded. “Every Hudson. My mom, my dad, me, Sage, my uncle. They all drop dead as the curse is unleashed and takes out our line forever.”
“Holy fuck,” I gasped. “That’s seriously awful. And it just goes on forever and ever?”
He nodded. “The alpha’s wife is cursed with only being able to have two sons. My uncle, not being the alpha because he was the youngest, was able to have Sage, but…”
Dawning came over me. I’d put on the questionnaire that I wanted twin girls. “Wow, that’s quite a complex curse.” This ancient witch really thought of everything. Two sons, but you—” I paused, seeing sadness in his face.
“I was a twin actually. My brother was a stillborn.” His voice cracked and my heart broke.
“I’m so sorry.” I took his hand as my mind processed everything he was saying. “So this entire selection, it’s all just so that you can keep your family alive?”
He winced. “When you put it that way it sounds bad … but yes, it’s so that I can find at least one girl who truly loves me. That’s why I kept Meredith around … she was always a safe bet.”
I growled, suddenly jealous. “Meredith doesn’t love you. She’s obsessed with you. There’s a difference.”
His eyes flashed yellow and he pulled me closer to him. “If I don’t find someone who truly loves me to marry me by the end of next year, then my entire family dies.”
I frowned. “So this is your darkness?”
“What?”
“When we first met, I saw a darkness in your soul, a heaviness you carried. This is it.”
He nodded. “I guess it is.”
“Wait, so you don’t have to love the person back?” The wheels started to turn in my head as I realized why he spoke of Meredith. It was clear he didn’t love her, but if she loved him, then he’d still marry her.
He shook his head. “No. But I don’t just want to be loved, I want to be in love.”
This was why he told Sage he was worried about finding someone to love him. He felt pressure to keep his family alive. Damn, that was quite a weight to carry.
I stepped closer to him. “What if you don’t find someone you love? Will you just choose Meredith to be safe?”
A slow grin pulled across his face. “I thought I just covered that, Demi. I’m in love with you.”
The breath whooshed out of me like a kick in the gut. He said it so casually, so sure. I’d never met a man with so much confidence. He knew what he wanted and he didn’t fuck around going after it. That was why his mom was so worried if I was the one. Her life depended on me loving Sawyer back. Loving her son for the guy he was, not the Hudson heir or the alpha’s son.
Good thing she raised a gentleman, because the next six words were the easiest I’d ever said. “I’m in love with you too.” I laughed. “Holy shit, this is insane. I barely know you but I lov—” He crashed into me and captured my mouth in a kiss. My entire stomach did somersaults as he gripped my ass, hauling me onto him so that I was straddling him. My breath was ragged as he feathered my neck with kisses, trailing his tongue along my collarbone, and passion completely took over me. I grinded into him when he nipped my earlobe and heat exploded between my legs.
Sawyer walked us back to the bedroom and lay me gently on the bed, kissing my forehead. “I went mad when I heard you’d been taken.” He leaned down and pulled up my shirt, kissing my stomach. “I nearly killed Walsh for leaving you.” His hand slipped up my shirt, grasped my breast and all rational thought left me.
I should have stuck up for Walsh, who’d probably saved my life by getting help, but I couldn’t think. All I could think about was how badly I needed to be closer to Sawyer. I sat up and Sawyer backed off, watching me as I slowly pulled my shirt up and over my head. He watched me as I gradually unclipped my bra and his eyes went yellow.
With a grin, he grabbed my hands, laying me back down, and pinned them over my head. Slight panic flooded my system and I didn’t understand why. It was in such direct contrast to how I wanted to feel in this moment. When Sawyer placed his mouth over my nipple and sucked, keeping my hands pinned above me, I understood why.
“Let go!” I half shouted, trying to yank my hands free as a flashback hit me.
Sawyer immediately jumped off of me, looking down at me apologetically as I tried to drown out the vision of Vicon Drake pinning my arms above me and biting my breast, drinking from it.
“Shit, did I go too far? I’m sorry I just—”
Tears lined my eyes as I put on my t-shirt and then covered my face with my hands. I’d slept with one guy, Isaac the fey, after my virginity was stolen by rape, and it was so fucking awkward. I was so eager to prove to myself that I was sexually normal after my attack that I just lay there and prayed it would pass quickly. It did.
“I can’t be held down,” I told him, my face still in my hands.
Two warm hands grasped my forearms and peeled them away from my face, until I was staring at yellow eyes. “Did someone hurt you, Demi?” His voice was that scary half wolf growl.
I swallowed hard, releasing a deep sigh. “It’s my turn to tell you something.” I pulled my arms out of his and patted the bed.
His entire body was tense, jaw clenched as he sat next to me. “You can tell me anything. But first, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
The fact that he was being so sweet just made those half unshed tears pour over. “I’m fine, you didn’t hurt me. This is … an old emotional pain that resurfaced.”
He was silent, still, unreadable other than the yellow eyes that kept peeking out behind his lashes.
It was on the tip of my tongue, but I wasn’t ready, so I just sat there, trying not to think about that night. Other than Raven and my mom and dad, no one knew my story. It was something we all covered up at my request and tried to move on from. Sometimes burying old wounds worked and sometimes they rose up like zombies waking from the dead.
Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I spoke. “When I was fifteen, I went to a party in Vampire City…” I breathed.
His eyebrows rose like that was impossible and I nodded. “My best friend Raven and I snuck out with a vampire girl at Delphi and we went to a party with older guys.”
Those yellow eyes were back as he sat rigid next to me. “What happened?” he growled, but I knew that the anger wasn’t at me, it was at what he knew was about to come out of my mouth in the next sentence.
“I was gang raped by four vampires and left for dead—” I didn’t even finish my sentence before the splitting of seams ripped through the space and Sawyer shifted into his wolf. His clothes tore to tatters as his giant gray wolf landed on all fours and looked up at me with pained yellow eyes. Tears streamed down my face as his wolf leapt up from the ground and nuzzled my neck, placing his paws on my shoulders like a hug.
A soft wolfie hug.
A sob escaped me as I wrapped my arms around his giant furry wolf and held him closely. “I think that’s when my soul split. The cuffs, they kept me human, so I couldn’t fight back.” I tried to breathe to calm myself down, but my throat felt so tight as his wolf draped across my body like a blanket and I held him. “I don’t remember it. I mean I do, but in flashes, the before, a little of the during, and then way after. There was so much blood, three of the four guys were killed … it looked like an animal had attacked them, but now…” A cry ripped from my throat. “I think that my wolf somehow broke free and saved my life.” I had held this in for so long that now that it was out, I couldn’t stop the floodgates. “She saved me,” I wept, “and that’s why I am this way, that’s why I’m broken.”
I squeezed his wolf so tightly I was afraid I would break his ribs and reinjure him, but he just lay on top of me like a loyal animal therapy dog or something and let me get it all out. When he realized I was done, he licked the tears from my cheeks and I laughed. “Gross.”
He pushed off of me and started to shift back and I suddenly was nervous about seeing Sawyer in his human form after divulging all that. Telling a soft fluffy wolf your darkest secret was a lot different that a six-foot-six-inch-tall Adonis. Sawyer turned away and I caught a glimpse of his naked butt as he walked into his closet. He returned with basketball shorts and a t-shirt on.
When he reached me, I avoided eye contact as he fell to his knees before me. He was patient, waiting until I looked at him, and when I did I was shocked at the anger I saw in his eyes. I frowned, and he reached out and brushed a finger over my cheek. “Nothing about you is broken.”
The tears were back as I realized I’d waited for a man I loved to hear my story and tell me that.
I just nodded.
“And in the future, I will let you take the lead in the bedroom,” he said, but his words didn’t match his blazing gaze and steel jaw.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, suddenly wondering if he was mad at me.
Sawyer stood. “I’m going to need the name of the guy left alive from that night, Demi.”
My mouth popped open. “What? No wa—”
Sawyer’s chest started to heave up and down, fur running down his arms. “I’m going to need that name, Demi. Now.”
The bossy alpha was back. I stood and so did he as I butted my chest up against his. “My parents filed a complaint with Vampire City, but they said since I was banished I had no protection.”
Sawyer fled from the room and then there was a crashing noise in the living room.
Holy shit, this man had a temper.
I hobbled out to see that he’d kicked the coffee table in half. It lay in a splintered wood pile at his feet. He looked up at me, barely holding on to his humanity. “Demi, I need that name before I go and light the entirety of Vampire City on fire!”
My eyes nearly fell out of my head. “Sawyer, it was six years ago—”
“Name!” He fisted his hands and they shook. I’d seen my father like this once in my life. The night I told him and my mom about my assault. He’d barely been able to keep his wolf inside, even with the cuffs on.
“Fine! It was fucking Vicon Drake, okay!” I screamed, and he went very still.
He raised one eyebrow. “Prince Vicon Drake?”
I nodded once. “I didn’t know that at the time, but yeah.”
They’d gotten Raven so drunk she’d passed out in the basement, but the boys were stupid enough to brag to us all about their rich and powerful families.
“I’m a Drake, I can get away with murder,” he’d said earlier that night after telling me his first name was Vicon. Only later, when my parents had made the formal complaint, did I find out he was prince to the coven that ruled the entire city.
Sawyer grasped me by the arms and leaned in to kiss me chastely. “Call Sage and have her sleep over. I’ll put Eugene on the front door, with the rest of my guys walking the perimeter.”
I shook my head. “What?”
He released me and started to walk to the door, gray fur rolling down his back. When he reached the door, he looked over his shoulder at me with yellow eyes. “I might be gone for a few days. Just go to class, pretend like everything is normal, but sleep at my place with Sage. It’s safest.”
“What are you saying? Where are you going?”
Sawyer’s jaw clenched. “The only person who should have survived that night is you, Demi.” Then he slipped out into the daylight like he didn’t just drop a hint that he was going to attempt to murder Prince Vicon Drake.
Oh fuck. That’s not how I saw that conversation going.
