The next three days ironed out into a routine. I spent the daytime bored in Colt’s home while Cheese hung out on the porch, acting as a guard. At night, I slept alone, feeling restless and achy. Colt hadn’t made another move to sleep next to me and he hadn’t kissed me again. The man was a sensual battering ram and he’d gotten through my fortress walls. But that was exactly why he kept his distance.
Colt wanted something real with me, something lasting. And he was giving me the opportunity to decide if I wanted to be in it for the long haul. I didn’t know if I would’ve chosen to be with Colt if my circumstances had been different. Even though I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him after we’d kissed at Dive Bar, I’d done nothing to seek him out of my own volition. I’d turned to him only because he’d proven to me that he was a protector of women.
If I chose to be with Colt now, it meant risking an unknown future, my safety, and being pulled deeper into a lifestyle I didn’t understand.
Rationally explaining all of that to my overworked libido wasn’t doing the trick.
“Will you please, please, please take me to the garage with you?” I asked again, setting down the crust of my toast.
“No,” Colt said for what had to be the hundredth time that morning.
“I’m bored out of my skull.”
“No, Mia,” Colt said, setting down his empty coffee cup. “It’s not safe yet.”
“It might never be safe. You can’t keep me locked up here.”
He grinned. “Sure I can.”
“Colt, seriously.”
“Dev went underground,” he said. “That’s a bad enough sign already. Men like that don’t go underground unless someone very dangerous is after them, and there’s still a prospect at your house, so we know Dev hasn’t forgotten about you. This is serious shit, Mia.”
A chill of fear skated down my spine and I was grateful that I had a safe place. “I’m okay lying low, but can’t I hang out at the clubhouse or something? I’m going crazy with the lack of entertainment.”
Colt’s face morphed into a ferocious scowl. “I don’t want you at the clubhouse without me.”
“What do you think will happen?” I asked.
“I won’t leave you alone at the clubhouse until you tell me you’re mine.”
“Seriously?”
“My brothers are good guys, but if you’re unclaimed, then you’re fair game. Rules are rules.”
“I’m sorry, did we suddenly time travel back to the eighteenth century?”
“It’s just the way of things, Mia. You’re not a club whore. But you’re not an Old Lady either.”
“So yet again, I’m being punished for not making a decision.”
“How else are you being punished? I invited you into my home. I promised to get you out of town. Fuck, woman, I’ve even cooked for you. What else do you want from me?”
“You’re using sex as a weapon!” I yelled. “You haven’t been here the last three days, and all I do is sit here and stew.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Sex as a weapon?” He grabbed my hand and placed it at the fly of his jeans. “You don’t think I’m suffering, here?”
“You’re the one who put this stupid edict in place,” I reminded him.
“You still don’t get it.” He shook his head. “I’ll give you raw and dirty so good that you’ll never want to leave and then you’ll be stuck in this life you didn’t want to live, all because you couldn’t keep your legs together. Trust me, darlin’. I’m doing you a massive favor.”
“No,” I stated, yanking my hand away from him. “All you’re doing is treating me like a child who doesn’t know her own mind and body. I want to be in your bed. So why won’t you let me?”
He stilled and clamped his jaw shut.
“You think I’ll still want to leave,” I said slowly. “You think if it’s only sex, I’ll leave. You don’t want me to leave you…”
Something dark moved in his eyes and my heart cracked open in understanding.
“You’ve had enough of people leaving you, haven’t you, Colt?”
He didn’t answer my rhetorical question.
But he was correct, I wasn’t ready to commit to him or to this life—and it had nothing to do with time and how long I’d known him. I was still unsure.
Colt wanted me to choose him and he wanted me to do it without being swayed by him. So he’d stayed away, pulled back from spending time with me because even though I wasn’t committed, Colt was.
It all made sense now, what Joni and Zip had told me about him, about how fast Colt declared his intentions despite trying to fight them.
“You have a few more classes you have to take for your college degree, right?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.
My head was still reeling from what I’d just figured out about Colt. His change in conversation threw me for another loop. “What?”
“Your degree. You have some classes you need to finish?”
“Yes.”
“Can you take any of them online?”
I blinked. “I don’t know.”
“Look into it,” he said.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I said without any real heat, and it caused Colt to give a small smile.
“You like it when I tell you what to do. I think you like it more than you want to admit.”
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I asked pointedly.
Colt was unable to hold in his laugh. He shook his head and then left. I wished I could say I enjoyed the quiet after our heated exchange, but I still felt the current of tension in the air. Tension that wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
I had two choices: commit to being with Colt and everything that entailed, or remain his houseguest until he could get me out of Waco safely.
There was no middle ground with him.
I put the dirty breakfast dishes in the dishwasher and then wandered into the den where Colt had a new desktop computer set up. For the next few hours, I researched online classes offered at the local community college. I had a few lined up and ready to go, but I couldn’t pay for them until I got my new credit card.
By mid-afternoon, I was going insane. I couldn’t do anything about my college courses and I replayed my conversations with Colt over and over in my head.
I needed to talk to someone who might be able to offer me some insight. I scrolled through the three numbers in my phone and shot out a text message to Joni asking if she wanted to come hang out with me. Chances were she was working a shift at the hospital, but I crossed my fingers and hoped.
“I don’t understand your brother,” I said, half way through my first margarita.
Colt’s sister grinned and raised her almost finished cocktail. “Tell me all the things.”
“I thought men were scared of commitment.”
“They are.”
“I thought bikers were unfaithful—according to my friend Shelly.”
“Some are,” she agreed. “Except my brother isn’t wired that way. He’s never been wired that way. I mean, he’s had his interludes, of course. He is a dude. But he was never a playboy.”
“Has he ever been serious about anyone?”
“No.”
“Why does he want me?” I asked in confusion. “I’m a mess. I’m trouble. I’ve got the Iron Horsemen on my back. If he was smart, he’d send me on my way and wish me well.”
“Colt never takes the easy road. And you give him something no one else does.”
“Lip?”
Joni laughed. “No. He keeps himself separate, you know? He’s my older brother, he’s the president of the Blue Angels. He runs things, but he hasn’t—he doesn’t let people in. Not even those he considers family. But you, he’s different with you. I don’t know how to explain it, but you have to trust me. Colt isn’t like this with anyone.”
“That only adds more pressure. Thanks.”
She stared me down, swirling her margarita in her glass. The ice clinked and it was the only sound in the otherwise quiet kitchen. “It would be worth it. All the bullshit, all the ups and downs. Colt has so much inside of him, and if you choose him, the way he’s already chosen you, then he’ll never let you regret it.”
“It’s too soon.”
“Says who?”
“Says—”
“Society?” She snorted. “Over sixty percent of marriages end in divorce. And how long were those people together before they even got married?”
“Are you a proponent for marriage or against it?” I asked in wry amusement.
“I’m a proponent for happiness. For following your own path. For choosing someone who may not have been the person you thought you were going to wind up with.”
I paused and then chugged the rest of my drink. “What you’re saying makes a lot of sense. I blame tequila for that.”
She grinned, revealing the dimple in her left cheek.
I was just drunk enough to lean over and place my finger in it. “If you and Zip have babies, there’s a good chance they’ll get that dimple.”
She giggled and swatted my hand away and then reached for her buzzing cell phone on the kitchen table.
“Hospital?” I asked.
She shook her head, her sorrel brown ponytail still high on her head after her shift. Joni hadn’t gone home to change out of her puppy dog patterned scrubs before coming over. Pediatric nurse. She definitely looked the part.
“Darcy—she’s married to Gray. Have you met Gray?” When I shook my head, she went on, “Anyway. She was wondering if she could come over and hang out.”
“Oh, sure.”
“She’s bringing Rachel and Allison. Two other Old Ladies,” she explained. “They’re dying to get a look at you.”
“Why?”
“Woman, please,” Joni said with a laugh.
“I guess that means we should make another pitcher of margaritas.”
Twenty minutes later, the three of them showed up. They greeted Cheese and then tromped inside, boisterous, big-haired, heavily made-up, and tattooed. They were a lively, warm bunch and filled the silent house with their laughter and jokes.
When we were three margaritas in and everyone’s cheeks were flushed, Darcy asked, “You mean to tell me you have no tattoos? Not one?” Though she was in her forties, she had the body of a thirty-year-old.
“Nope, no tattoos,” I said. “How many do you have?”
“Five,” she answered.
“Wow.”
“They’re addictive,” Rachel added. The pretty brunette pulled up the short sleeve of her T-shirt to show me a scrawled tattoo of her man’s name, Reap.
I reached out and touched the ink. “You don’t feel…branded?”
“It’s not a one-way street, ya know,” Darcy said. “Gray has my name on his chest.”
“Yep, and Reap has my name on his…” Rachel trailed off as her face went a shade of poinsettia red.
We all laughed, but the ladies kept their attention on me.
“I think Colt would enjoy seeing his name on your butt,” Joni said.
“You do know that’s your brother you’re talking about right? And no man’s name is ever going on my butt,” I said lightly.
Joni and Darcy exchanged a look. “You should tell her how you and Gray got together. She’s a bit of a non-believer.” Joni winked.
“I’m not a non-believer,” I protested. “I just don’t understand how it’s all or nothing.”
“That’s kind of the way of the Blue Angels,” Rachel said. “They live by different rules.”
“Because they’re criminals?” I blurted out.
The four women sitting in Colt’s living room all glanced at one another. Allison appeared uncomfortable, Rachel clearly was deferring to Darcy, as did Joni with an arch of her eyebrow.
“There are things as Old Ladies that even we don’t know,” Darcy began slowly. “But what I can tell you is this; our men are strong, loyal, and fiercely protective. They provide for their families and give back to the community.”
Darcy hadn’t answered my question outright. She neither confirmed nor denied the Blue Angels were involved in criminal activity. Maybe she wouldn’t disclose any of it unless I became one of them. Maybe she genuinely didn’t know. Though I was curious, it wasn’t enough of a reason to dive all in.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I didn’t mean to—I don’t know. I didn’t know how to ask that question without coming out and asking it.”
“I didn’t grow up knowing anything about bikers,” Darcy began. “Wasn’t in my sphere of knowledge, you know? I grew up sheltered. Really sheltered—and not in the good way. My friend from college took me to a party—I thought we were going to a frat thing. She surprised the hell out of me when she pulled up outside the Blue Angels clubhouse. I almost didn’t go inside, but she talked me into it. The bitch disappeared almost immediately with one of the brothers, leaving me to fend for myself.”
She smiled in fond remembrance. “A guy came up to me and offered me a beer. It was Gray and he didn’t leave my side all night. He knew I was uncomfortable. We spent the evening hanging out in his clubhouse room talking about music and our childhoods. The next morning, my friend stumbled out of a clubhouse room and we left. I never expected to see Gray again, but the next weekend he drove to Austin to see me. Stood outside my dorm building. Took me to lunch at this diner on the side of the highway that still has the best hash browns I’ve ever tasted. By the end of that year—my junior year—I became his Old Lady. My parents shit a brick when I brought him home. They threatened to cut me off if I didn’t break up with him. I knew he was the man for me, so I told them to go ahead. Gray helped pay my final year of college so I could get my degree. He not only took care of me financially, but emotionally, too. See, my parents’ love was conditional. Be the daughter they wanted and they’d continue to pay for my life. It was no life at all, really.”
“Everything in our world moves fast,” Rachel added. “It was the same with me and Reap. I chose to be with him after three weeks of dating.”
The idea of committing to Colt so soon after we’d met was still a foreign concept. And no stories from the other Old Ladies would sway me about it. I hadn’t had a lot of control in my short life. Mom died when I was young. Grammie died when I was in my early twenties. I’d been too numb to live and now I was tangled up with MC business thanks to my asshole of a boss.
I wasn’t going to settle down with some biker. The idea was ludicrous. It didn’t matter how much I liked Colt or felt like he saw a piece of me that no one else did. I would have to be crazy to choose this life…to choose danger.
It was too intense. It was too much. Colt was too much.
“We need more margaritas,” I muttered, jumping up from my seat, attempting to escape the eyes resting on me.
“I’ll make them,” Allison volunteered. The bottle blonde had been quiet, but when she took the pitcher from me, she gave me a small smile. Leaning a bit closer, she whispered, “Do what’s right for you. Whatever that looks like.”
I smiled at her in gratitude, but before Allison could leave the room, Joni stopped her.
“We can have more margs later,” Joni said, getting up from her spot on the carpeted floor. “Colt has a kick-ass sound system. Let’s dance. Your feet okay?”
“They don’t hurt at all.” I nodded. “Dancing sounds like fun.”
“That’s tequila for you,” Darcy said.
Joni turned on music and before I knew it, the five of us were bouncing around Colt’s living room, laughing like loons and enjoying the hell out of ourselves. I liked them; they were straight shooters, which I greatly appreciated. Their offers of friendship felt genuine and even though I had no idea how long I’d be stuck in Waco, it was nice that there was a group of women who were willing to accept me into their fold. Despite my blunders, despite my reservations, despite the fact that I’d been judgmental about the Blue Angels and what I thought I knew of them.
“What the hell is going on?” Colt demanded, taking in the scene of dancing women.
I hadn’t even heard him come in, but the look of astonishment on his face had me giggling.
Joni cut the music and said, “You’ve been acting like a prison guard. So we came to entertain her.”
“We approve. Just so you know,” Rachel stated.
“I don’t need your approval,” Colt grumbled.
No one looked uncomfortable or afraid of him. I found that oddly fascinating. While I was studying his expression, I wobbled and had to reach out to steady myself using the back of the couch.
Colt looked at his sister. “I blame you for this.”
“Me?” Joni raised her eyebrows. “Are you referring to the mess or Mia’s inebriated state?”
“I’m not that inebriated.” I hiccoughed which only caused the girls to snigger. “Okay, maybe I’m slightly toasted. But I can still walk a straight line. Want me to prove it?”
“Please, don’t,” Colt said. “The last thing I need is for you to trip over your own two feet and hurt yourself. You’re a walking liability, you know that, right?”
I wrinkled my nose and stuck out my tongue.
“I think that’s our cue to leave,” Joni said to the others. “This feels like some weird version of foreplay.”
“None of you are sober enough to drive,” Colt muttered, pulling out his phone. He pressed a button and then, “Get over here. Bring reinforcements.”
Colt hung up and then stepped further into the room until he was close enough for me to touch him.
“Are you mad they’re here? Are you really upset I’m kind of inebriated?”
His gaze softened. “No, I’m not mad they’re here. I’m glad they like you.”
It’s what I read between the lines that fascinated me—that he was happy they liked me because it meant I could fit in with his life, long term.
It was there for the taking. All I had to do was reach out and press my lips to Colt’s and nestle myself in the crook of his body. I kept shooting him sidewise glances as the girls trickled out of the house when their men came for them. Joni hitched a ride with Darcy and Gray. The front door closed and Colt and I were alone.
“My house is a mess,” he stated.
I looked around the living room, noting the empty margarita glasses, the crust-filled plates, and empty pizza boxes.
“You are mad.”
“Yeah, I’m mad.” He grinned. “Mad that you didn’t save me any pizza.”
I laughed. “Who says I didn’t save you any pizza?”
“Did you?”
“No.”
He peered at me for a long moment. “You had fun? With the girls?”
I nodded. “Yeah. It was…enlightening.”
“Enlightening. Did it change anything for you?” When I didn’t reply, Colt said, “Leave it. It can be cleaned up tomorrow.”
He walked past me up the stairs to disappear into his bedroom. I looked after him, wondering why there was an ache in my chest, wondering why I felt like I’d made a mistake by not being honest with him.
I headed up to my bedroom, lonelier than I’d felt before.
