Stay with me
I was too blinded by my own problems to see how much he was suffering.
I was too blind to see him cry at night holding on to his mother’s pictures.
I was too blind not to see how much losses his dream business was making because of his lack of presence in his office.
I was too blind not to see him give away whatever he ever considered dear in his life.
For what if you ask.
For making me his Saph again.
And maybe for repentance.
But for how long.
How long will he take care of me.
How long will he wait for me to be normal.
Some say schizophreniea is life long.
What if my problems continue for my entire life.
Will he spend his entire life looking after me?
Hoping one day I will be fine?
When that one day may never come.
No if this happens he will destroy himself
Destroy his hardworking.
Destroy his wealth.
Destroy his business.
Everything will be taken away from him.
I can’t take away his dreams.
I still remember that twinkle in his eyes when he used to tell me about his new project.
That thrill that made him love his profession.
I can’t take away his mother from him.
I have no right.
She is right at her part.
Right to see me unfit for her son.
Right to not see her only son destroy his life because of a girl.
I know he loves me a lot.
But his love holds the power to destroy himself without even knowing it.
I will kill him unintendedly without even him knowing.
Can I do this to my Andro.
To the only person I love.
These thoughts have made my nights sleepless and days restless.
I observe him everyday.
How his each day starts with me and ends on me.
How selfless he is when it comes to me.
He forgets his meals but never forgets my medicines.
He wakes every night to engulf me in his arms whenever I have a bad dream.
He makes me sleep in his arms while he himself spends sleepless nights.
Right now he is sleeping on the sofa surrounded by papers.
Papers not about his business but about my disease.
Papers that show how to treat schizomaniacs with love.
He reads research papers on it and tries to contact the best doctors in the world.
I run my fingers through his hair as he sleeps peacefully.
His eyes have dark circles around them and the well defined body people adored seems to loose it’s muscles.
I place a lingering kiss on his forehead as a tear escaped my eyes and landed on his shirt.
‘I am sorry Andro…I love you.’
With this I slowly lifted myself up and held the handle of the suitcase ready to leave.
My heart was dying leaving him but it is better this way.
I turned around one last time to save the memory of his beautiful face in my mind forever.
I will miss seeing these beautiful eagle eyes.
But if they could see me I would never leave.
In the darkness of the night I wanted to fade away from his life and memory.
If I will fade all his pains and suffering will also leave him.
With a piece of paper with dried tears I was leaving behind my everything.
Leaving to make myself deserving for him.
I brought myself here…I did this to me and only I can correct it.
I will make myself deserving for you Andro
I will be your pride not Achilles heel.
As I made my way away from the big mansion I asked the driver to take me to her with whom I have a lot of bad blood from her side.
Miss Clarissa Romano.
After I ringed the bell multiple times I could hear curses coming from inside.
Her curses got turned to silence when she saw my face.
Not expecting me at her doorstep at this hour made her confused and angry at the same time.
‘What are you doing here…?’
‘Can we talk ma’am…I mean miss Romano..’
She looked hesitant but still cleared the entrance for my entry.
‘If you are here to play one of the tricks you play with my son… remember bit*** I will never fall for them…I am amazed you have the audacity to come here after destroying my only family.’
‘See miss Clarissa I know you hate me..and even though I never experienced a mother’s love but still I know it is right for a mother to hate me when I ruined her son’s life.
I am not good for him …never was actually but love blinded me.
Blinded me of my selfishness.
I want you to talk to him…he longs for you every night…please talk to him…’
Her eyes softened listening to her son’s condition.
‘He misses you so much….he needs you ma’am …please not for me but for him…’
‘I will not show him my face until he leaves you..’
She said with determination and anger shining in her grey eyes.
‘Well then you should visit him tomorrow only because I am leaving…’
She laughed slightly considering my statement to be a joke.
‘Leech like you will never leave him…I doubt your intentions.’
‘Well then I will take my leave ma’am …thank you it..was nice talking to you…’
I forwarded my hand for a formal goodbye but she instead continued to glare at my eyes trying to find the truth.
I pulled my hand back but still managed to pass her a small smile through my moist eyelashes.
‘Never mind…have a good life ma’am and please take care of him in my absence… goodbye.’
With this I turned around my back from her and the controlled tears started flowing like waterfalls.
I hate Goodbyes … especially when you never know if you will ever meet again.
My worst fear came true.
My fear of not finding her in my arms when I wake up.
My fear of not seeing her in my life.
Just last night I was holding her.. touching her… kissing her and today she is gone
Gone like she was never here .
I was a mess when I found her letter.
I screamed for hours as my teardrops faded the letters she wrote.
She said I will not be able to find her and it all proved true.
The entire city had no trace of a girl named Sapphire Brown.
It’s been 12 hours now and I never expected to find comfort in my mother’s lap with her fingers wiping away my tears.
I got my mother back but I lost her.
Lost the one I lived for.
Was the only question that lingered on my mind.
The question which her letter answered.
When you find this letter I would have gone very far from you…far enough where my shadow doesn’t block your light…
You must hate me right now for leaving you but I had to do this.
I had to do this for your future
I know you love me but loving me doesn’t mean not loving yourself.
Yes Andro just look in the mirror and see…just check your financial statements and see…see your stock price and see…see your soul and you will realise you have killed everything just for me.
I don’t want this.
I want my old ambitious positive fun-loving Andro back.
I hope you can give him back to your mother and me.
I promise to take care of myself.
I will be strong and overcome all these problems on my own.
Only I can help myself now
You did more than anyone will ever do for me.
Don’t look for me Andro
You won’t be able to find me
Just remember I am fine wherever I am.
Be Strong Andro
Your Saph will always be with you and love you.
I love you Andro
More than any women has ever loved a man.
More than any pure love the world has ever seen before.
My love is not so selfish that it will let you kill yourself for it.It is selfless and it wants you to live for yourself not just for me.
Good bye Andro
This is not the end but the starting to a brighter future.
I hope you can forgive your Saph for leaving you.
I have read her letter hundred times.
I did what she asked.
I looked at myself in the mirror.
I saw a broken man unable to recognise himself and I ended up breaking the mirror.
I know my company was loosing dollars but the financial statements showed me how badly my company was on the verge of a debt crisis.
Why didn’t I see it before.
I went so deep into curing her that I forgot even myself.
But why can’t she understand that she needed it.
That she needed me..
That I needed her dammit.
When will you learn to stop running from me Saph
Why do you always leave me after making me addicted to you.
Why are you killing me
Be strong you write
How can I be when you are my strength.
I was not killing myself…well even if I was killing small parts of me it was for saving you dammit
If you could only believe in me.
If you trusted me that I could cure you.
If only your love was not selfless but understanding.
If only you understood how I loved you.
Forgiveness is given to those don’t repeat but you my dear Saph again left me killing myself for you.
If only you knew that staying with you was not killing me but staying without you will kill me.
‘Your touch was a spark that lighted the fireworks in my heart.
Your smile was a current that gave me an electric shock.
Now when your touch can’t be felt and your smile can’t be seen I look upon the starts and whisper with a smile.
Andro and Saph were a love story never meant to be.
But the end is still to be seen when the destiny can never be predicted or foreseen.’