Dante didn’t apologize. Not the day after our fight, and not in the weeks after it. Maybe it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. I went to my ten-week check-up to the gynecologist with Bibi. I didn’t even tell Dante about it. If he wanted to ignore the fact that I was pregnant, that was his problem.
One week after the appointment, Dante’s sister Ines and her husband Pietro came to visit us. I had only seen Ines twice since the wedding as she’d given birth to her third child four weeks ago. Zita had made dinner as I was too tired most of the time.
“Can I hold her?” I asked, when Ines lifted her daughter out of the car seat. She searched my face, then handed the baby to me, who had little spittle bubbles in front of her lips and looked too adorable for words. The twins were bickering in the background but I couldn’t take my eyes of the squishy girl in my arm. I carried her into the living room, cooing to her. When I glanced up, Dante was watching me with something close to warmth in his eyes. I lowered my gaze immediately. Later after dinner, Ines and I went into the library to talk while the men and the twins stayed in the living room. Ines began nursing her daughter, then fixed me with a knowing look. “You are pregnant, aren’t you?”
“How did you know? We didn’t tell anybody yet.” Not that I didn’t want to but it was Dante’s decision if he wanted to make it public.
“You didn’t drink any wine during dinner and you kept touching your stomach.”
I flushed. “I wasn’t aware it was that obvious.”
“Probably not to a man. You aren’t showing yet.”
“Please don’t tell your parents about it. I don’t think Dante wants people to know.”
Ines shifted her daughter because she was too fussy to latch on properly. “Why not?” It strange to think that this would be me in less than a year.
I shrugged.
“Are you two having problems? Isn’t he happy that you’re pregnant?”
“I think he needs time to get used to the idea.”
“He did something stupid, didn’t he? He’s my brother. I know he can be stubborn.”
“Stubborn doesn’t even begin to describe it. Has he ever apologized to you when he did something wrong?”
Ines laughed. “No. Sometimes I think he can’t speak the actual words. Most of the time he tries to ignore the problem until I give up and don’t expect an apology from him anymore.”
That sounded familiar.
“The anniversary of Carla’s death is in one week.”
“Oh,” I said, freezing. I’d completely forgotten about that.
“I just thought you should know. Dante is always in a particularly bad mood on that day. Maybe you should try to avoid him.”
That wouldn’t be a problem.
***
My morning sickness had finally stopped and physically I felt perfect. When I left the guest bedroom on June 1st, the day of Carla’s death, I expected Dante to be either out of the house or hidden away in his office. I jerked to a halt when I found the door to the room where he kept Carla’s old things ajar. I could hear rummaging. Was he in there looking at old photos of them together? I remembered what Ines had said. That I should leave Dante alone, but it had been more than five weeks since I’d moved out of our bedroom. I missed our moments of intimacy. Yet pride rooted me to the spot. The door opened and Dante stood in the doorway, carrying a moving box.
I smiled apologetically. “Sorry. I didn’t meant to…” I trailed off, not sure what to say to him.
My eyes darted to the moving box. “What are you doing?”
“I’m moving these boxes out of the house.”
“All of them?”
He nodded. “Enzo and Taft are going to dismantle the furniture later and throw it away.”
I swallowed. “Why?”
“We can put the room to better use. It would make a good nursery.”
A lump rose into my throat. “That’s true. But we don’t have furniture for a nursery yet.”
Dante cleared his throat. “You could go shopping in the next few weeks.”
“Alone?”
“I could come with you.”
I nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
He didn’t say anything. Why couldn’t he make this easier on the both of us? Did he think I’d fall on my knees from relief? He hadn’t even apologized. This was the first time he acknowledged that we were going to be parents, and only indirectly. He hadn’t even admitted that he was the father of my child.
“Do you need my help carrying boxes?” I nodded toward the boxes piled behind him in the room.
“No. You shouldn’t carry anything heavy.”
“I’m not that far along.” Again silence and an expression I couldn’t read. I turned around, ready to go downstairs and have breakfast. “I want you to move back into our bedroom, Val.”
I stopped. It was a request worded like an order. He hadn’t apologized. Despite all that, I heard myself saying, “Okay.”
That evening I returned to our bedroom and when Dante’s hands started rubbing my back and butt, and he whispered ‘I want you’, I nodded and relaxed under his touch.
***
A few days later, after I’d left Bibi’s house, I let Enzo drive me to the pharmacy for something against my nausea that had flared up again in the last couple of days. As usual Enzo stayed in the car to give me privacy. Bibi had also asked me for a pregnancy test because she suspected she was pregnant but she didn’t want Tommaso to find out; he’d only get furious when her suspicions didn’t prove right. That man didn’t deserve her. I strolled toward the aisle with the pregnancy tests.
“Val,” someone whispered. I turned slowly, knowing that voice from somewhere.
Shock rooted me to the floor as I stared into the face of my first husband. His hair was shoulder-length, and much lighter than it used to be. He was wearing glasses that he couldn’t possibly need and had gained some weight. He was almost unrecognizable, especially with the way he dressed. Like a college student who’d rolled out of bed without much thought for what he was going to wear. It was a good masquerade.
“Antonio?” I asked shakily, starting to feel faint. I couldn’t believe he was actually in front of me, alive and in one piece. How was that even possible? They’d found his body; a badly burned body without a head. “Shhh,” he said quickly. “Not so loud.”
Antonio approached me and pulled me into a tight hug. At first I was board stiff, but then I sank into the embrace. “We need to hurry. I saw your bodyguard outside in the car. I don’t want him to get suspicious and come in.”
Tears burned in my eyes. I drew back, my eyes tracing the familiar lines of his face. “You are alive.”
He smiled. It was slightly off. “I am.”
“Does Frank know?”
“Yes, that’s why he wanted to meet with you. I sent him.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Because I wanted him to figure out your loyalties first.”
My loyalties? Had Antonio worried that I would tell Dante about him? I frowned. “Okay…why did someone try to kill me when I met with him?”
Antonio laughed. “I didn’t try to kill you. I aimed a couple of feet above your head. I had to help Frank. Dante would have killed him if I hadn’t done something.”
I still didn’t like that he’d aimed anywhere near me. The bullets had hit the wall less than two feet above my head. “So you were there the entire time and didn’t tell me?”
“Dante and his bodyguard showed up when I was about to step out. He ruined everything.”
“How did you even manage to follow me here without Enzo noticing anything?”
“I was one of them once. I could outsmart that guy any day.”
My head was spinning. I took a step back from him. “I cried at your grave! I mourned you for months.”
“I know,” he said. “But I couldn’t tell you about my plan.”
“Why not? You didn’t have a problem telling Frank.”
Antonio gave me a pleading look. “I didn’t want to involve you in this. It would have been too dangerous.”
“Who was the body they found? He had your favorite knife with him.”
“He was just a homeless stranger,” he said dismissively.
“You killed him and made it look as if the Russians killed you?”
Antonio nodded, a proud glint in his eyes. “I cut off his head so they couldn’t try to identify me through my teeth.”
I stared. “The Outfit sought revenge after they found you! They attacked the Russians and killed several of them.”
“The Russians deserve death. The world is a better place without them.”
The world would be a much better place without many of the people I knew. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I married you to help you and you didn’t trust me enough to involve me in your plan. Have you ever considered that maybe I wanted out of this life as well?”
“I did trust you. I still do, Val. There are few people I trust more, but I couldn’t involve you in this. And how could I have taken you with me? It would have looked suspicious if we’d faked your death as well.”
I couldn’t see how that would have looked more suspicious. We could have staged a crime scene in our house and burned two bodies. But I wouldn’t have wanted an innocent to die so I could follow Antonio. It wasn’t as if I loved Antonio like I had at the beginning of our marriage.
“And be honest, would you really want to leave this life behind?”
I shook my head. This was the only life I knew. I wouldn’t even know how to function in normal society. I scanned his face. “But why are you here? If you wanted to leave this life behind, meeting with me isn’t exactly clever. Why are you even still in Chicago? Shouldn’t you be somewhere in the Caribbean or in South America enjoying your new-found freedom from the mob?”
“I heard about your marriage to Dante Cavallaro.”
I scoffed. “You didn’t come back here because of that. Why would you get out of hiding for that? You were safe.”
Antonio looked away. I could tell that he was reluctant to answer my question. “I tried. Frank and I tried a different life, a normal life. I had enough money to live comfortably in Mexico for a while, and then the plan was to find jobs, to live as normal people do.”
“And?”
“I couldn’t do it, Val. I tried to work but it was degrading to work as if I was a nothing, to work for peanuts, to live without money. I was bored out of my mind. I tried for a while for Frank but he realized I was unhappy and so we decided to return to Chicago.”
“But why?” I asked. “You can hardly waltz into Dante’s office and tell him you’re alive. You broke your oath by leaving the Outfit. You betrayed them. They won’t welcome you with open arms.”
Antonio nodded grimly. “I know. Don’t you think I know that?”
Something dawned on me. “You want me to talk to Dante so he pardons you? You want me to come up with some crazy lie that will save your life?” I wasn’t sure there was anything I could do or say that would stop Dante from putting a bullet in Antonio’s head. He’d broken the mob’s cardinal rule. You couldn’t just leave the Outfit. It was for life.
Antonio grabbed my shoulder, eyes imploring. “If I could I would undo what I’ve done. I wouldn’t leave you behind as a widow. You know I love you, Val, right?”
I exhaled slowly. “I know, Antonio. You told me more than once that you loved me like a sister.”
Antonio brought us even closer. “Maybe I could love you more than that. Maybe if we tried again, we could be more than a fake couple.”
“What are you saying?”
“I want to return to my old life, to you. I want to try for real this time.”
I was more confused than ever before in my life. “Antonio, you have Frank. What about him? You are gay.”
Antonio avoided my eyes. “I know. But you could be the exemption. Frank wouldn’t mind if I acted as a husband should. He doesn’t mind sharing.”
I blinked, on the verge of laughter. “You want what…a love triangle?” I wasn’t even sure what else to call this. It was too ridiculous to even consider.
Antonio gave me his most endearing smile. The one that brought back memories of our youth together, the one that had manipulated me countless times before.
“I’m married to Dante now. You aren’t even my husband anymore. You were declared dead.”
“But you can’t be married to Dante if I’m not dead, because our marriage is still valid.”
“You realize that Dante might be reluctant to agree to your insane suggestion, right?” I said. This was surreal. Maybe this conversation wasn’t happening. Maybe I was asleep and dreaming.
“Yes. He wouldn’t allow it and he would kill me if he found out I’m alive. That’s why I need your help.”
Dread settled in my bones like a leaden weight. “What kind of help?”
“I know you didn’t want to marry Dante. He’s always been a cold bastard. You can’t be happy with him.”
“Antonio,” I said imploringly. “Spit it out.”
“When I decided to return to Chicago, I contacted a couple of my former friends who aren’t too fond of the way the Cavallaros run the Outfit, especially Dante with his new rules. I told them I had faked my death because I was sick of serving under Cavallaro’s rule. They welcomed me with open arms. They want change as much as I do. Dante hasn’t been Capo for very long. This is the perfect moment to force a change.”
I swallowed, worrying where this was going. “Who are those friends?”
Antonio shook his head. “I can’t tell you, but they want what’s best for the Outfit. Once they are in power, I can safely return and be a part of the Outfit again.”
“Did you tell them you were gay?”
“Not yet, but I will eventually.”
“They won’t accept you.”
“That’s for me to worry about when the time comes. What matters is that I will get the chance to live in Chicago again, to return to you.”
“What is it you want me to do?” I asked quietly.
“It’s too risky for us to attack Dante in the open. We don’t want an open war. Once Dante is out of the way, things will fall into place. Old Fiore Cavallaro will be easier to dispose of once his son is dead. But we need you for our plan to work.” Antonio pulled a small vial out of his pocket, checked the aisle, but we were the only customers, except for an elderly lady at the counter chatting up the pharmacist. He held out the vial in front of him. “You are the only one I trust enough to ask and who has direct access to Dante.”
“What’s that?” I whispered, even though I knew.
“It’s poison, Val. All you have to do is sneak it into Dante’s drink and you’ll be rid of him.”
I backed away, out of Antonio’s hold. My stomach was churning. “You want me to kill my husband?”
“I’m your husband, Val,” Antonio grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him, eyes imploring. “Does he love you like I do? Does he even care about you? We’ve known each other all our lives.”
I couldn’t breathe. I searched Antonio’s eyes for a sign that he was joking, but found none. He held out the vial. “Take it.”
I grabbed the vial, stared at the colorless liquid inside of it.
“He won’t notice. It’s taste– and odorless, don’t worry.”
I still didn’t pocket the vial. I seemed unable to move a muscle.
“It works quickly. It’s a muscle relaxant, and causes the lung and heart to stop working. A quicker death than he deserves.”
“You really want me to kill someone?” My voice was almost toneless. “If something goes wrong and I’m found out, they’ll kill me.” Or more accurately, Dante would probably kill me himself after such a betrayal.
“You are too clever to be caught, Val. And once he’s dead, we’ll be taking over power in no time. You’ll be under my protection. Everything will be fine.” Antonio leaned down and brushed my lips lightly with his. I was too stunned to pull back. Slowly I eased the vial into my bag.
“You should do it tonight. The sooner we move, the better. I don’t want to risk staying in Chicago like this for much longer.”
“Does Frank know about all this?” I had to ask, had to know. I fought the tears that wanted to rise into my eyes.
“Yes. It was actually his suggestion. He thinks it’s safer than risking a gun fight. Dante is a damn good shot, and the bastard never lowers his guards, except when he’s home.” Antonio smiled brightly at me. I was a means to an end for him – again. Once before he’d used my feelings for him to lure me into a fake marriage and now he wanted to manipulate me into killing my husband. Maybe I should have tried to talk him out of it, but the moment I’d tried, he would have gotten suspicious, gone into hiding again and attacked Dante another time. It was too much of risk.
“I’d really feel more comfortable if I knew the names of your friends. I trust you, but what about them?”
“I trust them.”
I gave him a pleading look.
Antonio brushed a strand of hair from my face. The gesture was so tender and loving that it made me choke up with emotion. Antonio must have seen it because he nodded. “I can give you one name, but the others will stay a secret until things have settled down.”
“Okay.”
“Raffaele, you know him from the casino, right?”
Oh I knew Raffaele. And he was the last person in the Outfit who’d ever accept Antonio’s homosexuality. “Yes, I do.”
I was close to bursting into tears. To hide it from Antonio, I pretended to look at my watch. When I was sure I was in control of my emotions, I raised my face.
“So will you do it tonight?” Antonio asked almost eagerly. “For me, for us?”
I patted my bag where the vial was hidden, then I reached up and cupped Antonio’s cheek. “I’ve loved you since I was fourteen. I was so happy when we married.”
Antonio smiled, eyes brimming with satisfaction. “I know, Val. I should have been a better husband to you.”
Yes, you should have been.
“But soon things will change. And this time everything will be better.”
I nodded. No, it won’t.
I drew back. “I need to return to the car before Enzo gets suspicious.”
“Here’s my number. Call me once it’s done, okay?” He slipped a piece of paper into my pocket.
I nodded again.
“Say goodbye to Dante from me,” Antonio said with a wink. He was still so very confident in the power he’d once held over me, but I wasn’t the doting naïve girl I used to be.
I turned around and slowly walked out of the pharmacy and back to the car.
Goodbye.
