Liliana
I hadn’t even realized how much I’d neglected myself in the last two weeks since Mother’s funeral. I hadn’t been hungry and rarely thirsty, so I hadn’t eaten much.
Of course, I was happy that my fainting had changed Father’s mind. Sending me to New York was the greatest gift he could have given me. In the last two weeks I’d wanted nothing more than to be finally out of this house.
When I landed in New York, Aria and Luca were waiting for me. After a brief moment of disappointment that Romero wasn’t there, I allowed myself to be happy that I was here at all. Aria hugged me tightly. When she pulled back, her eyes wandered over my body. “How could Father not have noticed something before. God, you’ve lost so much weight, Lily.”
“It’s only a few pounds and I’ll gain it back in no time,” I said with a smile.
“You better,” Luca said, giving me a one-arm hug. “I will have you force-fed if necessary. I promised your father to take good care of you.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t even understand why Father cares. He hardly paid attention to me and now he’s suddenly worried sick over me? What is that all about?”
A look of worry passed Aria’s face and I was about to ask her about it, when Luca nudged me and her toward the exit. “Let’s get going. I hate this place.”
“So what are we going to do today?” I asked as we headed toward the car. After weeks of doing nothing, of feeling nothing, I needed to get out, needed to feel alive again.
“Nothing,” Aria said apologetically.
My face fell and Aria hurried to add, “But only because we’re leaving for the Hamptons early in the morning. We’ll be spending the summer at the beach.”
“Really?” I asked.
Aria smiled brightly, and suddenly the dark cloud over my head burst open.
Romero
I was good at keeping a straight face even in difficult situations, but when I first saw Lily as she walked into the penthouse, I wasn’t sure I could hide my fury. Fury toward her Father for letting his own daughter drown in her sadness while he was busy furthering his position in the Outfit by inducting his too young son.
Lily had lost weight, enough that her collarbones and shoulder blades stood out. She looked breakable, but still so goddamn beautiful. I wanted to protect her from everything.
Her eyes met mine, and the longing in them almost compelled me to cross the room, to wrap her in my arms, but I stayed where I was, not only because of the look Aria sent me. Luca had given his promise to Scuderi. We, the Famiglia, would keep Liliana safe, and that included her honor. Considering that most of my dreams included Lily in some state of undress I definitely needed to keep my distance, and I would.
In the last few weeks, I’d fucked several girls in the hopes that they’d dispel Lily from my mind, but seeing her now, I realized that it had been completely in vain. Of course, it hadn’t really helped that I’d imagined it was Lily every time I’d been with a woman.
I was completely screwed.
Luca came up to me as I leaned against the kitchen counter and watched the reunion of the three sisters. “Is this going to be a problem, you being in a mansion with Liliana?”
“No,” I said firmly.
“You sure, because that look on your face a moment ago told me a different story.”
“I’m sure. Liliana is a pretty girl like you said, but I’ve been with pretty girls. I’ve been with prettier girls even. I won’t risk Scuderi’s wrath.”
It was a fucking lie. None of the girls I’d been with could compete with Lily’s beauty, but thankfully Luca couldn’t read minds even though he tried to make the stupider soldiers believe he had some sort of sixth sense like that just to keep them in line.
“Not just Scuderi’s wrath,” Luca said. “This is fucking serious. I mean it, Romero.”
Was that a warning?
I had to bite back a comment and nodded. Luca was a good Capo and I’d never had a problem following his rules but for some reason this didn’t sit well with me. Lily tried to catch my eye during dinner but I made sure to keep my attention on Matteo and Luca. I didn’t want Lily to get her hopes up.
And what was more important, I needed to get my own fucking urges in check.
Liliana
Romero was still ignoring me. Though ignoring wasn’t quite the right word. He treated me with polite detachment, always friendly, but never too warm. If I hadn’t known what Aria had told him, I’d have taken it harder but as it was I was fairly sure that he was interested in me.
The first day at the mansion, the sun was shining brightly and we decided to have dinner outside on the beach. I decided to wear my pink beach dress. It was low-cut, backless and hugged my curves. Well, at least it usually did, now it was slightly loose in certain places but it looked still very nice. When my sisters and I headed for the table that the men had set up, Romero looked up from the barbecue that he was manning and the look in his eyes when he spotted me was all the encouragement I needed. That was far from the polite detachment of the last twenty-four hours.
He tore his gaze away from me and returned to his task of turning the steaks. He looked amazing too, the way the sinking sun caught on his brown hair, the way his forearms flexed when he moved. I loved the way he’d rolled up the white sleeves and had opened the upper two buttons of his shirt, revealing a sliver of tanned chest.
“You’re drooling,” Gianna whispered in my ear.
I flushed and jerked my gaze away from Romero, then glared at my sister who sank down at the table with a sneaky grin on her face.
I took the chair beside her. “Did you tell Romero to stay away from me as well?”
Gianna took the bottle of white wine out of the cooler and filled our glasses. “Me? No. You know me. I’m all for the naughty and forbidden. If you want to have a piece of Romero, then do it. Life is too short.”
I paused with the wine glass against my lips. Mother’s words crashed into my mind, almost the same words. “Aria disagrees,” I said, then I downed half of the wine.
“Aria’s trying to act like a mother hen, but you have to decide what you want.”
“Are you trying to get me in trouble?” I asked, feeling my stomach warm from the wine. I finished my glass in another long gulp.
“I don’t think you need me for that, to be honest,” Gianna said with raised her red eyebrows. “But do me a favor and slow down with the wine.”
“I thought you wanted me to have fun.”
“Yeah, but I want you to be sober enough to realize what you want. And I don’t think Romero will take you seriously if you’re shitfaced.”
“You’re right. He’s too much of a gentleman to take advantage of a drunk girl.”
Gianna snorted. “Wow, now I know why Aria’s worried.” She watched Romero for a while. He was laughing about something Matteo had said. “I wouldn’t put too much trust in his gentlemanliness, if I were you. Stay in control when you’re with him. He’s still a Made Man. Don’t make me have to kill him, okay?”
“I thought you weren’t a mother hen?”
“I’m not. I’m the angry mother bear who’s going to tear his dick off if he hurts you.”
I burst into laughter. Aria joined us at the table in that moment and mustered us with suspicion. “I don’t know if I like you two alone together. It smells like trouble if you ask me.”
“You don’t want me alone with anyone it seems,” I said, only half teasing.
Aria groaned and took a glass of wine for herself. “Are you still mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you.” I was only going to ignore Aria’s orders, and I’d do my best to convince Romero to ignore them as well.
Aria glanced at Gianna who made an innocent face, then at me. “I don’t like this. Promise me you two aren’t getting into trouble.”
“I’ve had enough trouble, thank you very much,” Gianna said with a grin.
Aria fixed me with her older sister look.
“I’ll behave, I promise,” I said eventually. Then I poured myself more wine, trying to come up with a plan to get some alone time with Romero. I knew Aria would do her best to be my constant shadow.
***
During the day it was pretty much impossible to shake Aria off. She watched me, and particularly Romero like a hawk. When had she turned into such a killjoy? The nights and the early mornings were the only options I had. Since I barely slept anyway, that wouldn’t prove too much of a problem. For some reason the darkness made me afraid of falling asleep, so I spent the nights fantasizing about Romero and making plans on how to seduce him while I caught the occasional hour of sleep when my sisters and I were sunbathing in the afternoon.
It had taken me a few days to gather my courage for my next move. I knew how to put on a brave face but this wasn’t something I’d ever done before. I had no experience with men, except for the harmless flirting I’d done with Father’s soldiers over the years.
I wasn’t as worried about Romero’s rejection as I used to be. I’d caught him watching me too often in the last few days when he thought nobody was paying attention. When the sun came up, the first hesitant rays brushing my face, I slipped out of bed and crept toward my window facing the beach. Like every other morning in the last few days, I spotted a lonely figure jogging along the beach in shorts and without a shirt. This was the highlight of my day. I wasn’t sure where Romero took the discipline to get up before sunrise every morning to work out, and I really hoped he wouldn’t show that much self-control when it came to me. I watched him jog uphill toward the mansion and pressed myself closer to the wall so he wouldn’t find me spying on him. After he’d disappeared from view, I waited another five minutes before I headed out of my room. It was deadly silent at this hour, barely six o’clock. My sisters were still asleep; they never got up this early, and Matteo and Luca had left for New York yesterday and wouldn’t be back until tonight, so the only person who could have crossed my path was the other guard Sandro. When I passed Sandro’s door I made sure to be extra quiet, but there was no sound coming from his room. I picked up my pace the closer I got to Romero’s room.
I knew it was wrong. If someone found out, if my Father found out, he’d never let me leave Chicago again. He wouldn’t even let me leave the house anymore. It was vastly inappropriate, and unladylike. People were still bad-mouthing Gianna after all that time. They’d jump at the chance to find a new victim, and what could be better than another Scuderi sister getting caught in the act and with a soldier no less?
And deep down I knew that I was exactly like Gianna when it came to resisting temptation. I simply couldn’t. Romero’s door wasn’t locked. I slipped into his bedroom on tiptoes, holding my breath. He wasn’t there but I could hear water running in the adjoining bathroom. I crept in that direction. The door was ajar. I peered through the gap.
In the last few days I’d learned that Romero was a creature of habit, so I found him under the shower as expected. But from my vantage point I couldn’t see much. I edged the door open and slipped in.
My breath caught at the sight of him. He had his back turned to me and it was a glorious view. The muscles in his shoulders and back flexed as he washed his brown hair. There was a cross wrapped in barb-wire inked into the skin over his spine. Naturally, my eyes dipped lower to his perfectly shaped backside. I’d never seen a man like this, but I couldn’t imagine that anyone could compare to Romero. Even the fantasy-Romero from my dreams couldn’t compare.
He began to turn. I should have left then. But I stared in wonder at his body. Was he aroused? He tensed when he spotted me. There was another tattoo over his heart, the motto of the Famiglia.
His eyes captured my gaze before they slid over my nightgown and naked legs. And then I found an answer to my question. He hadn’t really been aroused before. Oh hell.
My cheeks heated as I watched him grow harder. It was all I could do not to cross the distance between us and touch him. I’d never understood the concept of wanting something so badly, it hurt; I did now.
Romero slid the shower open with unhurried movements and wrapped a towel around his waist. Then he stepped out. The scent of his spicy shower gel wafted into my nose. Slowly he advanced on me. “You know,” he said in a strange voice. “If someone found us like this, they might get the wrong idea. An idea that could cost me my life, and you your reputation.”
I still couldn’t move. I was stone, but my insides seemed to burn, to liquefy into red-hot lava. I couldn’t look away. I’d spent hours going over the things I wanted to say once I had him cornered, but now I was speechless.
My eyes lingered on the edge of the towel, on the fine line of dark hairs disappearing beneath it, on the delicious V of his hips. Without my volition, my hand moved, reaching for Romero’s chest, needing to feel his skin beneath my fingertips. I had no impulse control when it came to him. Maybe it should have terrified me. Girls weren’t supposed to be like that.
Romero caught my wrist before I could touch him, his grip almost painful. My gaze shot up, half embarrassed and half surprised. What I saw on Romero’s face made me shiver.
He leaned forward, coming closer and closer. My eyes fluttered shut, but the kiss I wanted never came. Instead I heard the creak of the door. I peered up at Romero. He’d opened the bathroom door wide. That’s why he’d moved closer, not to kiss me. Embarrassment washed over me. How could I have thought he was interested in me?
“You need to leave,” he murmured as he straightened. His fingers were still curled around my wrist.
“Then let me go.”
He did instantly and took a step back. I stayed where I was. I wanted to touch him, wanted him to touch me in turn. He cursed and then he was upon me, one hand cradling the back of my head, the other on my hip. I could almost taste his lips they were so close. His touch made me feel more alive than anything ever had, and I wanted more of this feeling, wanted to drown in it.
“Leave,” he rasped. “Leave before I break my oath.” It was half plea, half order.
I wanted him to break his oath, wanted nothing more, but something in his gaze made me back away a few steps. I was brave but I wasn’t stupid. Letting my gaze travel the length of him one last time, I quickly rushed outside and crossed the bedroom, only stopping to check the corridor before I left. There was nobody around so I stepped out and hurried toward my room. I’d almost reached my door when Gianna showed up, still dressed in pajamas and cup of hot chocolate in her hands. She halted, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What are you doing sneaking around the corridor in your nightgown?”
Why did she have today to get up early?
“Nothing,” I said a bit too fast. I could feel heat creep up into my cheeks. When would my body ever stop betraying me in situations like this?
“Nothing,” Gianna repeated, crossing her arms in front of her chest and taking a casual sip from her cup. “Right. Isn’t Romero’s room in that direction?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. It’s not like he’s ever invited me over.”
“Doesn’t mean you haven’t been there.”
“Are you done with your interrogation? I don’t know why you suddenly try to sound like Father. It’s not like you’ve always been playing by the rules.”
“Easy, tiger. I was just curious. For all I care you can visit Romero and whoever else you want as often as you like, but you know how things are. If the servants catch you, rumors will spread like wildfire. You have to be clever about it and running around the house like a chicken without its head isn’t going to help. If Aria had caught you like this, you’d have a lot of explaining to do.”
“I did nothing wrong,” I said stubbornly.
Gianna smiled bitterly. “I know, but that doesn’t mean they won’t punish you for it. Just be careful.” She handed me her cup of hot chocolate. “I think you need it more than me.”
I’d thought I was being careful, but at least my sisters seemed to see right through me. I could only hope they would keep my secret from their husbands. Both Romero and I would get in huge trouble if people started to believe something was going on between us, even if there wasn’t. Nobody cared about the truth. I wished there was something to talk about, wished Romero had kissed me like I’d wanted him, wished he hadn’t stopped at kissing.
Romero
I almost chased after Liliana to drag her back into my room and have my way with her. Damn it. She’d wanted me. It had been written all over her face plain as day. The first moment I’d turned around and seen her standing there with huge blue eyes, I’d thought I was imagining it. After all, I’d been thinking about her during my shower. She was on my mind way too often. If Luca knew how hard it was for me to concentrate at the moment, he’d have someone else protect Aria, and he’d definitely have me sent back to New York, far away from Lily. If I was a good soldier, I’d ask him to do it, but I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to stay near Lily.
I ran a hand through my wet hair as I glared at the bathroom door. Why had I sent her away? She’d wanted me to kiss her. She’d wanted more than that. Why did I have to listen to my fucking conscience then?
But it wasn’t even morals that kept me from kissing Lily. It went against my oath, my duty, but that wasn’t the main reason. Even though she wasn’t really mine to protect, I still wanted to protect Lily, even from herself. She couldn’t possibly realize the consequences of flirting with me like that. In our world a girl’s entire worth was based on her reputation, her pureness, that was true in particular for girls from high-ranking Made Men. But even among soldiers only very few women were allowed to date someone they chose. We still followed the same rules from more than a century ago and I doubted that would change any time soon. If I let Lily close, if I let this thing between us unfold, if I took her the way I wanted her, then she’d be ruined in our society’s eyes.
Of course, there were plenty of things we could do that wouldn’t destroy her virginity. So many things, damn it.
That was a very dangerous thing to consider because if I really started to think of all the ways I could have Lily without ruining her, the likelier it got that I actually acted on those ideas, and I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to stop at a certain point. At least, not if Lily didn’t ask me to, and I had a feeling she wouldn’t.
During breakfast, I acted as if nothing had happened. Aria was already too attentive. And Gianna seemed to know more than she should as well.
Lily met my gaze when her sisters weren’t looking and the look in her eyes made my cock twitch. Today I’d given her an opening. She knew now that I wanted her.
I’d spent my life for others, always putting my own needs second. Would it really be so bad if I took what I wanted for once? Never in my life had I wanted anything more than the girl across from me.
Why should I deny myself this?
