Liliana
I stared up at the ceiling, or rather where I knew it was. The darkness was impenetrable, I couldn’t even make out my own hand. Sometimes it felt like darkness was all there was in my life. A long tunnel without an end. Especially at night Mother’s words haunted me. I’d promised her I’d be happy, but I wasn’t even sure how to do it. A deep loneliness filled me, had taken hold of me ever since Mother had died. We’d never been as close as some daughters were with their mothers, but she’d been there, a constant presence. And now it seemed like I was all alone. Of course there was Fabi, but he was young and would soon be involved in mob business¸ and Father…Right now, being here in the Hamptons made me happy but it was a temporary thing.
My sisters, they were always there for me, but they had their own lives, they had husbands, and one day they’d have their own families. They’d still love me, and still take care of me, but I wanted my own happiness, separate from them. I wanted what they had. And I knew the only person I wanted that kind of happiness with was Romero.
He had been watching me differently this summer. In the past years, his expression had made it clear that I was nothing but a girl to him, someone to protect. But recently something had changed. I wasn’t an expert when it came to men, of course, but his gaze had held a hint of something I often saw on Luca’s face when he watched my sister Aria.
At least, I was quite certain. I pushed my blanket off my body and sat up. I didn’t bother turning on the lights from fear of attracting attention and instead felt my way toward the door. I inched the handle down and slipped into the corridor. It was silent and dark, but at least here I could make out schemes. Not that I needed to see something to find Romero’s room. I knew exactly where it was. I had lost count of the times I’d imagined going there. But so far reason had stopped me. Tonight I was tired of listening to reason, of playing it safe. I didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to spend all night staring into the darkness, being lonely and sad. I crept down the corridor, careful not to make a sound, hardly daring to breathe. When I reached the door to Romero’s room, I stood there for a long time. It was silent inside. Of course; it was already way past midnight and he always got up early for his run.
My fingers shook with nerves when I gripped the door handle and pushed it down. The door opened without a sound. I snuck in and closed it again, then I didn’t move for a long time, only stared toward the bed and the contours of Romero’s body. His curtains weren’t drawn, so the moonlight provided some light. His back was turned toward me and the blanket only reached his waist. My eyes traced his muscled shoulders and arms. I moved closer, one hesitant step after the other. This was so wrong. Romero had caught me in his room before, and worse, he’d caught me spying on him in the shower, but this felt more intimate. He was in bed, and if things went my way, I’d soon join him. What if he sent me away? Or worse, what if he got angry and told Luca? What if they sent me back to Chicago into that dark and hopeless house with my father who didn’t miss my mother at all?
I froze a couple of steps from the bed. My breathing had quickened as if I’d exerted myself and my hands were clammy. Maybe I was losing my mind. I was trying to tell myself that I was doing this because Mother had wanted me to be happy, but maybe I was only using that as an excuse for my insanity. I’d wanted Romero long before Mother had ever said anything, and had even tried to kiss him long before her death.
I shook my head, getting mad at myself for overthinking everything. There had been a time when I’d done whatever I wanted as long as I felt like it. I took another step toward the bed but I must have made a sound without noticing it because Romero’s breathing changed and his body tensed. Oh no. There was no going back now.
He rolled onto his back in one fluid move, then his eyes settled on me. He relaxed but quickly tensed again. “Liliana?”
I didn’t reply. My tongue seemed to be stuck to the roof of my mouth. What had I been thinking?
Romero swung his legs out of the bed and sat on the edge for a moment, silently watching me. Could he see my face? I probably looked like a mouse trapped by a cat, but I wasn’t afraid. Not one bit. If anything, I was embarrassed, and strangely excited. I was a twisted and sick mouse, that much was sure. He stood, and of course my eyes did a quick scan of his body. He was only wearing boxer shorts. He looked too good to be true. Like he’d stepped right out of my dreams. It was embarrassing to think how often I’d dreamed of Romero and all the things I wanted to do with him.
“Lily, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?” There was worry in his voice, but there was also something else. Something I’d heard when he’d caught me spying on him in the shower. It was something darker and almost eager.
My stomach fluttered with butterflies and I took a step in his direction. I wanted to fly into his arms, wanted to kiss him, and so much more.
“Can I sleep with you?” The words shot out, just like that, and once they were out I couldn’t believe I’d said them. Especially since they could easily be taken the wrong way.
Romero froze. Silence stretched out between us. I was sure it would crush me any second. I took another step in his direction. I was almost in arm’s reach now.
The sound of Romero’s breathing was incredibly loud. I could see his chest heaving. Was he angry?
“This isn’t something you should joke about,” he said quietly. “It’s not funny.” He was angry. Maybe I should have taken the hint and turned on my heel to leave his room, but like Gianna I had never been very clever in situations like this.
“I wasn’t joking, and I didn’t mean it like that,” I whispered. “I want to sleep in your bed, just sleep.” For now. I wanted more than that, eventually.
“Liliana,” Romero murmured. “Have you lost your mind? Do you even realize what you’re saying?”
Fury rose up. Everyone always thought I was too young, too naïve, too female to make decisions. “I know exactly what I’m saying.”
“I doubt it.”
I bridged the distance between us until our chests were almost pressed against each other. Romero didn’t back away but he braced himself. “Every night I feel like darkness is swallowing me whole, like my life is spiraling out of control, like there’s nothing good in my life. But when I think of you those feelings disappear. I feel safe when I’m with you.”
“You shouldn’t. I’m not a good man, not by any standards.”
“I don’t care about good. I grew up in this world. I know how things are, and I’m fine with it.”
“You don’t even know half of it. And if you really know how things are, then you should realize what could happen if someone found you in my room at night.”
“I’m tired of hearing what I can’t do. Can’t I decide for myself? It’s my life, so why can’t I make decisions?”
Romero was quiet for a moment before he said, “Of course, it’s your life, but your father has certain expectations of you. And not only that, Luca gave him and Dante Cavallaro his word that he’d take good care of you and keep you safe. That includes your reputation. If someone told them you were in my room right now, that could mean war between the Outfit and New York. This isn’t a game. This is too serious for you to play around.”
“I’m not playing around. I’m so lonely, Romero,” I whispered. “And I like you. I really like you.” That was an understatement. “I only want to be close to you. You kissed me back and I know how you’ve been looking at me. I know you are interested in me.”
He didn’t say anything.
Doubt wormed its way into my brain. Had I been imagining the looks he’d given me? “If you don’t like me, then tell me. It’s okay.” It wasn’t. I’d be crushed, but maybe it would be for the best. I’d move on with my life somehow.
“Fuck,” he murmured, turning away from me and leaving me to stare at his back. “If I was a good guy, I’d tell you exactly that. I’d fucking lie to you for your own good. But I’m not good, Lily.”
Relief flooded me. He hadn’t said he didn’t like me. I’d read the signs right. God, I could have screamed with joy. I rested my palms against his bare shoulder blades. His skin was soft except for a few small scars, but they made him only more desirable to me. They flexed under my touch but he didn’t step away. “So you are interested in me? And you like me?”
Romero let out a harsh laugh. “This is crazy.”
“Just tell me. Do you find me attractive?”
He turned around. I wasn’t quick enough to pull my hands away so they now rested against his chest. That felt even better. I had to stop myself from running my hands up and down his body. Even in the half-dark I could see the fire in his eyes. He scanned me from head to toe. I was only wearing pajama shorts and a tank top, but I wasn’t even embarrassed. I wanted Romero to see me like that, wanted to get a reaction from him.
“Lily, you are stunning. Of course I find you attractive. Look at you, you are too fucking beautiful for words.”
My lips parted. That was more than I’d dared to hope for. I moved even closer and peered up at him. “Then why do you keep pushing me away?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do, and because I know the risks.”
“Isn’t it worth the risk?”
Romero stared down at me with such intensity that I couldn’t help but shiver. He didn’t reply. He gripped my hips and pulled me against him before his lips came down on mine. I opened up without hesitation, eager for that kiss, eager for his closeness. His tongue plunged into my mouth. There was no flicker of hesitation or doubt in his kiss. I moaned. This was so different from our first kiss, more intense. He cupped the back of my head, guiding me the way he wanted it. I could hardly keep up. I stepped on my tiptoes and leaned against him as I gripped onto his shoulders for balance. The kiss consumed me, stirred a fire in my belly and made me long for much more.
Romero jerked away and I tried to follow him but he kept me at arm’s length. His breathing was harsh and there was a wild look in his eyes. “Give me a second,” he rasped.
He squeezed his eyes shut as if he was in pain. All I could think about was to kiss him again, to have his hands on my body. I wanted nothing more. But I did as he asked and gave him a few seconds to get control over himself. Eventually he opened his eyes again. The wild look was gone and was replaced by something more controlled. His grip on my shoulders relaxed and his thumbs lightly stroked my skin. I wasn’t even sure he noticed. The light touch raised goose-bumps of delight all over my skin. I waited for him to say something, but also feared what he would say. One of his hands traveled up to my cheek. “You should leave now,” he said quietly.
I froze. “You’re sending me away?”
Hesitation flickered across his face. “It’s for the best, Lily, believe me.”
I took a step back. I wasn’t going to beg him. If he didn’t want me to spend the night, then I’d have to accept it. “Okay. Good night.” I turned around and hurried out of the room. I hardly paid attention as I crossed the corridor toward my room. I’d put myself out there today, had risked everything to get what I wanted. I wouldn’t do that again. I had a huge crush on Romero but I also still had my pride. If he didn’t want to risk this, then I’d accept it.
I closed the door and crept back into my bed. Like before the darkness closed in on me. It was too silent in my room, too lonely and empty. Even the memory of the kiss Romero and I had shared couldn’t cheer me up. Not when it was probably the last time I’d kissed Romero. It took a long time for me to fall asleep and then Mother’s pale unhappy face haunted my dreams.
***
Romero and I barely looked at each other the next morning. I didn’t seek his closeness like usual. I tried to avoid his eyes as much as possible but a few times I caught him stealing glances my way. I wasn’t sure what they meant, but I was glad that he and I didn’t get to spend time alone together. Of course he was almost always around. It was difficult to avoid your bodyguard, but I did my best to focus entirely on my sisters, to enjoy my time with them.
Romero
It was way midnight when I headed for my room. Luca, Matteo and I had played cards until an hour ago, a distraction I fucking needed, and afterward when they had joined their wives in bed, I’d sat on the terrace, and wondered why I couldn’t have the same.
A noise made me pause. My hand went to my gun as I followed the sound toward Lily’s door. She sounded like she was in distress, mumbling in her sleep and crying. I checked the corridor, but I was alone. Everyone was long asleep or at least busy behind closed bedroom doors. I pushed the door open and slipped in. It took my eyes a moment to get used to the darkness, which was worse than in the rest of the house. The curtains didn’t let any light in. I kept the door ajar and moved further into the room. I knew what I should do, and it definitely wasn’t being alone in Lily’s bedroom with her at night. On my list of things to avoid that was really at the top.
She was in obvious distress and I’d vowed to protect her but a nightmare wouldn’t harm her. There was no reason for me to be here. I could have called Aria or Gianna, or just let Lily sleep through her nightmare, but I was a stupid fucker.
When she’d come to my room two days ago, it had taken every fucking ounce of self-control to send her away. I’d wanted her in my bed, and not just for sleep. When I’d first heard her question if she could sleep with me, I’d almost gotten a hard-on. I knew she didn’t mean it that way, but I’d never wanted to misunderstand someone more than that night.
This was messed up. I’d always put my job and the Famiglia first. All the women in my life so far had been a nice distraction, but they’d never even come close to interfering with my duty. Lily was different. I wasn’t sure how she’d done it, but I couldn’t get her out of my freaking head. I glanced between the open door and Lily’s bed, then I walked toward her. I left the door ajar, even though part of me wanted to close it and have total privacy, but if I wanted any chance at keeping my promise I needed the risk of someone walking by and looking into the room.
As I stood over Lily, I watched her for a moment. She lay on her back, her blonde hair spread out on her pillow, and her brows drawn together. Even in the throes of a nightmare she was fucking beautiful. Damn it. What had I gotten myself into? I touched her shoulder. She was dressed in only a tank-top and my fingers brushed the naked skin of her shoulders, and the touch sent a freaking shiver all the way to my cock. Her fucking shoulder, not her boob or her butt or her pussy. I almost got a fucking hard-on from touching a shoulder for God’s sake. This was pathetic on a whole new level. “Liliana?” Somehow it felt safer to use her normal name instead of her nickname.
Her eyes moved under eyelids and she stirred under my hand but still didn’t wake. I gently touched the side of her neck, feeling her pulse flutter under my fingertips. “Lily,” I said a bit louder.
She jerked and her eyes flew open, staring straight at me. “Romero?” she whispered in a voice still heavy with sleep. I wanted to kiss her so badly.
Liliana
Someone touched my throat, tearing me from sleep. I opened my eyes but it took a few seconds before my brain registered what was before me: Romero.
“Romero?” Maybe I was still dreaming. It was definitely an improvement over my previous dream about my Mother who had talked to me with lifeless eyes about happiness.
“It’s okay,” Romero said in his deep voice.
I looked around. “You are in my room.” I sounded like a moron. But I was stunned. After all, he’d as good as thrown me out of his room two days ago and now he stood in my own. A bit of a twist I hadn’t expected. Not that I minded.
Romero’s lips twitched as if he wanted to smile but then he became serious again. Sometimes I thought he tried to keep in his smiles because he worried that if he allowed that kind of emotion, all of them would come up. “You had a nightmare. I decided to wake you.”
I nodded. He stood beside my bed, half bent over me. If I’d reached out I could have grabbed his neck and pulled him down. My fingers itched to do just that, but I hadn’t forgotten his rejection not too long ago. He needed to make the next step and I wasn’t sure if coming into my room to wake me from a nightmare counted as one. I wanted it to. I sat up and my blankets fell down to my hips. I wore only a flimsy camisole. Romero’s eyes followed the movement, and lingered on my chest.
“Thanks for waking me. I had a dream about my mother.” I wasn’t sure why I said it. My nightmare was the last thing I wanted to think, much less talk to Romero about. His eyes returned to my face. Sometimes I thought I could drown in them. When he was around I felt so happy and light. Somehow I knew he was the one, the person I was meant to be with. I’d known it pretty much from the beginning. If there was something like fate, then this was it.
Romero brushed a strand of hair from my forehead and I leaned into the touch. Somehow he was closer now. “You miss her.”
I nodded. I did, but her last words haunted me more than her death. Her sadness over the things she’d missed, the longing in her eyes – I didn’t think I could ever forget that. Romero and I locked gazes and just stared at each other. In the dim light spilling from the corridor I could see the conflict in Romero’s eyes. I wanted to lean forward but I stopped myself. I had to be strong, had to have some self-respect.
I was about to say something, anything, to stop the mounting tension but then Romero leaned down and kissed me. I hadn’t expected him to and gasped against his lips, but my surprise lasted only a couple of seconds, then I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back with everything I had. He put one knee down on my bed beside me and cradled my head. His kiss banished the last of my tiredness and the lingering sadness from my dream. I wasn’t sure how long we kissed, Romero kneeling on the bed and I half-sitting, but I came more alive with every second. Eventually I pulled back, my breathing harsh. There was an insistent pounding between my legs but I knew it would have been wrong to take things further tonight.
Romero stroked my cheek and was about to straighten but I caught his arm. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
I waited for protest but it didn’t come. My heart dropped when he walked toward the door. Would he leave without a word? Instead he closed the door silently before he returned to the bed. With every step that he took in my direction, my heart seemed to swell with emotion. Romero removed his gun holster and put it down on the nightstand, then slipped out of his shoes. I scooted to the other side of my bed to make room for him, excitement fluttering in my chest. He didn’t slip under the covers with me as I’d hoped, instead he stretched out on top of it. I peered over my shoulder at him. He looked tired, even more tired than I felt. He smiled. It looked almost resigned, with a hint of regret. He snuck his arm around my waist and hugged me to his body, my back pressed against his chest, with the blankets between us. I wanted that barrier gone but decided to let him have his way for tonight. I’d won a small battle, the war could wait. Despite the material bunched between us I was fairly sure I could feel how much our kiss had affected Romero. Smiling to myself, I closed my eyes. “Thanks for staying with me.”
Romero kissed the back of my head. “Get some sleep. I’ll keep the nightmares away.”
“I know you will,” I whispered.
***
When my alarm woke me the next morning, I was alone in bed. I sat up and pressed the button that let the curtains glide open. Blinding light greeted me and I quickly squeezed my eyes shut. When I’d finally grown used to the brightness I looked around in my room for a sign of Romero’s sleepover but there was nothing. It might as well have been a dream. For a heart-stopping moment I considered just that. I pressed my nose into the pillow and caught his scent. Not a dream. I slipped out of bed. Of course he didn’t stay until the morning. Romero was cautious, one of us had to be. If one of my sisters walked in without knocking, which had happened before, then we could have been in huge trouble. Still it felt like a small rejection that he had left me alone without a word.
Get a grip, Lily.
We had to be careful or I’d be sent home and then we wouldn’t get to spend any time at all together. This was a good beginning.
A beginning for what? I wasn’t that naïve to believe that my father would accept Romero as a potential candidate for marriage. I wasn’t even sure if Romero considered me as someone he’d want to marry. But I was getting ahead of myself. I wanted to take risks, enjoy life and be happy. This night with Romero was a step in the right direction.
I rushed through my shower but took extra care with my make-up and hair. Then I headed downstairs. I could hear my sisters already laughing in the kitchen and followed the sound. They stood at the kitchen counter, coffee cups in their hands. Nobody else was there but the big wooden table was set for six people, so the men would hopefully join us later. Trying to hide my disappointment that Romero wasn’t there yet, I walked toward them. Aria poured me a cup of coffee and handed it to me with a worried look. “Didn’t you sleep again last night?”
I paused with the cup against my lips, my pulse quickening. Had they seen Romero walking into my room? Or maybe even leaving it in the morning? “Why?” I asked hesitantly.
Gianna snorted. “Because you look fucking tired. There are dark shadows under your eyes.”
I thought I’d put enough concealer on it. Damn it. “I’m fine. I dreamed of Mother, but it wasn’t bad.”
Aria wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “Still about what she said to you?”
“Yeah,” I said evasively. “I can’t get her words out of my head.”
“Don’t take everything she said too much to heart. She was sick. It’s not your job to undo her mistakes. She was unhappy at the end but it was her own fault,” Gianna said.
“Gianna,” Aria said in warning.
“It’s not like Mother tried to guilt me into anything. She only wanted me to be happy.”
“And you’re going to be happy. We’ll make sure of it,” Aria said, squeezing my shoulder lightly before stepping back. “Let’s start to eat. Who knows when the men will show up. They had something to discuss.”
“Oh?” I asked nervously as we went over to the table and sat down. “Business?” If I was already a nervous wreck when Romero and I hadn’t even really done anything yet, how much worse would it be once there really was something going on?
Aria gave me an odd look. “I suppose. It’s all they ever talk about.”
“You’re acting kind of odd,” Gianna said as she grabbed a Danish from the bread basket. She scanned my face. “Did anything happen?”
“No,” I said too quickly. I grabbed a bowl and some cereal and milk. Luckily the men arrived at that time. I froze as my eyes settled on Romero. His gaze barely brushed me as he, Luca and Matteo headed for the table. Despite knowing that we had to act normal and not draw any suspicions toward us, his blatant refusal to look my way sent a stab of worry through me. I grabbed my spoon and started eating my cereal. I could feel my sisters’ eyes on me. They knew me too well but I wouldn’t give them a chance to suspect anything. I didn’t want them to have to keep a secret from their husbands, especially not that kind of secret. The rest of breakfast I made sure to keep my eyes away from Romero and instead talked to my sisters.
After breakfast, Aria and Gianna decided to head to the pool again. I went to my bedroom to change into a bikini, a cute pink thing with white dots. When I stepped out, I almost bumped into a hard chest. I gasped, not having expected someone to be in front of my door. “God, you startled me,” I said with a small laugh.
Romero didn’t say anything. His eyes roamed my body. “You look breathtaking.”
I couldn’t hold back a jibe. “You didn’t seem to notice at breakfast.”
Romero met my gaze. “I did notice, believe me. It’s impossible not to,” he said quietly. We were alone in the corridor and standing close enough that I could smell his aftershave. “I didn’t want to ignore you, but we don’t have a choice. This has to stay a secret.”
“This?” I asked. “What exactly is this?” We had hardly done anything yet. We’d kissed three times but that was it.
“I don’t know. Maybe nothing. But I want you Lily. I can’t get you out of my head. No matter what I do there’s always you.”
I exhaled. It felt as if a huge rock had dropped off my shoulders. So it wasn’t just me. “I want you too. So what are we going to do now?” I took a step closer. Romero’s eyes travelled the length of my body again and it made me tingle all over. How would it feel if he touched every spot his eyes had wandered?
Romero moved closer and I dipped my head back to stare up into his face. He didn’t touch me, even though I wanted him to. “What I want to do is take you into your bedroom and rip off your bikini, then taste every inch of your skin. I know you’ll taste absolutely perfect.”
“Why don’t you find out?” I whispered.
“Damn,” Romero muttered. He cupped the back of my head and tilted it to the side, then he bent down and pressed an open-mouthed kiss over my pulse-point before he traced my jugular with his tongue. I let out an embarrassing moan as my core tightened with arousal. I tipped my head further to the side, giving him better access, but he had moved on from my throat and kissed my lips. I pressed myself against him. His shirt felt cool against my naked skin. A noise from somewhere in the house made us jump apart. There was no one in the corridor but it was a good reminder that we needed to be careful. After another glance down the corridor, Romero cupped my cheek again. “You do taste as perfect as I thought.”
I smiled. “You haven’t even tasted all of me.” My cheeks flamed when I realized what I’d said and how Romero would understand it.
Romero’s eyes darkened with what I suspected was desire. “I intend to, trust me.”
I shivered. “You do?”
“God yes.” He sighed, then took a step back. “But we need to be careful. This is a dangerous path we’re on.”
“I know but I don’t care. I want this.”
Romero kissed me again. He shook his head. “I don’t know how you did it but I can’t get you out of my fucking mind. And now this.” He gestured at my bikini. “You’re lucky you can’t read my mind, you’d be shocked.”
“Not as shocked as you, if you could read my mind,” I said with what I hoped was a seductive smile. I turned around and walked away, making sure I swung my hips.
Romero
As I watched Lily prance away, I almost groaned. Her tiny bikini barely covered her perfect butt cheeks and her long legs drove me just as wild. I wanted to read her mind, wanted to find out what she desired and give to her.
Her earlier comment about tasting her had filled my head with images of my mouth on her pussy. I couldn’t wait to find out if it was as pink and perfect as I imagined it. I wanted to lick her until she begged for mercy.
My pants became uncomfortable and I had to shift to give my cock a bit more room. How would I be able to restrain myself if I kept thinking about tasting her? It had already been difficult enough to lie in her bed at night without those images in my head, torturing me. I knew Lily would visit me again at night. Now that she knew how much I wanted her, she would use her chance.
But I also knew that I needed to establish certain boundaries. Flirting and kissing was still tolerable, though I was fairly sure that Luca and Aria, and most definitely Scuderi, would disagree. Taking things further was something I couldn’t risk. I’d given Luca a promise and I should at least try to keep it to some extent.
