Liliana
That night I crept into Romero’s bedroom again. The lights were out but he was sitting with his back against his headboard. He didn’t say anything as I approached the bed and suddenly I was nervous.
“Hey,” I whispered, then yawned because it had been a long day and as usual sleep evaded me. “Can I come into your bed?”
Romero lifted his blankets. I quickly slipped under them but didn’t snuggle against him, suddenly shy. Romero peered down at me, then he reached out and brushed a few strands from my forehead. I braced myself on my elbows to kiss him, but he shook his head. I froze.
“I don’t think we should be kissing when we’re in bed together.”
“You don’t want to kiss me anymore?” Was I that horrible?
“No, I still want to kiss you and I’m going to kiss you but not when we’re in bed. There are certain boundaries we shouldn’t cross, Lily.”
“Okay,” I said slowly. Maybe he was right. Kissing in bed was only a small step away from doing much more, and some things simply couldn’t be undone. “But can we snuggle?”
Romero chuckled. “I should probably say no,” he murmured. “But I’m screwed anyway.”
He lay down and opened his arms. I inched toward him and put my head down on his upper arm. I wasn’t sure why I felt so comfortable in his presence. I wasn’t someone who liked physical contact with people I didn’t know, but with Romero I’d always wanted closeness.
I closed my eyes but I didn’t fall asleep immediately. “Have you ever regretted working for Luca? As the son of a soldier, you would have had the option not to become part of the Famiglia. You could have lived a normal life.”
“No. This was all I ever wanted,” Romero said. His fingers ran up and down my forearm in a very distracting way but I wasn’t sure if he even realized what he was doing. “I’ve known Luca and Matteo long before I was inducted. I always looked up to Luca because he was older and strong as a bear, and Matteo and I always got in trouble together.”
“I bet Matteo got in trouble and you had to save his ass.”
Romero let out a laugh. “Yeah, that’s more like it. When Luca became a Made Man and when I heard the story of how he killed his first man at eleven, I wanted nothing more than to be like him.”
“You were only eight then. Shouldn’t you have been playing with matchbox cars instead?”
“I always knew I wanted to become a member of the Famiglia. I wanted to be their best fighter. I often practiced with Matteo and in the beginning even with Luca. They wiped the ground with me. But I was a quick learner, and when I was inducted a few years later, only a handful could see eye to eye with me in a knife fight, and I got only better with time. I worked hard.”
I could tell he was proud of what he’d achieved. “What did your family want? Did they try to keep you away from the mob?”
“My father didn’t want his life for me. As a debt collector he had to do many horrible things. But he and my mother trusted me to decide for myself.”
How would it be to have people trust you to make your own decisions?
“This life, does it make you happy?” I asked softly. Sometimes I wished there was an easy definition for what made me happy.
“At times, but nobody can always be happy.” He was silent for a moment. “What makes you happy?”
“I don’t know. This, but I know it’s fleeting.”
Romero’s chest rose and fell under my cheek until I was sure he’d fallen asleep. “Happiness often is. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it while it lasts.”
***
Deep down I knew I needed to stop this madness. If someone caught us, both our lives would be ruined. But I couldn’t. Whenever I was near Romero the sorrow that had rested so heavily on me in the last few weeks seemed bearable. Everything seemed lighter and more hopeful.
I eased the door open. As usual the lights were out but the curtains weren’t drawn so the moonlight illuminated the contours of the furniture and showed me my path toward the bed. I closed the door without a sound and tiptoed across the room. Romero wasn’t asleep. I could feel his eyes following me as I slipped under the covers. He lay on his back, his arms propped up behind his head. I couldn’t make out his expression. He waited for me to put my head on his chest so he could wrap his arm around me. He’d never made the first move but tonight I didn’t just want to fall asleep beside him. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted, but definitely more. I was glad for the dark when I got up on my knees and straddled his hips.
Romero tensed beneath me and sat up, his palms flat against my shoulder blades. “What are you doing?” he murmured, a quality to his voice I’d never heard before.
“I don’t know,” I whispered before I lightly brushed my lips over his. I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction I’d expected, definitely not the one I got. He flipped us over so my back was pressed into the mattress and he was hovering over me. He wasn’t holding me down but his body caged me in, his knees between my legs, his arms beside my head, his upper body over me. Romero everywhere. God, and it felt good. Maybe there should have been anxiety and trepidation. We were alone in his bedroom, and if I called for help I’d get in more trouble than when I let him do whatever he wanted. But I wasn’t scared of Romero. Maybe I was stupid not to be. I knew what he was capable of. He was a killer. And he was a grown man, who’d had many women before me who delivered when they offered their body to him. Everyone always told me that playing games would get me in trouble one day. Maybe tonight they’d be proven right.
Despite this my body reacted to Romero’s closeness. My center tightened in anticipation, of what I wasn’t even entirely sure, and heat pooled in my belly. For a long time the only sound in the dark was our rapid breathing. “Lily,” he said quietly, imploringly. “I pride myself on my self-control, but I’m a man, and not a good one either. So far I’ve tried to be a gentleman. I know you’re sad and lonely, and I didn’t want to take advantage of you. But if you go the next step and offer more, then you can’t expect me not to take you up on that offer.”
“Maybe I want you to.” My heart pounded in my chest as the words left my mouth.
Romero brushed his lips over my temple, the barest touch that made me tingle. “Do you even know what you’re offering, Lily?”
I hesitated.
Romero released a long breath, kissed my forehead and began to pull back.
I gripped his shoulders, even through his t-shirt his heat seemed to scorch me. “Sometimes when I’m alone I try to imagine how it would feel if you touched me.”
“Fuck,” he breathed. And then he kissed me gently before pulling back again. Even my hands couldn’t stop him this time.
“Why are you pulling away?”
“Lights.”
“Lights?” I said nervously.
“I need to see your face.” The lights came on and I blinked against the sudden brightness. He lay down beside me but he kept one arm around my waist. “When you imagine my touch, do you ever caress yourself?” he asked in a low voice.
My eyes widened a fraction and heat crept into my face. Romero cupped my cheek and traced the blush there. “Tell me,” he said.
I lowered my gaze to his chin. “Yes,” I admitted in barely a whisper. What would he think of me now?
Romero pressed his nose into my hair. “Fuck.”
“You said that already.”
He didn’t laugh like I’d expected him to. He was very quiet. His hand on my waist tightened when he raised his head and fixed me with a hungry gaze. He brought his mouth down on mine and I parted my lips for him. His tongue slipped in and everything around me seemed to fade to nothingness as I tasted him. It wasn’t our first kiss but it felt like something else entirely, with me in bed with him, with nothing to stop us. His kiss was fiercer. There was no hesitation or surprise this time. He sucked my lower lip into his mouth, then my tongue. He sucked it lightly, and I wasn’t sure how it was possible that I felt the motion all the way between my legs.
“Is this okay?” he murmured against my throat and all I could do was nod. Aria and Gianna always called me a chatterbox but with Romero words so often failed me. His lips lightly traced the skin over my collarbone, then his tongue slid out to taste me. His mouth moved even lower to the edge of my camisole. His fingers traced the fabric and his lips followed the same path. I arched my back, wanting him to move even lower, to do more.
“You told me I should find out how you taste everywhere. I’m very tempted to do it,” he murmured. He peered up. His eyes had a predatory look on his face. The only expression that had ever come close was when he’d been down in the basement with the Russians. There was something dark and unhinged in his brown eyes, but this time I wasn’t afraid. “What do you want?” he asked roughly.
If only I knew. “More,” I said softly.
Romero lowered his gaze to my chest. My nipples strained against the thin material of my camisole, hard and aching for attention. Romero lightly traced his thumb over one nub and I gasped.
“Like this?” he asked.
I nodded furiously. “More.”
Romero chuckled, and the sound made me ache even more for his touch. He took both of my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers, and lightly twisted them back and forth through the silk. I squeezed my eyes shut at the sensation between my legs. I pressed my thighs together, desperate for some kind of relief. Romero cupped my nipple with his lips, sucking it gently into his mouth. For some reason the fabric seemed to heighten the sensations even more. I was close to exploding. His hand brushed my hipbone before it moved under the hem of my camisole and softly traced my stomach. Goose-bumps covered my skin at the light touch. He released my nipple but the wet fabric of my camisole stuck to it. I couldn’t believe this was finally happening.
Romero moved onto my other nipple and repeated the same procedure. I rubbed my thighs together. The tension between them was almost unbearable. Romero’s eyes followed the movement before they darted up to my face. “Do you want me to touch you there?”
I nodded quickly. Romero smiled. He trailed his hand down my side until he reached my thigh. He stroked the outer side lightly, his eyes never leaving my face, making sure I was okay. His strokes moved closer to my inner thigh until I wanted nothing more than to grasp his hand and push it into my panties. As if he could feel my impatience, Romero tugged lightly at my shorts. I opened my legs without even thinking about it, a silent invitation. Was I being too forward? I didn’t care.
He slid his hand into the leg of my shorts and then his fingers traced the sensitive skin at the edge of my panties. He watched my face closely when he inched his index finger under the fabric and brushed my folds. I gasped and he groaned. I was already so wet that his finger slid over me easily. His lips claimed mine with less restraint than before, and I didn’t mind. “Is this okay?” he rasped between kisses as his finger kept lightly tracing my folds. Sparks seemed to soar through my core. It felt so much more intense than when I touched myself.
“Yes,” I whispered.
His finger moved up between my folds, spreading my wetness up to my nub. He started to rub back and forth, the barest touch that felt incredible. My hips jerked up from the intense sensation. I moaned into his mouth, my legs opening wider to give him better access. He kissed my neck, then he sucked my nipple into his mouth again, soaking my camisole even more. His fingers between my legs drove me higher and higher.
“You feel so good, Lily. So soft and wet and warm,” he murmured.
I whimpered in response. Hearing him say those words made me relax further under his touch. He was gentle and unhurried. I ran my hands over his back and hair, wanting to feel as much of him as possible, wanting to have him closer in every way possible. I’d always wanted him and my sisters had often told me that feeling would cease with time, but my want had only grown. I didn’t think it would ever stop, not that I wanted it to.
Romero’s other hand moved to the edge of my pajama top and inched it down, freeing my breast. I had to fight the urge to cover myself up. For some reason it was more difficult to bare myself to his eyes than to have him touch me in my most private place. Embarrassment flew out the window when Romero lowered his head and captured my nipple between his lips. At the same time his finger on my clit started moving faster. I shivered and buried my face in the crook of Romero’s neck. His tongue licked my nipple lightly and it felt even better without the fabric as a barrier. My embarrassing moans and breathless sighs couldn’t be stifled against his skin. I pressed my lips together, trying to hold the sounds in, but everything Romero did felt so good.
Romero released my nipple. “I wish I could hear your moans. I love the sound.”
I lifted my head. “Really?”
Romero smiled a smile I’d never seen before. It was darker, more dangerous, and indescribably sexy. “Really. Can’t you feel how much I love this?”
He pressed a bit tighter against me and something hard and hot dug into my leg. I couldn’t believe I’d done this to him. Romero kissed my mouth, then the spot beneath my chin, my throat until he’d worked his way back down to my nipple. He trailed his tongue around it, then moved on to my other breast. “I’ve been wanting to do this for so long. Fuck, I don’t care that it’s wrong, that it goes against my promise, I can’t resist you.”
Hearing him say that felt like ultimate triumph and when he sucked my nipple back into his mouth I fell apart. I stifled my cries in the pillow, knowing we had to be careful.
Romero kissed my throat and I smiled at him. “Wow.”
“Yes, wow. Watching you was fucking amazing.”
I raised myself on my elbows, my eyes moving down to the bulge in his boxer shorts. I’d been wanting to see him naked again ever since I watched him shower. I rested my palm against his erection. Even through his boxers he felt incredibly hot.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Romero said in warning, but he grew even harder beneath my touch.
“I want to do it,” I said.
Romero didn’t protest. He lifted his hips and pulled down his boxers. His erection sprang free.
I curled my fingers around the base, surprised at how wide it was. Romero sucked in a deep breath and dropped back on the bed, his hands flat on the mattress. I stroked lightly up and down, ran my fingers over his tip and back down to his balls. I couldn’t stop exploring him, curious and excited at the same time.
Romero cupped my cheek and I turned to look at him but didn’t stop my explorations. “Damn it, Lily, you’re driving me crazy.”
“How do you want me to touch you?” I asked quietly. I wanted to make him feel as good as he’d made me feel. I’d overheard Gianna say something about blowjobs to Aria once, and that those brought any man to his knees, but I wasn’t sure I could pull it off in a satisfactory way. Maybe I should have asked Gianna for instructions…
“You’re doing good.”
I didn’t want to do good. I wanted to be amazing. Pushing my worries aside, I bent over him and took him into my mouth.
Romero jerked under me in surprise and gripped the back of my head. “You don’t have to do that.”
It wasn’t said with conviction. I licked from his base up to the top. He didn’t taste of anything, except for the tip where a few droplets had gathered. I licked them away without thinking.
Romero cursed, raking his hand through my hair.
“Am I doing this right?” I asked after a couple of minutes.
“Fuck yes. You don’t even know how hard it is not to thrust into your mouth.”
“If that’s what you want, you can do it.”
“No, not today. Take your time and do what you like. I’ll enjoy it all, trust me,” he said in a low voice. And so I did. I licked around his tip and took him into my mouth, trailed my tongue along his length over and over again. Romero didn’t make a lot of sounds but his hand in my hair tightened and he sucked in his breath every now and then.
“I’m going to come,” he warned. I sucked harder, gripping his thighs to find better leverage, and then Romero came with a low groan. I kept him in my mouth, waiting for him to go soft, but he didn’t. He wasn’t as hard as he’d been but he definitely wasn’t soft.
“I meant that as a warning. You didn’t have to swallow, Lily,” Romero said. He pulled me toward him and kissed me. “Are you okay? Or was it terrible for you?”
“Terrible? No, why? I wanted to make you feel good. I don’t mind it when you come in my mouth.”
Romero let out a breathless laugh. “Don’t say those things to me. I won’t be able to focus anymore.”
I grinned, then my gaze flitted down to Romero’s erection again. “Why isn’t it going soft?”
I could see Romero’s confusion, then realization set in and his mouth twisted in a grin that bordered on proud. “Only because I’ve come doesn’t mean I’m not still turned on. It takes more than one orgasm to make me go soft.”
“Really?” I asked wickedly.
Romero shook his head. “Not tonight. It’s late. You can’t stay that long.”
Disappointment banished my excitement. “I know.”
Romero stroked my cheek. “We have to be careful. Believe me I’d love to spend all night with you.”
I nodded and put my head back down on his chest. I wanted to catch a couple of hours of sleep before I had to sneak back to my room. Enjoy the moment, I told myself before I fell asleep.
