Growl pulled away from me in the days after my visit to the grave. I let him. I wasn’t sure what to do.
He hadn’t even visited me in my bedroom and I was starting to miss it, miss him.
Lying awake in my bed, I listened for every sound outside. Growl had left without an explanation after dark again, and I was terrified in this creepy neighborhood all by myself at night.
Eventually when every creak made me jump, I got out of bed. I crept out of the room and paused in the dark corridor, listening for the sound of claws on the floor but there was nothing. Perhaps Growl had let the dogs sleep in his bedroom. I headed toward it but behind the door it was quiet. I tiptoed into the living room. It was dark in there as well. Only the dim moonlight streaming through the windows allowed my eyes to make out anything at all. Outside I could hear the occasional shouting or a siren in the distance, sounds that seemed to fill all the nights in this area. I wasn’t sure why Growl chose to live here. How could he bear it? Or maybe the hopelessness and brutality that filled so many of the houses in the street was something familiar to him, something he could grasp. A movement in the corner made me tense. Then my eyes made out Coco’s head, and beside her that of Bandit. The dogs were watching me but they didn’t stir from their sleeping spots. I didn’t want to return into my bedroom. I was so tired of feeling alone all the time, of being alone with my thoughts and fears and worries. I walked to the sofa and sank down. Coco rose from her blanket and trotted toward me. I wasn’t exactly scared of the dogs anymore but sometimes they still made me nervous, especially Bandit I couldn’t read their movements very well, since my family had never had pets. But right now Coco didn’t seem in a bad mood. She stopped next to my legs and put her big head down on my knee, peering up at me expectantly. I raised my hand carefully, not wanting to startle her, and held it in front of her nose so she could sniff it like Growl had showed me in the beginning.
Coco didn’t though, she licked my hand. Her tongue was warm and rough but against my expectation not disgusting at all, though the idea of all the places that tongue had been before wasn’t comforting. The dog’s warm breath on my skin and that obvious sign of tenderness brought tears to my eyes. I gently ran my hand over her soft ears and head, and she let out a deep breath. I couldn’t help but smile. I stretched out on the sofa and patted the spot beside me. Coco didn’t hesitate. She jumped up and lay down beside me, her muscled body pressed up against me. I stroked the length of her back, relishing in the feeling of her warm body beside me. The sound of claws on wood made me raise my head, just in time to see Bandit leap off the ground and land on the sofa at my feet where he curled up, his back pressed against the curve of my knees. I knew I’d be safe with them, and the scary noises from outside stopped bothering me.
With their bodies warming me, sleep quickly fell over me.
I wasn’t sure what woke me but when I opened my eyes, the sun had only just risen outside. Coco and Bandit were still snuggled up to me; that was probably the reason why I wasn’t cold, even though I didn’t have a blanket.
I had slept without nightmares, something that hadn’t happened in a while. Coco lifted her head to look at something behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and found Growl leaning in the doorframe, watching me and the dogs. “They usually don’t warm up to people easily. They must really like you for them to sleep at your side like that.”
I sat up, which wasn’t easy as Coco and Bandit were pressed up so closely to me. Both dogs gave me what I could only call reproachful looks because I disturbed their sleep, but finally my bare feet hit the ground and I was sitting upright. “Maybe they were lonely.”
“Why would they be? They aren’t alone. They have each other and I don’t leave them alone very often.”
“Just because someone isn’t alone doesn’t mean they aren’t lonely,” I said quietly.
Growl searched my face. “Are you lonely?” The intensity of his gaze made me want to hide. Instead I lowered my gaze to Coco and scratched her behind the ears. I heard Growl come up behind me. His hand brushed my shoulder, then throat. “Sometimes,” I admitted. “This house isn’t a place where it’s easy to feel at home.”
His fingertips traced my collarbone and the touch raised goose bumps on my skin. He didn’t say anything, neither did I. Slowly his hand slid under my nightgown until his fingertips brushed my nipple. I shivered at the tingle that shot through my body.
His hand cupped my breast and squeezed lightly. A small moan slid out of my mouth. Growl made a movement with his other hand and both dogs jumped off the sofa. Growl’s other hand joined his first and cupped my other breast. He twirled my nipples between his fingertips. He tugged a bit harder and pain mixed with lust. My legs parted as the pressure and heat between them became close to unbearable. I wanted him to touch me there, wanted him to elevate my need.
He leaned down, caging me in between his muscled arms and let one hand glide down over my stomach and through my curls. I shivered again and parted my legs a bit wider. After days without his touch, my body was practically thirsting for it.
What was I doing? When had I started craving his touch like that? When had I given up resistance altogether? Growl plunged a finger into my tight center, making me cry out. He twisted my nipple again and I moaned loudly. My head fell back and landed on his shoulder. I was already so wet, and as Growl tugged my nipples in rhythm with his finger pushing into me, I almost came apart. I fought my orgasm. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making me come within a minute of him starting to touch me.
His breath was hot against my throat as he licked the spot over my pulse point, then drew the skin into his mouth and suckled. I bit down on my lower lip, hoping the pain would calm me. He released my skin, then let his nose brush my throat up to the spot behind my ear. He let go of my breast and a low sound of protest pressed out between my lips. Growl purred deeply and the sound made me tremble in delight. His palm cupped my cheek and he angled my face toward his, then crushed his lips against mine. His tongue conquered my mouth. He tasted of fresh coffee and his mouth was unbelievably hot, everything about him was.
He dropped his hand from my face and returned it to my breast, continuing his ministrations. My nipple felt almost raw from his twisting but it felt too thrilling, too good to ask him to stop. A second finger joined the first. I exhaled, getting used to the fullness again, but Growl didn’t give me much time. He established a fast, hard rhythm. He claimed my mouth and breasts and pussy, my whole body. My legs began shaking as the pressure built higher and higher, and then I exploded. Waves of lust spread through my body from my core. I arched off the sofa, and cried into Growl’s mouth. He pushed his fingers even harder into me and gave a final tug of my breast. I sacked against him, completely spent and breathless.
Growl pulled his hand away and a sense of cold overcame me at the lack of his touch. But Growl appeared beside the sofa. He unzipped his pants and let them slide down his legs. His erect cock sprang free, already glistening. He cupped the back of my head and I let him guide me toward his cock, parting my lips as his tip brushed them. Growl held me in place as he fucked my mouth. Suddenly the desire to have more control overcame me and I pushed backwards. The grip on the back of my head tightened briefly but then he released me, confusion flashing across his face before it was replaced by a neutral expression. The moment he dropped his hand from my head, giving me free, I leaned forward and took him into my mouth again. Surprise filled his eyes, then pure lust. I swirled my tongue around his tip, then pulled back again to run my tongue from his base up to his tip. I curled my fingers around his length and moved it up and down slowly, trying to figure out how to move. Growl watched me as I licked over his balls. They tightened and a new drop appeared at the tip of his cock, emboldening me even further. One of my hands cupped his hard ass. The muscles flexed under my palm. The feeling of his strength gave me a thrill. How could his power intimidate me in every other situation but turn me on the moment we had sex?
I shut off my brain. I didn’t want to think, only wanted to feel. Sex was the only time when I felt something akin to freedom and happiness. Maybe it was wrong, but I was determined to cling to anything that helped me through the near future. I pumped his length fast and worked the tip between my lips. Soon Growl started to pump slightly, driving himself deeper into my mouth. I let him and then he tensed, letting out a guttural sound. I tried to swallow everything but a few drops ran down my chin. Growl hoisted me to my feet and claimed my mouth for another kiss. I kissed him back, wanting him to taste himself like I did. When he pulled back, we were both panting and sweating.
Growl let go of my shoulders and took another step back, just like that building the wall between us again. “Let’s have breakfast. I’m starving.” His voice was even deeper than usual. His eyes held mine for a couple of seconds more. He wanted to say something, it was clear on his face, but then he turned around and headed for the kitchen. I wasn’t even sure what I was hoping for exactly. Sometimes I wasn’t sure what I wanted. In the beginning everything had been about making Growl trust me so I could use him for my purposes, but now there was more.
I shouldn’t wait for something that was never going to happen. And what was even more important: I shouldn’t long for something that was so wrong. I couldn’t allow myself to forget why I was here, even if pretending made life easier. But I was a prisoner. Growl practically owned me, and even if he ever decided to let me go, which I doubted he’d ever do, no one in our world would touch me after I’d been with Growl, much less marry me. I was stained. Not fit for a good match anymore. I could never return to society. Las Vegas was dead for me. I leaned back against the sofa. A wave of loneliness was about to claw its way out of my chest again.
I caught Coco watching me. She looked confused. “I don’t understand any of this either,” I whispered. She tilted her head to the side. A small smile tugged at my lips at her confusion.
I pushed to my feet. I wasn’t going to drown in self-pity. It wasn’t like I needed or wanted Growl’s affection or closeness. Sex was a means to an end. It helped me feel better and it helped me understand Growl better. If I wanted a chance at manipulating him into letting me go and helping my family, I’d have to use any tricks I had.
Growl
His dogs didn’t like humans. Even he’d had to fight a long time for them to trust him. But Cara, they seemed to love her. If dogs were even capable of that kind of emotion. Growl was certain that the majority of humans weren’t either. They liked the idea of love, but never reached that level with someone.
Love. A silly notion. And dangerous. Horrible things had been done in the name of love. Or the idea of it.
Growl didn’t think he’d ever felt anything like it. At least he couldn’t remember. Perhaps he’d loved his mother when he’d been a small kid. He’d gotten a scar for it.
Love.
It wasn’t something he could comprehend.
Cara. That woman.
He felt something. But he didn’t know what it was. He’d never felt like this before.
She made him want to treat her right. She made him want to be better. She made him want so many things he shouldn’t want.
She was dangerous to him, to the life he’d built, to the person he’d become.
She wanted him to go against Falcone, against everything he’d worked so hard to achieve. That was why she let him touch her and why she sometimes smiled at him, why she talked to him and accepted his closeness. There could be no other explanation.
He knew that, and still he was like a moth drawn to her light. The only light that had ever penetrated the darkness that was him and his life.
