That night I was woken twice by nightmares. Not my own though. Growl was writhing and panting in his sleep. I hadn’t dared waking him. I had a feeling that he wouldn’t like it that I knew of his troubles.
It was strange seeing him distressed, his face twisted with agony. I’d never considered that something could bother him so much. Perhaps he was even more human than I thought.
He wasn’t in bed when I woke but I found him in the kitchen leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee as usual. Even now that we had a kitchen table in the penthouse, he still preferred to stand.
Coco and Bandit were sitting by his side, staring up at him with adoring eyes.
“Morning,” I said.
Growl filled a cup and handed it to me. I smiled and briefly touched his forearm in thanks. He didn’t move away and his gaze gave me pause. I drank my coffee and gave him the time he needed to say what he wanted.
“I have a request,” Growl said quietly.
“Okay.” What could I possibly do for him?
He peered down at Coco and Bandit. “Will you take care of my dogs in case anything happens to me?”
I frowned. “Nothing will happen to you. We’ll all go to New York together.”
“You should be looking forward to the prospect of my death,” he rasped. “I’m sure you’ve wished for it often.
I should hope for it, and in the beginning I had. I had even tried to kill him myself after all. Soon we’d risk our lives. Perhaps this was the last time we’d be together. It was strange to think about it. Even stranger that I was sad about it. I scanned his face. I was no longer scared of him, and I did no longer wish for him to die.
I reached out very slowly and traced the scar around his neck. Growl stilled but he didn’t stop me. Surprise washed over me. It felt like a miracle that he let me do it. And deep down I was suddenly afraid. Afraid of my emotions and what the future held for me.
“You won’t die. You’re the strongest person I know,” I whispered. I stepped very close to him and locked eyes with his.
“I’m not.” His amber eyes sucked me in. So many horrors lay beyond them, and yet I didn’t hate him, not anymore.
How could I have let this happen?
“What’s happening to us?” I asked quietly.
Growl frowned.
“What am I to you?”
“You are mine,” he said simply. His.
His possession? His gift? Only that, or more?
It didn’t matter. Once I was in New York, there was no future for us. I wouldn’t stay with Growl. I couldn’t, couldn’t do this to Mother and my sister. They wouldn’t understand, and how could they, if I didn’t know how it happened.
GROWL
“I will take care of your dogs if that’s what you want,” Cara said.
Growl wanted many things, things he’d never wanted before. Most of all he wanted to tell her that he didn’t want to lose her. And that for the first time in his life he was scared to die because he wanted to have more time with her, and at the same he was scared not to die and see her leave him the moment they were in New York.
“Coco and Bandit love you,” he told her.
She searched his eyes, but he wasn’t sure what she was looking for. Even now he hardly understand the workings of her brain. She was a mystery to him, would probably always be, but it didn’t matter. Somehow, she’d done what no one else had ever done. She’d bound him to her and he would always be loyal to her.
He’d been loyal to Falcone too. And he would have died for him, because Growl had never before cared if he lived or died. But now, now he wanted to live, and yet he’d gladly give his life for Cara, so she could be happy.
“And I love them,” Cara said softly.
The word ‘love’ from Cara’s lips did something to Growl he could not understand.
Cara
The next morning Growl woke me before sunrise. He had been gone all night and I’d been sick with worry because he hadn’t warned me that he’d be gone so long.
“We have to act today,” Growl said.
I rubbed my eyes. “What…” she stopped herself, realizing what he meant. She sat up. “Why? Did something happen?”
“Falcone is tired of negotiating with New York. I doubt he’ll have use for your mother much longer.”
I pushed out of bed. “Are we ready?”
We couldn’t fail.
“Ready enough,” Growl rumpled. “We have to risk it. We can’t wait. I found someone who will help us. I can’t take care of everything on my own.”
“Can we trust him?”
Growl shook his head. “I don’t trust anyone. But he’s on Falcone’s hit list, and I offered him a chance to escape. It also helps that Falcone killed his brothers and he’s out for revenge like we are. I was supposed to kill him.”
“Okay,” I said uncertainly.
“And I know him from when we were kids. His mother was one of Bud’s whores. He and I occasionally spent time together in the brothel.”
“You were friends?”
“No. I had no friends. He was scared of me even back then, but we often hid from Bud together, so we were allies.”
“Okay, if you think he won’t betray us, I believe you.”
Growl reached out as if to touch my cheek but dropped his arm. Disappointment filled me but I had no time to dwell on it. “You need to get dressed. Grab a few things for the drive to New York. I want to leave in fifteen minutes.”
I put on comfortable clothes and stuffed a toothbrush and a change of clothes into a backpack before I rushed out of my room. Growl waited in front of the door. Bandit and Coco were nowhere in sight. “I put them in the car already,” he said, as if he’d seen the question in my eyes.
I nodded, drawing in a shuddering breath. I wanted to say something but my mouth was too dry. Instead I stood on my tiptoes and gave Growl a lingering kiss. His eyes softened but mostly they looked melancholic.
“Let’s go,” he murmured, opened the door and stepped out.
When we pulled out of the driveway, a strange sense of wistfulness overcame me. Not because I would miss this hopeless area, but because I’d miss whatever odd connection Growl and I had developed. I wasn’t sure what the future would bring, but I knew Growl and I couldn’t be together. It wouldn’t work. It was wrong.
I risked a glance at the man beside me. Almost two months ago, we’d been in a car together as well, and back then my life had seemed over. I’d hated him, feared him, wanted him dead. He’d been nothing but a monster in my eyes. His gruesome tattoos didn’t repel me anymore, and neither did his scar, which I now knew was only one of many. I understood him better now.
He wasn’t a monster. He was monstrous in parts, had no choice but to turn that way to survive the horrors of his past. But there was a human side to him as well. It had shone through more and more in the time we spent together. Perhaps eventually it would win over his monstrous side, but I knew I couldn’t go his path to humanness with him. I had to think of my mother and sister.
The hope of being reunited with both of them gave me strength. I didn’t want to consider that today I could lose everything.
“I didn’t tell anyone that we’d be going to your mother today. First, I thought about pretending you wanted to visit her, but after Falcone’s words yesterday, that would have only caused suspicion. He might have worried that you would warn your mother of his plans to stop the negotiations.”
“You’re probably right,” I said. “Where will we meet the guy who’s helping us?”
“Mino will be at a meeting point in a deserted factory.”
“So he won’t help you fight Falcone’s bodyguards?” What was his purpose then?
“I prefer to fight alone.”
Suddenly it struck me that Mino was only meant as a driver, but that only made sense if Growl didn’t expect to be able to drive us himself.
I had no time to think about it because we parked in front of my old home.
Growl didn’t hesitate. Everything had to go very fast. He practically sprang out of the car and ran toward the house. He rang the bell, and a man I didn’t know opened the door after a moment. Growl grabbed his head and twisted violently like I’d seen him do months ago. The man dropped to the ground, and then Growl disappeared inside the house. My hand reached for the door. It was hard to stay in the car and wait. What if something went wrong and I wasn’t there to help?
What could I possibly do though? If one of Mother’s guards managed to overpower Grown, then that person would definitely have no trouble with me.
The seconds were trickling by and my palms were becoming sweaty. Then, finally, Growl stormed out of the house, dragging Mother after him. I let out a sigh of relief.
Mother was struggling against him, obviously convinced he meant her harm. I opened the door and that’s when she spotted me. Confusion crossed her face but she stopped fighting Growl, not that she’d been getting anywhere with her struggle anyway. I knew the power behind his grip.
Growl opened the back door and pushed Mother inside, then threw the door closed again. He sat behind the steering wheel mere seconds later and we drove off again.
Mother sat up from where she’d been sprawled out on the backseat, then noticed Coca and Bandit behind her in the trunk. She gasped and shied away.
“They’re harmless,” I assured her.
She gave me a questioning look. Her eyes darted between me and Growl, obviously unsure if she should speak in front of him. “Everything’s going to be okay,” I tried to calm her. “Growl is helping us run away from Las Vegas.”
Mother’s eyes widened. “But Talia?”
“We’ll get her first and then we’ll drive to New York.”
Mother shook her head. “I didn’t succeed. Luca wants nothing to do with the Camorra.”
“You aren’t part of the Camorra,” Growl interrupted. “You are family. He will take you in.”
I stared at him. “But you are. Doesn’t Luca know?”
“He knows. I’ve done too much in Falcone’s name.”
I didn’t understand. Would Luca take him in anyway? Or perhaps Growl had no intention of joining us in New York, and that was why Mino was supposed to drive us.
I noticed Mother’s scrutiny and averted my eyes from Growl. She couldn’t find out about my feelings.
“What about Falcone?” Mother asked.
“There’s no time to explain,” Growl said impatiently. His body was tight with tension.
He stopped the car behind a pick-up parking on the side of the street. “This is Mino’s car. I want you to get in there, and I’ll take care of Falcone.”
I glared at him. “I thought he would be waiting in a factory for us after we were done with Falcone.”
“I don’t want you around when I’m dealing with him. You’ll only be in the way, and there’s not enough room for Falcone if you and your mother are there.”
A burly man got out of the pick-up and waited.
“I won’t leave,” I said firmly.
Growl pressed his lips together. He was getting angry, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be part of this. “Alright,” he muttered. “But your mother will.”
He got out and flung open the back door. Mother gave me a frightened look. “What are you doing, Cara? This is madness.” She didn’t get further. Growl pulled her toward the pick-up and put her in the backseat, then he was back behind the steering wheel and we drove away. I peered over my shoulder at the pick-up that pulled away from the roadside and went off in the other direction.
“Your mother is safe. Mino needs our help. He and his family can only hope for safety if New York grants them protection, and the only way that will happen is if your mother puts in a good word for him. He has no choice but to make our plan work.”
That information calmed me. If you could trust in one thing, then it was that people wanted to save their own hide and protect their family.
The gate to Falcone’s mansion appeared in the distance. “There is a blanket in the back. Crouch in the leg room and cover yourself with it. I don’t want them to see you.”
I grabbed the blanket and did as he’d asked, trying to be as still as possible. A few minutes later, the car stopped and I heard the window slide down, then a male voice.
“Morning. Mr. Falcone is awaiting you.”
After a brief moment of panic, I reminded myself that Growl had mentioned he was supposed to meet Falcone to discuss another job. At least, that way nobody would grow suspicious. I heard the muffled shot and a body hitting asphalt. My heart pounded in my ears when the car was set in motion again.
