“Do you really want to go out?” I grimace over at Christian in the back my car. Miguel’s driving us in. Just to dinner, not out-out.
We’re meeting up with his friends.
My friends too these days, maybe.1
“No—” he concedes. “But — we’re going to have to go out eventually. Might as well be now…”
“Why might it as well be now?” I pout.
He sniffs a smile. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
The obvious answer considering everything that’s happened recently is that I’m shot, or worse, that he is.
I’m in the Kevlar. He refused.
I sigh. “What if a girl looks at you like she’s seen you naked?”
“Baby,” he laughs. “The whole world has seen me naked at this point. Fuck, I bet this guy’s even seen me naked—” He whacks Miguel on the arm.
“No comment,” Miguel says from the front.2
Christian nudges me with his elbow. “You nervous, Baby?”
“No,” I scowl at him, sitting up straighter. “I’m not scared of anything.” He smiles over at me and I sigh. “It’s just that if someone looks at you in a way that I hate, I’ll have to kill them — and then, that’s a mess we don’t need right now—” I shrug.
He nods a few times. “That is true.”
“So it’d be easier if we just didn’t go out.”
“Or…” He gives me a look. “You could just not… commit a murder…”
I give him a look.
“Verona’s PR said I just have to show my face for an hour, and then we’re out of here.” He breathes out his nose. “I thought you’d be happy to get a minute out of the house?”
“I am.” I nod quickly, that’s true. It’s been a lot.
It’s a miracle Julian even said yes to this. It was a yes with a thousand caveats.
Kevlar, both Miguel and Kekoa, an armoured car with an escort and no sitting near windows.
He pushes some hair behind my ear. “In and out, Dais.”
I breathe out my nose and I stare over at him as we pull up.
It feels extra strange now, everyone’s obsession with the sex tape, especially in light of Santino. But no one knows about that. I feel sick every time I think about Romeo being hurt, even though he’s okay now.
Okay is subjective. He’s losing his mind at the Compound, but he’s technically okay. He wanted to come tonight — how desperate he must have been to beg me to let him come out with Christian and I. I said yes, of course, but Julian said no. He said he would have said no about Romeo going out in general, but Rome going out with me? Disaster.
When Christian and I step out of the car it’s worse than you could have imagined — the paparazzi and the TMZ cameras everywhere.
“IS IT TRUE YOU LEFT VANNA FOR HER?”
“WHO IS SHE?”
“IS THIS DAISY?”
“DAISY ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BREAKDOWN OF VASTIAN?”
Miguel shoves the photographers and the reporters out of the way, making a way for us through into the venue.
I spill through the doors and it feels like everyone in the room turns and stares.
Christian squares up his shoulders and hooks his arm around my neck, leading me to the back where I can already see Magnolia and Taura peeking through the crowd staring at us.
“Vastian sounds like ointment for an STD.” I squint up at him and he laughs.
“Can’t say I was ever a really a fan of it, myself.”
Magnolia grabs my hands, pulling me down next to her at the table, hugging me tightly and in what world would we have ever thought that I’d find her embrace a relief, but I do…
“Was that horrible?” she asks, ogling the crowd. “London loves a scandal.”
I roll my eyes like it didn’t bother me.
“You look great!” Magnolia adds, eyeing my outfit.3 It sounds like she’s complimenting me but she’s really just complimenting herself, because she’s a fucking psychopath who downloaded an app on my phone and organises my outfits for every day of the week and every event in my calendar.4
“Want me to go out there and flash them?” Taura offers. “Divert some attention away from… hard to not acknowledge the elephant in the room—” She gestures to Christian.
“He is the elephant in the room.” BJ gives Christian a wink and he rolls his eyes, trying not to laugh.
The night goes on and it’s fine.
No one who isn’t with us is brave enough to approach, and I reluctantly admit to myself how much I like the friends I’ve found in these girls I used to hate.
After a little while Magnolia gazes across the restaurant and then whispers5 to me.
“Isn’t that the sexy policeman you used to date?” She asks brightly, peering past me.
Christian, BJ, Henry and Jonah all hear her because she’s a terrible whisperer and look over before turning back, each respectively mumbling, “Is he sexy?”6, “I mean, would you say sexy?”7, “Yeah, he’s pretty sexy”8 and “Not that sexy.”9
And Magnolia, Taura and I trade amused glances before I clear my throat and flash her a tiny smile.
“Yes, it is.”
He looks good.
Tiller always looks good though, that was never the problem.
Or, conversely, that was always the problem.
He’s with Dyson and his ex.
Even from here I can see those eyes of his, always light even in a dark place like this. He’s in a plain navy t-shirt and tatty blue Ksubis with Chuck Taylors, and if he didn’t have the face he has, no way would he get into a place like this with an outfit like that on, but after all, he is — despite what the boys here might want to admit — The Sexy Policeman.
“You’ve not seen him since you two ended?” BJ asks me but really he’s watching Christian, gauging him.
Christian’s eyes are pinched and his breathing’s slowed way down. He looks calm on the surface but I get nervous with the look behind his eyes.
All Christian’s spikes are up for me the way they go if someone hurts the person you love, but I don’t need his spikes up, I just need him.
I dig my chin into his shoulder to pull him out of it and shake my head at BJ.
“No.”
“Want to go fuck him up?” Jonah offers merrily.
“Yep,” Christian says, pushing back loudly from the table, but I grab his wrist, pulling him back down.
The pushback’s loud though, even in here, and Killian Tiller’s eyes flicker over to us.
His gaze settles on me, snug in the arm of the person he was always paranoid about.10 Tiller’s face pulls all tight and annoyed, but he tries to force a smile. He nods his head, signalling for me to come talk to him.
“I’m going to go say hey,” I tell Christian, who looks at me like I’m crazy.
“What?” He shakes his head. “Why?”
“Because!” I say loudly. “He’s my ex-boyfriend, we were together for a significant period of my life, for the vast majority of it, he was very good to me, and you and Julian are very likely to run into shit with him in the future, and I don’t think being on good terms with him is a terrible idea—”
“No.” Christian shakes his head. “I’m never being on good terms with him — don’t talk to him.”
I stare at him for a few seconds. “You have a sex tape with your ex all over the internet.”
“Oh, fuck — fine!” He groans. “That’s the only time you can use that for the rest of the week though, okay? I’m not getting you coffee in the morning.11 If there’s only one bagel left tomorrow morning, fuck you, I’m having it and you can’t say shit—”
I roll my eyes at him12 before heading over to Tiller.
He moves towards the edge of the bar, waiting for me.
“Well, hi.” I sparkle up at him.
Tiller runs his tongue over his perfect white teeth, eyes a little cinched. He doesn’t say anything, not at first. Leaves it for a few seconds, staring straight ahead behind the bar, then he looks down at me.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
I square my shoulders, arching my brows up at him. “That I got back with my ex-boyfriend?”
He does something with his face that’s like an all-over, tacit ‘yeah’.
“Oh, shit.” I roll my eyes sarcastically. “Did the singing telegram not arrive? That was prepaid.”
He gives me an unimpressed look so I poke him in the arm because he’s being hypocritical.
“You’re one to talk,” I tell him.
“How’s that now?” he asks, nose in the air, a little pious.
“You’re obviously back with Michelle.” I nod discretely in her direction.
Tilts his head. “Obvious, is it?”
I stare over at him. “Are you here for me?”
He says nothing for a few seconds. “They don’t know we are, but yeah.”
I nod once. “Okay. Is everything okay?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t have anything definitive to tell you, Dais, just that… It feels off?” He shrugs. “Something feels off.”
I frown up at him. “Bad chatter?”
He shakes his head, holding my eyes.
“No chatter. None.”
I frown a little.
“Everything’s quiet. Crime’s lulled, robberies are down. It feels like people are bracing for something—”
I cross my arms, like crossing them might keep whatever it is at bay.
“Like what?”
Tiller opens his mouth to say something and then shrugs a bit hopelessly. “I don’t know.” He sighs out his nose, he’s got his stress face. “Are you okay?”
I nod.
“Are you?”
He nods back. “He’s being good to you?”
I flash him a quick smile. “Yes.”
He gives me a small smile and the edges of it are sad. “Good.”
“If you hear anything—” I start.
He nods again. “I’ll call you.”
“Or drop by?” I offer.
A smile flashes over him, it’s quick and sad. “Probably not.”
“Fair enough,” I take a step away from him and pretend like that didn’t sting me a little bit. I give him a tiny, uncomfortable shrug, and gesture toward Christian. “Anyway, I should probably get back.”
He nods, measured. “Yeah.”
“You know you can call me, Dais. Any time.” He stares over at me. “Whatever you need.”
I reach over and squeeze his hand, but just for a second. “It was good to see you, Tills.”
He cocks a smile. “Liar.”
“Yeah.” I sigh, playfully. “Always preferred you in a doorway.”
He lets out a ‘ha’ as I walk back over.
“Everything okay?” Christian asks as I sit back down next to him. His brows are furrowed with concern and maybe a hint of jealousy and I kiss his cheek because I love doing jealous with him.
Magnolia clears her throat and leans over the table towards me. “If I might say — far too friendly with your ex.”
Christian, BJ, myself, Henry, Jonah and Taura all stare over at her, incredulous.
“Weren’t you, dating him—” I point to BJ. “Practically the entire time you were broken up with him?”
She shakes her head, interrupting me. “This isn’t about me—”
I cut in again. “—Including times when you were dating other people?”
“Yes, but—”
“And isn’t he technically still your ex-boyfriend now?” I clarify.
She rolls her eyes. “Well, technically—”
I toss Christian a look.
“Learn from me Daisy,” she says, like she’s a sister at a monastery. “Look where that got me — in a real pickle jar.”
BJ kisses her cheek in this too cute, too tender way13 and whispers, “That’s not the expression, Parks. It’s just ‘pickle’. You were in a pickle.”
Magnolia gives him a look like he’s the problem. “Doesn’t make sense.”
Christian scratches his neck, amused. “What doesn’t?”
“Why would I be in a pickle?” She shrugs, like we’re the idiots.
“Why would you be in a pickle jar?” I ask.
Magnolia’s eyes pinch together and I think she sees my point because she looks annoyed at me for a split second before she laughs airily and it sounds like bell chimes.
“I’m just saying—” She shrugs, snuggling into BJ in their ‘just friends’ way. “It wouldn’t matter if he was a normal police officer but he’s the one on the sexy calendar, yes?”
I look between her and the boys, shaking my head with a cautious confusion. “No?”
“Oh.” She grimaces a little. “Well, that’s a bit of a missed opportunity then, isn’t it? They really should get on that—” BJ gives her a look. “I mean—” She looks at Christian quickly. “No they shouldn’t! Eugh!”
Christian flips her off and I kiss his cheek.
“Don’t worry, man—” BJ grabs his shoulder, shaking it merrily. “I’d buy your calendar a hundred times over.”
“Big seller, the Gang Lords of London Calendar—” Henry interjects, grinning.14 “—Pretty decent spread between Christian, Jonah and Julian—”
“Romeo,” Magnolia adds.
“Fuck.” Christian rolls his eyes.
She smiles apologetically. “Sorry! Daisy has good taste in men, what can I say?”
“Nothing,” BJ tells her, with a look. “Please — just — nothing.”
The night moves forward, Christian runs upstairs to his office with the PR guy and I excuse myself to the bathroom.
The night’s unfolding less terribly than I’d foreseen, and I’ll admit that I’m relieved. It felt good to see Tiller. Like I cracked open a window and let the stale air out. I feel like I’m breathing clearer after it.
I make my way back to our table when—
“Fuck you!” someone yells out at me.
I know it’s her before I see her face. I turn on my heel and stare over at Vanna.
“The pair on you—” I shake my head at her. “Unbelievable. Do you know who I am?”
“Nobody.” She spits, eyes filling with tear. “You’re no one. No one gives a shit about you, no one knows your name.”
“Actually—” I grimace.“If you watch to end of that video it would appear that at least Christian knows my name.”
Her eyes go to slits.
“Vanna!” Magnolia pops up beside me. “It’s so good to see you—”
Vanna frowns, confused.
“You have such an incredible acting range—” Magnolia shakes her head. “I’ve loved watching you be so sad on the news, you’re so convincing.” Magnolia gives her a kind smile, except its edges are dull.
“I actually saw the alternative ending to your cheeky film—” She nods over at her. “What a plot twist!”
Vanna’s face falters. “What?”
“Christian saying her name at the end—” Magnolia points to me. “Ouch! Hey, tell me, how little self esteem does one need to have to stay with a boy when he calls you by another name mid-orgasm? I’m guessing, like, none?”
Vanna opens her mouth to say something and Magnolia reaches over and touches her arm gently.
“It’s coming out tomorrow.”
“What?” Vanna blinks.
“The amended version — the full version, if you will.” Magnolia smiles like she’s helping her.
“Distributing a sex tape that isn’t yours without consent is a sex crime.”
“I know!” Magnolia nods, emphatically. “I checked with legal counsel beforehand. Of course I had Christian’s express permission to release but not yours, but it’s arguable in a court of law that because you were happy to release it initially yourself—”
“Without Christian’s consent—” I interject.
Vanna shakes her head. “You can’t prove that.”
“Oh!” Magnolia winces. “No, but I can — I’ve obtained proof of a file transfer from your IP address to Martin Wallace’s IP address over at the Daily Mail, as well as an entire exchange between the two of you laying out the deal, and also a bank transfer into an offshore account of yours the day after the video went live.”
Vanna’s mouth falls open, and I stare over at Magnolia in15 awe.
“You should call your PR company,” Magnolia tells her with a smug smile. “It’s probably going to be a rough couple of weeks, but hey! That’s okay, all of Britain already knows that that’s just the way you like it.” Magnolia flashes her a curt smile and walks away.
Holy fuck.
Even my jaw drops at that one.
1 Maybe. Depending on the day.
2 But he did have many comments and one of them was he understood why I was so upset over our break up now.
3 Embellished leather mini dress (Valentino); Intarsia-knit cardigan in black (Burberry); Devon satin heeled mules (The Attico); Four Ring embellished leather pouch (Alexander McQueen); Meryl 18-karat gold hoop earrings (Anita Ko).
4 “How do you have access to my calendar?” I asked her and she just laughed breezily like it was an insane question.
5 Loudly.
6 Christian.
7 BJ.
8 Henry.
9 Jonah.
10 With good reason, I suppose.
11 “Yes, you are.” I interrupt him. He rolls his eyes before he concedes.
“Yes I am.”
12 And make a mental note to hide the bagels.
13 And I think I’m a bit in love with him too, but just in the way every girl alive is, so whatever, that’s neither here nor there.
14 “— Not a gang lord,” Christian interrupts.
15 Reluctant.
