Lunch at Mum’s today. Always loved a Sunday lunch, my mum. I haven’t always been the most obliging, but Daisy loves them. She actually loves them so much it makes me feel sad for her; how much she’s craved a family, how shit hers was to her, all things considered.
I don’t know, part of me thinks Jonah might have been right about Daisy being magic, because suddenly, Dad’s around again.
I don’t trust it, really.
He asked me to get lunch last week, I said no. As far as I’m concerned, you can’t really fuck off for fifteen years and waltz back in when you feel like it, but Mum’s happy.
Jo said he got a drink with him at the pub the other night. I don’t know why. He said it was fine. Dad just asked him a bunch of shit about himself, that it sort of felt like a first date.
When Daisy and I pull up to the estate, Uncle Callum’s leaving.
I give him a wordless wave and feel a bit relieved he’s heading off.
I don’t like him around Daisy. Don’t like him around me either, but there’s something in him that wants to keep him away from her.
Kind of mentioned it to Jonah in passing once and he palmed it off.
“He’s not so bad,” Jo said, shaking his head. “You’re just dirty at him because you were both tuning that same girl from Love Island at a party once and she picked him.”
That’s not entirely true.
Once I realised the girl I was tuning was also being tuned by my uncle, I went off her pretty quick, but yeah — fair assessment. I’ve liked Callum considerably less since then. I’ve been known to hold a grudge.
“Where’s he going?” Daisy asks as we talk into the foyer.
I shrug. “Who cares?”
I kiss her up against the wall in the hallway.
“Ay!” my brother jeers. “Are we making another video, then?”
Daisy glares over at him and Mum squawks somewhere from in the belly of the house.
“Jonah, we will not be making any sex tape jokes today—”
Jo tosses me a look. “No promises there.”
We walk into the dining room and Dad’s sitting there, head of the table, a bit like he never left.
Except that he did. Even if he didn’t. That office of his down the far end of the house might as well have been in fucking Prague for all we saw of him, for all he didn’t do.
I was raised by my mum. That’s it.
“Daisy.” My dad stands to shake her hand. “Good to see you again — thank you for not leaving Christian after the release of his sex tape.”
I toss him an annoyed look and Daisy links her arm with me, resting her head on my arm.
“Oh, Jud — then you’ve clearly not watched it—” she shakes her head at him. “It’s sublimely good work. If you had you’d know why we’re still together. He’s a talent.”
Daisy gives him a bratty smile and my dad sniffs, amused though he doesn’t look like he wants to, and me? I love her more than ever.
“Thank you,” I say into her ear when no one’s looking. Pull her over to the table and hold her hands.
Mum walks into the room, sweeps over to me and Daisy. Kisses the top of my head, kisses the top of Daisy’s and squeezes her shoulders.
“Tell me.” She sits down across from Dais. “How’s Romeo? I spoke to Julian, he said he’s with you—”
“He’s better.” Daisy nods. “He’s on some antibiotics to avoid an infection but he’s healing fine.” She gives my mother an appreciative smile.
“Is it weird?” Jo asks. “Like, him and Christian both sleeping there.”
Daisy frowns a bit but glares over at him. “Surely no weirder than you and Henry dating the same girl—”
“Fuck,” Jonah says under his breath. “Always at the ready with that in your arsenal.”
Daisy pokes her tongue out at him.
“Who is Romeo?” Dad asks.
“Bambrilla,” I say at the say time Jo says, “Daisy’s ex-boyfriend.”
Dad peers over at Daisy.
“Who Daisy saved—” Mum tells him with a look.
“Hardly.” Daisy rolls her eyes. “He had a bullet lodged in his brachial. I just fished it out.”
I toss my arm around her, proud, and kiss her head.
“Bambrilla,” Dad nods. “That’s—”
“Santino’s son,” Mum tells him.
Dad nods along, catching up. “You used to date him.”
“Yeah.” Daisy leans in to me. “For a very long time.”
I stare over at my dad, wondering whether he’ll keep picking at the scab that’s there — am I happy Daisy’s ex-boyfriend is living with her? No, of course. Do I trust him? I don’t know. But I trust her.
He stares back at me, then he leaves it.
Dad points to Daisy’s glass. “Lifesaver needs wine.” And he pushes back from the table.
Mum flaps her hands. “I’ll get it, I’ll get it!”
She flits away and Daisy looks over at Dad.
“So you grew up in Cawthorpe,” she tells him.
He nods, surprised. “I did.”
“Christian took me there the other week — it’s beautiful.”
Dad stares over at me so I look away. Something about Daisy saying that sounds like I was making an effort that I don’t really want to be making.
He gives me a look that feels weighted, and then he nods at her. “Yeah, it is.”
And then nothing. He says nothing, I say nothing — we just sit there, staring. I don’t know what to say to him, don’t know how to talk to him. I haven’t done it in years.
I don’t like that he’s making an effort, you know?
I’m twenty fucking five, I don’t need a dad now. I needed one when I was twelve and I found Mum crying alone in the pantry, when they shipped us off to boarding school, when I was fifteen and I got my fucking arse handed to me on the rugby pitch and I didn’t want to play anymore, when I fell in love with my best friend’s girlfriend, when I nearly fucked her last year in New York — I don’t need him now. I did it all already without him and I’m fine. So whatever effort he’s making, it’s too late and I don’t want it.
Jo’s staring at me and I feel like he’s in my thoughts. He’s better at this shit than me, forgives quicker and easier, is okay with a grudge — doesn’t hold them too easily, unless his ego’s bruised, then God help you. Jo’s just here for the good times for the most part. We’re not the same like that.
“So—” Jo shakes his head. “Any word on Parks’ little plan?”
“No.” Daisy rolls her eyes. “I’m starting to think she just wanted that video for herself.”
I pull a face and drain my glass, then look around.
“Where’s Mum with the wine?”
It’s been a few minutes.
Jo shrugs with his mouth.
“Barnsey!” Dad calls. “You need a hand?”
Nothing.
“Barnsey!” he calls again. Still nothing, and he pushes back from his chair. “Rebecca?” he calls.
Daisy’s eyes go bright with concern and she sits up straighter.
“Rebecca!” Dad proper bellows. The sort of yell you’re hearing, like, no matter where you are in this house, you’re hearing it.
Still nothing.
That’s enough to get me on my feet, Jonah too.
Maybe it’s what happened to Rem, maybe it’s what happened to Santino the other day, but I feel sick. Immediately.
We all fan out. Jo upstairs, Dad to the living room, me and Daisy to the kitchen.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” Daisy says, holding my hand, brows low.
I nod but I still feel sick anyway. We check the kitchen, the butler’s kitchen, the pantry — the cellar door’s open. I nod my chin at it and catch Daisy’s eye.
I flash her my gun.
‘I don’t have one,’ she mouths as she shakes her head. She darts to a kitchen drawer and sticks two utility knives up her sleeves — what the fuck life is this?
I pull Daisy behind me as I head down the stairs, push her against the wall so I’m shielding her a bit more. The light’s on.
We get to the bottom of the steps and I bring my finger up to my mouth to make sure she stays quiet.
We listen for about ten seconds. Nothing.
“Mum?” I call, and nothing.
Daisy pulls out her phone, pulls up the camera and flips it to selfie mode, then she angles the camera to the ground behind us — it takes me a few seconds to register that it’s Mum lying there on the ground. But not Daisy, she swings into action.
Me? I stand there staring down at her, my mum on the floor of our cellar, pool of blood coming from her head like she’s been hit over it — and I go blank for a second.
“Christian—” Daisy says but I say nothing.
It’s my mum — she came to all my games, dropped us off every Monday, picked us up every Friday, no excuses, always. She still does Easter egg hunts for us now. Christmas Eve she does the Santa footprints from the chimney like we’re five. She’s the best mum in the world, the only real parent I’ve had, really. At least for the years that count.
“Christian!” Daisy says loudly, catching my eye and staring at me before she says very clearly, “Call for help.”
“Jonah!” I yell. My voice sounds far away though. “Jo!”
“What?” My dad says, appearing at the top of the stairs. “What? What’s wrong?”
He runs down them and then sees my mum straight away.
He runs to her. Runs. Falls to his knees, picks up her head—
“No!” Daisy yells. “No, don’t touch her head!”
Daisy shifts herself, takes the weight of Mum’s head from Dad’s hands and lowers it back to the ground.
“She’s bleeding so much.” Dad stares at her, reaching to touch her face again.
“Please stop touching her,” she tells him as Jonah appears at the top of the stairs.
“Christian—?” He darts down. “What’s wrong? Is it — fuck,” he says when he sees her.
“Give me your shirt,” Daisy says to my dad. He just stares at her, blankly.
I take mine off and hand it to her, and Daisy holds it down on Mum’s head.
Dad throws Daisy’s arms away from Mum. “Stop, you’ll hurt her!” he yells savagely and then he hovers over Mum, touching her face.
“Barnsey — can you hear me? I’m sorry — I’m so sorry. I love you, I’ve always loved you — I just lost you for a while and — I just found you — and—” He pushes some hair behind her ears, then sees blood on his hand and it starts trembling. “Oh my God,” he says under his breath.
“Has someone called an ambulance?” Daisy asks.
“We don’t do police around here,” Jonah tells her with a look.
Daisy shakes her head at him. “You do today.”
“Barnsey—” Dad touches Mum’s face again, he’s crying now — it throws me that he is, that he cares this much in a visceral way after years of fucking nothing — he’s starting to get hysterical. Hyperventilating.
“Christian.” Daisy stares at me. “Take him away.”
“No—” Dad shakes his head. I move towards him and he jumps to his feet, ready to fight me. “No, please — I can help.”
“Jud.” Daisy stares at him. “You can’t help her, I can help her though, I just need you to to go stand over there with Christian—”
I grab him by the shoulders and pull him over, and he’s crying, heaving in my arms, and I don’t know what to do. I’m just staring at my mum on the floor, bleeding so much, holding my dad who I don’t think deserves to cry like that. I don’t think he deserves to care like this when he’s been so shit for so long.
Daisy checks her pulse.
“Weak—” she says. “But it’s there. Give me your phone,” she tells Jonah. He hands it to her. She clicks on the flashlight and opens Mum’s eyes.
“Fuck,” she says under her breath and both Jo and I stare over at her.
Daisy shakes her head. “It’s going to be fine—” She nods to herself. “It’s going to be fine.”
I can hear sirens coming in the background, they seem far away. Everything seems far away.
My mum on the floor, my dad in my arms.
I stare over at Daisy and she stares back.
“It’s okay,” she tells me.
She’s lying.
