Standing in the hallway, my eyes are glued to the doors of the library Poppy disappeared through. I don’t know what I was thinking, coming here, but I didn’t anticipate it turning out this way. I should do something, but what can I possibly do? Resisting the urge to march back into the library and confront her again, I turn on my heel and slowly make my way back out of the building.
I wasn’t expecting Poppy to say that everything would be okay. I fucked up by not showing up and coming through for her. It’s all my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it now. Poppy needs some space and maybe that will help to change her mind.
Either way, I can’t just sit around and do nothing about this. I’ll walk away and give her some time, but this is far from over. Contrary to what Poppy thinks, I’ll never be done with her and I’m not going to let something like this get in the way of my end goal.
When I get back home, Isla and Logan are sitting at the dining room table, eating dinner. There’s a plate sitting out for me, but right now my appetite is nonexistent. Both of them fall silent when I enter the room, their questioning eyes on me as I take my seat and push the empty plate toward the center of the table.
“How did it go?” Logan is the first to question me as Isla gives me a death stare from across the table. When it comes to the two of them, Logan is always the lesser evil to deal with. When it comes down to it, he’s my best friend and he’s more likely to take my side. He might still shoot me straight and tell me when I’m being an idiot, but when it comes to matters of the heart, he seems to be more understanding.
My sister, on the other hand… she looks at me like she wants to drive the fork in her hand into my eye sockets.
“Not well,” I admit, grabbing the glass of water in front of me as I take a sip. “Poppy made it pretty clear that this is over.”
Isla’s eyebrows draw together as she glares at me, her top lip curling in disgust. “And that’s it? You’re seriously just going to accept that and move on instead of trying to make things better?”
Narrowing my eyes at her, I set my glass down in a rush, the liquid sloshing around in the cup. “Did I say that? Of course I’m not giving up on her. Jesus, Isla. This all just happened—what do you want me to do? Force her to be with me?”
“No,” she says slowly, her tone softer as her expression falls. “She would be a fool to be with you when your priorities are all fucked up, and Poppy doesn’t strike me as an idiot.”
“How are my priorities fucked up? Because I missed an appointment due to a practice I had no control over?”
Logan doesn’t say a word and he casts his gaze down to his plate of food before shoveling another forkful in his mouth. And this is when my best friend taps out. When his girlfriend—my sister—has her fangs pointed at my throat, Logan always backs down. He only intervenes if Isla is really out of line, so maybe she isn’t in this moment.
“Look, I get it because I grew up in a household where our lives revolved around hockey,” Isla starts, pausing for a moment as she sets her fork down on the table. “Poppy is new to all of this and doesn’t understand the sacrifices that families have to make when someone is so immersed in this world. From the way she’s seeing things right now, I’m sure it might look like hockey is more important than her and the baby.”
I stare back at her, her words soaking in, but I can’t help but jump straight to the defensive. “But that’s not the case. Yeah, hockey has always been my life and my main priority because of making it to the NHL. Things have changed since Poppy and the baby, but I can’t give up hockey entirely.”
I don’t know what the hell to even do right now…
“You don’t have to give it up… you just have to find some kind of balance.” Isla glances at Logan, who offers no advice as he shoves more food in his mouth. “Poppy is going to have to make sacrifices, but so are you. The least you could do is charge your goddamn phone and maybe reach out to her if plans change. I’m sure if you would have done that in the first place, this wouldn’t even be an issue like this.”
Isla is right. Poppy said as much, but I don’t know how I can change what has already happened. I know I should have reached out to her, but I’ll be honest, I lost track of time, and fuck—my sister is right. I didn’t make it a priority like I should have.
The appointment might have been one of the most important ones and I wasn’t there for it. At the time, it wasn’t in the forefront of my mind that it was that important. After seeing Poppy’s face and the way she reacted, I now know I was wrong. So fucking wrong.
I can understand her reservations and why she wouldn’t want to be involved with me. Poppy was so damn unselfish, refusing to make me choose between her and hockey, and I am so grateful for that. That might have been the hardest decision I would have ever had to make.
The thought never crossed my mind in the past because hockey was always the most important thing. I kept things superficial and at face value for that main purpose. Attachments were never formed because I didn’t want it to ruin my dreams and goals. If you would have asked me six months ago, hockey would have always been my first priority, no hesitation.
I can’t confidently say that now. Would I hate to make that choice? Sure. But if I had to, I would and I now can see what is more important. When it comes down to it, I would choose Poppy. I will always choose her.
“How can I make this better?” I ask the two of them, looking to Logan for some kind of guidance. He has more experience with relationships and making them work than I do. “I need her to know she comes first over everything.”
Logan shrugs. “Grovel, bro. There’s literally nothing else you can do but beg for her forgiveness.”
“Words aren’t everything,” Isla interjects, as she finishes the food on her plate. “You have to show her too. You could literally tell her whatever you wanted to, but when it comes down to it at the end of the day, your actions are what are going to be the deciding factor for changing her mind.”
I look back and forth between the two of them. “How the hell am I supposed to show her? Give up hockey?”
“Absolutely not,” Logan tells me without hesitation, earning a sideways glance from Isla. He doesn’t miss it and turns to look at her. “After the years of fucking work your brother has put in, you really think he should give up hockey?”
Isla lifts an eyebrow at him. “I didn’t say that, I just found it interesting how you didn’t hesitate at all.” She pauses for a moment, rolling her eyes. “If there is anyone who is a faithful, blind supporter of their significant other playing a demanding sport, is it not me?”
“Of course it is, baby,” Logan murmurs, his hand reaching out for hers. “And I couldn’t be more thankful for your support. I know how stressful and how much it can be on you sometimes. I appreciate you and I will forever.”
Isla smiles at him, the warmth radiating on her is infectious. The two of them had the odds stacked against them since they were in high school. If there were any two people that deserved to be together, it was my best friend and my sister. And after everything that they’ve been through, they make it work.
“See,” Isla offers, looking at me as Logan rises to his feet. He leans down to her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before clearing their plates from the table. I watch as he disappears into the kitchen before glancing back at my sister. “He offered all of those words that seem so fucking good, but at the end of the day, they don’t mean anything if he doesn’t follow through. Which Logan does. Sure, he might miss important things because of hockey, but we communicate about those things.”
“So, what it really comes down to is sacrifice, communication, and actions?” I question her, feeling overwhelmed but determined with this new little road map I have. “I need to prove myself to her, but only by showing her.”
A grin slowly consumes my sister’s mouth as she rises from the table. “See, I knew you weren’t stupid, August.” She laughs lightly as she pushes in her chair. “Give her a little bit of space to think and breathe. And then you go grovel like your damn life depends on it.”
Smiling at Isla, I watch as she disappears into the kitchen to help Logan clean up. I don’t move from my place at the table as I reach for my plate and slide it back in front of me. My appetite might not be what it should be, but I feel less sick to my stomach and more hopeful.
It’s not a guarantee Poppy is going to take me back, but at least I have something I can start with. All I can do at this point is try and hope for the fucking best.
It’s early morning and I’m still groggy as I tighten up the laces of my skates. Cam comes strolling in, looking like he quite literally rolled out of bed and rushed to get here. He drops down onto the bench beside me, dropping his head into his hands with an exasperated sigh.
“Jesus, I thought these early morning practices were, like, just something we did when we were kids,” he mumbles as he lifts his head and runs his hand down his face.
“Long night?” I ask him, raising an eyebrow at him as I reposition my socks on my legs. “You look like you didn’t get any sleep.”
Cam sighs again, slipping his feet out of his sneakers before standing up to strip out of his sweatpants. “Not a long night in the way I would have liked it.” He pauses for a moment, his voice lowering after he surveys the room. “Just a bunch of shit going on.”
“Shit,” I breathe, securing my chest protector in place before putting on my elbow pads. I stop for a second, watching Cam who is avoiding my gaze as he begins to put on his gear. “You wanna talk about it at all?”
“It’s fucking complicated.” He sits back down and shoves his feet into his skates before looking up at me. “Aspen… I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Things get more serious than you planned?” I ask him, grabbing my stick as I watch some of the guys head out of the locker room. Logan and Hayden are walking together, bullshitting about something, but neither of them pays any attention to the two of us. Cam’s been tight-lipped about how much time he’s been spending with Aspen, but I’ve noticed.
Cam shrugs as he tightens his skates and ties them before standing up. “Yep.” He slips his hands into his gloves before grabbing his stick. “I’m pretty positive I pushed her as far away as possible and I don’t know what the hell to do about it.”
The thought of the tournament weighs down on my mind as it mixes with the conflicting thoughts of Poppy. It’s basically the biggest tournament in college hockey that leads up to the championship game. It’s something that looks good on your hockey career résumé if you can say you played and won. We have won the championship the past two years and it would be amazing to be a part of it happening again this year.
Shit, if we win my entire four years in college, that alone would speak volumes. I’m not necessarily worried about not getting drafted into the NHL, but anything that helps me be one of the best is a plus. We’ve worked so hard to get this far and seeing Cam struggling feels like my own damn struggle.
“Take it from my experience with Poppy… You gotta talk to her about it and be up-front.” I walk alongside him as we head toward the tunnel that leads to the arena.
“I know. Thanks, bro.” Cam smiles at me, clapping his gloved hand to my shoulder. “I appreciate you.”
I shrug, brushing off the sappiness. “It’s what family does, right? They come through when you really need them.”
Cam nods, smiling as he breaks out into a jog and slides onto the ice as we reach the end of the tunnel. Pausing outside of the rink, I watch the guys skating around as practice begins and I know what I need to do. I need to come through for Poppy.
And it starts with me on my knees, pleading for her forgiveness.
Because I’m not giving up on us this easily.
