“don’t want to say it but I really think that I miss him”—chaotic by Tate McRae
“Please can we cut the ‘let’s get to know each other’-bullshit? I’ve had enough of that the past weeks,” Lily says the second she steps out of her boyfriend’s car and walks up to me.
“Gladly.” Approximately half a heartbeat later, Lily wraps her arms around me so tightly, I think my lungs stopped working for a whole minute.
I’ve been waiting in front of the hockey arena for half an hour, worrying about what to say and how not to make this awkward only for Lily to shriek in excitement and hug the devil out of me.
Lily is nothing like I imagined. She’s always been the loud one, laughing and full of joy. We’ve just met two minutes ago, and something tells me the fire that was always burning within her is no longer alive.
She seems awfully quiet, though still excited. If we’d been in touch for far longer than the two minutes, I’d ask her what the dark cloud above her head is about, but I don’t feel comfortable enough to ask yet.
Aaron gets out of his car just when Lily and I pull away from our hug.
“You are so pretty,” she says, taking my hands in hers like she can’t believe I’m actually standing in front of her. Truthfully, I can’t believe she is standing in front of me either.
I’ve been imagining what it would be like to reconnect with my childhood best friend, what it would be like when we meet again. None of the scenarios that went through my mind came close to this.
Even though we haven’t had the chance to really reconnect yet, it still feels like we’ve never spent time apart.
“Oh my god, Sofia”—Lily looks at Colin then back at me—“This is Colin, my boyfriend.”
He nods his head at me once, giving me a small smile before he wraps his arms around Lily from behind.
“I know, I’ve met him before.”
“I just wanted to say it. I never had the chance to do that before.” Lily giggles at something Colin whispers into her ear, then quickly shakes her head.
The things love can do to a person… It all seems so perfect, like love is the easiest thing in the world when in reality the honeymoon phase will be over sooner than later and what comes next is fights over fights. Giggling at something whispered in one’s ear will appear as often as one can see a cockroach in the sky.
I once read that as soon as the honeymoon phase is over, you start seeing the flaws in your partner. And apparently, looking past them and still find the person you love is pretty damn difficult. Hence couple parting ways rather early on in their relationship.
Still, seeing Lily this in love makes me happy. She definitely deserves it.
Suddenly I feel the bow on the back of my head loosen up. When I reach my hands back to tighten it, my fingers collide with someone else’s.
Turning around, my eyes land on Aaron’s. He’s grinning down at me, licking his lips before opening his mouth. “Can’t believe you still wear these things.” Only when he twists the satin ribbon in his hands do I notice that he pulled the whole thing out of my hair.
I snatch it away from him, narrowing my eyes when I say, “Go fuck yourself, Phoenix.”
“No need to get all feisty with me, Icicle. I always liked the bow in your hair. It’s like your trademark.”
“You always made fun of me for wearing it.” He also kept pulling the ribbon out of my hair. Every. Single. Time.
“I wasn’t making fun of it. I merely thought it’d look better in my hair than yours.” He winks, then gives me a lopsided smile.
“Stop bothering Sofia, Aaron. Don’t you have hockey practice to get ready for?” Lily asks, coming up beside me.
“Coach isn’t there yet, so I’ve got some more time to annoy her.”
“I’ll take care of him.” Colin bats his lashes at Lily, then looks at me for just a second and back at his girlfriend, like he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her even if it would save his life. “Miles and Grey should be here any minute. Think you can wait for them without me, mi sol?”
Lily rolls her eyes then nods. “I’m not four, dumbass.”
“Just asking.” He then leans in to give his girlfriend a kiss before swinging an arm around Aaron’s shoulders and forcing him to walk inside of the arena. Aaron tries to look back, but Colin turn Aaron’s head to face forward.
As soon as the entrance doors close, Lily turns to me.
She lays her hands on either side of her jaw, looking at me through her lashes while refraining to smile. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe you’re actually here.”
“I almost wouldn’t.”
“Aaron said they just gave your room away.” I nod. “So now you live with Hugo?”
For a second there I’m wondering how she knows that my aunt still lives with him, but then I remember that her mother and Nicole are neighbors. “Unfortunately.”
“You could have my room. Colin and Aaron insist on me staying at their house, so I no longer need my room at the dorms.” It certainly would make my life a whole lot easier. Living with my uncle… it’s like living in a bar filled with pedophiles. “You’d have a roommate. She’s a bit much sometimes, but I think you could handle her pretty well. Just think about it.”
I want to tell her that no matter how difficult her roommate is, she’ll be a lot better than Hugo. But before I get the chance to open my mouth and speak, a car stops right next to us.
“These are Miles and Grey—”
“I know. I’ve met them before.”
Lily groans. “I hate that everyone got to see you before me. That’s simply not fair.” We both laugh because it’s true. I should have met Lily before everyone else. She should have been the one to introduce me to everyone and help me get comfortable at St. Trewery.
We watch as Miles helps a little blonde girl out of the car, closes the door and holds her hand while they walk up to us. She giggles at something her father says, then scrunches up her nose as she looks up at him with admiration in her eyes.
As soon as they come to a stop in front of Lily and me, little Brooklyn hides right behind Miles’s leg. Miles doesn’t exchange many words with us either. All he voices is a quick, “Thank you for doing this for me.” Then he gives us a short but information-filled rundown on things Brooklyn hates—movies that don’t include princesses—and stuff she loves—anything with princesses—before he moves on to allergies. She doesn’t have many, but she does have one. She’s severely allergic to strawberries, but she keeps insisting on not being allergic so she could have anything strawberry flavored.
He also asks us not to wear anything strawberry scented because she’s reacting to artificial scent too. Fortunately, neither Lily nor I wear anything strawberry scented today. He probably should have given us a heads up about that though.
↞♡↠
As quiet as Brooklyn has been when I first met her, I’m quick to find out that she’s quite the talker.
Lily and I keep trying to keep her occupied with drawing something, but she insists on standing on top of the seats to watch her father’s hockey practice. And whenever he passes us, I almost get a heart attack because I think she might fall off the goddamn seat from excitement.
She jumps up and down, twirling around like the little princess she is.
“Remind me to never have children, please,” Lily laughs, sighing in exhaustion. We’ve been watching Brooklyn for one hour, and yes, I, too, am exhausted. Then suddenly, Lily no longer watches the ice, her head snaps toward me like her life was depending on it. “Do you still skate?”
“Sometimes, yes. Not while I’m here though.”
My Coach was ready to tie me to the rink when I told her I’d be gone for five months. She tried telling me figure skating was more important than my education, and that I’d need the training if I wanted to continue winning medals and such. But I never even wanted to become a professional figure skater.
Sure, skating is fun. I loved skating while Lily and I were partners. I loved it when I started from scratch in Germany, too. Everything was new and exciting. I love it with all of my heart, but it’s not what I want to do. Skating is a hobby, not something I can see myself doing until my limbs give up.
“I’m sorry,” Lily whispers like it’s her fault. “I’ve been wondering if you quit because I tried googling you so many times, but I never found anything.”
A chuckle leaves me faster than my mind could comprehend her words. She tried googling me. “Did you check the German websites?” I know for a fact there are articles about me on the internet.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some much talked about figure skater, but I’ve won my fair share of medals and prices over the last couple of years.
Lily slaps a hand to her face. “No,” she laughs. “I wouldn’t have understood it, so I skipped them.”
“So, you followed up on me?” I raise my brows at her.
“Obviously. But I couldn’t find anything. I even made Aaron try and find you, but he said you were unfindable.”
“Where the hell did he look for me? ICQ?” But he looked for you. It’s more than you could say about him.
I did look for Aaron. In some ways. I tried finding him on Facebook once at the age of fourteen. I couldn’t find him. So the most unrealistic fairytale built itself up in my mind. That being Aaron coming to find me in Germany, apologizing for taking so long but he was searching through the entire country to find me. And now he had finally found me.
But like I said, it was just unrealistic. Even I knew it.
“I’m not sure, he never said anything. But I was convinced if one of us would find you, it’d be Aaron.”
I’m so close to asking why that is, when Brooklyn decides to cut in. “My uncle Aaron?”
Uncle Aaron. I figured the four of them were close, but I honestly didn’t think close enough for Miles to give either of the guys the title of his daughter’s uncle.
“Yes, Dimples, your uncle Aaron,” Lily says while she boops Brooklyn’s nose.
She giggles in response. “DADDY!” Just like that, Brooklyn stands on the seat again, waving at Miles as he skates past us. He waves back, but I doubt he heard her yell for him.
I use the moment of distraction wisely. “Why would he be the one to find me?”
Lily’s eyes snap back to mine, softening when she notices my confusion. “Please.” She reaches toward my neck, pulling out the necklace from underneath my shirt. She holds the Lego-pendant in the palm of her hand, smiling. “He never took it off. Not until he was eighteen and Winter threw a whole tantrum about it. If she didn’t, I bet he’d still wear it today. Daily.”
I took mine off earlier than he did then. I’m only wearing it now because I wanted to see if Aaron would notice. He didn’t. If he did, he didn’t say anything.
“Lily…”
“Look, it’s been ages. I don’t think you two could still have feelings for each other, if you do, then you’re certainly destined for one another. I hated it once; you know how weird the whole thing was for me with my parents. Sure, we were young, and you probably didn’t understand the situation. I also hated that you saw him more often than I did, which is why I didn’t like the two of you together. Then again, we were children. I didn’t even know what that thing was between the two of you. It doesn’t matter anymore. Aaron can date whoever he wants, so can you. If by some miracle, you two find together, I’ll cheer you on.”
Where the hell does she get all this from?
“Did your relationship mess up your brain?” I ask, trying not to laugh. “I don’t have feelings for your brother. That is even more unrealistic than my dreams.”
Lily shakes her head holding her hands up like I was holding her at gunpoint. “I’m just saying. He was in a perfectly good relationship with the most annoying person ever. He broke up with her because she demanded he take off the necklace.”
Like he could sense us talking about him, Aaron suddenly slaps his hand against the tempered glass to get our attention. When Lily and I both look up, he points toward the exit doors.
His eyes stay on me the whole time. Even when Lily gets up and walks up to him, slapping her hand against the glass right where his forehead leans on. And even when he feels the vibration, his eyes still stand connected with mine.
Something passes between us. Something oddly familiar but also completely new.
It’s a strange feeling, one I’ve never felt before. A shiver that doesn’t just touch the surface of my skin but also digs deeper.
It’s like my whole blood has been exchanged with lava, but not hot enough to kill me either.
The way his eyes linger on mine, then slowly wander down my neck leaves my skin burning. At least until I realize why he keeps looking at me with such intensity.
The. Goddamn. Necklace.
