The only thing saving me from collapsing face-first into my bed after Cal leaves is Cami needing to get to camp. After her spending a week away from all her friends, she is beyond excited to go back, which motivates me to get moving.
It’s not until I finally drop her off that I am able to process everything. At least, that is what I had planned before my friends showed up at my front door, each of them carrying a bunch of grocery bags.
“What are you two doing here?” I gawk at Violet and Delilah as they shuffle into the guesthouse.
“We were summoned.” Violet drops her set of plastic bags on the counter.
“By whom?”
Delilah begins unpacking the bags. “Cal.”
I rear back. “Cal asked you to come here? Why?”
“Because he might be an idiot, but at least he’s a thoughtful idiot who knew you would wallow in your misery for a few days before giving us a call.”
I drop on to the couch and cradle my head in my hands. “Oh my God.” My chest tightens to the point of pain.
He called your best friends because he knew you would avoid everyone until you could face them.
The way he can predict my every move… It makes me both happy and sick at the same time. Happy because I found someone who understands me on a cellular level, and sick because that person has all the power to abuse it.
And abuse it he did.
My eyes itch.
Don’t you dare cry.
I rub at them until the tears disappear, although the heaviness pressing against my shoulders remains.
“Did he tell you about…” My voice drifts off as I think better of revealing the inheritance.
“The will?” Violet finishes for me. “Yeah, after he swore us to secrecy.”
“He told you?”
“He didn’t want you to feel obligated to keep a secret like that from us.”
Oh, God. My shoulders slump. Why would he risk the consequence of losing his inheritance for me?
Because he cares.
I shake my head. “I can’t believe he told you about the will.”
“He did emphasize how we couldn’t tell anyone or else his brothers will most likely ruin our lives.” Delilah’s lips press together.
“Either way, I still can’t believe he said anything.”
“He was a bit nervous, but I think only because he didn’t like the idea of leaving you behind.”
My chin trembles.
Delilah drops on to the couch on the other side of me and pulls me into a hug. “It’ll be okay.”
Violet also throws her arms around me. “You will get through this.”
I hope so, because right now the idea of moving on from Cal feels impossible.
Especially when he plans on coming back.
It’s been a rather quiet dinner. I’ve spent a majority of the meal stuck in my head, only speaking to ask Cami questions that get her going off on a tangent, her mouth running faster than an airplane engine.
“Can we watch a movie tonight?” Cami asks in the middle of dinner.
“Sure,” I say absentmindedly as I twirl my pasta around my fork with no intention of actually eating it. My appetite dwindles with every reminder of Cal.
The empty placemat beside me.
The sink full of dishes that he would have volunteered to clean without me asking while I helped Cami wash her hair.
Merlin curled up underneath the table, right beside my feet, keeping me constant company.
“I miss Cal.” Cami sighs.
My heart tears in two. “You do?”
She nods. “He told me he would be back.”
My fork clatters against the plate. “He did?” The words come out like a wheeze. I only heard Cami asking him for a pinky promise, so I have no idea what Cal said to Cami while he was in her room.
She perks up. “Yup. After he gets better.”
The tightness in my throat doesn’t ease no matter how many deep breaths I take. “What else did he say?”
“He asked me to take care of Merlin for him.” Her eyes brighten. “And you.”
My lips press together to suppress the sob threatening to escape.
“Do you think he will come back soon, Mommy?”
“I’m not too sure.” I crack at the end of my sentence.
“Do you love love him?”
My brows tug together. “Why are you asking?”
“Because he told me he love loves you.”
A sharp stab of pain shoots through my chest. “I know.”
“Will he be my new daddy?”
“I don’t know.” The air whooshes out of me like a balloon losing all its helium.
Her smile wobbles. “I told him I wished he was.”
I blink. “You did? When?”
“On my birthday.”
Oh, Camila. I pull her into a tight hug. “Is that what you want?”
She nods against my chest.
I knew Cami would love Cal. It’s impossible not to, but hearing her admit she wanted him to be her dad cuts through me, especially when I’m not sure that will ever happen.
Cal might return, but how long will it take for him to fall back into destructive patterns? I refuse to let Cami be affected by him—no matter how much I wish the three of us could be together. If he chose to get sober for an inheritance, it will never stick. That much I know.
And I’m not going to wait around this time and watch the person I love most hurt himself again, even if I lose a bit of myself in the process once I let him go forever.
It’s not until Cami goes to sleep for the night that Cal leaving truly hits me. His memory lingers in every corner of the house, reminding me of the happiness we shared together before he blew it all up.
Even Merlin seems sad about his owner’s absence. He sits on the couch in the same spot Cal always occupied during movie nights. I try to relax on the other side and watch something, but my mind continues to drift back to everything about Cal.
Is he feeling bad about everything that happened?
Did he mean what he said about going to rehab because he wanted to rather than doing it for his inheritance?
Will he come back sober and willing to do whatever it takes to get me back or will he give up the moment I show a bit of resistance?
Questions run through my head, making it impossible to concentrate on anything happening on the screen in front of me.
With a groan, I shut the TV off and abandon my spot on the couch. Walking toward my room, I pause outside the door and turn toward the closed one across the hall.
Don’t even think about it.
Except I’m not thinking as I enter the empty room Cal once occupied. He went out of his way to make the bed, which is something he never did unless I asked him.
I’m so quick to move on from the bed, I nearly miss the white rectangle that doesn’t quite match the eggshell-colored comforter. The dull discomfort in my chest morphs into a sharp ache as I pick it up and read the message written across the back in Cal’s messy handwriting.
I dare you to wait for me.
The real me.
The sober me.
The best me who wants to spend the rest of his days getting drunk on life with you.
He draws out a scoreboard that matches the plank we had, except there is an added tally to my side that wasn’t there before.
I flip the photo. My vision blurs as I take in the three of us at Dreamland. Cami and I face the camera with beaming smiles, but it’s Cal who steals the show with his smile. He looks sober. Alive. Happy.
I lose the battle with gravity and fall against the mattress, holding the photo to my chest like a life raft in the middle of an ocean. One edge creases from my carelessness, so I’m quick to place it on the nightstand.
Everything smells like him. The bed. The sheets. The pillow I end up cradling against my chest as I curl into a ball.
I dare you to wait for me.
Seven words steal my breath and fuel my tears. They fall down my cheeks before soaking the pillow beneath me. I’m not sure why I’m crying. Is it out of sadness? Hope? Fear that what he says might not be true?
Maybe a mix of all three if I’m being honest.
I make a promise to myself to leave in a minute. Except a minute comes and goes, and I still find myself unable to move from his bed.
At some point, Merlin curls up against me. The fact that Cal left him here tells me one thing.
He really does plan on coming back whether I want him to or not.
And a part of me wants him to do just that.
