The good news didn’t last long. Well, the news remained good, but my mood had been shit the last few days. We didn’t have a game tonight, which would’ve been a fantastic distraction to the fact Mrs. G had lunches set up with Eric.
I accidentally stumbled upon them at a café near the football house. She laughed, because of course, Eric was charming when he wanted to be. Between seeing that and Luca’s complete disappearance from the house, I was in a funk.
The fact two jocks were the reason for my mood annoyed me. How dare they make me feel less than wonderful? Fuck that. I adjusted my scarf and hat, walking faster toward home. It’d be a rom-com kind of day.
“Lo, wait a sec.”
That voice.
Eric.
Fuck. Masking my face to indifference because we didn’t care about him at all anymore, I turned toward him.
“I thought that was you. I’d know that hair anywhere.” He laughed awkwardly and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I tried texting you.”
“I know, and I didn’t feel the need to respond anymore.”
“Fair. That’s entirely fair.” He scanned me, his eyes softening. “You look good.”
“I’m cold, what did you want?”
“Have a minute?”
“Not really.”
“Please, I’ll walk you back to your place.”
“Then you can rush off to Mrs. G?”
“It’s not what you think.” He ushered his arm to the left, the opposite direction of the football house.
“I live there.” I nodded east. “With the football guys.”
He frowned. “Interesting.”
“Walk fast.”
“That, I can do.”
We matched pace, the wind whipping our faces and I led us into the front room. No one was home, thankfully, not that it mattered. I didn’t owe anyone a thing. I plopped down on the sofa, crossing my arms and legs. “Okay, so what’s up?”
“My dad cheated on my mom. On… all of us. He had another family.”
“Whoa.” My stomach sank.
“Yeah.” Eric gripped the back of his neck. “I found out this summer, and it’s been really fucking hard. My mom had no idea, and well, I pushed everyone away. Was an asshole. I needed to pretend it didn’t happen, and it’s no excuse for doing what I did, but I hope you know that I did love you. I miss you. You were… are… an amazing friend. You would’ve been there for me, and I’m sorry for hurting you.”
Blinking away emotion, I ran my hands through my hair, unsure what to say. He’d dropped a lot on me. “Are you okay? Is your mom?”
“I’m seeing a therapist.” He gave me a sheepish smile. “It’s been helping, honestly. I’m so angry, and I need to figure it out. My mom is not—she’s getting through it.” He exhaled, his brows twisting together. “Mrs. Gravestone’s someone my mom knew. She heard about what happened and wanted to check in on me.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” He smiled again, adjusting his sweatshirt for a beat before meeting my eyes again. “She told me I’m out of the running for the internship now. She’d rather mentor or check in with me this way, and I’m alright with it. I know how much you want the spot at her company, and I hope you get it. I’ve told her how hard you work.”
“Eric.” I stood, needing to do something, and I opened my arms. The front door opened, and heavy footsteps followed, but Eric pushed up and wrapped his arms around me. He smelled like outside and leather, but instead of the rush I used to get, I had closure. Like ending a book. “I’m sorry your family is going through this. Thank you for telling me.”
He squeezed me, running his hands up and down my back. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
We broke apart, and he cupped my chin. “I don’t deserve a second chance, but—”
“Friends, Eric. We can be friends.” I smiled, shoving his hand away. “Nothing more.”
“Great.” He sighed, rocked back on his heels and eyed the room. “Can’t believe you live here.”
“Won’t be for much longer.” I’d found a solid two bedroom place a few blocks from here last week, and Mack and I were gonna check it out soon.
He walked toward the door, staring at me hard. “Thank you. For listening, for not hating me.”
“Eh, I did for a little bit.”
He laughed and walked out. “I’ll see you around, Lo.”
I shut the door, exhaling in relief once he left. While I hated what he and his mom went through, it explained why he became a different person. It gave me that closure. And he wasn’t in the running for the internship? Even better.
“I take it by the smile on your face that you’re happy you talked to Derrick?” Luca asked, leaning against the doorway into the kitchen.
He wore a navy thermal and jeans along with a ski cap, and damn, he was handsome.
My stomach swooped in a very different way, and my skin tingled. We hadn’t seen each other for more than a few minutes since our chat. It was better to put distance. He raised his brows, like he expected me to talk.
“I’m not happy, no, but I got the closure I needed.”
“So that was a goodbye hug?”
“Yes.”
“He didn’t deserve it from you.” He walked toward me, his jaw set in a hard line. Once he stopped in front of me, he ran his hand down my arm, ending with my fingers. He squeezed my hand once before letting go. “Are you okay?”
I expected a sarcastic comment or something, not for him to use a gentle voice and ask in such a kind way. My voice shook, so I cleared my throat. “I am. Yeah. That’s…nice of you to ask.”
“I care about you, Lorelei.” His mouth lifted in a half-smile, his eyes blazing with heat and tenderness? It wouldn’t be love, that was crazy. But something soft hid behind his eyes, making my own feelings double.
He cupped my face, running his thumb over my lip. “I really fucking care about you. I don’t know what to do about it. I tried to stay away the last few days—”
“I knew it.” I shook his hand off, stepping back. “You can’t—”
“Because I’m scared, alright?” He let out a humorless laugh. “We have too much to lose, too much to risk. I want things with you I haven’t wanted before.”
“Like what?” I asked, breathless. I craved that too, so badly. It had taken most of my energy to avoid thinking about the almosts with him. Honestly impressed myself with how much I managed to tune out. Like how my feelings were in dangerous territory, near the point of no return. I wanted his grandma to be mine, his smiles to belong to me, and to take care of him. For him to put me first.
But that wasn’t a part of the deal. Our friends with secret benefits situation that I looked forward to and dreaded twice a week. Keeping it from Dean also hurt part of my soul. I didn’t lie to my brother, my twin. I didn’t share every detail of my life, but we knew the big things, and this was the biggest. The fact I’m in love with Luca Monroe.
Wait. Fuck. Love?
I winced, rubbing my temples as Luca gently touched my heart.
“To kiss you whenever I want, to see you every day, to not hide you. To introduce you to my grandma as someone more. To watch scary movies with you and let you borrow my sweatshirts when you hide. To have you wear my jersey with my name.” His gaze softened, that gooey, tender expression reappearing.
It was the warmth that had my throat getting tight. All the things he stated, I wanted those too. But… that meant he had to change his stance.
“What are you suggesting then?”
He rubbed his lips together, his nostril flaring as he glanced over his shoulder. No one else was home, just us.
Swallowing hard, his throat bobbed, and his left cheek twitched. “We hang out more.”
“Luca.” I closed my eyes, a prickle of annoyance dancing across the back of my neck. “Say more.”
“We have a relationship.” His grip on my hips tightened. “If you’re into it.”
Holy shit. Hope slapped that irritation away, his suggestion not anything I’d dared wish for because I knew what was at stake.
“We’d have to talk to Dean.”
The warmth left his eyes, and he sighed. “You know we can’t do that, at least not in season. It’d have to be in secret until then. I’m probably leaving anyway to get drafted, so he wouldn’t be my teammate anymore, so it wouldn’t mess with our dynamics.” He pulled on the end of my sweatshirt strings, his voice getting lower. “I want this with you, more than anything.”
The hope fizzled, the emotional roller coaster of Luca Monroe one I wasn’t tall enough to ride. He wanted to keep it secret to not ruin the team dynamics. Even with Eric’s reasons, he’d left me because I wouldn’t be a priority. I wouldn’t be here either. The closure with Eric served two purposes. It helped explain his behavior, right or wrong, but it also reminded me what I wanted in a partner.
Someone to put me first. Someone willing to have hard conversations. Someone willing to fall together and go through tough parts as a team.
“No.”
The hard, one-syllable word was louder than a glass shattering. Even saying it, my body recoiled, like it knew it would cause me pain. Luca blinked, his jaw tightening.
“Lorelei,” he sighed. “What changed? Is it Eric?”
“Yes, but not that way.” I stepped back, my eyes watering. “I want to be with you, Luca. I do. I’m starting to fall in—it doesn’t matter.” A tear fell, and I wiped it away.
“Whoa, why are you crying?” He reached for my face, his eyes tortured. “Lo, please.”
“I can’t be a secret. I can’t be on the back burner until it’s convenient for you.” I sniffed again. “I’m not mad at you, Luca, I understand why football is so important for you. I do down to my soul. And your grandma, I love her.” I hiccupped, my emotions snowballing like I was stuck in an avalanche. “I want to be with someone who is proud to be with me, willing to go through difficult parts together. To put me first, like I matter. That means talking to Dean.”
He blinked, his face paling. “What does that mean?”
“That we’re done. We’ll remain friends. It’s the only way to prevent more hurt, I think.” My voice shook, but my gut settled. This was the solution best for the future. “You can focus on football again.”
“I don’t want this.”
“I don’t want to be a secret.”
We stared at each other, the air filling with a thickness that was painful. Each breath was like a little knife traveling down my lungs, poking me with the loss of Luca. No more cuddles, sneak-attack kisses, hot nights where we talked about nothing.
It was a stalemate, me not willing to sacrifice my happiness and him not sacrificing the chance of upsetting my brother.
“So, we don’t… what does…” Luca said, his face crumpling. “Will I still see you?”
“We’ll be friends, but I need some space. I caught feelings, Luca, even though I tried not to. I’m not cutting you out of my life, but I can’t be around you when I feel the way I do.”
“What if…I found another night for us to hang out? Three nights? I can move my workouts around, anything, please.”
“I don’t think so. We both want more but aren’t willing to budge.” My voice cracked. “Nothing changes with your grandma from my end. I promise.” I cupped his face, hating the finality to this conversation.
There was nothing left to say, and I wanted to cry in my room when the front door opened. Oliver or Callum was there, and I used that as my opportunity to escape. Without a backward glance, I ran upstairs and shut my door.
I’d known there was a hundred percent chance I’d end up in heartbreak, but this pain was nothing compared to losing Eric. This was worse, heavier.
I’d fallen in love with Luca Monroe, the one person who couldn’t afford to love me back. And the worst part was that I understood it. Nothing would change that.
