A light knock on my door, and my mom’s voice follows. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” I answer, putting the book I’m reading down on my blanket.
Mom walks in carrying a tray with a piece of cheesecake and a mug of something steaming. She holds my gaze as she sets it down on my bed.
“You need to eat.”
I snort, but I still take the plate and a small fork in my hands. “I didn’t realize desserts count.”
“Well, Wade’s cheesecake is perfect, and he made it just for you. Riley told him it was your favorite.” She smiles, lowering herself onto my bed. “Eat, Piper. I’m serious. No man is worth starving yourself to death.”
“I’m not starving myself,” I mutter as I take a little bite of cheesecake. My taste buds come to life, and I close my eyes, enjoying the delicious dessert. “And this is heaven.”
“I’ll pass the compliment along to the chef.” Mom nudges me, her eyes roaming my face. She presses her palm to my cheek and caresses it lightly. “Is there anything I can do?”
I shake my head, pick up the mug, and take a sip. It’s still strange to see how much she cares. How she willingly wants to spend time with Riley, and now me. To see how happy she is with Wade. They’ve been together since August. Now it’s already the last week of December, and they’re still happy. I don’t see even a trace of my always-unhappy and ever-annoyed mother.
“I’m good.”
“It’s been two weeks, Piper. You don’t leave the house unless Riley asks you to give her a ride. You barely leave your room. And all these books…” She waves her hand at my nightstand, at the pile of books on top of it. “How many have you read already?”
“Twelve.” I shrug, taking another bite of cheesecake. “And there were two I didn’t finish.”
“A book a day,” Mom says. “Your books won’t mend your broken heart.”
“I’m fine, Mom. I just need a bit more time to figure out what I want to do before school starts in September,” I reassure her. “I want to go somewhere, to get out of this city and maybe even the state. I need a break from Los Angeles.”
“Before you do, can you finally talk to Hade, please? He’s been a pain in our asses since you came back home. He wants to know how you are, to take you out and have fun.”
My fingers involuntarily fly to my neck, tracing my collarbone. I forgot my necklace with the little butterfly pendant at Hunter’s house. I don’t have the mental capacity to go get it. I might never.
“The guy is dense. I told him if he ever forced me to do something I didn’t want to do, I’d block his number and unfriend him. He thought I was joking.”
“He cares about you so much. He thinks he always knows what you need. And at some point he got a little overbearing,” Mom says.
“I was used to talking about everything with him, even things he didn’t need to know.” I finish my coffee, washing down the last bite of cheesecake. “There were things I wanted to share with you, but you didn’t really want to talk to me. Any time I tried to bring up something serious, you dismissed me. I didn’t think you’d listen, so I always talked to Hayden.”
She glances at me, then takes the tray of empty dishes from my bed and puts it on the floor. “Are we talking about all the times you tried to dig for information about your father?”
“I was a kid. I stopped asking when I was ten. I didn’t think it was important anymore.”
“Why?” Mom asks, and I shrug.
“If the man was never interested in me, why should I be interested in him? He isn’t worthy of my time or attention.” I meet her gaze, noticing her slightly narrowed eyes.
We sit in silence for a moment, and I allow myself to relax. If only she’d always been like this. My childhood would’ve been way different.
“Your father was my first love,” she whispers. “It was a whirlwind romance, one I’d never experienced. Not before him, and not after. It was consuming and overwhelming, knocked us both off our feet. I was never loved like that again. Daniel was everything I ever wanted.”
“What?” I clear my throat, my heart pounding. “What happened?”
“We’d been talking about marriage, you know. How many kids we wanted. How big our house would be.” Mom takes a deep breath, putting her hands on her lap. “His parents had a little cabin, and we were always welcome there. I used to imagine going there with our kids when we were old. With our grandkids.”
I can barely breathe, so afraid she’ll backpedal. That she’ll change her mind, just like she has a thousand times before.
“We got into a fight. It was incredibly insignificant, but we just couldn’t agree on some detail about his birthday party, and it kept going and going. He slammed the car door in my face and left me standing in front of my apartment building. He went straight to the cabin.” Mom wrings her hands, her veins bulging from how hard she squeezes. I cover them with my own, and she relaxes. The tiniest smile curls her lips for just a split second. “He was alone there, drinking and smoking. He fell asleep with a cigarette…burned the damned cabin to the ground. Two weeks after the funeral, I found out I was pregnant.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? What about his family? You said something about his parents—”
“They thought it was my fault. That I was to blame for him getting drunk and starting the fire. That if we hadn’t gotten into a fight, he’d still be alive.” She holds my gaze. “His father died of a heart attack a month later, and it broke his mother. She didn’t even want to hear that I was pregnant. She called me a slut, ordered me to leave and never bother her again. I did as she asked. I packed my things, told my parents good-bye, and left Carson City. It was the best and worst decision I’ve ever made.”
“Why the worst?” I ask, thinking back to my grandparents. We rarely visited them when I was small, stopped completely after Riley was born. They were helping Mom financially, but not with much else. The last time we went to visit was for my grandpa’s funeral two years ago.
“If anyone ever tells you that raising a child alone is easy, punch them in the face. I was stuck-up. I thought I could pull it off. I failed. I was overwhelmed with my job, with looking after you. Things kept piling up and…I became so angry. At the world, at everyone who forgot that I lost someone I loved that night too, and I became distant with you. I was trying to find love again, hopping from one man to another, without realizing that everything I needed was waiting for me at home. You and Riley were all I needed, but I didn’t realize it until you moved out and Wade came into my life. I was a horrible mother to you, Piper. I treated you like Riley’s babysitter, didn’t even think about how that must’ve been for you…to be a mom for your younger sister when you were still a child yourself. I was a joke of a mother, and I’m incredibly sorry for all the hurt I caused you. For all those years of not paying attention, of choosing men over my own kids. I’m sorry.”
She sniffles, wiping tears I didn’t even notice off my face. I take a deep breath and throw my arms around her, hiding my face in her hair. I cry, and she winds her arms around my waist. She tells me how much she loves me, how proud of me she is, and all I can think about is Story. And that makes me cry even harder.
I walked out of Hale’s house two weeks ago, and there hasn’t been a single day I didn’t think about my little girl. I let her down, broke her heart and my own promise to her. I hate myself for that. I feel disgusted with myself. But I couldn’t bear another day in his house. It was impossible.
I don’t know how long Mom and I sit like that, but eventually my breathing calms down and I stop crying. I move away and even smile a little.
“Thank you for telling me. I needed that; I mean it. It’ll help me move forward. There’s nothing in the past now that’s holding me back.” I sigh and let my head fall against the headboard. “Now I need to figure out how to mend my broken heart. An eternity of misery doesn’t sound appealing. Even books don’t help anymore.”
Mom pulls me to her side, and kisses my temple. “I actually like your idea about going somewhere. You need a change of scenery, and you have the money to pay for it. At least the man kept his promise and paid you everything you would’ve earned.”
I blink, remembering that I have $135,000 in my account. He not only paid the rest of my salary; he tripled it.
“It’s not your fault the man is a coward. You took the risk; you told him you were in love with him. He’s chosen to live with regrets. And trust me, honey, it’s the worst feeling ever to know what you could’ve had and lose everything because you weren’t brave enough to go for it.”
“He never loved me, Mom. He just needed a sex doll.” I’m lying, to myself and to her. That wasn’t the reason he invited me on that trip to Spain, but I want to believe it was. I want to believe him, to let myself be fooled by his lies. Because knowing that the man who loves me is giving up because of his fears and his past is way harder than suffering from unrequited love.
My mom shakes her head but doesn’t say anything. We sit in silence, and then she starts smiling.
“Why don’t you go to Carson City? You can always stay at your grandma’s house. I’m sure she would welcome your company.”
I already know this isn’t a good idea. I’ll be bored. I’ll be at home all the time, or she’ll judge me if I go out.
“Think about it, Piper. It might be exactly what you need,” Mom murmurs, hugging me tighter.
What if she’s right?
