“So, how is school?” I hold my phone between my shoulder and my ear as I put my oatmeal on the table. Then I set my phone on the table too, turn on my camera, and switch to video call. My daughter’s smiling face pops up on my screen.
“School is good,” Story replies, and shuffling sounds follow as she takes Binx into her arms. “Not as good as it was in LA, but I got used to it. Mrs. Clarke is very nice.”
“That’s great.” I pick up my spoon, balling my fist around it. “Any plans for today?”
“Mom’s out of town, so it depends on whether I’ll be able to convince my nanny to watch something together.”
“Are you okay staying with just your nanny?” I straighten my back and narrow my eyes. Amelia rehired Madeleine, the nanny who worked for us when Story was three years old. As far as I knew, my daughter was comfortable around her, and she didn’t have anything bad to say about her. I took it as a good sign. I wasn’t sure she’d accept anyone but her favorite nanny.
“Meddie is awesome. She’s always kind to me and does the things I want to do. After I finish my homework, obviously.” Story giggles, wrapping her fingers around her thin braid, and I lean back against the chair, the tension leaving my rigid muscles.
“How are you, Daddy? Aren’t you lonely?”
I shake my head. “Of course I’m lonely, Story. Living in this house alone is a struggle, but I’m getting used to it. Thankfully, the regular season in March has a pretty tight schedule. I’ve spent most of my days at practice and games since we started training again in February. I’m only home to eat and sleep.”
“It makes me sad for you.” She sighs, letting her kitten jump onto her bed. “Isn’t Uncle Hayden going to visit? He told me he was going to your place to hang out.”
“He should be here in an hour.”
“Good.” She smiles. “Are you still planning to come visit me in April?”
“As if you had to ask. I miss you like crazy, princess. This house is not a home without you.”
“And without Piper,” Story points out, and I nod.
Without her, nothing feels the same, but I keep those thoughts to myself. I haven’t seen Piper in three months, and with each day that passes she feels more and more like an illusion. One I wouldn’t mind getting lost in, just to prolong the feeling of her in my arms, her scent on my sheets, her sweet, honeyed laugh filling this place.
“She’s good, you know,” my daughter murmurs, flashing me a little smile. “She talks to me all the time.”
“Lucky you,” I say bitterly, putting my spoon down on the table. Piper doesn’t talk to me or Hayden. She won’t answer our calls or texts. And she doesn’t answer my emails either. I don’t know where she is. No one will tell me. And it fucking sucks. “Tell her…” I catch myself just in time and run a hand over my face. “Just tell her I’m happy for her wherever she is.”
“Will do.” Story glances over her phone, then peers at me. “I gotta go. It’s time for dinner.”
“Have a good meal, honey. I’m going to eat my breakfast.”
“Love you, Daddy.” She blows me a kiss and ends the call.
I tap my fingers on the table, staring in front of me. I zone out way too often lately, and I’m struggling to stay present. Only practice and games make me feel alive, make me feel the tiniest fraction of excitement. The rest of the time, I just exist. I’m like a machine, and my therapist says I need to break the spell. The problem? I can’t. I need her, and I need Story. I need them both in this house, under this roof with me. But I have no idea how to find Piper, and I don’t want to bring Story back without her here. She’ll be unhappy.
With a sigh, I pull my oatmeal toward me and quickly finish it. Nothing tastes as delicious as Piper’s cooking. Nothing makes me smile bigger than spending time with my daughter. If only I knew where to go; I would be on the way already. I would go anywhere to find her and bring her home. To beg her for forgiveness and tell her over and over how much I love her. I want everything with her, even the things I thought I couldn’t have. If only I could find her…
“Hey.” I look up and fix my gaze on my brother, who’s standing in the doorway. An awkward smile illuminates his face. “You didn’t hear me knocking, so I let myself in. I hope that’s okay.”
“It is,” I answer as he plops down onto a chair. “Rough morning?”
“I’m fucking spent. Rehearsal was shit. As usual.” He stretches his legs out in front of him and threads his fingers through his bleached hair. I stand up, pour some coffee into two mugs and hand one to my brother. He takes it and sips. “I think I need a break. I’m not in a good space, and I’m dragging everyone down. I can’t write a single song, not even a line. The guys say they understand, and they’re trying to reassure me. But I know I’m a failure.”
“You just need to find your groove again. Your inspiration.”
“Like I didn’t know that,” he snaps and sets his mug on the table. “I can’t find my inspiration because my inspiration took off and left me.”
“You’re being dramatic, Hayden.” I shake my head, gulping down my drink. “You’re trying to put the blame on her. Again. If only you’d listened to me—”
“If only you didn’t decide to fuck my best friend, none of this would’ve happened,” Hayden counters, and I glare at him.
“I love your best friend, and if you hadn’t intervened, she’d still be here,” I retort, setting my jaw hard. “I would’ve had a chance to sort out my issues, and she would’ve stayed. With me.”
My brother huffs, closing his eyes. He draws a long, deep breath, and then opens his eyes and focuses on me. “We’re going in circles again. Any time we get together, we argue. And it’s not fucking right. We should be working together.”
“What do you suggest?” I ask, locking my hands behind my head. “I’ve been emailing her every day, but she doesn’t answer. Her phone is off. She disabled her social media accounts, and the new one you found is private. How do you expect us to find her?”
“Talk to Riley. She likes you, I’m sure—”
“Riley told me I shouldn’t worry about her sister. She’s happy and loved, and doesn’t have plans to return before the end of August.”
“Well, at least she talks to you.” He shrugs and takes a sip of his coffee. “I don’t exist to Rye anymore.”
“I wouldn’t say we had a conversation.” I laugh, and Hayden smiles too. The atmosphere slowly changes.
It’s been like this for two months already. He comes over, and we talk, discuss all the places where Piper might be. Last week we went to Carson City because Hayden remembered that her grandmother lives there. It wasn’t a completely useless trip—we found out she was there for a week back in January, but her grandma couldn’t say anything about where she went after that.
“I’m still baffled Story refuses to tell you where Pip is,” Hayden utters, bringing his drink to his lips and lowering it again. “I’m sure she knows.”
“She knows, but she’s not going to tell me. It’s Piper’s wish, and Story respects it. And so do I.”
“So how do you expect to find her? Or did you decide to just wait for her to come back?” He scowls.
“I have a plan.”
“And? Are you going to enlighten me?” Hayden asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Story loves Piper, but she also loves me. She misses me and wants to come back to the US. She’ll tell me where Piper is, but only if I’m in London. I don’t even try to talk to her about it on the phone. She instantly shuts me down and stops interacting,” I explain, and my brother’s face lights up with a smile.
“You’re a manipulator.” He laughs heartily. “But I like it. All is fair in love and war.”
These next two weeks before my visit to the UK will be torturous, but I need to get myself together and think positively. I know I’ll be able to convince Story to tell me where Piper is. I just hope Piper is willing to listen…and that she’s single. I won’t give up on her again, but if I know she’s in love and happy, I’ll take a step back. I won’t bother her.
Hayden and I spend the day together, watching hockey and talking. He ends up staying the night in my second guest room. He and I argue a lot, but at the same time we’re very close. I never thought I’d be spending so much time with my brother, especially not because of his best friend. She brought us closer without even knowing it.
So many things I want to tell her. So many things to murmur in her ear while caressing her beautiful body. I want everything with her, if only she’ll let me. I’ll make her the happiest girl in the world, shower her with my love and affection.
I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her.
Slipping under the covers, I glance at my nightstand. Her butterfly pendant necklace draws my attention. I found it in her room after she left. I keep it close, a little piece of her nearby even when she’s out of my reach.
I sigh and pick up my phone. Quickly unlocking it, I launch Gmail and hit Compose. My finger hovers over the keyboard as I think about all the things I want to tell her. But then I settle for the simplest option.
I know you don’t want to talk to me. I know you left for a reason, and you have every right to hate me. But I love you, Piper…and I’ll do absolutely anything for you to forgive me.
You’re mine, and I’m yours. Forever.
I press Send and toss my phone on the nightstand. Two weeks. Two weeks and I’ll know where to find her. Hopefully.
