We walked for a long time.
Ox never left my side.
The sky was cloudless and the sun was warm.
He’d offered me shoes, but I’d shaken my head. I liked the grass between my toes.
He led me through the trees. I didn’t know where we were, but I followed him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I glanced back over my shoulder. Kelly stayed behind us, trailing his hands along the trunks of trees. He smiled at me when he caught me watching him, but never spoke. I’d insisted that he come with us. Ox agreed.
“Where are we going?” I asked Ox.
“You’ll see.”
“Is it about me?”
“In a way.”
“Oh.”
We didn’t speak much after that.
We came to a large clearing.
It was familiar, like it was right on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t place it. It was a maddening itch I couldn’t scratch.
Ox was watching me. Kelly too.
I didn’t know what they wanted from me.
I said, “What is this place?”
“It’s ours,” Ox said. “The pack’s. Our territory. Many things have happened here. Good and bad.” He looked off into the surrounding trees. “I learned the truth here. About wolves.”
I crouched down to the ground, pressing my hands flat against the grass.
The earth felt alive, but it was foreign. Unknowable.
I stood back up.
Ox said, “I don’t know how to fix you. And for that, I’m sorry. I thought—” He shook his head. “It’s not like it was with the Omegas. Whatever Robert did to you, it’s more than I am.”
Robert. Ezra. Robert. And all at once, it hit me again, a devastating wave of loneliness. I had no one. I had nothing. Everyone was a stranger, even if they thought otherwise. I knew nothing about them. I was a deserted island in a sea of blue.
“Hey,” Kelly said.
I looked over at him.
His brow was furrowed. His nostrils flared from muscle memory. It took him a moment to remember that nothing would come from it. His expression stuttered and shook. It was brief. He tried for a smile and nearly got there. He said, “That doesn’t mean we’re giving up. It’s just… we have to think about it differently. Try to find another way.”
“And what if there’s nothing you can do?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Then we work with what we have. You’re here, Robbie. That’s all that matters.”
It wasn’t enough, and it made me angry. Which is why I said, “Ezra isn’t all bad. Or whatever his name is. I know he’s… he’s done things to you. To all of you. But he was kind to me. He loved me. He told me. He didn’t lie to me about that.”
Kelly and Ox exchanged a look, and I wondered if I’d once been part of it, these secret communications between members of a pack.
“I believe you believe that,” Ox said slowly. “And maybe even part of him did. Or does. I’m not trying to take that away from you.”
“Then what are you doing?” I demanded.
“Going for a walk,” he said easily, as if it were nothing.
He continued on, crossing the clearing, leaving me to stare after him.
“Yeah,” Kelly said as he came to stand next to me. “It’s an Alpha thing. Don’t try to question it. It’ll only make him more insufferable. Joe won’t tell me, but I think part of being an Alpha is learning to be an enigmatic dick.”
“I heard that,” Ox called over his shoulder. He didn’t stop when he reached the edge of the clearing. He crossed into the tree line, hands clasped behind his back.
“His eyes,” I said.
“The violet?”
I nodded.
Kelly dug one of his shoes into the ground. “Weird, right?”
“Werewolf Jesus.”
Kelly snorted. “Carter.” He sighed. “Dumb, but he kind of has a point. Ox is different. He was a human Alpha before Joe had to bite him.”
“How?”
“We don’t know. There’s never been anyone quite like Ox. You certainly thought so when you first came here. You kissed him once.”
“I did what?”
Kelly laughed. “Yeah. I wasn’t here for it. It was when we were out in the world.”
“But he has Joe!”
“Didn’t stop you.”
“Oh my god,” I said faintly. “I’m going to be straight-up murdered. That’s what’s going on, right? You are taking me out in the middle of the woods to kill me.”
“Nah,” Kelly said. “We’d just do that at the house. Easier to clean up that way.”
That didn’t make me feel any better. “You sound as if you’ve done that before.”
“We have,” he said grimly.
I blinked in surprise. “Who?”
“It was bad. Before Ox was the Alpha of the Omegas, he… was lied to.”
I didn’t want to know. I said, “Who?”
Kelly looked at me. His eyes were bright. He wasn’t a wolf, but he made a good human. I didn’t know how to tell him that or even why I thought I should. It would remind him of all that he’d lost because of me. “Michelle Hughes,” Kelly said.
I closed my eyes.
“Before we knew about the infection, before we knew how it spread, Omegas were coming here. Drawn like Green Creek was a beacon. We didn’t know why at first. But almost on schedule, one would come every couple of weeks. They were lost. Vacant. Driven by instinct.”
“Why did they come here?”
“Part of it was Ox. But a bigger part, we think, was Gordo. Magic has a signature, a fingerprint. But it’s born of blood, and Gordo is his father’s son. And since it was Livingstone who infected the wolves to turn them Omega, they were drawn to Gordo’s magic. They hated it, but they couldn’t stop even if they wanted to. Most of them tried to come after him.”
I opened my eyes. “Who did they kill?”
“Michelle sent a man named Pappas here—”
“Pappas?”
“You after you.”
“What?”
“A man named Osmond was Michelle’s second-in-command. He betrayed everyone for the beast. Then you were Michelle’s second. After you came here and stayed, Pappas took over.”
My head hurt again. “I don’t know Pappas.”
“He’s dead. One of the hunters Michelle sent to Green Creek.”
“Michelle wouldn’t have her own second killed—”
“He was infected too,” Kelly said. “Robbie, she’s not….”
“She’s not what?” I asked, trying to keep the anger from my voice.
“She’s not a good person,” Kelly said. He looked defiant. “I don’t know what you think or what she’s told you, but—”
“You don’t know her. Not like I do. Not like—”
“She told Ox to kill an innocent woman,” Kelly snapped. “An Omega. She said it was the only way. And we believed her because we trusted her. She said there was nothing to be done to help her, nothing that could save her. Ox did what she asked. I don’t give a damn what you think of her, not when I remember feeling what Ox felt in that moment, when he took the woman’s face in his hands and twisted until her neck broke. And she wasn’t the only one. We sent many Omegas back East because Michelle said she’d deal with them. And she did. By killing every single one of them. And you were furious about it. Or at least the Robbie I knew was.”
I was speechless. Surprised, even, at how much those words hurt.
Kelly was breathing heavily. He grimaced and looked like he was about to say something else. Instead he huffed out an angry breath and followed his Alpha, leaving me to stare after him.
There was a bridge, wood painted red and picture-perfect over a stream.
On one side was a plaque, six words in metal.
May our songs always be heard
Kelly and Ox stood in front of the plaque. Ox reached up and put his arm around Kelly’s shoulders. Kelly traced the engraved words with his finger.
I stood away from them. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t for me.
I thought about running.
Their backs were turned.
I’d have a head start. I probably wouldn’t make it very far, but I wouldn’t know unless I tried.
I’m trusting you, Robbie.
I stayed where I was.
They turned to face me. I wanted to ask what the plaque meant, but I didn’t. Powerful scents have a way of lingering, and this place was filled with fury and blood and something much, much deeper that pulled at the back of my mind.
Ox left Kelly standing near the bridge. He came to me. He filled up my entire world until all I could see was him.
He said, “One day and one day soon, I’m going to ask you about Caswell, Maine. I’m going to ask you to tell me everything. The layout. The people there. How strong they are, and if they’re willing to fight for Alpha Hughes or against her. Because a reckoning is coming. Alpha Hughes has long held a position that was always meant to be temporary. And we’re going to take it back. Do you believe me?”
I could only nod.
He said, “But I’m not going to ask you that today. Because today you don’t trust me. Today you don’t know me. You don’t have any reason to believe me when I say I don’t want innocent people to get hurt. That I want as little bloodshed as possible. But anyone who doesn’t stand with us stands against us. And it’s going to be the last thing they do.”
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. He spoke again, lips against my skin. “You have this void. This hole in your head and heart where you know something should be but isn’t. It’s the same for all of us. We were taken from you, yes, but you were also taken from us.”
He stepped back.
And then he said something so ridiculous that I couldn’t make sense of it. He said, “It’s almost my birthday. I’d like for you to join us this coming Sunday. It’s tradition.”
Then he stepped around me and started back the way we’d come.
I gaped after him.
Kelly sighed. “I told you, man. Enigmatic dicks. All of them.”
“Sorry about this,” Kelly said as Ox and Joe looked on.
I said nothing.
Kelly closed the line of silver, trapping me in the basement once again.
Ox nodded at me before heading toward the stairs.
Joe said, “Your tether.”
Ox stopped, but he didn’t turn around.
Joe said, “Who is it?”
I scowled at him. “Fuck you.”
“Simple question.”
“None of your business.”
“Joe,” Ox said.
Joe ignored him. “Is it still your mother?”
Little wolf, little wolf, can’t you see?
I snarled at him.
And Kelly said, “Enough.”
Joe left then, followed by Ox.
Kelly glared after them before slamming the door shut.
I paced back and forth, prowling the edges of the silver line.
Kelly hung his head, hands pressed against the door. He took a deep breath before turning around. He picked up his blanket and pulled it around his shoulders. He sat on the floor again, back against the wall. He picked up his book but didn’t open it.
I said, “This is all shit,” and “You all act like you know me,” and “You’re fucking with my head, this could all be a lie, everything could be a lie. Please let me go. Please just let me go home. I want to go home. I want to go home.”
He didn’t respond, at least not verbally.
His chest hitched.
I could smell the sting of salt.
He blinked rapidly as he looked down at his book. He didn’t turn the page for the longest time.
Kelly didn’t come back the next day.
“He’s not feeling well,” Elizabeth told me. “This human thing is taking some getting used to. His body doesn’t do what it once did, and it’s frustrating.”
“I get that,” I muttered. “My head isn’t doing what it once did.”
She laughed quietly. “Is that right? How curious. Tell me about it.”
I didn’t. For all I knew, she was trying to gather as much information as possible.
She nodded. “Okay. We can just sit here if you’d like. I often find that silence is special if you’re with someone who understands.”
I turned away from her and stared at the wall.
Kelly didn’t come the day after that either.
Chris and Tanner did, though.
I heard the sound of a million people running down the stairs to the basement. I was surprised when only the two of them burst through the door, jostling each other.
They stopped when they saw me watching them.
“Hey,” Chris said.
“S’up,” Tanner offered.
I nodded at them. My hair fell onto my forehead, and I pushed it back.
“I could cut that for you,” Tanner said. He scratched the back of his neck. “If you want.”
“Don’t let him,” Chris warned. “I let him do it to me when we were thirteen because he said he could give me lightning bolts and make me look cool for this girl with really big… eyes. Instead I looked like I had a bad case of mange and got grounded for a week. The girl moved to Canada.” He frowned. “But not because of my haircut. I don’t know why I made it sound like those two things were related.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Tanner said. “He never had a chance with that girl to begin with.”
I said, “You’re scared of me.”
They took a step back in unison.
“Why?”
“We’re not scared,” Tanner said.
“Why would we be scared of you?” Chris asked.
“People lie. Scents don’t.”
Chris said, “Look, Robbie, it’s—”
“Chris? Tanner?”
“Uh-oh,” Tanner said.
“He’s so high-strung,” Chris muttered.
Rico appeared in the doorway. He was frowning, and when he saw Chris and Tanner standing in front of me, he narrowed his eyes. “What the hell are you doing down here?” He glanced at me coolly. “Lobito. You’re looking… alive. How wonderful for you.”
Lobito. Little wolf in Spanish. Like he knew. Like someone had told him. Joe had known about my tether, and here was Rico saying things like he had a right to. I didn’t like it. Or him.
But he had already dismissed me. He was glaring at Chris and Tanner. “Lunch is ready. You know we only have an hour. Get upstairs.”
Chris said, “We were just—” as Tanner said, “We only wanted to—”
“I will shoot you both in the goddamn assholes if you don’t move,” Rico said.
They moved. Chris waved at me as Tanner nodded.
They were up the stairs a moment later, leaving Rico and me alone.
He turned to me.
It hadn’t been a mistake before, what I’d seen. There was real hatred in his eyes.
He said, “I never wanted to find you.”
He said, “I never wanted you to come back.”
He said, “I don’t know what that makes me. But I don’t know how to forgive you, and I don’t think I ever will. Magic. It was magic, but it was still you.” He looked stricken. His hands tightened into fists at his sides. “I have a gun. It’s loaded with silver bullets. And I know how to use it very well. The others think they can fix you. That they can get back all that was taken from you. Maybe they can. Or maybe they can’t. And you have to ask yourself if that’s even something you want. Because of all it would bring back. The truth of it all. Either way, the second I think something is off or that you’re going to hurt someone I care about, I will put a bullet in your head, consequences be damned.”
He spat on the floor between us.
And then he left too, slamming the door behind him.
Kelly came back on Saturday.
He looked tired.
He said, “Don’t worry about it,” when I asked him.
I was desperate for a friendly face. The confrontation with Rico the day before had left me shaken. I didn’t know what was happening. My dreams were vivid, bright colors and wolves and trees, but they were all mixed together. It was disorienting.
I said, “Why?”
“Why what?” he asked, blanket in his lap. He set his book on the floor beside him.
“Why are you keeping me here?”
“You belong here.”
He sounded so sure of himself. “What’s stopping them from coming for me?”
Them. He didn’t need me to clarify. “Wards.”
“Wards can be manipulated.”
“They can,” he said slowly. “But not these. At least we don’t think so. It isn’t just Gordo’s magic. There are… others involved.”
“Others,” I repeated.
“Witches.”
“Who?”
He shook his head. “I can’t answer that. At least not now.”
“Because you don’t trust me.”
“Do you trust me?”
I didn’t answer.
I didn’t need his scent to know that that hurt him. He covered it up quickly. “My father taught me that generals of old used to meet in the battlefield before the fighting started to parlay. War is… expensive. Casualties come at great cost.”
“And you all think it’s going to come to that.”
“It might. Or it might not. We’re on one side of the country. They’re on the other.”
“Am I your prisoner?”
“Yes,” he said bluntly. “You are. And it has nothing to do with whether or not we can trust you. It’s because we want to keep you safe. Livingstone has a hold over you. He can trigger you.”
“Would you hear me, dear?” I whispered.
Kelly nodded. “How did that make you feel? When he said that?”
“Like nothing hurt. Calm. Happy. Like I was floating.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Is this why you come down here? So you can ask me questions and report back to your Alphas? Did they send you down here to dig for information?”
He shrugged. “Yes. But that’s not all it is. I want to see you as much as I can. I want to touch you. I want to lay my head in your lap and have your hand in my hair. I want you to smile at me like you know me. Like I’m the only thing you see.”
“Don’t,” I said hoarsely. “Just… don’t.”
He looked down at his hands.
“I don’t know you.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know that too.”
“Then why?” I demanded. “Why are you—”
His head snapped up. “Because I love you. And I never forgot you. Even when everything was fucked-up, even when it all turned to shit and blood was spilled, I did everything I could.”
“Then why the fuck was I still there?” I roared. “Why did it take you so goddamn long to come for me? If I meant as much to you as you say, if I meant anything to your fucking pack, then why did you leave me where I was?”
He wiped his eyes as he sniffled. “Because you killed an Omega. A man who had come to us for help. You came back from your assignment and you tore him to pieces. Chris and Tanner tried to stop you, and you wouldn’t let them. Instead, you attacked them. Chris died. His heart stopped beating. I found you, your teeth in Tanner’s side, breaking his ribs as he begged for you to stop. I screamed at you. You looked at me like you didn’t know me. And then you were gone. The only reason Chris and Tanner are here at all is because Ox and Joe and Gordo managed to save them. It was almost too late for Chris, but he pulled through when Ox bit him. He and Tanner were human before you got to them. They’re wolves now because it was the only way to keep them alive. We thought you’d betrayed us. Like Osmond. Like Michelle. Like Richard Collins. Like Gordo’s father. That’s why we didn’t look for you at first. That’s why we didn’t come for you.”
I tilted my head back and screamed.
It echoed throughout the bones of the house that creaked around us.
I didn’t stop for a long time.
By the time my voice cracked and broke, Kelly was gone.
