I can’t think beyond the screaming in my head. It fills every cell. Why would Coach Kelley have been here? Did he see me? Was he really gone? I scan the backyard, but the lights and people and night streak and blurs in my rush. I need to leave.
“Fuck going home, it’s homecoming, and we won. Don’t let that bitch ruin your night. Let’s hit up another party,” TJ says to Andrew.
Is he talking about me? My heart jumps to my throat as Andrew stops his stride. I’d pull away from him, except he’s the only thing keeping me standing.
“Watch it,” Andrew warns. “It’s fine. She can show up where she wants, but we’re leaving.”
I want to leave, but I can’t forget about Rose. She’s by TJ’s side, and it’s hard to tell if her streaked makeup is from tears or from her time on the slip and slide. Alcohol definitely has some blame. I feel it too, the confused warmth making everything more. “I’m calling a cab, are you coming home with me?”
TJ speaks up, “I’ll get her home later.”
I flick my gaze to him as he slips his arm over her shoulder.
“It’s okay. You go. I’ll see you later.” Rose looks up to TJ with a smile that lifts the sorrow from her face as she scoots into his side.
I’m confused. My nerves taint everything, making me question it all, and the night is closing in. My mind plays tricks, and the laughs and yells around me become all about me. So familiar. So frightening. I can’t wait on her. “Call if you need me.”
I start walking, tearing away from Andrew as he tries to pull me back. He says something and follows me, but I don’t slow as I leave the open gate and cross the street, headed for my car parked at Andrew’s house. Not to drive, but to get my phone, call a cab, and wait. The urge to call my mom is strong, too, just to hear her voice. Telling her would only cause more trouble. She can’t fix this. She never could.
“You’re that mad that you’re going to leave over this?” Andrew steps in front of me, shutting my car door as I try to open it.
I blink, unable to make sense of him. All my energy’s put into taking the next steps, not thinking beyond. And now he’s blocking my way. I don’t want to, but I break, tears overflowing as I reach for my door again.
“I didn’t do anything but talk to her.” His hooks his arm around me, and then both his hands are on my shoulders, holding me in front of him. “I didn’t ask her to show up.”
“What?” I suck in my breath, realizing he still has no clue about any of it. My thoughts are cut free in the storm. Out of control and everywhere.
“What is it then?” His grip leaves no room for escape as his eyes search me, and then his voice slows and steadies. “Is it that guy? Is that why you’re upset? What was he talking about?”
“I…” I shake my head. “It was everything at once.”
“Why don’t you come inside?” He nods, eyes cool and focused. “Take a minute to calm down, and then if you want to leave, I’ll call you a cab.”
He’s already leading me inside his house, hand slipping to the middle of my back to guide me. And as crazy as it is, my heart slows and I calm. I’d wanted to leave, but now I want to stay with him more. As long as we were away from everyone and everything else. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. I want to forget.
“Do you want a drink?” he asks as he steps past me into the empty kitchen and turns on the light.
I don’t respond and he pulls out two silver cans of beer. I take the one he offers me and follow him to the living room couch to sit.
He waits for me to take a sip before he talks, eyes burning into me the entire time. “Who was that guy?”
I close my eyes and take another large gulp. I’m teetering the edge of letting it all go. “Someone from high school.”
“Not a friend?” It’s not a question, not really, but he pauses for an answer.
I stare at my can, thumb swiping the cool sweat on the outside of it and shake my head with a laugh to cover my tears. No one was my friend then.
“An ex?” His fingers wrap around my drink, and he pulls it away, sweeping down to look me in the eye.
“No.” My heart almost bursts, the words almost spilling. “He hates me. They all do.”
“Who?” He scoots forward on the couch, turning to look at me, his body ready to spring up.
“Everyone from my high school.” It’s there, burning the tip of my tongue. I can’t avoid it forever, that much is clear.
“I thought you were homeschooled?”
“I was. After.” I curl my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around myself, preparing to talk as I drown. I can’t look at him, but I feel him stiffen, somehow hovering over me. His shadow comforts and intimidates. “There were rumors. So many rumors. I couldn’t face them anymore,” my voice cracks, and I fold deeper into myself.
“Fuck them. Fuck him.” His hands slide down my back in a rough stroke as he pulls me to his chest.
I stay rigid, but don’t pull away. His body suffocates the rising panic, and I inhale him deeply. “I’d hoped to leave it behind, but that’s impossible since I stayed in state. He’s going to talk. And you’re going to hear it— but don’t believe it, please.”
“People always want to run their mouth. I’m sure you’ve heard shit about me.” His hands continue to build heat as they run over me, thawing me. “It happened to me all the time in school. Especially after I switched. Forget them.”
I grip his shirt in my hand, like he can anchor me in reality. I want that to be real. I want it to be that simple, just forgetting them. Forgetting it all. “I want to forget.”
“I can help you with that.” His fingers slide through my hair, pulling my head back so he speaks into my mouth. “I can help you forget.”
His kiss is like fire, burning through my thoughts, and I play in it for a moment, letting it consume the fear and replace it with a different sort of chaos. His body moves over mine, guiding me to lie back on the couch.
“Wait.” I tilt my head up, his lips and teeth grazing my chin. “Wait.” I grasp his face between my palms so he has to stop. “What are you trying to forget?”
His eyes narrow, but no words come.
“Why were you running from the party?” He’d wanted to leave before he saw Brody. And I knew why.
“I wasn’t running.” His lips graze my neck, my hands not keeping him away. “I wanted to be here.” He continues pressing kisses around my collarbone, his weight sinking me further into the couch. “With you.”
“But you wanted to leave.” I stare at the ceiling, stomach swirling with desire and questions. “When Tatum showed up, you wanted to leave.”
His groan is halfway to a growl, and he drops his head into my neck. Then he lifts up on his elbows, staring directly into my eyes. “So? Did you want to stay?” When I don’t answer, he continues, “Exactly. It’s better to avoid her for now.”
I hesitate and he eases back onto me, his lips creeping up to a smile as his head drops down. Tingles skip across my skin with each kiss he presses along my shoulder and neck.
“You don’t want her to see me?” I ask softly, my breath catching as he sighs against me.
“I walked out of there with my arm around you because there’s nothing wrong with us being together.” His tongue slides under the collar of my jersey, and then he raises his head back to me. “But yeah, I’d spare her from seeing it. Me and her, we’re not together, but I don’t want to hurt her. That doesn’t mean I’m hiding you, though. Okay?”
“Are you two fighting?” I try to piece together what I do know. But what I can’t figure out is why it feels so good to be under him, when I shouldn’t be this comfortable, this willing.
“Will you ever stop talking about her?” The frustration in his tone stings, and I flinch under him.
“I’m just trying to understand,” I whisper, wanting to pull away, but I’m pinned.
“Then listen.” He rises up to his knees between my legs, but before I can move away, he reaches behind his head and tugs off his shirt, dropping it to the floor.
My mouth dries up at the sight of his muscles and inked skin stretching, and my chest aches as all air releases
“You’re wearing my jersey,” his voice is as hypnotic as his body, and the intensity bright in his emerald eyes is magnetic. His hands drop to my stomach, lifting the edge of my shirt—his jersey—and my muscles contract at the touch. His fingers stretch under the fabric and slide over my skin, suddenly jerking my hips to his and guiding my thighs around his waist. His shoulders bunch with force. “Mine.”
I gasp as my blood rushes, unsure if I can hear anything else. My hands slide up his forearm, gripping his muscles as they flex from holding me.
“And I played one of my best games.” He rolls his hips into me, jeans grinding against my jeans in an electric heat.
“Andrew,” I can’t stop the moan, and my back arches to absorb all he offers.
He falls onto me, gripping my thighs to his sides, lips hitting my ear. “Drew. When you cry out for me, I want you yelling, Drew.”
“Drew,” I’m breathless. My arms slide around him, all thoughts about to spin off like a top. “I don’t know—”
“Shh, baby.” His hands glide a firm path down my legs to my hips and up my shirt. “I know. But we can do other things. And I’ve wanted to peel this jersey off you since you put it on. Every play, every pass, all I kept thinking was how we’d celebrate.”
He drifts down my body, his fingers slipping under the edge of my bra and lifting it up. And I let him.
My heart pounds through my chest as he stares down at me, embers burning in his gaze. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”
I close my eyes as he lowers down, but his slick lips pressing to my stomach surprises me.
“You’re the only one I’ve been thinking of.” He sprinkles light kisses between words. “Since the first time I touched you, you’re the only one I’ve wanted to touch.” His thumbs skim the tips of my nipples, making them harden.
“Drew,” I sigh at his soft touches, and my hand slides into his hair, the other tentatively moving over his bare shoulders.
“Hmm,” he hums, sending ripples to my core as his nose nudges the underside of my breast. He uses one hand to move my legs back around him, crossing them on his back. “Talk to me, Brook. You like to talk. Tell me what you want.”
His lips suck on my nipple, and it starts a whirlpool of heat in my core. I grind myself against him intensifying everything.
“What can I do tonight? How far can I take this? Tell me now.” He braces his hands on either side of me, hovering over me.
And I want to rub myself against his skin. I want to taste the tattoo across his chest. I don’t want to talk, I can’t. I lift myself up, and his eyes blaze as I slip my jersey and bra off.
The look that crosses his face makes it all worth it. I’ve never felt so wanted. So desired. There’s a power to my submission, and I act on it, wrapping my arms around his neck, bringing my lips to his ear, licking as I press my chest to his. I tighten my legs around his waist, and his hardness presses to my center, felt through both our jeans.
“Fuck, baby. You have to talk to me,” his groan is a demand. His arm wraps around me, pulling me onto him as he sits up so I’m straddling his lap. “Talk to me, Brook, so I don’t take this too far.”
“You won’t.” I’m too busy soaking up the caress of his hands over my back, the slightly sweet and salty taste of his skin, the large firmness swelling between his legs. I want it all in this moment. It’s a risk. I know I’m playing with my own heart, not his, but I’m certain. “I trust you.”
His kiss is hungry and rough, lips overlapping mine and taking control. Hands everywhere and strong, gripping me, molding me, for his pleasure and mine. They lift my breast, holding them in his hands and massaging, and then his hot mouth drops to them, nibbling and licking, then sucking.
I hold his head to me, not wanting him to stop, needing more of his touch.
“These are perfect.” He squeezes my breast together, leaning back to watch them. “I want to fuck them.” He looks up to me then with a dirty smirk. “Still trust me?”
I’m frozen, shocked, but turned on all the same, especially as his hand cups my chin and his thumb swipes at my bottom lip.
“Don’t worry. That’s for later. But first,” he lifts me by my hips and sets me to standing, “let’s take this to the bedroom.”
He picks up our shirts and rises to his feet, grabbing my hand to lead me down the hall.
I watch his body, and the dark wings inked on his back move as he walks. Mesmerized in a daze, I read the lettering between them. “What does salvum te mean?”
He turns to me, grabbing me up with an almost smile as his head dips to my neck. “It means,” he pauses to place a cool kiss on the top of my breast as he lifts me off my feet, my legs naturally wrapping around him, “save yourself.” His lips slide into a smile against my skin. “It doesn’t apply for right now.” He kisses up my neck as he carries me the rest of the way to his bedroom and then sets me on his bed.
“Lay back.” His hands are at my jeans, quick and agile as he undoes the buttons.
My stomach dips and clenches as he kneels on the bed between my legs. He slips my jeans from my hips and slows as he lifts my leg. He presses his lips to my inner thigh, following just behind the path of the jeans.
“I want to taste you.” His kisses hit my calf and then my jeans are off. “All of you.” He nibbles at my ankle. “Can I?” He travels back up my other leg with his tongue and then over my stomach, till he’s on top of me, his jeans grinding into me with a wall of heat and pleasure. “Can I taste you? Can I stick my tongue inside of you until you come?”
“Ah,” I squeak, it’s all I can do. I’m already spinning, but his words make it erratic, the motion of his hips never slowing. I wrap around him, kissing his thick shoulders, loving the feel of his muscles flexing under my palm as they run down his back. I dip my fingers into his jeans and he pulls away, kneeling between my legs, gripping my knees.
“I need you to say it. I want to hear you say it.” He slides one hand down my thigh to my panties. The tip of one finger runs along my slit, pressing on the fabric. “I want my mouth on you.”
I don’t know why it’s so hard to say, it all feels so good, the pleasure rippling through me makes me shudder, but I have to turn my head away and close my eyes to speak. My hands cover my face without thought. “I want you there.”
“Don’t hide.” He grips my wrists and pulls them down. “I’m going to make you feel good, and I want to see it in your face.”
I stare through the dim lighting at the ceiling fan above us, everything in me flipping and spinning and on the verge of chaos as he slides my underwear off. But it’s an exciting anticipation, and I have no intentions of stopping him. I only worry about doing it right, how to please him, too.
I start by gripping the sheets with my fists to keep my hands from returning to my face, especially as his tongue hits me, there. A slick, cool trail between my legs. It’s so different from anything I’ve felt, but it’s good. It’s great. And that long, slow path turns to fire as he increases speed, intensity, and pattern. Swirling, flicking, dipping. My body quivers and legs shake, and he grips my thighs around his head, lifting me till I’m sealed to his mouth and he’s all I feel.
I yell out, I think, I’m not sure. A tornado in my core has all control, sucking in everything, demanding to suck him in more, and I’m reaching for him, wanting to touch him. I twist to pull him towards me, searching for the buttons on his jeans, but he stops and nearly has me begging as he pushes my hands away.
“Relax baby, you’re almost there. This is about you right now.” And then he’s back on me, lifting me higher around his shoulders. Head shaking between my legs, and my heart is beating at the speed of hummingbird wings. The stars behind my eyes burst in explosions that travel through my blood, till I shatter, completely and utterly in pieces as he keeps going.
The pleasure brings me to tears, but has me laughing at the same time, and my muscles have no form, no strength. I’m liquid he manages to still hold in his hands. He rises back up the bed, scooping me to lie against his bare chest as the tremors recede. His fingers conjure goose bumps with their touch over my arms and ribs and stomach.
I capture his hand in mine to still his touch so I can catch my breath. And we lay still for a moment till I can see again, but I wouldn’t dare stand, not yet. It’s amazing how different I feel. High on my own pleasure. Content in the perfection of the moment.
I stretch my body against his, enjoying the lazy pull of my muscles, and then I run my hand along his chest and abs, trailing to the edge of his jeans. Jeans that fit him in a worn, sexy perfection, but jeans I wish would disappear nonetheless.
“That’s twice now.” He lifts my hand from his waist and brings it to his lips. “And I don’t think I can get enough of watching you get off, not when it’s me giving you that sexy as fuck look.”
I’m still too tired to care, too pleased to feel the embarrassed.
“It’s my turn now.” His eyes lift to meet mine as he kisses my wrist. Then he rises up, undoing his jeans and sliding them off in a second.
My heart leaps out of my chest and hits the floor with his pants.
“It’s okay, baby.” He slides his boxer briefs off, and then his hand slides along his shaft, stroking its rigidness. “I’ll show you, and you can just use your hand tonight.”
He’s so big. I’ve never seen one this close but the pink flesh is stretched hard and long, I don’t know how I’d ever take him in me. But I push that fear away for now as I watch his rhythmic caress of himself, a slow up and down as he rests back on the bed next to me.
“I’m already so close after watching you, being inside you. Didn’t that feel good, Brook?”
I nod, lifting myself up to get closer.
“Just the thought of you touching me.” He groans and his fist tightens around himself. “It’ll be quick. Can you do this for me?”
I tentatively reach for him and he uses his other hand to guide me on top of the hand stroking himself. “Just follow what I do.”
I’m touching his fingers, but I graze the silky skin underneath and am amazed at its softness. As I wrap my fingers around him, following his motion, he slowly removes his hand.
“Just like that.” Lines in his face bulge as he clenches his jaw with a groan.
Beads of his arousal show, and I’m drawn by something I don’t question. I bend down to flick my tongue across his tip, tasting him.
“Oh fuck.” His hand tangles into my hair, but doesn’t push. “Keep your hand going.”
I increase pressure but take a breath and slip my mouth around him, following my hand down. I can’t go very far before pulling back, but I continue to take him in a little further each time. I love the noises he makes and look up to him, but he’s got his head stretched back as he groans. I continue to watch him as I move and when he looks down to me, his entire body springs.
He pushes me off of him and moves with a quickness to pick up his boxers, holding it to himself as he jerks and shudders.
I sit back in bed until he stills.
He turns to face me, green eyes glowing. “Damn Brook, I didn’t expect all that.” He crawls over the bed and pulls me into a kiss, bringing us down to laying on the sheets. His hand trails down the length of me. “You’re something else. Fucking perfect.”
“You pulled away?” I question, feeling bold by his praise.
He laughs and wraps his arms around me. “It’s your first time, I didn’t want to scare you away. Maybe next time.”
It wasn’t even a sweet thing to say, but my entire being warms from his promise. Next time. There’d be a next time. I cuddle into his side for a moment, until his breathing evens.
His hands tighten as I go to move. “What are you doing?”
“Getting my clothes, getting dressed.” I can’t pull away from him though. I enjoy being tucked into his body.
“You can do that in the morning. Relax.”
I don’t think I can with his half erection pressed to my back, but as he grips me and his heat overwhelms, I do relax, and I fall asleep to the sound of his steady breaths.
I stir, the room still dark.
“Shh.” His hand strokes my hair. “Go back to sleep, I’ll be back soon.”
I’m only half in this world, but I turn to that voice, and mine comes out in a croak. “What?”
“Sleep, baby. Stay in bed. I’ve got practice, but I’ll be back.” His hands continue to trail through my hair. His body’s no longer against mine, but the blankets are warm, and I sink back into unconsciousness.
Shouting. Gruff voices yelling at each other. They’re fighting.
I sit up, trying to place the voices around me. The room is empty and grey with early morning light streaming through a slit in the curtain.
I’m naked.
I scurry from the bed and tug on my clothes as the voices grow in intensity.
“Enough. I’m done with this shit.” Is that TJ? “You stay the fuck out of my life and out of my business.”
I exit the bedroom, and walk down the hall, fear for Rose pulling me. If he’s yelling at her like that, I need to get her out of here.
A banging rattles through the house and something crashes to the ground. I move quicker till I see them.
It’s not Rose.
TJ and Kyle are in the kitchen, and I stop my path at the entrance of the living room when I realize Rose isn’t there.
TJ has Kyle pinned to the wall, although he’s barely seen since TJ is much larger. Kyle’s yelling something.
“You’re done with this?”
But it’s his hand I’m focused on, he’s winding it up TJ’s hair, pulling his head towards his, and then they kiss. A furious kiss with rage vibrating as TJ slams Kyle to the wall again, but he’s not pulling away.
A cry rises from my chest, but I trap it in my throat. My hands cover my mouth, sealing in the scream that wants to rip out of me. I back away, retreating to the room, trying to wipe away what I’ve seen.
It was shocking, but I don’t care what they do. I only want to block out the sounds and erase the memory so I can face Rose again. Because I don’t think this is something I should tell. I’ve learned my lesson that some things are better left unsaid. But how can I face her, knowing what I know, and not warn her?
