I sit in my car out front of my dorm, but I can’t go in. I need time to think. I haven’t even caught my breath yet.
After witnessing Kyle and TJ kiss, I hid in Andrew’s room until their arguing stopped, along with other suspicious bumps and thumps. It hadn’t been long, but I can’t erase the sounds that left tons to the imagination and made my stomach roll. Right after they left, I left.
It’s tempting to just drive home, but I can’t face my mom for a completely different reason. With her talent for plucking all my thoughts out of my head, I need to avoid her for the time being. I’m not ready to face hearing what I already know; I’m jumping in too deep, too fast, with Andrew.
The clock on the dashboard reads 7:05 AM. Rose is probably asleep, and I need a shower. With a jittery heart and scattered thoughts, I get out of the car to go inside. A shower and a nap will give me time to decide what I should or should not say.
“What are you doing out so early?”
I startle and spin towards the voice, only to have my heart stop at the sight. Kyle’s stride is quick as he approaches through the parking lot, glasses covering his eyes.
“I… uh—what are you doing here?” I question him, stilling my legs that want to run and trailing my fingers on the hood of my car to steady myself. “Don’t you have practice?”
He takes off his sunglass with a smile that screams he’s caught me and stops directly in front of me. “Andrew tell you about practice? When he left you in his bed this morning?”
“Yeah, he told me, but he didn’t leave me. I left when he did…” I struggle to meet his eyes; I don’t know how to pull off this lie.
“He left over an hour ago.”
“So, I got breakfast first—”
“Cut the bullshit, I know you were there.”
“Where?” eels swim and fight in my stomach.
“You’re a bad liar. It was clear you were there the second you saw me.” And his tone makes it clear it wasn’t somewhere I should have been.
“Wait, What? Where? Here?” I back up, nearly tripping over the curb to the sidewalk as nervous questions fly out of my mouth without control. He keeps approaching, stalking. “Or the party? Andrew’s?”
“Stop. Just stop. Don’t play stupid when you’re not. I know that much about you. I also know you seem to be a nice girl. I’m banking on that right now. So stop with the questions, it makes me not trust you—and you want me to trust you. We both know what I’m talking about, you were there while TJ and I were there.”
I nod. That’s all I can do.
“TJ thought you’d taken a cab home last night, convinced me of that, too. But then I stopped for gas and saw you drive by.” He shrugs, stepping up onto the curb with me. “I won’t tell TJ you know, if you don’t tell anyone.”
“I wouldn’t tell. That’s not my secret to tell. But Rose shouldn’t be lied to, TJ shouldn’t drag her along.”
“We agree on that.” He crosses his arms and nods to me. “But don’t get involved. I don’t like you knowing, but my future is sure. I’m a senior that’s already got an agreement to play for Miami. TJ on the other hand has another year. Starting rumors about him won’t end well for you.”
“What the hell, was that a threat? I haven’t said anything. I don’t plan to.” A cyclone of panic tears through me. “It’s not my fault I was there this morning. I’m going to pretend I wasn’t. You two can’t get mad at me for this.”
“Wait a minute.” He put his hands up in surrender. “It wasn’t a threat, it was a warning about TJ, and that’s why I won’t tell him you know. But you have to make sure to keep your mouth shut too, especially from your roommate. She’s got a big fucking mouth and TJ’s an idiot for keeping her around.”
“All right, but…” I swipe my hair back and my skin prickles. “I have to tell her something. She can’t keep dating him if he’s cheating on her.”
“Why? Why do you have to tell her anything?”
“She’s my friend.”
“Doesn’t mean she’ll believe anything you say.” The corner of his mouth lifts and he shakes his head. “Just wait. We have an away game this weekend, that’ll give me time to talk to him. He’ll end it with her so you don’t have to get involved.”
I nod with a heavy sigh.
“Deal?”
“Yeah, okay, deal.” I cross my arms against the chill seeping into my bones.
He turns and takes a step away before whipping back around. “Ah fuck, I’m trusting you. Don’t make me regret this.”
“I won’t tell anyone.” I walk away and already regret making the promise, but I’ll try and keep it.
When I enter my dorm, my biggest obstacle is passed out on her bed, still in last night’s clothes. Her deep breathing is a sure sign she won’t be waking up anytime soon, and I head to the shower.
I overthink. Constantly. But I also miss a lot of details. Usually. It’s a problem I’m trying to avoid. I plot in my head all the events that might get me caught in my lie. For that’s what I’m doing, lying.
Rose doesn’t even remember how she got back to the dorm, let alone if I was there or not, so I let her continue to believe I took a cab home and picked up my car the next morning.
“… Layla’s wild though. I hadn’t seen that side of her before, but she can throw back some drinks.” Rose continues to talk about Saturday’s party as we walk up the main campus path to our next classes.
“The first time I met her, she was passed out on the bathroom floor.” That was the first night I met Drew. I hadn’t heard from him since I left yesterday morning, and that was messing with my mind.
“Ha, I forgot about that. Yeah, she probably would have done that again except some dude took her somewhere…” She shakes her head, her laughter has an edge or wariness. “Deena say’s that happens all the time though, that she sleeps around, drunk or sober.”
“What about you?”
“I don’t sleep around.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I’m quick to reassure. “I meant, what about your night? You were upset when I left, was TJ still mad?”
She shakes her head with a laugh, “That must have been the alcohol. He was annoyed, but I think he believes me that I didn’t call them. He was mad that Andrew left though, but he got over it. Man, last I remember they were still all going strong at five am. That was around the time I passed out on the couch and then woke up in my room. TJ said Jess took me home. Yeah, you missed Jess and Angel showed up— but enough on me, I want details about Andrew. Did you two do the nasty? Is he freaky? He looks like the freaky, go hard type. I’m right, right?”
I drop my head, letting my hair fall in front of my face like a curtain. “No.”
She squeals and grabs my arm. “No as in, no we didn’t? Or no as in, he’s not freaky?”
“Just no.”
“So no as in, I’m not talking about this because I care about him and am going to have his babies one day.”
I look up with a laugh. “No one’s having babies. But yeah, I do care about him.” I shrug and grip the strap of my bag over my arm. “More than I probably should, especially since I haven’t heard from him since.”
“Girl, he left a fancy event Thursday night for you, and then he left a party Saturday night for you—a homecoming party no less. I think you can care; it’s obvious he does. I love that TJ invited me to these things, but it’d be even better if he ditched them every now and then to be with me. It shows priorities.”
“Maybe.” I didn’t really agree. His priority wasn’t me, but what he could do with me. And I allowed it. But how I wanted to believe Rose instead.
“And about not calling, don’t worry about it. It’s only been a day, and I know yesterday they had their post game conference in the morning, and then they all crashed.” She stops at the path that would lead her to her next class. “Don’t fall asleep in class.”
“You, too.” I wave and keep on walking to Biology.
Drew’s waiting at the entrance of the building, but then he starts walking towards me. And just like that, it gets hard to breathe.
“How was your mom’s?” he asks with a casual smile as he reaches my side.
“I didn’t go.” I stop walking, unsure of how to greet him. If he were my boyfriend, I’d kiss him. Man, how I wanted to kiss him. My lips tingle at the sight of him.
“I thought that was your thing on Sundays?”
“Not every Sunday.” I can’t read anything in his laid back approach. “I’ll see her tomorrow though for dinner.”
His smile spreads. “Does she know about me? Going to tell her?”
“What’s to tell?” I half tease, but half really want to know.
He steps towards me, slipping into cocky, sexy, overwhelming, as he slides his hand to the back of my neck, holding me in place. “That you’ve had two orgasms this week, once by being finger fucked on a bench and the second with my tongue. But don’t leave out how you returned the favor and sucked me off.”
“That’s not funny.” I break free of his hold, stomach gripping. “Maybe I should tell her how you left me right after both times.”
“Hey, you left me yesterday. I told you to stay and you didn’t.” He grips my upper arm, turning me back towards him. “But I get it, practice ran later than I expected.”
I don’t want to talk about that. About who didn’t show up or maybe showed up late.
He ducks his head towards me to meet my eyes. “Don’t be angry, I was only trying to remind you of the fun we’ve been having. Maybe it wasn’t the right time to tease?”
“Believe me, I don’t need reminders.”
That hit his ego the right way, and he grins, showing off his dimples. “Good. Now where are you coming from? I went to the cafeteria first, but you weren’t there.”
“Rose and I applied to jobs around campus. I need a job if I want to keep going out. You could have just called.”
He nods, lifting his hat off his head and putting it back on backwards. “Don’t make plans. I’ll call you tonight.”
My nod is cut off when he dips down and presses his lips to mine, his hand grips the nape of my neck, light and tickling. Then he walks away.
The brief kiss is enough to leave the taste of him on me as I walk into class.
I didn’t eat dinner, expecting him to call. But when it hits eight, I give up and make a sandwich in my room.
I try to focus on organizing the data from the child development clinic. I have to present a monthly progress update to a group of professors who assist with the program as one of the requirements to my scholarship. The numbers swirl in my head; I don’t know how to put the excitement and joy of the kids and their families into numbers.
My phone rings just before nine. And I answer it much too quick.
“Hello.”
“Your purple haired friend is here, why aren’t you?” Andrew asks.
“I’ve been waiting on you to call.” Rose left a while ago.
“Well, we’re all at Howl, meet us here.”
I don’t answer as disappointment sinks in. It’s not a date. And us is probably TJ, I’m nervous to see him after Kyle’s warning.
“I can’t really go out tonight. I’ve got a lot of school work.” It isn’t a lie.
He sighs. “What about after? Come on, I’m gone this weekend.” The background noise fades into the distance as he talks. “I need to see you.”
“I want to see you, too.” The need in his voice pulls out my admission. “I can’t go out though. I’m trying to save money.”
“So many excuses.” He pauses. “How about I come there?”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” there’s a smile in his voice. “I’ll be there soon.”
The night air has a touch of chill, and I zip up my sweater as I step out the front of the building to meet him.
He slips his arm around me, taking away the cold as he kisses my lips. I could curl into his warmth, something about it makes me not want to pull away. Something about him.
His hands create friction on my back as he moves them up and down. “Lets go inside.”
“Actually,” I start, keeping my arms around him, “let’s go for a walk or something.”
“A walk?” He lifts one dark brow in question, and his fingers play with the ends of my hair. “Where do you want to walk to?”
“Nowhere. Anywhere. I just thought we could walk and talk.”
“Talk about what?”
“Anything.” I shrug
“Talk,” he sighs and drops his arms. “All right. Let’s walk.”
“Okay.” I smile, relieved that he agreed. After our last two times together, I want—no, need—us to do something not physical. I’m not even sure why, especially now that I see him and can’t stop thinking about running my hands through his hair and him pulling his shirt over his head. I can picture his tattoos under the thermal shirt he’s wearing. “You packed for Boston? I bet it’s going to be cold.”
“As long as it doesn’t snow. I hate playing in the snow. Do you have plans to watch me play?”
We continue to talk and walk, passing time surprisingly quickly with conversation that flows. We linger in the paths around campus, extending the night.
But a few hours later, when we arrive back to my building, he pulls me into him and kisses me in a way that doesn’t push for more. That makes the night even better. That makes it even harder to say goodbye.
“Go finish that paper for your meeting. I’ll see you again before I leave?” Maybe it wasn’t a question, I can’t tell.
“Good.” I rise onto my tiptoes and brush his lips with mine, one last time. The stubble on his cheek is rough under my hand.
His arms tighten, bringing me closer as he deepens the kiss. The vibration of his chest flows into me as he holds me to him. The way he leans over me forces me to rely on him for balance, and then he pulls away.
“Goodnight, Brook.” He steps back, a fire flickering in those eyes.
I’m tempted to press my luck and call out the desire I see in him, the desire I feel in me. But I don’t. I take a step back. “Goodnight.”
Dance has become my least favorite class.
Watching Tatum now is almost too much. I can’t fault her, she’s graceful and flows as she spins and kicks her leg high, demonstrating the moves we’re supposed to do.
But when I try, my reflection in the mirror looks nothing like what she displayed, and I hate the unwanted jealousy that burns in my chest. I should quit, but I won’t. It’s like pushing on a bruise; Painful, but I keep coming back.
As I make my escape at the end of class, she follows close behind. Last week she seemed to ignore me, but today, it seems like she’s made it a point to stay in my sight.
“Brooklyn.” She jogs to my side as I exit the building. “Can we just forget that I said anything?”
I freeze. I’m horrible with confrontations; my thoughts jumble into an unrecognizable mess.
“I gave you the warning, and that’s all I meant to do. But it’s up to you what you do with that information. I know very well how persistent and demanding he can be.” She puts her hands up before I can say anything. “I’m done talking about him, I promise. Can we go back to being friends or something? I don’t like the tension in class.”
She may be done talking, but she slipped in a land mine first. She knows he can be persistent. And demanding. It’s stuck in my mind. I can’t compete with her, when it’s clear to anyone with eyes who’d win. Especially if all he cares about is physical. Which despite our talking, I know physical is still his main goal.
“I don’t want tension either,” I concede, but refuse to continue the conversation. “I’ve got to get to class.”
“Oh, me too. I’ve got to go, I’ve got a lunch date.”
I turn and walk away from her smile.
I pull up to Andrew’s; a group of guys are running around the yard shooting at each other.
They’re all laughing, and that’s what convinces me it’s probably all right to get out of my car. That and Drew steps out of the front door and approaches my car.
“Is it safe?” I nod to the battlefield going on in his yard.
“Yeah, it’s only a BB gun war. They’re releasing energy before the plane ride.” He reaches his hand out for me and walks me back to his front porch.
I don’t miss the stares of the other players, some even wave before going back to yelling and shooting at each other.
I do a double take when I see Rose with Layla on the porch, they both greet me as we approach. I knew Rose was here, but Layla’s presence is a surprise. They’re sitting on loungers watching the players shoot each other. Luggage is piled high on the corner of the porch.
“Hey, are you going to get your gun and join them?” Layla questions Drew.
He keeps walking, not acknowledging either of them as he pulls me inside the house.
“That was rude,” I say the moment we enter his room.
“What was?”
“You didn’t even acknowledge that she talked to you.”
He cocks his head as he pulls on my hand, bringing me to his chest. “So? I only went out there to get you.”
I push on his chest, keeping his lips from brushing my neck. “But you can still at least be nice.”
“Why should it matter if I talk to her or not?” His frustration’s rising, that dangerous tone putting me on edge.
“Because she said something to you.”
“So? Lots of people try and talk to me. But I don’t know her. I don’t care.”
“You don’t know her? You slept with her.” I step back at the way he flinches and at the sound of my own voice. I sound jealous. I am jealous. I hate it.
“Fuck if I ever slept with that.” He gestures towards the porch with a scoff. “I don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but that shit never happened.”
That silences me.
“Who told you that?”
“I just—” I shake my head, stunned, but ridiculously relieved too. “I just heard.”
“She’s a team groupie. I don’t even know who she’s latched onto right now. I made the mistake last year of stopping a senior guy who lived here from taking her to their room when she was passed out. I let her sleep in here. I didn’t know then that she just got around like that. “
“Oh.” My pride in him is short lived as his story about Layla sinks in. “That wasn’t a mistake, though.”
“Forget about her.” He sits on the edge of his bed. “She’s worthless.”
“Don’t say that.” His words hit me wrong. “You shouldn’t treat people so mean. It’s not nice.”
“You don’t think I’m nice?” His voice is low and the sincere question in it gives me pause.
“No, I do.” I step towards him, but not close enough to touch. “I do think you’re nice. I’ve seen it, but you don’t show it all the time.”
“That’s because I’m not really that nice.” He snatches me lightning quick, pulling me to stand between his legs. “But I have been very nice to you.” His hands grip my waist as he looks up at me. “Let me show you how nice I can be.” His lips brush my shirt at my stomach. “But we only have a little bit of time before the van gets here to take me to the airport.” His fingers bunch up my shirt so his lips can meet the bare skin at my waist. “So lets not waste it talking about her.” He pulls me tighter as my stomach dips and shudders under his kisses. “We’ve done enough talking this week.”
I rest my hands in his hair, on the edge of giving in. We had done a lot of talking this week, only able to see each other briefly between classes and practices and meetings.
I squirm and my fingers tighten in his hair as he flicks his tongue over my belly button.
“Damn, I’m going to miss you this weekend.” He groans and his hands slide over my skirt, the thin fabric barely a barrier as he squeezes my butt.
And I don’t know what drives me wilder, his touch or his words. I’m starting to believe this could be more for him. But damn, do I love the physical too. He already has my body singing, and the endorphins coursing through me make me bold. I want him to feel the same rush he gives me, and I want to make sure he does miss me.
I straddle him one leg at a time and dip my head to meet his lips. “I can be nice too, you know?”
He freezes and I grow bolder, wanting to surprise him.
“Especially if you’re nice.” I push on his chest, making him lay back, my hands going to his jeans.
“I’ll fucking go out there and say hi to whoever you want me to.” He stares down his body to me, the excitement bright in his eyes.
“Maybe later.” I laugh and lick my lips as I pull down his jeans. “We don’t have much time, remember?”
“You’re right.” He sits up and grabs my waist, dragging me onto the bed with him but facing opposite directions. “Get your ass up here.”
I gasp as he flips my skirt up over my hips and pushes my underwear to the side. Nerves shoot through me as he pulls my legs over his face, his tongue hitting my center. But within moments, he has me moaning and lost in the pleasure his mouth gives.
He lifts his hips so I can slide his pants and boxers down his leg some. And then my moans are muffled as I fill my mouth with him, using my hand to reach the parts I can’t take in. We both pant into each other and he makes it impossible to focus when he brings me to climax and keeps going. I’m only able to use my hand as he drinks me in and I silently cry out, still aware that others are outside.
I feel his eruption shudder through him and the sticky heat spurts out onto his stomach. He still holds my hips, licks slowing but continuing as my heart quiets down. So I bend back over him and taste him, hesitant at first, but his groan excites me and I keep going, licking him clean.
“Damn.” He breathes as he stands and buttons his pants. “I am going to think about that all weekend.”
That’s what I was hoping for.
“I’ll call you when I get back on Sunday.”
Scott lingers in the parking lot after the kid’s clinic on Saturday. His shy smile that tries to be confident worries me.
“Do you have plans today? I thought maybe you’d want to go to lunch or something.”
“I’m meeting some friends to watch the game.” I’m meeting Rose, Angel, and Jess.
“Right, the game.” He swipes his hand over his head. “Maybe we could get dinner after?”
“I’m sorry, Scott.” I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to lead him on even more. “I can’t—”
“Don’t tell me it’s because of Fayden.”
I flinch at his short tone. “I like you, as a friend.”
“That’s what I’m trying to be.” He looks away and then back at me, a new serious look on his face. “That guy, Brody, he lives in the frat house with me. He was talking about you after someone mentioned that you might be Andrew Fayden’s girlfriend.”
The disgust seeping into his tone cracks my attempt to stay calm. I can barely find the breath to speak. “What did he say?”
“That you had a thing for football players in high school. Except he was a bit more descriptive.”
“It’s not true.” I’m about to burst into tears. “Don’t believe him, please. I didn’t do anything they said. They didn’t—”
“It’s okay.” He pulls me into his chest and my tears spill over. “I knew he was lying. I told him to shut up. I believe you.”
I wipe my tears and look to him with an overwhelming thankfulness. He believes me. Only my mom had ever said that. “Really?”
“Yeah, I may not have known you very long, but it didn’t sound like you. If you say it didn’t happen, it didn’t. What about your sister and the coach?”
Everything hurt, splinters throughout my body. “What about them?”
“If you’re the one telling the truth, were you telling the truth about them?”
“I shouldn’t have.” I wrap my arms around myself, the turmoil in me making me dizzy. “I shouldn’t have ever said anything.”
“It’s okay.” He reaches his hand out and cups the side of my head, swiping my hair. “You don’t have to say anything now, and Brody won’t say anything else. I’ll make sure of it.”
I don’t resist as he pulls me back into a hug, I’m weak with relief and shame and regret. So much regret, I can’t breathe.
