“Stop.” Angel drops her head to the table, banging it a few times in slow motion. “I can’t. Google it or something, y’all are helpless.”
“Actually, that’s not a bad idea.” I take a sip of my beer and slide a napkin between Angel’s head and the table when she lifts it to bang it again. “I might just do that.”
“Oooh, I’ve got a better idea.” Jess throws her hands up with a little wiggle. “Get him to teach you, it’ll be so cute. And he’ll love that he knows more than you.”
“Oh, hell no.” Angel snaps up straight. “Do not do that.”
“What? Why? If she does it all cute and helpless like.” Jess bats her eyelashes and pouts, but also squeezes her arms on the sides of her boobs to deepen her cleavage.
“Some guys, maybe. But not guy’s who are serious about sports, and Andrew is. Believe me, I’ve got five brothers, all very serious about their sports, and they don’t find it attractive when a girl knows nothing about them. They definitely don’t want to spend time teaching you the basics. It’s one thing if you keep quiet.” She points at me now. “But whatever you do, don’t open your mouth and spout nonsense about the game—that shit’s offensive—at least show him you respect it enough to not talk about what you don’t understand.”
“Easy enough, we don’t really talk about football.” I nod and take another sip of my beer, splitting my attention to the television behind the bar. SEU won the game vs. Boston State, twenty to sixteen, and now replays and highlights play on the screen. The thing I didn’t understand was that Andrew had sat out the entire fourth quarter.
“Really?” Rose sets her phone on the table. “That’s one of TJ’s favorite topics.”
“Well, I know, if I were in either of your positions,” Jess air quotes the word positions, “I wouldn’t do much talking at all. My mouth would be too busy. You’d probably never see me again because I’d be locked away in their bedroom.”
“He probably realizes you don’t know anything and can’t stomach to hear you bumble through a discussion about a game he loves.” Angel slaps her hands on the table. “You need to get it together. Make it your priority.”
“Yes, mam.” I salute her. “I’ll get right on it. Going to make flash cards and study when we get back to the dorm.” I’m halfway serious too, but I giggle with Jess, alcohol warming my veins.
After my talk with Scott, I feel lighter than I have in a long time. It gave me new hope, even if Brody is running his mouth. When everything went down, I was in high school, a small high school, and there was no escape. And the students were young with a fierce loyalty to those they knew and supported their entire lives. But here, in college, it’s different. People will be able to see the truth; Scott gave me that hope.
Rose’s phone vibrates on the table and she picks it up.
“Who do you keep texting?” Jess asks.
“It’s TJ.” Rose’s fingers don’t stop moving on the screen.
“But you were even texting throughout the game,” Angel’s full of disapproval.
Rose nods, still texting. “He told me to text him whenever he’s on TV. He want’s to know what the announcers are saying and if they show him in one of those player spotlights.”
“And he’s texting you back already? The game only just ended, they’re probably still in the locker room.” Angel’s eyes widen.
“Yeah, he was texting me in the middle of the game too.” I’m surprised her grin fits on her face.
“Ah, that’s so cute.” Jess claps her hands like a seal, but her voice is squeaky like a mouse.
I nod, but the words I keep in turn sour in my stomach.
The four of us are back at South Street Wings the next day. The place is even more crowded since the entire team seems to be here already. I haven’t talked to Drew yet, but he texted me to meet him here.
I’ve got one hand in Rose’s and my other in Jess’s, hanging on so we don’t lose each other in the thick crowd.
Drew is posted at the back corner table with TJ, Kyle, and a few others. If the girls didn’t have a death grip on my hands, I’m sure they would be shaking at the sight of Kyle and TJ next to each other.
Rose lets go first, and I can’t tell who did what but within a blink, TJ has her in his arms and his tongue down her throat. I look towards Kyle, but he’s staring off towards the bar and doesn’t look my way.
Andrew has a beer to his lips, chugging down what’s left as I approach.
“Good game.” I nudge to his side.
He set the empty bottle on the table “Was it?”
There’s no smile. No nothing.
“Do you not think so?”
“I don’t know.” He looks at me then, for the first time. His eyes slide down my body, over my new lace skirt I’d worn just for him, but there’s no heat. “I need a drink? Do you want something?”
“Ah, sure.” Everything feels off, but maybe I just need to relax. “I’ll have a beer.”
“Right. I’ll be back.” He slips into the crowd, and I’m left staring.
Jess fills the spot next to me, but her eyes travel around the room. “Wow. Everyone’s so… big. I’m not a tiny girl, but they make me feel like I could be.”
I laugh, trying to shake off my unease.
“Oh, that one.” Jess points to one of the defensive lineman. “He’s a big one. I love him already.”
Kyle makes eye contact with me as Rose and TJ walk away together.
“I’m going to go talk to him.” Jess pulls back her shoulders and then collapses onto the table. “No, I can’t. Wait. Yes, I can. Should I?”
“Is he single, Kyle?” I point to the man Jess is debating about.
Kyle narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “Reggie? That fat ass, you’re hyperventilating over him?”
“Maybe I am.” Jess picks up her clutch from the table. “He’s probably a lot nicer than you.”
“Oh he is.” Kyle picks up his dark glass and takes a sip. “Good luck talking to him, though. See if you can understand his stuttering. That’s if he doesn’t faint first. It’s never the pretty girls that talk to him.”
“I think he called you pretty.” I try and pluck out that one good thing Kyle said. “You should definitely go talk to the boy.”
“I will.” Jess walks away after shooting Kyle a disgusted look.
Angel’s talking to the two other guys at our table, but I’m lost in their conversation. So I’m left with Kyle.
“That’s what you got, out of everything I said? That she’s pretty?” He shakes his head. “Girls are dumb.”
“And you’re mean.”
“That’s a known fact. Ask anybody.” He takes another sip of his drink and then leans over the small high top table towards me. “You need a drink?”
“I think Drew is getting me one.”
“Drew?” The corner of his lip tugs. “It’s Drew now, is it?”
“How did this weekend go?” I ignore his teasing.
Any trace of a smile vanishes as he stares into the crowd, where Rose and TJ have disappeared. He steps to my side of the table, but before he speaks, Drew appears.
“Here.” Drew hands me a beer bottle but keeps his hand on it as he leans down to my ear to be heard over the band that’s starting to play, “lets go to the patio. I want to talk to you.”
Kyle’s disappeared.
“All right.” I nod and slide off my stool to follow him.
The pounding pulse of the drums is muffled as the door closes behind us, but the patio is full as well, most of the crowd is around the outside bar.
Drew continues to walk me to the edge of the building, but stops short of pulling me around the corner to complete seclusion.
“This weekend was stressful.” He relaxes his side against the wall and pulls me to stand closer to him.
“Oh, I’m sorry—”
He shakes his head, easing me even closer with one hand on my hip. “It’s not your fault. But I’m glad you’re here now, you can make it better.” He places a feathery light kiss to the tip of my nose, my cheek, and then the base of my ear.
Each one makes my heart flip, and his words awaken butterflies.
“Come home with me tonight,” his breath is warm in my ear, “please.” Both hands grip my hip as he raises his head to look at me, his eyes dark and begging. “Sleep over, like last weekend.”
I don’t know what to embrace, the exhilarating heat traveling through me, or the nervous dread rolling in my stomach. He’s created a storm.
“I…” I search his face for a sign, for something to tip me one way or the other.
“It’s not what you’re thinking,” he interrupts, hand slipping to the back of my neck like he want’s to keep all my attention. I love it. But I love the deep look that overtakes him more, the emotion that rasps in his voice. Then he smiles, that dirty smile that matches his typically crude thoughts. “Well, maybe it’s a little what you’re thinking. Or a lot.” His lips overtake mine, pressing into them with nips of his teeth, he doesn’t pull away when he continues, “But I also want you sleeping beside me.” He drops his head back to my ear. “Like last weekend, but without leaving in the morning.”
I nod, and the vulnerability running through his gaze overwhelms me as he pulls away. “Is everything okay?”
“It will be.” He swigs his beer. “We won’t stay that long, maybe a couple of hours.”
But a couple hours later, he’s at the table with several empty bottles, and opening a new one. He’s talking to some guys about football, the NFL, and which teams they think will make it to the super bowl. I scan my surroundings for a way out; my research yesterday hadn’t included NFL teams.
Kyle and TJ are at the bar, heads bowed as they talk, and sparks of unease begin. When Rose slides to TJ’s side and he slips her away to the dance floor, frustration flares.
“Are we leaving soon?” I lean into Drew to ask.
He flicks his eyes to me. “Later, like an hour.”
“I’m going to get a drink then.”
“Get me another one.” He nods as I leave his side.
Since he asked me to stay the night, we’d barely talked. His coldness was starting to make me doubt my choice. That brief moment kept me going, though. There’d been emotion there—I didn’t understand it, but it had been there—and I wanted to be there for him. Maybe he’d explain when we were alone. But the more I drank, the more I didn’t really care, the more I focused on his perfect body and what it could do when we were alone.
I slip next to Kyle and wait for the bartender to notice me.
“You’re too short, you’ll never get her attention just sitting there.” Kyle glances at me. “You got to lean in, demand to be seen.”
He sighs at my attempt. “I’ll get it for you. What do you want?”
“Two Miller Lites, one’s for Drew,” I explain at his raised brow.
“Right.” He gets the bartenders attention almost immediately and places our orders.
“So this weekend?” I stretch out the question, unsure.
“It went. Give him till next weekend, and it’ll be over.” He doesn’t look at me as he speaks but collects the beers the bartender sets out. Then he slides a shot my way and lifts another. “To patience.”
I take a breath and lift the shot he offers, downing it in one quick gulp. It’s sweet but leaves a burn after. It has me reaching for my beer.
“You want another one? I’ve got nothing better to do.”
“Sure.” He sounds miserable, and I sit on the stool next to him. “But be careful, if you’re too nice to me it could ruin your reputation,” I try and tease him.
“I just said I had nothing better to do, that wasn’t a compliment,” he scoffs but turns to signal the bartender for two more shots. When he turns back around he scans past me, and I don’t even have to look to know he’s staring at TJ and Rose dancing.
“Do you really like him?” I ask low, heart squeezing for him.
He snatches back the shot he was about to give me. “You know what, fuck you. Quit talking.”
“I’m sorry.” I slide off the stool and he groans.
“No, wait. Fuck.” He stretches out the shot again. “Take it. Just change the subject.”
We take the shot without a toast this time, and as I’m sipping my beer he speaks up.
“It’s funny how it works out, but I might be able to actually talk to you. You’d be the only one. Just, not here. Another time.”
“Okay.” I don’t know why that makes me happy, like I can befriend a bear. Or maybe it’s the alcohol making me ridiculously giddy. “I’d like that.”
“Isn’t that for Andrew?” Kyle nods at the extra bottle on the bar.
“Oops, yeah.” I pick it up and step back. “We’ll talk later.”
He turns away without saying anything, but it doesn’t matter.
I deliver the beer to Andrew and the group he’s with is in the middle of a loud conversation. As I try and catch up with it, I spot Tatum and Deena next to Kyle at the bar.
Crap.
Tatum eyes us and waves. I’m not sure if it’s to Drew or me, but he nods in return.
My heart stops skipping when he returns to his conversation and she turns to say something to Kyle. Everyone seems to return to normal. Maybe it was an unnecessary moment of panic.
I avoid staring at her and focus my attention back to the table.
“How’s someone blow three million in a year? Not even a year.” The littlest guy’s voice is a squeak.
“I saw him in Miami before pre-season, he threw one hell of a party, but it was filled with all the hood rats he wanted to get away from. They’ve sucked him dry,” another player says.
“Nah, he threw money at them, he’s a fool who thinks he’s a baller,” that little guy speaks again.
“He wanted to take care of his people. You know he’s the pride of his town. Maybe he got carried away,” the third guys say.
“Shit. Three million carried away. You’re just as stupid as him to defend that.”
“We’ve all got those people we want to take care of.” The third guy shrugs his round shoulders.
“That’s the mistake,” Drew speaks up. “You won’t see me making it. I’m not taking any of that baggage with me when I get drafted.”
I listen hard now, heart picking up as the little one glances at me with a grin.
“Yeah right, man, you’re not going to make it out of here without some hanger-ons.”
“You’ll see.” He swigs his beer.
“No, seriously. We all have someone, and look at that pretty girl by your side. You’re saying if you were called up tomorrow, you wouldn’t pay for her to come out and see you?”
I wish that little one would shut his big mouth, but at the same time, I want him to keep going. I hang on what the answer will be but dread it all the same.
“First,” he sets his beer down, “I’ve still got another season until any of that happens.”
I latch onto that. He’s saying we have time.
“But let’s just say—” that same one keeps going.
“I’m not promising next week, you think I would promise anyone next year, let alone when I go to the NFL? Fuck that. Everyone knows the deal; I don’t hide it. And no one’s changing that, no matter how attractive. Try as they might, I’m not letting anyone ride my shit to make their fortune.”
His words are so cold, but so sure. And they stake me. Everyone’s eyes on me are a splinter in the wound. Andrew’s the only one not glancing my way. He brings the bottle to his lips and drinks.
And I walk away as the pain in my chest reaches crushing levels and my eyes burn.
I walk through the crowd and out the front door, gulping in the cool night air as I break free.
But I can’t take in enough to breathe and my chest shudders with each inhale.
He didn’t say anything new. I knew this all already. But the way he said it, to hear it laid out that there wasn’t a chance of a future, not even a sliver. What was I doing wasting my time? To make it worse, he said it in front of me—to a group—laying my stupidity out for all of them to see. And was he implying that I was after money?
Hot tears break free and slide down my face as I cross the street.
“Brook, stop.”
I whip around before he can grab for me.
“You were just going to leave? You agreed to come home with me.”
“Oh my God, you don’t even realize how what you said affected me.”
“No, I see it upset you.” He shrugs. “But I don’t understand why, unless you really were banking on cashing in on me.”
“How dare you.” I shake my head, stepping backwards as unwanted tears fall in a stream. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m so done.”
He snatches my arm, spinning me around when I turn away. “How dare me? You’re the one walking away when you find I’m not going to give you a handout.”
I might get sick. All the liquor in my stomach swishes and sloshes with his verbal kick to the gut.
“Don’t touch me.” I try and fail to pull away, only tripping over my feet with the struggle, and he grips me with both hands, it makes me want to scream. “Let me go.”
He drops his hands but follows me as I leave. “Stop and listen to me. Nothing’s changed.”
I stop, swiping me tears. “You’re right. Nothing’s changed, but I finally got the message. There’s no future here. And there’s no reason for me to put up with this in the hopes that it could be different. I was here for more than fun. You’re not the only one that’s been saying what they wanted from the start. We both just ignored it. But this was never about money.”
I wait, frozen in the moment, but he doesn’t respond, so I walk away.
“I’m sorry,” he yells after me.
It slows me down, crushing me because it doesn’t make a difference.
Then he’s at my side. “I’m an ass, I know, I shouldn’t have said all that. I’ve got— Fuck, I’ve got issues.”
I close my eyes and stop walking, breathless. “We all do.”
“Not like mine.” He gives me a sad smile and shakes his head, but there’s still this erratic anger tightening his words, “You might try and understand, but you can’t. You’ve got family, a mom who you see and trust. The one person I have, my grandma, has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t even remember me, and her son, my Dad, only started coming back around when it was certain I’d make it to the NFL. When you can’t even trust your parents, tell me then about how we all have issues.”
“That…” I stop myself from reaching for him, from giving in to the hurt I feel for him. “I’m sorry things are hard.”
The clench of his jaw eases, and he tosses off the bit of raw emotion I thought I saw in him as he grabs my hand. “So now that you understand a bit more, can we leave?”
All the chaos of the night, the hurt, the anger, the desire, the confusion, it crashes to the ground now, and I see with utter clarity. He doesn’t see me, he doesn’t listen to me. He can’t see past his own issues, his selfish needs.
“No,” my voice cracks even though I’m certain. “Your problems don’t make this okay. It doesn’t excuse how you made me feel tonight.” Cheap and foolish.
He sighs like he needs to find patience to deal with me. “Brook—”
“No, listen.” I’m shaking, feeling the words rise up, but unable to stop them. I can’t pull my heart back in, and I want him to see me. “I may not have had your experiences, but I know what it is to be hurt. My sister—” I speak fast, pushing past my constricted throat. “My own sister hates me and made my life hell. She—she started all the rumors and arranged for a group to attack me—” my breath tears and shudders.
“Baby.” He reaches for me but I jump away.
“Stop. I didn’t tell you this so you’ll feel sorry for me. I told you this so you’ll wake up and realize you’re not the only one with problems. You’re not the only one with issues. Everyone has something, but they don’t use it as an excuse to hurt people. You’re not the only one—”
He says something I can’t hear as he grabs me, wrapping his arms around me.
And I cry into his chest. I wasn’t supposed to be crying.
“Just let me go, leave me alone.” I push at him, but he doesn’t fall away until Angel steps between.
“Back off,” she orders.
Jess is at my side. “Are you okay?”
I suck in all my tears with the realization of how bad this must look. “I’m fine. He didn’t do anything. I just want to go back to the dorms.”
“Let’s go,” Angel says.
“Brook?” Andrew questions but I turn away with a shake of my head.
I walk back to my dorm with Angel and Jess, leaving him behind.
