The show was incredible. The crowds were getting wilder. Word had spread about our success in Los Angeles and San Jose, and curiosity made them hungry.
With each song we performed together, it felt less like I was some weird attachment that Bound couldn’t shake and more like I was Bound.
Mine.
I allowed myself to linger on the fact that I’d claimed them before realizing that it was calmness I felt. They were mine now, but they hadn’t earned me yet.
Rich boarded the bus wearing another hoodie despite us being in the desert and gave me another one of those weird looks. I’ve been getting them ever since the show. He was trying to see past the wall I erected and figure me out, but I didn’t like intruders.
On the other hand, it was only fair that I let him since I’d given Loren the cliff notes to my past. At the time, I didn’t understand why. After two days of the cold shoulder and long, sullen silences from all three of my bandmates, I’ve had time to ruminate.
I wanted to scare him off.
Instead, I dangled fruit in his face and then forbade him to feast from my garden. Now Loren was pissed, and I understood why, but that didn’t mean I would spread my legs to make him feel better.
“You want the shower first?” Rich offered. He was the only one to do so my first two nights on board. I learned quickly not to shower after Loren, who took longer showers than Houston, Rich, and me combined.
“Sure.” I stood and took my dinner plate to the sink. Apparently, Bound traveled with a team of caterers along with a bevy of people eager to do their—our bidding. A girl could get used to this. My dinner usually consisted of cheap wine and string cheese.
After rinsing and sticking my plate in the empty dishwasher, I smiled at Rich, who was busy eyeing one of the three steaming hot plates left on the counter and covertly watching me with the other.
“Thanks, Rich.”
“No problem.” His lips barely moved—I knew because I was admiring them and his piercing a little too closely—as if it wasn’t what he really wanted to say.
I almost stayed to delve into his mind before deciding the distance we’d kept was best.
As I headed to the shower, I wondered where Loren and Houston had disappeared. I’m sure they were out turning Vegas on its head. We had one more show in Vegas tomorrow before heading to Glendale, and then it was Denver, Dallas, Houston, and New Orleans after that. The rest of the cities were a blur within my chaotic thoughts.
Figuring Rich would join his friends, I took my time under the hot stream of the shower. I almost felt ready to tackle the world when I finally stepped from the glass enclosure. Steam had completely fogged the mirror and poured from the bathroom when I opened the door to air it out.
I was not prepared to find the bedroom occupied.
The steam billowed out, quickly filling the room and clouding the two people rolling around on the bed like they were alone. I didn’t recognize the girl with her tiny tits exposed thanks to the dress bunched around her waist, but I did recognize the infuriating asshole on top of her.
He’d just been begging to fuck me two days ago, and now he’d already moved on?
As the walls closed in on me, I worked to control my anger before the smell of burning coals could seep into my lungs and strangle me with a phantom hold.
“Was there a sign I missed that I should have hung up, or was the running water not a clue that this room was occupied?”
Loren lifted his head from suckling the girl’s brown nipples, letting me see that he was drunk out of his mind.
Oh, that’s just great.
“You can join us if you like.” Loren’s intoxicated gaze dipped to the rest of me, still painted in water droplets and covered only by a towel. “You’re almost attired for the occasion. Drop the towel.”
The girl beneath him giggled out of control, but I didn’t find a damn thing funny.
Neither did Loren.
His head swiveled, and then he was staring down at her like he disapproved. “We were having a conversation.”
The girl’s lips formed an O, and then she lay there pouting while waiting to be used and tossed aside before morning.
Loren’s black gaze returned to me.
“So what do you say, baby fawn?”
A quiet chuckle spilled out of me before I threw my head back and stared at the ceiling in defeat. Once I was done feeling sorry for myself, I turned my attention to the clueless, half-naked groupie.
“If you had any brain cells left, you’d get up and go. A spoiled brat, who also happens to be drunk, does not make for an amazing fuck. He’s selfish enough when he’s sober. You’ll regret it in the morning and be too disgusted to tell your friends. It’s not worth the bragging rights.”
I hid my surprise when the girl looked like she was considering my point.
Seeing this, Loren shot up from the bed.
I didn’t know what he planned to do until he was already in front of me with my wrist in his grip. I didn’t know why I struggled when he pulled me forward. I already knew he wouldn’t force me, and I was right.
He pushed me out of the room and slammed the bedroom door in my face.
As far as I should have been concerned, my problem was solved, so why did I want to throw open the door for round two? The only exception was being left in my towel with no privacy to throw something on. That would be the moment Houston or Rich returned. Rich would blush and give me privacy, but Houston would accuse me of trying to seduce them or something.
Sighing, I turned away from the door just as Loren’s voice filtered through. “Turn over for me, baby. We don’t care about her, do we?”
Rolling my eyes, I listened to her giggle and then Loren giving her more orders as I dug through my suitcase for something to sleep in. Once I found a T-shirt, shorts, and panties, I dropped my towel, deciding I didn’t give a shit if someone walked in. As I used my towel to wrap my hair so it would dry quicker, the giggling finally stopped, and I began to hear moans coming through the door.
You don’t hear it.
The feminine moans only grew louder and more desperate as I pulled my cheeky underwear up my legs. I forced my teeth to unclench as I shoved on my T-shirt that stopped a few inches below my belly button.
By then, Loren’s groupie was coming and announcing it to anyone within hearing distance as if she were going for an Oscar. Staring at my shorts, I loosened my hold and let them fall.
I hated sleeping in more than what I had on.
I only wore panties and nothing else most nights, so I repacked the shorts and put my suitcase away in one of the closets built between the bunks and the bedroom. The bed inside was rocking now, and I heard the telltale sound of skin slapping. Listening to Loren and his groupie screw tasted like a glass of sour milk and smelled suspiciously bitter—like jealousy.
Fighting back the urge to gag, I climbed into my bunk and yanked the privacy curtain closed.
My headphones were under my pillow where I’d left them, so I plugged them into my phone, shoved the buds in my ears, and played the first song my thumb found.
“Love and War” by Fleurie played at full volume, drowning out the sound of Loren fucking someone else after pretending to covet me.
Why the hell was I even upset?
I’d known the moment the words left his lips that they were a lie. Loren chose to make her a pawn because I refused to play his fool.
Whatever.
It was his aftermath to deal with.
I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep until I was jerked awake by shouting.
“You’re drunk?”
My headphones had fallen out, allowing me to hear the argument taking place at the front of the bus.
Rich was back.
Disoriented, I touched my cheek, feeling the dried tears I must have shed in my sleep. My subconscious must have needed toughening up. There would be no crying over Loren James.
Not wanting them to know I was awake, I carefully settled onto my back before staring at the ceiling of my bunk.
“We agreed to give up this shit, Lo! Look what it did to Calvin.”
“Fuck Calvin and fuck you. If I have to look at Braxton’s dumb fucking face for the next year, I plan to be shit-faced while doing it. You got a problem? Make her leave.”
“Do you hear yourself right now?”
“Yup.” I heard something crash as Loren stumbled around. “Shit, man. I must not be drunk enough.”
“Just go to bed, Lo. I can’t look at you right now.”
“Why does everyone think I give a shit?” Loren slurred. “Cuz I don’t.”
“You felt the need to drown yourself in whiskey. I’d say you’re sending mixed signals. I can’t believe Houston let you drink.”
“He doesn’t know,” Loren slurred some more. “He’s been with Xavier since we left the show. Dumbass really thinks he can reshape the world just for her. She’ll never fit because they know we’ll never accept her. She’s dooooomed.”
Loren started snickering, making Rich sigh. “Please shut the fuck up.”
I stilled when they passed through the bunk area and listened as the door to the bedroom opened. A moment later, I heard Rich grunt and then the sound of a body hitting the mattress. Loren was still slurring shit that I couldn’t make out. Rich was moving around, and once the snoring started, the door to the bedroom closed. I tracked Rich’s sneakered steps as he moved down the narrow passage and held my breath when he stopped in front of my bunk.
“I know you’re awake,” he whispered, causing my heart to feel like it was falling. “I know you were listening. Loren didn’t mean any of it, Braxton. You don’t want to believe me right now, but I know him better than you do. He doesn’t know how to handle what he feels because he’s never felt it before. Just…just give him some time.”
I couldn’t see him so my imagination conjured Jericho’s sad silver eyes and the gold flecks in them pronounced as he pleaded with me to understand his best friend.
I didn’t respond or make a peep. Nothing to indicate I’d heard a word of his bullshit. Thankfully, Rich didn’t take too long to give up and walk away. Closing my eyes, I began counting the moments I had left.
I would count every second until I never had to see them again.
Morning came, and I decided I needed another shower.
I could still feel Loren’s roaming hands and his hard body pressed against mine. Before last night, I’d wanted more, and now I just wanted to forget.
Climbing down from my bunk, it took me a moment to find my balance, telling me how deeply I’d slept. It’s not what I expected after a hard night, but perhaps I’d been more exhausted than troubled.
Houston and Rich were both sleeping soundly in their bottom bunks. I wouldn’t allow myself to wonder how late Houston had stayed out or what he’d been doing and with whom.
Opening the bedroom door, I tiptoed inside. As expected, Loren was sprawled face down across the bed in yesterday’s clothes and snoring. Loudly.
Flipping him off as if he could see me, I hurried for the bathroom. I wanted to be done before he woke—if he even could this early while hungover.
I hated him.
After my shower, I was staring at my reflection in the mirror I’d wiped clear of the fog when the door opened. Loren’s black eyes were barely open as he shuffled inside the bathroom. If he noticed me, he ignored me. I watched through the mirror as he stood over the toilet and quickly looked away when he fumbled open his belt and pants.
I lost my train of thought.
How could I have one when his dick was out right now?
From this angle, I’d be able to see it if I dared to look. If he aimed to tempt me, that ship sailed and sank to the bottom of this unforgiving ocean. If he wanted to piss me off by pretending that he missed me standing in a bathroom the size of a shoebox, he was succeeding. He didn’t have to know that, though. I didn’t have to react.
The sound of Loren’s piss hitting the bowl seemed to go on forever. I didn’t know how much he drank last night, but it must have been a lot.
Finally, mercifully, it ended.
When he turned, he didn’t even blink at finding me standing there. As if nothing was amiss, he stood behind me, trapping me between him and the sink. I could feel his morning wood brushing my ass since I’d stupidly chosen to wear only a T-shirt and panties to bed.
With his arms caging me, he squirted soap into his hand. I just stood there as he lathered for twenty seconds before rinsing the suds away.
“Good morning, baby fawn,” he mumbled when he was done.
Good morning? Was he serious?
When I caught him smelling my hair, I lost it. What he did last night was bad enough. Pretending nothing happened was where I drew the goddamn line. As smoke assaulted my olfactory, my first thought was to break his nose and maybe a couple of ribs if I could, but Houston would murder me.
Option two it is.
I spun on my heel and shoved Loren with every ounce of strength I had. Since he was hungover and not expecting it, he was forced back several steps before catching his footing.
The confused look in his eyes only riled me up more because I knew then that he had no recollection of last night. Wasn’t that just great?
He hurts me, and I’m the only one left with the memory.
“What the hell is your problem?” he spat when he found his tongue.
“I don’t see anyone else two seconds from losing their balls, do you?”
As if I hadn’t just threatened him, he closed the distance between us. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I’m stupid when I drink.”
I had no words as I gaped at him for that lame-ass excuse. Sadly, I’d given him more credit than he’d deserved. “So what’s your excuse when you’re sober?”
He flinched. “Let me make it up to you.”
“It means nothing when you can’t remember what you did.”
He shook his head, his stare searching the deepest depths of my soul for a chance, even if it was a slim one. “I don’t want to. I don’t want to think about me hurting you.”
“You should have considered that before it was too late.”
“Braxton…” He stepped closer to me, and I immediately backed up. All it did was trap me again between him and the sink. Only this time, I was facing him.
“No.” I shook my head, warning him off.
He didn’t listen, and now he had his arms wrapped tight around me. Loren reeked of whiskey and the girl he screwed while he knew I was listening.
Resting his chin on the top of my head, he sighed. “You’re too good for me, Brax. Consider last night me making sure you knew it too.”
Slowly, his hand moved over my back, caressing and massaging, until all the tastes and smells assaulting my senses were under control. “You succeeded,” I told him while I pushed him away. “You can go now.”
His smile was sad as he backed out of the bathroom. When I was finally alone, I tried to make sense of it all. How could it feel as if we’d broken up when we were never together?
Without answers, I had no choice but to face this new day as blind as I was the day before. When I stepped from the bathroom, Loren was sprawled across the bed, out cold again, making me wonder if I’d imagined the whole thing.
I wasn’t the only one left awake, though.
Houston, sitting on the side of his bunk, stared at the floor between his planted feet with an expression that gave nothing away. When his head lifted and turned, that changed. He stared at me like I was either a problem to fix or a puzzle to solve. When I lifted my chin in silent defiance, in his eyes, I found I was something more.
An obstacle.
A rock that would force a river to split if he didn’t find a way to obliterate it.
