“I think I found a flower in a field of weeds?”—surrender by Billy Talent
Lily
“I’m not five, Colin,” I have to remind that douchebag of jock. He is dragging me into this—not at all—nasty locker room. And even worse, he pushes me into a shower cabin, locking the door so I couldn’t get away.
For some reasons Colin believes I will run away if he lets me wait outside.
He is right, of course, but I don’t want to boost his ego even more. He can’t know that he is already pretty good at reading me like a book. And besides, it scares me that he can.
Colin strips from his clothes, stepping into another shower cabin. The one right opposite of where he holds me prisoner. Thank God for the shower cabin doors that cover just the right places. Well, I wouldn’t mind seeing a bit more of his torso. I sense this guy being muscular, who wouldn’t want to look at that?
And like I somewhat expected, Colin Carter has tattoos on his chest as well. His tattoos aren’t connected. They’re more like a ton of tiny, sometimes a little bigger, alone standing ones.
“You’re not,” he agrees, to my surprise. “But Lilybug, I saw the embarrassment flash in your eyes after the kiss. Knowing you, you’re about to bail when I give you the chance to. No way in hell will I let that happen.”
Did he have to remind me of the kiss? It’s bad enough that I actually enjoyed that silly thing. It wasn’t even a good kiss. A middle-schooler could share a better kiss with someone if they tried to.
Colin and my lips touched for about two seconds, maybe five. It wasn’t some deep shit. And it was totally involuntary. He wanted to kiss my cheek, not my lips. If I hadn’t moved my head, this would not have happened.
But I also kind of wanted it to continue.
Now all I feel is embarrassment and regret.
“I wasn’t going to bail.” I cross my arms in front of my chest. “This kiss meant absolutely nothing. I was embarrassed, but only because it was so surprising. And surprisingly bad, too.”
“Totally agree with that one,” he says. “Shared better kisses in my life before.” Damned if that doesn’t evoke something inside of me. It can’t be jealousy, that I know for sure. Anger, maybe? Or maybe it is jealously.
How would I know? The only times I’ve ever felt jealous was connected to anger. So I suppose it could be both after all.
“Not the worst either,” Colin adds after a short while.
He looks at me over the partition door. His arms resting on the top of the door while his chin lies on his arms. Colin offers me a charming smile, winking when I finally meet his gaze.
“What kiss could have possibly been any worse?”
“Middle school. My very first one.”
“Oh my God. You weren’t born as the asshole with an ego through the roof?” I ask, raising my eyebrows at him in surprise, though, most of my “surprise” is fake.
He grins at me. “Didn’t say that.”
“Your very first kiss was bad,” I remind him. “Meaning you weren’t always good at your own game.”
“It’s not my own game, Lilybug.” He shrugs. “Kissing was a thing way before I was born.” Sometimes I really do hate this man. “And I sure was great. She wasn’t.” There he is again. The asshole deep inside of him.
“Of course, it’s always anyone but you.”
“Precisely.”
I narrow my eyes at him, about to open my mouth to talk when I hear voices. Voices that grow louder with every second. “I don’t want to be here for the sausage-party,” I tell Colin.
Grinning, Colin grabs a towel and wraps it around his waist before exiting his shower stall. He walks over to mine and unlocks it. For some reasons this arena, locker rooms included, is the fanciest ice hockey arena I have ever seen. These showers are lockable. I’m talking full on passcode needing locks.
But that’s not even the highlight yet. They have Wi-Fi in here. Like they would actually need it. Surely no one has access to it, except for the hockey team, of course. But this arena still has so much more to offer, I couldn’t even count it all if I wanted to.
“About time.” I push his arm away when he tries to grab me, making my way to the exit of the shower room.
“I wouldn’t walk out there without me going first, unless you do want to run into that, what did you call it? Sausage-party.”
I sigh in defeat. He is probably right. I mean, he knows his team better than I do after all.
I am certain these guys don’t care about running around naked in front of the other. They’re basically family. Anyone can see that.
Colin walks out first, followed by me so close behind, I bet he can feel my breath on his muscular back.
Is it weird that I want to touch him? That I want to trace my finger along the lines of his tattoos? Most definitely weird.
“Any of you naked yet?” Colin asks, coming to a stop. I bump into him, gasping as the cold of the water still covering his body hits me. “Lily’s here.”
“Put your dick away, Green!” I hear someone yell, followed by a round of laughter. “You too, Simms!” A moment later, the same guy speaks again. “You’re good, Carter.”
Colin grabs my hand, turning to face me just to grin at me, he then leads me back into the locker room where the guys are getting changed—or undressed.
“Would it hurt you to leave your chicks outside?” A guy with reddish hair asks, chuckling as he walks past Colin and me. “You know the rules, big guy.”
“Fuck off, Simms.” Colin flips Simms off. “Ignore Jackson, he’s the main asshole.”
“Ignore Colin,” Miles shouts from the other side of the room. His hands are giving the illusion of a megaphone around his mouth. “I am the main asshole!” At least he is being honest. I can’t help a chuckle from slipping out.
Colin leads me to what I assume is his locker. “Take a seat,” he says, motioning to the bench on the opposite side of the locker he just opened. I do as I’m told, not really feeling comfortable with at least eleven pairs of eyes staring at me.
I don’t dare looking around the room, so my eyes stay focused on the floor in front of me. That is until someone takes a seat beside me, swinging his arm around my shoulders.
“Please tell me you will continue to lead him on just a while longer,” Aaron whispers into my ear. I’m sure he’s eying Colin as he waits for me to answer. When I don’t, he tells me why he hopes that. “He’s got it bad, Lils. Everyone can see it. And it’s hilarious.”
He does?
That’s not good at all.
Unfortunately, yet also fortunately in this situation, Aaron loves to mess with me. So I refuse to believe his words. Back in high school, Aaron used to tell me a lot about some guys “having it bad” for me. It was never the truth. Turns out, Aaron went through the rebellion-puberty-phase at that time. He was messing with everyone around him.
But he’s not a teenager hitting puberty anymore. He’s a grown man. More or less grown with his almost twenty-one years of living.
From the corner of my eye, I notice the towel from Colin’s hips fall down to the floor. I know he dropped it on purpose to get dressed, yet it’s still weird.
With just one look to the side, I would catch his bare ass staring at me. A sight I’m intrigued to see, yet I’m also not really interested in that. He can show his ass to some of those puck bunnies, I’m sure they would enjoy the sight.
“Anyway—” Aaron clears his throat as he stands up from the bench “—have a great evening with Carter.” With that said, Aaron makes his way to the shower room. So do most of the other guys.
Strange, he once mentioned hating the more-or-less private showers.
It is pretty scary being the only girl among twenty-two guys. If Aaron and Colin wouldn’t have been here, I’m sure my mind would have played through some horror scenarios.
At least now it’s only Colin and I left…and maybe one or two other guys.
My eyes stay focused on the floor again, not sure if it’s safe to look up yet. It should be, Colin had enough time to at least put on some underwear. My gaze remains where it’s one hundred per cent safe anyway.
That is until Colin bends down and his face sneaks into my vision.
“You there?” he asks bemused, waving his hands in front of my face.
I must have been in some kind of trance because I don’t remember Colin speaking to me before this. At least I snapped out of it eventually.
“I sure am.” I follow his figure up as he straightens his back. “I just don’t want to be there.”
“Lilybug,” Colin sighs, trailing off into a groan, lifting his face to the ceiling. “Okay, this is only the second day. Give me some more credit.”
“For what?” I ask. I’m pretty sure a wrinkle appears on my forehead as I frown.
“Trying. I have so much more planned. You don’t even give me a chance to prove to you that you will enjoy our time together.”
“I can enjoy the time I spend with someone and still want to die,” I say, whispering. “Can we talk about this elsewhere?”
He nods. “We’re going to a bar tonight,” he informs me.
“Hell no. It’s Wednesday. I have classes tomorrow,” I protest.
“So do I, Lilybug. Some fun won’t hurt. It’s not like you have much to lose anyway.”
“Fine. One hour, then you’ll take me home.”
-♡–
He tricked me. We’re not going to a bar, Colin takes me home with him. Which only makes it worse. I’d much rather be at a college sports bar called Brites than spend a whole evening at his house.
“You can go upstairs if you like,” Colin says, walking off toward the open kitchen. “My room is the first door on the right.”
“I don’t want to go to your room.” I tsk, following him into the kitchen.
“Aaron’s is the first door on the left, opposite of mine, maybe you want to examine his stuff instead.”
“I can live without knowing his dirty secrets. Thank you,” I speak dryly in response.
Colin beams an innocent smile at me, leaning against the kitchen counter. “I have three options for you. Option 1: We order pizza. Option 2: We’re cooking together. Or option 3: I make some sandwiches.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Well, sucks for you. I am, and you haven’t eaten anything today. So you will eat if you want to or not.”
“Is that why I’m here?” I ask. And how the hell does he know I haven’t eaten anything? Is he stalking me?
No, he wouldn’t. He’s just attentive, I suppose.
It’s weird suddenly having someone keeping an eye on you after years of not having anyone care one bit. I mean, sure, Aaron always cared about me, always asked how I’m doing…but he never paid too much attention to me. Not that he has to.
“You’re here because I want you here, Lilybug.” There is a pause, but he also doesn’t continue speaking. Colin changes the subject. “So, choose one.”
“What kind of sandwiches?”
“I guess cream cheese with jelly. I loved it when I was little, it’s one of the only things I know how to make.”
“Cream cheese with jelly?” I repeat, wanting to make sure I got that right. He nods. “Why?”
“Don’t tell me you’ve never tried it.”
“I haven’t, but I guess I will,” I say, whining.
“So you’re just hating on great food without ever having had it before?” He fakes a gasp, holding his hand over his heart.
“I’m not really a jelly fan,” I admit. “I also never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I just don’t like it.”
“Then why would you choose the one option with jelly?” he asks, pushing himself away from the counter.
“It’s the cheapest option.” I raise my shoulders in a shrug.
Colin exhales a long breath. Kind of like he is trying not to say some really stupid words.
His eyes remain glued to mine, even when he walks over to me. He grabs me by my wrist, forcing me to follow him upstairs.
“We’re ordering Pizza,” he informs me as we step into his bedroom. It’s big, and tidier than I expected. Definitely tidier than my room.
My floor is decorated with books, papers and clothes, his is free of decorations.
“Colin,” I start, but stop myself before continuing. How do I tell someone I barely know that I can’t afford Pizza anymore?
I already donated most of what I had to charities when I decided I don’t want to live any longer. It’s not like I was going to need it anymore.
“I’m paying, don’t worry.” He looks at me with a huge question mark on his forehead. “You’re my guest.”
“I don’t like people paying for my food.”
“So then, what is it? You don’t like Pizza?”
“No.” I chuckle. “I do. I just can’t afford it these days.”
“How?” His eyebrows draw together. “That sounds superficial, I know. But it’s Pizza? And I know your family has money.”
“Wrong,” I tell him. “My father has money. Ergo, Aaron lives the rich life. I, on the contrary, live off of $450 a month, which is more than enough, usually.”
Colin looks at me in shock. He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, doesn’t even breathe, I think.
I get it though. Colin grew up rich, he was born into the fancy life. And I believe his allowance is higher than what my mom makes monthly.
“My mother is a middle school teacher. She has like, what? $4000 per month?”
“That’s not too bad.” He pauses. “You’re here on a scholarship?” Another pause. “Oh God. I sound like an arrogant jerk, don’t I?”
With lips pressed together into a thin line, I not slowly. “Pretty much.”
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to offend you or anything. I’m genuinely asking, though. Are you here on a scholarship?”
“No, Colin. I keep getting the amount I pay for tuition send to my bank account monthly. It’s from someone I don’t know, but I’m assuming it’s from my mother. She used to feel bad for me taking on two jobs to pay for it myself. The next month, payments came in from a name I don’t recognize. I think she’s working a second job to pay for it herself. She would never admit to it, which is why I never asked. I kept one job for some money to live off of but quit the other. Now, a week ago I quit my only other job as well because I really don’t need it anymore.” Oversharing much.
“So, if $450 usually works just fine, how come you can’t afford Pizza?”
“Donated all I had left to a charity.”
“Well, that means Aaron will pay for our food.” How does this come out of whatever I just said?
I know I am bad at math, but this equation doesn’t add up.
“His details are still saved in my phone from yesterday. He won’t mind.”
“Bullshit. He will. It’s his money.”
“Lilybug, this household here doesn’t know ‘it’s his money,’” he tells me. “I’m pretty sure Aaron once bought a whole new bed for himself using my card.”
“You guys are weird.” And I stand by that.
