“even when it’s do or die, we could do it, baby, simple and plain, cause this love is a sure thing”—Sure Thing by Miguel
Lily
I hate bars.
I hate that wherever I look, there is always some guy hitting on a girl, being just a bit too touchy.
And I hate that I’m seated at a booth with five hockey players, one soccer player and only one other woman.
But what’s worse, Aaron won’t stop looking at me with this weird look on his face. Like he is traumatized. I’m sure he is, cause even I am. If I had walked in on him doing something remotely close to that, I would have to go straight back to therapy.
“I thought you would bring your friends, Lily.” Miles smiles at me with hunger in his eyes.
If I wasn’t somewhat engaged with Colin, perhaps I would find that charming. A bit disrespectful, but at least I’d feel attractive.
This guy could have anyone. I’m sure he would just have to look into some girl’s direction, and he’d find her in his bed in less than an hour. So why the hell is he looking at me like he wants to undress me?
“Stop gawking and drooling over my girlfriend,” Colin snaps at Miles. I like that he calls me his girlfriend, but it’s bad for my health. We’re not actually a couple. But then again, my mental health isn’t really alive anyway, so what does it matter?
Izan, however, he looks at Colin with suspicion. I knew this guy would look right through him. Izan is smart, ridiculously smart. And he is good at analyzing people.
He’s the only other person that figured out I’m not doing too well health wise.
We had one class together back in freshman year, we immediately became good friends. We don’t speak too often anymore as he is busy with his soccer team. And I’m busy with Colin, apparently.
Anyway, Izan figured out my desire to die way before I was sure of it. He provided some help for me, asked his mother to become my therapist. And it helped. For a short while at least.
Fast forward three years, I no longer go to therapy because “I’m doing better” and I’m actually going to die in a week.
Aaron is on his third beer, he hasn’t been drinking anything else since we’ve got here. Apparently the “harder drinks” will get into his system after midnight. Up until then, he will stick to beer.
Colin isn’t drinking anything alcoholic, neither am I. Colin’s reason to stay sober is that he has to drive, which is true. He has to drive us home. And probably drag Aaron away from some girl’s ass.
I, on the other hand, I just never had the desire to drink alcohol. I’ve always been too afraid that I would start babbling about me and my feelings.
Actually, I know I will do that. I was drunk once in my life, and all I did was cry and whine about my depression.
Nothing I would like to repeat.
“Since when are you guys a thing?” Izan asks, his confusion visible on his face. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, impatiently waiting for an answer that confirms his suspicion.
“Couple of days. Aaron wouldn’t let me—’
“Nope,” Aaron interrupts, holding up a hand. “I do not need a reminder of what I witnesses earlier.”
Colin starts to laugh like getting caught in the act is completely normal for him.
“Excuse me, what did we witness?” Miles asks. For a second I’m mortified, thinking Grey and Miles were there as well. But turns out these guys just tell the other every little detail. So if Aaron knows something, the rest does as well. With the same amount of knowledge.
I think it’s great that they have such a deep bond, yet I feel miserable. I feel bad because Colin keeps secrets from them. That secret being me and my condition.
And then it settles with me. When I die next week, Aaron will find out Colin knew. Colin will lose his best friend. He knows that’s what’s going to happen to his friendship after my death.
And yet he stays with you, Lily.
“I will not recall that, Miles.” Aaron brings his glass to his mouth, chugging down his entire drink.
“But some hot information about Lily won’t hurt anyone,” Miles protests.
Colin warned me about Miles not having a filter. He warned me about Miles being the best at saying stupid things without comprehending what they might mean to others.
Supposedly, it’s never meant in a bad way.
I want to believe Colin with that. Miles seems like a nice person. But he certainly acts like a teenager hitting puberty.
As I stare at him for a little while, I notice something odd about Miles. He gets nervous. It’s as though the nasty guy he seems to be is just a barrier to hide whatever lies beneath.
“I will hurt you when you continue speaking of Lily like she isn’t here,” Colin says. His hands ball into fists but he loosens them shortly after. “Don’t be like that Miles. Lily isn’t some toy. She means a lot to me, and I promise you, I will break your nose if you continue that behavior around her or me. I’m not sure Brooke would like to see that.”
And the butterflies are back. Stupid butterflies. Maybe I should refer to them as dragonflies, because nothing about this is good.
It stings my stomach like fire burns skin.
From the corner of my eyes, I catch Aaron smiling. I’m not sure what that smile is about, nothing funny happened. But it also doesn’t seem like an amused smile. It’s genuine, soft…a happy smile, perhaps?
Colin leans in closer to me, his mouth close to my ear as he whispers, “Let’s go dancing, Lilybug.”
I shake my head. If there’s something I can’t do, it’s dancing. I can move on the ice like a princess, but dancing in high heels is impossible. It’s even impossible in sneakers already.
He presses his lips to my temple, sliding out of the booth and pulling me with him.
I guess I’m going on the tiny dancefloor this bar provides.
“Colin, I can’t dance,” I tell him, but he just shrugs his shoulders at me. I’m not sure he heard me. The music is quite loud, and I wasn’t speaking loudly.
“They’re not even playing a good song, Colin.” If he hears that, he heard what I said before as well.
“What do you mean?” He wraps his arms around my body from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder. “They’re playing Sure Thing.”
“That’s not a song to dance to,” I let him know. Clearly his ears aren’t working, neither are his eyes. “No one is dancing anymore.”
“So what?” He chuckles and pulls me right onto the outlined dance area.
Colin’s hands remain on my body, along with tons of eyes that are staring at Colin and me. I mean, who’s crazy enough to dance to a song that’s not danceable to.
But what I’ve come to learn, Colin doesn’t care about what other people think of him. He doesn’t care who’s staring at him. He just does what he wants and enjoys it with every beat of his heart.
I close my eyes, terrified to accidentally lock them with some stranger that’s laughing at us. Though it doesn’t sound like anyone’s laughing. In my head they’re all laughing anyway.
With Colin’s hands on my hips, I start to sway to the rather slow rhythm.
Once the chorus comes around, Colin leans in closer to me, whisper-singing the lyrics into my ear. And once his voice streams through my ears, I no longer hear the whistles from his friends. I no longer feel the gazes of strangers on me.
All there is, is Colin.
He’s all over my skin, under my skin. He is in me, intoxicating every piece of my body.
Colin has become my addiction. He is like a drug. I told myself “Just this once,” one kiss wouldn’t hurt. One kiss wouldn’t mean anything. And then we kissed. And we did it again. One more time, it wouldn’t hurt.
And now that “one more time” has turned into a constant repetition.
So as soon as the song ends, I tug on Colin’s necklace, pulling him down until our lips meet.
My tongue slips into his mouth, not caring that there are people watching us. Not caring that Aaron is watching us.
Colin tastes like Coca-Cola and Colin, but fuck do I love it.
And—who would have thought—the butterflies are back.
The way his lips move over mine, how his tongue tastes mine, how his fingers press into the skin on my waist, it all has me melt into him.
In the moment of our kiss, all of my feelings for him sneak out, pouring all the attraction into it. I fear bursting into flames, that’s how heated it gets when our lips interlock.
I want nothing more but to give him my heart. I want more time with him. But it’s impossible. My time is running out, we both know that. We both know that I only have six days left, five if you don’t count the day I die.
Suicidal thoughts aside for a moment, I do wonder if there is a chance for me. If there is a chance for Colin and me together.
But I shouldn’t stay alive for someone. I should be wanting to live because I want to, not because I seem to be attracted to a guy.
I love Aaron, and yet I don’t want to stay alive for him. I should feel the same about Colin, given that I’m only attracted to him and don’t love him.
The next song starts to play and suddenly more people make their way to the dancefloor. It’s getting a little crowded, but I don’t mind because Colin’s lips are still pressed to mine.
I found peace in his kisses. It’s like, when my lips are attached to Colin’s, I’m home. It feels right.
We might need to pause for air sometime soon, but I really don’t want to. Yet, we both pull away anyway.
His forehead comes down to mine and he stares into my eyes. His have nothing but absolute admiration in them. And if there was more to it, he is good at hiding it.
“I love that dress on you,” he whispers into my ear, then leaves a kiss right behind it.
I was going to wear jeans and a sweatshirt but changed my mind and ended up wearing a red, skin-tight dress. It shows off my shoulders and collarbones, and I guess I look good in it.
“Do you know the song?” I ask. Colin shakes his head no. “Me neither.”
“You want to go sit back down?”
“No.” I grin, intertwining our hands. Spanish songs always have the best rhythms to dance to. Or most of them do, anyway. “Can you translate it?”
Colin cocks his head to the side, smiling slightly, yet I can tell he’s confused.
“I know you speak Spanish.”
He laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. “Someone’s a bit of a stalker,” he says. “I’ve never told you.”
“You call your mother ‘Mamá.’” I raise my eyebrows at him. “And you occasionally switch to Spanish when you’re on the phone with your sister.”
Something passes within him, like a thought that doesn’t quite want to settle. “I do?” I nod. “Really? I don’t usually switch between language in front of anyone but my family.”
“Why?” I find myself asking. But either he doesn’t want to answer me or he’s refusing to do so.
His eyes narrow at me, one side of his lips tipping up. “You don’t really want to understand the lyrics to Rechazame, mi sol,” He laughs and pulls me off the dancefloor.
He leads me back to the booth we sat at before, but we’re not sitting down.
“We’re leaving, sweetheart,” he whispers into my ear.
I don’t answer to that, instead I voice, “What does it mean?”
“What does what mean?” he asks in return.
“Whatever you just called me. I know you did call me something.” But instead of answering my question, he grins and speaks to Aaron.
“You better not lose it.” Colin’s voice is strict as he lays his credit card on the table in front of Aaron. “I’m in need of it tomorrow.”
Surely that’s because of me. Because tomorrow is another day he will take me somewhere. I hate that. Well, I hate that he is spending so much money on me, not that we’re spending time together.
He hasn’t spent too much yet, I think. The sunrise didn’t cost anything. The coffee’s, however, they were expensive. God, it doesn’t matter what he spent, he spent money on me, and I hate that.
“Why? Going on a date?” Aaron speaks with a sarcastic undertone. I’m still not too sure if he’s happy or if he wants to strangle Colin.
Aaron has a glass with whiskey standing in front of him, which tells me that it’s after midnight by now.
“Got to spoil your sister.” That said, Colin turns back to me, smiling tenderly.
I lean in closer to his ear, saying, “I don’t want to leave yet.” I’m not even surprised when his eyes widen in shock and a spark of concern shines through.
Colin knows I’d much rather be at home these days instead of with a crowd. Although I appreciate his concern and the fact that he wants me to be comfortable, I do actually want to stay this time.
“You sure?” His hand places down on my lower back, a bit too low for Aaron’s liking.
“God, would you stop this already?” Aaron groans, taking a sip from his whiskey. “I want to enjoy this night and not be reminded of what I’ve seen.”
“Just grow up and you’ll be fine.” Colin slides into the booth, seating himself next to Grey. I slide in beside him.
Izan watches us all with knitted eyebrows. Only then do I realize that Aaron might have told his hockey team we’re twins, but that doesn’t mean Izan knows. I just assumed Grey told him.
“Aaron is my twin brother,” I enlighten Izan, not wanting him to remain clueless.
Instead of being surprised, Izan covers his mouth in horror as his eyes travel from Aaron to Colin and back. Does he know something I don’t?
“You broke the bro code and team code?” Izan then utters, aiming his question at Colin. His sudden courage aside, Izan still appears horrified.
“Not so much to break it. I asked for permission. Still got some beating.” Colin shrugs like it’s nothing.
“I didn’t hit you.”
“Guys, I have an idea.” Miles sets his drink down on the table, bringing a much-needed end to this conversation.
I already saw the red and blue lights from police cars flash in front of my eyes. Seeing how I have to explain to an officer why my not-really-boyfriend and my brother started to beat the shit out of the other.
“Let’s see who’d cave first, Colin or Aaron.” Excuse me? “I bet Lily could never get Archer Kingston’s phone number,” he voices a bet.
Miles certainly has all of the guys’ attention now. Every ear and pair of eyes is on him as he explains his “amazing” bet in detail.
I’m saying, me flirting with some guy named Archer and what exactly I should get from him. Seemingly, Archer is hard to get.
It is the stupidest bet I have ever heard. And the most dangerous for Colin and Aaron.
If the guy I’m being dared to approach as much to looks at me the wrong way, Aaron will have his fist in the guy’s face. If he as much to breathes into my direction, Aaron will freak out. But so will Colin, I guess.
I’m not sure Colin cares much about me flirting with other guys. However, I am certain he might act as though it bothers him a lot.
Next thing I know, Miles points toward a really handsome guy, telling me to get started. I don’t usually walk up to random bar guys, nor did I ever even try to flirt with one before. But I guess this is my time to learn.
I don’t have much to lose anyway. Worst case scenario, the guy hates me and gets beaten up for it. Well, or he breathes and still gets beaten up…He will get beaten up.
Making my way over to the goddamn hot looking redheaded Archer Kingston, I take a seat at his table without asking. He blinks at me as if to ask why the hell I am being so disrespectful and just take a seat at stranger’s tables.
“Hello”—my voice is thin and lacks confidence—“I’m Lily.”
“Archer,” he says, raising just one brow at me. “You need anything?”
“You.” I cringe at myself for this one, internally. Feeling at least seven pairs of eyes on me, two pretty intensely staring ones, I decide to shake off my fear and proceed to speak. “I was kind of hoping…”
“Cupcake, who are you trying to impress?” He barks a laugh, looking around the bar. “Your friends sent you over here?”
I shake my head no. Not friends, my brother’s friend. “It’s my birthday and I figured spending it alone would be a shame.”
“Your birthday?” Archer doesn’t buy it. Dang it, he is one hard nut to crack. So I take out my ID to show him my birthdate.
“Liliana,” he says.
I roll my eyes. “Lily.”
“Technically, your birthday is over by now,” he says, pointing at his phone screen that says it’s 12:23 a.m.
“Well, as long as I haven’t slept, it’s still Saturday.”
Archer takes my hand, kissing the back of it. “It’s nice to meet you, birthday girl.” Not so difficult after all.
“It’s certainly an adventure knowing me.”
He chuckles, yet he doesn’t know what I was referring to.
“How old are you?” I find myself asking, even begin to get touchier. I slide my hand up his muscular arm and back down, offering him a smile.
“Thirty-two.” My face must have turned completely pale because Archer starts to laugh like I’ve bathed my face in baby powder. “I’m twenty.”
I want to speak, but when I feel Archer’s arm wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to him, my voice leaves my body. It just packed a suitcase in a whole second and left me.
He slides his hand up and down my side, then guides it deeper down until it’s almost touching my butt. I don’t say anything, I still can’t. My voice is still moved over to Australia. Come to think my voice bought a one-way ticket.
“Are you more of a one-night kind of girl, or do I need to take you out on dates before you’d let me in your pants?”
Now that’s straight forward.
I find my voice, which is surprising because I had all my money bet on it never coming back. “Let’s discuss this after you gave me your phone number.”
“She’s got her eyes on someone.” The deep voice appearing from behind me speaks grumpily.
“Carter.” Archer nods up at Colin. “Don’t think she’s much into you when Lily here came to speak to me.”
“You will have four firsts in your face in about two seconds if you don’t remove your hand from my girl.”
Archer looks at Colin’s hands, saying, “You only have two” in the cockiest way I’ve ever heard.
“So it appears.” Hands are being shoved off my body. I’m being scooped up from my seat, put back down onto my feet a second later. “But she has a twin brother with another pair of fists.”
“You’re babysitting for the bro?”
“Close,” Colin says, sliding his hand down my body before it lands on my butt, giving it a squeeze. “She’s my girl. Not just a date. My girlfriend.” My stomach makes a little flip, tickling in excitement.
“And yet she started to flirt with me.”
“Had a bet going.” Colin’s arms wrap around my stomach from behind, his lips pressing to the heart-shaped birthmark on the back of my shoulder. “Totally adored the way she was looking at you. With so much disgust, it almost made me hard.”
“You’re such a dick,” Archer says, yet Colin understands something else…or just makes it something else.
“You’re right, I have a great dick. And it’ll be inside my girlfriend in about twenty minutes.”
“Didn’t need to know that,” Archer speaks in a crotchety tone. His eyes meet mine, but this time they’re not friendly and welcoming at all.
Congratulations, Lily, you just earned yourself your first enemy for life.
Colin pulls me away from Archer’s table, but he doesn’t lead me back to our booth. He leads me out of Brites entirely.
“We’re leaving,” he tells me in a harsh tone. There is no arguing. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t stand a chance.
“You’re jealous.” That I do note. The little glimpse of green in his eyes gives it away.
“Heck yes I am, mi sol.” Oh, okay. Let’s make this easy then.
Colin escorts me to his car, opening the passenger door for me, waiting until I’m seated before he slams it shut. He jogs over to the other side of the car, and I watch him through the window. He looks plenty pissed.
For a moment I wonder how the hell Colin is so effortlessly hot. He isn’t even trying to be, and yet he’s the hottest guy I’ve ever laid eyes on.
And why the hell would he be jealous when he could have anyone?
“Clearly you weren’t aware of it, but you’re mine, Lily.” The only words sounding through the car when Colin takes a seat. “I won’t put a label on whatever we are because you’d run for the hills if I did. But if I see you flirt with another guy ever again, I will make sure he experiences afterlife earlier than you do.”
Not sure if I should find that charming or if I should be afraid.
“Besides, I don’t think any other guy would like to put up with a girl has one foot in a grave. One that plans to be dead in less than a week.”
Damned if that doesn’t hurt me in some ways.
Colin is right though. I have my death planned out. I know how I will die, when I will die, and who will find my body when I’m passed. It’s all planned out. Nobody would put up with it.
Nobody but Colin.
