“cause you’re the reason I believe in fate, you’re my paradise”—Infinity by Jaymes Young
Lily
“Close your eyes,” Colin orders as I sit down on his bed. “You’re still getting your present, Lilybug. Even if it’s technically not your birthday anymore.”
“I don’t want a present. It’s not worth it.”
“Shut up and close your eyes.” So I do. It’s not like I have much of a choice anyway.
Hearing as Colin rummages through his closet, the anticipation rises. I really don’t want any presents, but somehow I’m still excited to find out what Colin came up with.
The sounds stop and I feel Colin’s presence in front of me. “Okay, you can open your eyes.”
And with his go, I do. I open my eyes, only to find Colin kneeling in front of me. For a moment I want to run out of this room. I want to leave and never return, but then Colin starts to laugh hysterically.
He laughs so much, he tips over and lies on the floor, holding his stomach as he proceeds to laugh to the point where no sounds come out anymore. I suppose he figured out what his position looked like.
“Okay, I’m sorry,” he finally speaks, slowly sitting back up. “The look on your face, sweetheart…I should have taken a picture of it.”
I debate slapping him. Maybe I should, he certainly deserves it right now. But I don’t.
I don’t because when I’m about to, Colin holds out a small gift bag for me. I watch him with suspicion as I take it. Though, besides my suspicions, Colin watches me with more intensity than I could offer. Like he is more excited for me to open this bag than I am.
Not being able to wait any longer, I open the bag and take out a small stuffed animal. It’s a replica of the frog stuffed animal I have back at the dorms. But not only that, it has a chain attached to it.
Colin Carter got me a keychain. A frog keychain.
And I absolutely love it.
“Kermit will love this,” I say, beaming a smile.
“Who the hell is Kermit? I thought we agreed on Sergeant Froggo.”
“I never agreed to that.”
“But I did.” He grins, taking one of my hands in his. A second later, Colin pulls a small box out of his jeans pocket. “Don’t think I just got you the mini Sergeant Froggo.”
Before I know, Colin has put a bracelet onto my wrist. It’s a thin silver bracelet, no charms, just one thin continuous chain. It’s simple, and perfect.
“Colin,” I say in a whisper, feeling tears building up. I’m not sure if they’re happy or sad tears. Actually, I’m not quite sure what I am feeling at all.
I want to be happy. I am happy, I think.
Yet at the same time I want to cry because my heart is aching. Not the good kind of aching, like when it’s aching from love. It’s aching from emotional pain. Possibly because this one goddamn bracelet just reminds me that I will lose Colin very soon. Forever.
“It’s perfect.” I inhale a deep breath, looking up as I blink my tears away. “Thank you.”
Silence falls over us, but it’s not the uncomfortable kind. Colin is looking at me, watching me as I inspect his gift. I come to think it’s the best gift I have ever received. Plain, modest and just perfect.
I mean, it’s a simple bracelet. But Colin gave it to me, that makes this bracelet a million times more special.
“Lilybug?” I look up from the bracelet, meeting Colin’s gaze. “Is Lily a nickname?”
I freeze for a moment. Not sure why. I’m not ashamed of my full name. I just don’t like being called by it. The only person to ever call me Liliana is my mother, and she certainly ruined it for me.
Colin seems to notice my hesitation, so he takes that as an answer. “Your full name is Liliana?” Not sure if it’s a question or a stated fact.
I nod, feeling my body start to shake. I really don’t like being called Liliana. Yet when Colin says it out loud, it doesn’t sound half as bad anymore. In fact, it feels welcoming and right.
“It’s beautiful.”
“You think so?”
He nods. “So, who started to call you Lily first?”
I chuckle at that, the story behind how Liliana turned into Lily connects with Aaron’s incapability to pronounce words the right way.
“Aaron,” I say. “He couldn’t pronounce Liliana, for God knows what reasons. Bet he was just too lazy to say it. So instead, he called me Lily.”
“He should have given you a better one.”
“Thank you.” I roll my eyes at him.
“Lilybug?” Colin gets up on his feet only to take a seat next to me on the bed. He lays one of his hands down onto my thigh, giving it a slight squeeze. “Tell me something I didn’t know.”
Again? I thought I’ve already done that before. Like, all the time, actually. I believe Colin knows me the best out of all the people knowing me. He certainly knows the more horrible things about me.
“I was a virgin.”
His eyebrows draw together, head slightly tilting to the side as he is waiting for me to say I am joking. At least that’s what I assume he is waiting for.
When he says, “before what happened?” I realize he is thinking completely different from what I meant. His tone is serious, no indications of amusement whatsoever.
Suddenly I feel stupid.
“Two, or now three, days ago, I mean.”
He visibly calms, yet he still seems uncomfortable. His hand leaves my thigh, he is no longer touching me.
Colin stands up from the bed, walking up and down his bedroom while running his hands through his hair. I think I might have broken him.
He isn’t saying one word, nor does he react when I say his name to get his attention.
Colin continues to pace around his room for approximately the next five minutes, ignoring my presence up until he finally turns to look at me again. “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?”
“Cause I wanted to avoid this reaction.” And besides, it’s not like what we’ve done wasn’t consensual. I wanted to sleep with him as much as he wanted to sleep with me.
“Fuck, Lily.” Another hand slides through his already messed up hair, tugging at the ends as he lets out a frustrated groan.
Opposite of what I’m expecting, Colin stays in the room and doesn’t run away.
He walks closer to me, picking me up from the bed. My legs wrap around his hips almost instantly.
A cloud of his scent fills my nostrils. He smells nice. He smells like rosewood and fresh laundry. I think I might have found my favorite scent after all. Colin.
That’s what it is, right? When a scent fills you up with warmth and increases the feeling of well-being, makes you addicted, wanting to smell it again, and again. That’s when it becomes an ultimate favorite.
His hands lie on my ass, underneath the skirt of my dress, as he holds me up, his mouth capturing mine immediately. His tongue darts across the seam of his lips, dipping into my mouth.
My hands grip into his hair, stroking through his soft strands. Gently, I scrap his scalp with my fingernails until Colin lets out a throaty groan into my mouth.
“I’m going to give you a better ‘first time,’ sweetheart. Okay?” he speaks between slow pecks, carefully laying me down on the bed.
Colin hovers right over me, kissing my lips, then down my neck. When he reaches my cleavage, Colin sits up, sliding down enough to reach for my ankles. He undoes the strings from my high heels, setting them down next to his bed.
Then he starts to kiss his way up my legs, whispering compliments with every time his lips burn into my skin. With every kiss my body heats up. With every kiss a wave of anticipation gets send right between my legs.
When he’s kissing up my thigh, Colin halts for a second, pushing up my dress enough to free my body up to my ribs. He doesn’t remove it completely, so I take it upon myself to do it.
Since the dress is meant to be shoulder-free and my breasts aren’t all too big, I’m not wearing a bra, meaning my chest is now completely exposed to him.
“You’re trying to kill me, Lilybug,” he says, looking into my eyes as he licks his lips like I’m the most delicious thing he’s ever seen.
He tugs on my panties, sliding them down my legs, leaving me naked for him to look at.
“Aw, fuck,” he groans. His head tilts back into his neck as he lets out a short blow of air before looking at me again. “Are you on birth control?”
I shake my head, not as an answer, but because his question catches me off guard. “Why?”
“Was hoping I could feel you without latex between us,” he answers. “It’s alright though. We’ll stick to condoms.”
He lowers his body over mine, reconnecting our lips. His lips are soft, and he doesn’t taste like Coca-Cola anymore. His mouth is claiming me so possessively, if he weren’t Colin, I would back off. But he is Colin, and he is claiming me.
“I am, Colin.” He looks at me with uncertainty, so I elaborate. “On the pill.”
“Then why’d you shake your head?”
“I was confused as to why you’re asking. But I promise you, I am.”
Flashing me a cocky smile, Colin gets off the bed and strips off his clothes fast enough to be back on top of me in no time.
Regardless of my arousal and how desperate I am for Colin, I can’t shake the feeling that he only wants to sleep with me to feel better. His reaction when I told him I was a virgin still doesn’t sit right with me. So I ask, “Do you feel guilty?”
Colin sits up. “Why would I feel guilty?”
“Because you took my virginity and weren’t exactly gentle with me.”
“Sweetheart, if I wanted vanilla sex then, I would have given you nothing but that. If you wanted it, you should have told me. And besides, you took it well. So, no, I don’t feel even just one bit of guilt.”
I want to speak and ask about his reaction, but all that comes out is a slight gasp when Colin plants a kiss to my pussy.
He hugs my hips, holding me down as his tongue explores the spot between my legs slowly. One of his hands glides up, resting on my breast, fingers pinching my nipple.
I love that he is so touchy. I love that Colin doesn’t care for one part of my body only, instead, he makes sure to work all of it.
Feeling his tongue dip inside of me, I can’t help the moan from slipping out. I cover my mouth with my arm, muffling my sounds. But when I do, Colin stops to please me and says, “No, stop covering your mouth. I want to hear how good I make you feel.”
I don’t think I’ve ever blushed more in my life. I am literally lying buck naked in front of Colin, and yet this comment makes me blush.
Once he sees my arm is no longer covering my mouth, he sucks on my clit, groaning when he hears my whimpers. My hips keep shifting until Colin digs his fingers into my skin to hold me still.
“Please,” I beg. All this up-building tension is getting too much, to the point where I’m in desperate need to feel relief.
I can feel Colin smile against my skin. And for a short moment I want him to suffocate for it, but a breathing Colin sounds better than a dead one.
“I need you inside of me,” I say with a husky voice, hands tugging at his hair in an attempt to pull him up. He doesn’t budge though. All Colin does is chuckle and continue to work miracles with his tongue.
Not that I’m complaining.
As much as I love his tongue on my clit, I really do want to feel him inside of me. “I want to come around your dick, not on your tongue,” I say, hoping so desperately that it’ll change Colin’s mind.
“Aw, fuck, Lily,” he curses. “This is going to be over way too soon if you keep saying things like that.”
“Colin, please.”
He pushes two of his fingers inside of me while continuing to lick and suckle on my swollen clit.
His finger push in and out, the tips pressing against my walls, eliciting cries from my throat. Loud moans I didn’t even know where possible to come out of me.
“You’re going to come on my tongue, even if it takes us hours to get there. You got your way last time, I’m not missing out on it again.”
His tongue is licking me while his fingers continue to thrust inside of me, curling up then pulling back out in a repetitive pattern.
I can feel my orgasm build up with every thrust.
Just when the tension inside of me gets so intense and I am forced to let go, Colin removes his fingers from me completely, sticking his tongue inside of me instead.
With his thumb on my clit, pressing, circling, I finally feel relief as I cry out in pleasure. Euphoria shoots through my body, tickling on my skin.
Colin reaches over to his nightstand, taking out a condom wrapper and opens it.
In a matter of seconds, Colin has rolled the condom down his erection. He then grabs a pillow from beside my head and lifts my hips like I weigh nothing, putting the pillow beneath me.
“Thought you wanted to feel me?”
“I do. But I’m not quite sure if you’re lying to me or not. I certainly won’t risk anything.” That being said, Colin adjusts his cock to my entrance.
“I’m not…” I gasp, not being able to continue my sentence when Colin slowly sinks inside of me. With each light push as he eases deeper inside, I feel fuller. And once his full erection is inside of me, my body suddenly feels as though I’m completely filled up.
“Is that a promise?”
I only manage to nod my head when Colin starts to move his hips and his pubic bone rubs against my clit.
“I’ve never had sex without a condom before,” he admits, easing out of me completely. He removes the condom, tossing it onto the floor and slowly sinks back inside of me.
That must mean something to him, right? I must mean something.
“Aw, shit.” His mouth is back on mine, just kissing me without moving his hips. Not being able to wait any longer, I lift my legs and wrap them around his hips, pushing him just that tiny bit deeper.
A moan breaks out of me when he moves. Feeling his cock slide in an out of me sends my senses flying through the roof. I feel the urge to dig my nails into his skin as he makes love to me so fervently, I barely have anything left in me to function properly.
Cries of pleasure elicit from my throat with every thrust he takes on.
“Fuck, sweetheart,” he moans into my mouth breathlessly. Doubt I’ve ever heard anything sexier. “You’re going to be the death of me, mi sol.” He thrusts into me.
Colin doesn’t go rough with me this time. He keeps it all passionate and sweet, yet still hot and steamy. He has completely fogged up my mind, pleasuring me in every sense of way. Making parts of my body feel things, I didn’t even know where possible.
“Oh God,” I cry out, moaning.
His lips crash down onto mine, biting my bottom lip. His hips still, looking into my eyes with a stern look. “Say my name.”
I blink. “What?”
“Say. My. Name.”
“Colin, I—” He pulls out of me and slams back inside. I gasp.
“You see God around here somewhere?” I shake my head. “Exactly.” He kisses me. Deeply. Possessively. “You’re mine, Lily. I’m not even sharing you with God.”
His lips claim mine like he means every word. And I believe him. I believe his words, his mouth.
Sweat appears on both of our bodies and pleasure rises deep within mine when Colin brings his hand between my legs. Fingers rubbing my clit, causing my vision to go dark.
And then, when he steals yet another orgasm from me (not that I’m complaining), Colin kisses me as he comes inside of me, mumbling the word “fuck” under his breath.
His forehead rests against mine. Panting as we’re both calming down from our satisfaction.
I can smell him on me, his scent colliding with mine. I send out a silent prayer, hoping I will get to smell his scent wherever I’ll end up after death.
His soft, yet swollen lips press to mine as he eases out of me. Lying down next to me, Colin pulls me close to him, resting my head down on his chest. I can hear his heart beating; fast and strong. His breathing is quick as well, but it calms with every breath he takes.
“I’m never going to do this with anyone else ever again,” Colin says into the silent room. “It’s only going to be you.”
“Poor you.”
“Indeed.” Neither of us has to address this with more words. We’re both aware of what we’re talking about.
My death.
“Let’s get you cleaned up and ready for bed, okay?” Colin says softly, lifting us both up to sit. “See, this time, we’re even sleeping in one bed after. No more doing this all wrong.” He stands, pulling me up to my feet right after.
As I stand, I feel something running down my thigh. Giggling when I realize what it is. “Colin,” I say quietly. My voice is completely gone again. But not in the same way it was back at the bar. This time it’s gone because I’ve been moaning it hoarse. “I think your cum is running down my legs.”
He snickers, then tilts his head back in his neck and groans. When his eyes land back on mine, with a gentle touch, his arm traces down my body, bringing his hand to my thighs. With a bit of pressure against my skin, Colin slides his fingers up my thigh until he’s touching my pussy. I spread my legs, letting out a gasp when his finger dip inside of me.
He leans down, mouth to my ear, whispering, “I might just do that again in the bathroom…but with my cock.”
