When I wake up the next morning, everyone else is still in bed. My brother missed dinner since he was too busy partying with all his friends. At some point, the guys all ended up going home, and Maverick ended up going home with the girl who was attached to his hip all day. I’m honestly not surprised, that seems to be pretty on brand for my brother.
There’s only so much I can do to keep an eye on him. I have to remember the fact that he’s also a grown adult and can take care of himself. At some point, I’m going to have to let him make his own mistakes and not be there to bail him out. Although, that’s easier said than done. It’s a different relationship when you have a twin.
We shared the womb together and came into the world within minutes of each other. Maverick will make sure he tells the entire world that he is older than me, even if it is only by two minutes. Between the two of us, I’m the one who acts like the older sibling.
My father went back to the city after he had dinner with us. He was sure to scold my brother while he was here, which I’m sure is why Maverick has been drowning himself in a bottle of alcohol. Our father has always been the hardest on him and he makes his disappointment well known. Maverick has always had daddy issues and I can’t say that I blame him.
I didn’t suffer the same fate since I was the one who had their shit together. I learned from watching Maverick make mistakes. And there were a few times that I got in trouble just from being with him and his friends. I quickly learned that when things were about to go south, I needed to drag his ass out of there and we had to run.
The few times that I did end up in trouble with him, our parents blamed it on Maverick. I always tried to be the one to shield him but when I tried to take the fall for getting in trouble, they knew it wasn’t me. They knew that I was simply guilty by association and Mav always stepped up to be the one to ultimately take the fall.
All I know is, Maverick won’t survive in the world if he continues to go on like this. I just hope that someday, if he can’t save himself, someone else can.
I make my way downstairs and find the kitchen empty. Usually, our mother is already up and moving around but she ended up staying up later than normal last night. She works really strange hours sometimes and I know better than to bother her when she’s trying to get her sleep.
It’s weird the way our family operates. In a way, we’re each our own separate entities, but when the time comes, we come together as we should. It has instilled a sense of independence, even if my parents are the ones who are paying the bills. Emotionally, I have no one but myself. And maybe my brother when I can have a sober conversation with him.
Grabbing a banana from the counter, I peel it open and head out back, already dressed in my bathing suit. It’s supposed to be a hot day and I want to take full advantage of the cooler morning air before it’s blazing out here. When I get down to the water, it’s relatively quiet. The sun shines across the water, shimmering as it shifts from the boats in the distance.
I finish my banana and throw the peel into the trash can before getting the paddleboard out of the enclosed area of our dock. This time I’m sure to grab a life vest and strap it on before dropping the board into the water. I lower myself onto it, taking the paddle in my hands as I begin to move away from our property.
It’s nice and peaceful and I revel in the silence. I paddle harder as I fight against the thoughts that enter my mind. I haven’t been able to get Vaughn out of my head since I ran into him yesterday. His words were penetrating the crevices of my brain, and I hated it. Usually coming out here by myself would work to clear my mind, but not today.
I paddle out into the open water and stop as I’m far away from the shore. The paddleboard drifts through the water and I drop down onto my knees, sitting down as I just ride along in the silence. I wish Vaughn didn’t have such negative thoughts about himself. Then again, he isn’t the Vaughn I used to know. He’s practically a stranger to me and everyone who has known him for years.
The motor of a Jet Ski sounds in the distance and I ignore it as I continue to sit on the paddleboard and drag my fingertips through the water. It effortlessly slides through the spaces between my fingers and it feels cool against my skin.
The sound of the Jet Ski gets louder and the water beneath me begins to move with more force, rocking the paddleboard back and forth. I turn my head as I hear the engine cut off and my eyes meet Vaughn’s as he stares at me from where he’s sitting.
“What are you doing?” he questions me, his tone cold yet indifferent. There’s a look of curiosity in his eyes, although he would never let that be heard in his voice.
I tilt my head to the side. “Nothing. Just taking a break.”
Vaughn is silent for a moment as he continues to watch me. His lips part slightly, like he’s about to say something, but he quickly closes them. I watch his chest rise and fall before he finally speaks again. “Are you okay?”
There’s a touch of concern in his words, like he actually cares. Which, that in itself is enough to make me feel like I’m going to fall off my paddleboard.
“Yeah,” I tell him, my voice wavering slightly. “The water was calm and I figured I would just float for a little bit. Clear my mind, you know?”
Vaughn nods, a look of understanding washing over his eyes. He lifts his gaze past me as he stares out into the distance. He’s sitting in front of me on his Jet Ski, though I’m afraid he’s not really here anymore. I watch him as he drifts to somewhere else in his head.
“The point of floating out here is to clear your mind,” I tell him as I interrupt his thoughts. His pupils dilate as his gaze slices back to mine. “You’re getting lost in your thoughts instead of letting them go.”
“Easier said than done,” Vaughn replies gruffly, his voice hoarse.
“Where did you go?”
He silently stares at me for a moment before he shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters.”
“I refuse to believe that,” I argue. “Everything matters, even the stuff that hurts us the most.”
His eyebrows tug together and he narrows his eyes at me. I watch his throat bob as he swallows hard, his jaw clenching as he stares back at me. We’re caught in an intense stare-down, both of us floating on our own devices in the water.
“Try having your life completely turned upside down and then tell me that everything still matters.”
His words catch me off guard and the venom lingers on his tongue as he continues to glare at me. It’s obvious that Vaughn has been in a dark place, but he’s angrier than I realized. He’s pissed off at the entire world and plans on taking it out on anyone who dares to come too close.
“What does being angry do for you? What positives does that add to your life?” I challenge him, not wavering from our stare-down. “I get it. You’re fucking pissed, as you should be. But at some point, you have to accept the fact that it’s beyond your control. All you can do is focus on the things you can control.”
“Fuck, if I wanted a therapy session, I would have called the shrink that I was seeing at home.”
“I’m not going to sugarcoat things with you, Vaughn,” I tell him as I continue to challenge him. If he didn’t already dislike me, this is sure to make him never want to approach me again. Which isn’t my intention, but I’m not going to feed into his self-loathing bullshit like the rest of the world. “You got dealt a shitty hand and there’s nothing you can do about it. Change what you can.”
Vaughn scoffs, and I swear it’s the biggest reaction I’ve seen from him yet. “Sure, London. Whatever you say.”
“I didn’t do anything to you, so I don’t know why you feel like you need to be an asshole to me.”
He’s silent as he continues to stare back at me. I watch his face go through a transformation and a range of emotions pass through his eyes like waves. He started off looking at me like he was pissed off, but now there’s a pained look washing over him. His lips part again, yet he clamps them shut before starting the engine of his Jet Ski.
I watch him with a mixture of feelings as he turns it around and moves away from me without another word. My words obviously had an effect on him, but it wasn’t the one I was anticipating, and now I feel like shit. I feel like an asshole, like I pushed back too hard to the point that I pushed him away.
Vaughn needs someone and all he’s doing is showing his fangs to send everyone running in the opposite direction. My brain and my heart are at war with one another right now. The logical part of me knows that I should listen to my instincts and stay as far away from him as possible.
My heart protests.
In a way, he reminds me of my brother, with how lost he is. It’s evident he’s struggling to find his own way.
My heart overrules my brain.
I’m not going to leave Vaughn alone to find his own way.
If I do that, I’m afraid he’ll never come back…
