Another wave of guilt washes over me seeing Ari’s face while Nora was all over my arm whispering sexual shit in my ear. It’s officially the night before I leave on a deployment and I’m feeling eerie knowing Paul isn’t going to be there and never will. We were attached to different SEAL teams. But for some odd reason, as luck would have it, we were almost always running into each other somehow while deployed. Unfortunately, that won’t be happening anymore.
All I’ve been feeling these past couple of nights since Ari left was buried guilt and memories coming back up, I had of the night Paul passed. She brings all the anxiety and reminders of him. No matter what I did, I can’t escape the faults I feel when it comes to Paul’s last moments. If getting heavily hammered on whiskey helped ease the pain, then that’s what I’m going to do. If Nora’s willing to distract me from my horrible pain or to relieve some stress, then so be it.
Nora already knows it’s never going to be anything more between us and so it’s just easy. It’s only sex with her. After fucking Nora a couple of nights since I’ve been back home from deployment, she knows I’ll never commit to her, or anyone for that matter. She knows I’m not the type of man to romanticize her. Every woman I’ve shared intimacy with, knows I’m always busy and training, with no commitment in sight from me. But… With Ari, it’s different. I can’t bring myself to just fuck her. I already want more from her after I tasted how delicious she is, how sweet and pure her soul is. Her smell so intoxicating. Her perfume’s so sweet, I just want her to surround me at all times. It’s all I think about since she left my house, and I hate her for it. I hate myself.
I turn around still sitting at the bar, facing the dance floor now. My whiskey in hand, I search for Ari. She looks pissed and I can’t blame her. Maybe if I antagonize her, she’ll hate me as much as I hate her. Truth is, I don’t fucking hate her. I hate how much I want more from her, and I can’t touch her. I want to stay respectful in some sort of way since she’s my dead best friend’s sister.
I finally find her dancing in the middle of the dance floor, and she has a smile on her face as she laughs with her friends. Seeing the way her body moves and the way her jeans show off her perfect curves. My jeans get tighter and I clench my jaw, placing the glass of whiskey against my lips, taking a sip. She’s so beautiful. I feel like I’m the luckiest man in the world just being in the same room as her.
What are the odds that we end up seeing each other again in this bar? This is probably the last time I’ll drink here.
‘Babe, why don’t I relieve some of that stress, right here? Right now.’ Nora interrupts my thoughts, pushing her hand toward my groin, and massages over my jeans. I’m assuming she can tell how tensed up I am since I met her tonight at El Devine. I hardly make any conversation with her. She’s doing all the talking and I like it like that, prefer it like that. I never am good at holding conversations but for some reason with Ari, I can’t stop talking. She makes me feel like I can trust her. I look back at Nora’s heavily caked-up face and hesitate. I don’t want Nora. I want Ari’s hand on me instead.
‘Don’t call me that,’ I mutter disgusted, licking my teeth. I hate being called any pet names.
I finish up my whiskey before setting it down on the bar counter. If I can’t have Ari, I need some other way to release this tension and Nora’s always ready to take care of my needs, lately. I met Nora a couple of weeks ago, in a bar of course and she understood the boundaries I have. I don’t like nicknames, no kissing on the mouth, and no dates. Just sex.
‘Let’s go,’ I say, grabbing her manicured hands. I get up from my chair, trying my damn hardest to stop myself from stumbling. I went overboard tonight with Jack Daniels and I can’t cut myself off, I’m feeling euphoric as the alcohol starts to alter my body and mind. I always turn to alcohol as an escape from my demons and lately, it’s a new way of feeling like a new person. The evil that’s inside of me has always been my normal.
I head for the exit of the bar, feeling relief I’m getting farther away from Ari. It takes all my strength not to just pull her off the dance floor, throw her over my shoulders and take her away to my house again and fuck her the way I’ve been imagining since I met her.
Suddenly, Nora pulls my arm hard stopping me in my tracks.
‘I don’t want to leave just yet babe. I meant it when I said right here.‘ She starts to walk backwards, pulling me with her. A wicked smile’s on her face and she bites her bottom lip, attempting to seduce me. I’m confused at first, but then I watch her guide me toward the restroom, which was unisex.
Oh well.
I smirk letting Nora pull me into the restroom that only has one stall in it. She had been texting me nonstop these past two weeks and I finally give in to blow off some steam. She locks the door and pulls down my pants and puts me in her mouth.
I feel like a piece of shit. Who am I kidding? I am a piece of shit. Because the whole time Nora has my cock in her mouth, sucking, I keep thinking of Ari. My hands go to grip Nora’s hair, and I imagine Ari’s mouth instead. Her sweet full soft lips and her black hair in my hands.
Hopefully, this keeps the edge off from taking Ari home tonight because I want to really show her just how much of an asshole I really am.
