My heart sinks deep into the pit of my stomach. Hearing his voice brought back so many memories of abuse and heartache and here I was in between Danny and Shane. Both looking at me with confusion. Their expressions read, who is this guy. They both size each other up and I grow uncomfortable. I turn around to face Shane. He looks the same except his brown hair is longer. Seeing his face makes me go cold and scared. The Shane I knew from months ago, was a very jealous man and I can tell seeing Danny with me, bothers him. He starts chewing his gum aggressively the longer he stares, smirking at me and Danny.
‘Oh Shane, hi…’ I mutter. The feelings I had when I was with Shane come back but it’s nothing romantic. It’s fear. Like getting seen with Danny was wrong and I felt like I was cheating on him. It was like getting caught red-handed with the other man.
I had to mentally remind myself, I was single, and that relationship was long gone. I was finally out of his toxic grasp.
‘How have you been Ari-cakes?’ I cringe when he calls me by the nickname he gave me, Ari-cakes. He hasn’t called me that since we were together.
‘Fine. Great.’ My tone is icey.
I didn’t dare try to continue the conversation. The interaction between the three of us quickly fills with awkward silence and Danny drops his arm that he had around me.
Unsurprisingly, I’m upset and craving his arm to be thrown over me again. It felt natural. It made me feel safe.
‘I’m glad to hear… you still get Chrome beans?’ Shane asks, flashing me a quick smile trying to give me the impression he still knows me. But he doesn’t. He will never know me again. He will never get the pleasure of hitting me again or his sick attempts to drag me into the depths of his abuse.
‘I think we should get going.’ Danny intervenes. Danny looks like he’s watching Shane, intently. He furrows his brow at him as he gets closer to me. Shane’s shorter and leaner than Danny.
It was like he read my mind or body language. I didn’t want to talk to Shane anymore. I’d rather get as far away as possible from him. It took everything I had in me to get over him. He cheated on me and broke me down emotionally, and physically. Standing in front of him right now, made me feel like the old trauma I healed from was reopening.
Funny enough, he was the one who ended things with me. He cheated on me for the third time and left me for another woman who could give him things I couldn’t. Every time he cheated; I would forgive him. I was so weak, I loved him no matter how much he hurt me. Then finally, when he was no longer interested in the woman he left me for, he came crawling back but I rejected his every attempt at reconciliation. I blocked him. I blocked his number and on social media. And I never heard from him again.
That is until now.
I cried for weeks over him. We were together for a few years.
When he joined the military, he became toxic in our relationship, and completely changed.
Of course, when you first begin a relationship there’s a lovey-dovey phase but then he revealed who he truly was.
For me, that wasn’t long after he became a marine.
‘I think that’s a good idea,’ I reply softly, looking away from Shane and rather into Danny’s blue eyes.
‘I’ll see you around then.’ Shane gives me a wicked smile and enters the coffee shop. I let out a relieving sigh.
‘Ari-cakes, eh?’ Danny asks me, humor in his voice.
‘Let’s just go please,’ I beg.
Danny leads me to the parking lot and we’re both walking fast in silence, as the rain falls. I follow him until we got to a pickup truck. He opens the passenger door for me, and I climb in.
Danny closes my door quickly and jogs over to his side, attempting to avoid getting completely soaked by the rain.
‘Where would you like to eat?’ He asks as he closes his door behind him.
‘I’m not sure… the weather’s getting bad.’ I’m still shaken up by running into Shane, my voice comes out like a whisper and Danny notices how uncomfortable I’m feeling.
‘Hey I can take you home, it’s ok—’
‘No.’ I immediately respond, cutting him off. I look up at him and give him a reassuring smile.
Seeing Shane threw me off. My heart stopped for a couple of seconds out of fear. I finally escaped him but when I saw him at Chrome Beans it reminded me of all the feelings I would get when I was with him. It shook me to my core. Still, I wasn’t going to allow him to ruin the possibilities with other men.
‘How about we grab takeout? And we can have dinner and a movie at my place?’
Dinner and a movie at his place sound like a dream after the whole year I’ve had so far. Experiencing domestic abuse followed by my brother’s passing was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I didn’t just lose my brother; I lost my best friend. We were so close.
‘I’d like that.’
‘This is it,’ Danny announces, casually.
We pull into his property, driving through a front gate. After picking up Brooklyn-style pizza, I took a glance at his property. A beautiful two-story home on acres of land. It was gorgeous. It had a front porch and a wrap-around fence.
‘Wow, Danny, your place is nice.’
I grew up in a small three-bedroom house in an over-populated neighborhood. So, this house looks like paradise to me. It was so spacious and modernized.
‘Thank you.’
I should be scared, but I feel completely warm inside next to Danny. He has been such a gentleman to me since we met. I hadn’t been on a date since Shane and I broke up months ago. I wasn’t breaking my no military-men rule yet.
With the pizza box in his hand, Danny gets out and walks to my side of the truck, and helps me out of the passenger seat.
‘Short girl problems.’ I laugh as his hand holds mine. With every slightest touch he gives me, butterflies flutter harshly inside of me. As I get closer to him, his strong cologne scent catches me. His scent was marvelous, it was radiating woodsy and rebellious.
Even though I just met Danny, it feels like a breath of fresh air out of the darkness. I feel safe with him, something I never felt with Shane.
When we reach his porch, he grabs his keys and unlocks the front door so quickly like he probably had a thousand times.
The first thing I see when he reaches over to his right, switching a light on, was a very rich spacious wood cabin-themed home. It was absolutely mesmerizing, I felt like I was in a very expensive lodge in the mountains.
‘Wow…’ I look up to the ceiling and noticed every single detail of his house was well thought out and designed.
Danny looks amused at my astonishment. We reach the living room, and he turns on his electric fireplace followed by a large tv screen that was mounted on the wall above it. This was a date night I hadn’t imagined going on anytime soon. Simple yet amazing. I was never attracted to men who thought flaunting fancy things would impress me.
‘Would you like some red wine?’ Danny asks me after putting the pizza down on his living room coffee table. He makes his way into the kitchen area where a large island is in the center of his kitchen, with a bar area in the corner. Lots of wine, liquor bottles, and beer were on display like a collection. He must be a heavy drinker.
‘Yes please.’ I politely reply. I walk over to the couch and get comfortable, sitting on a soft cushion. I really hope he’s not expecting anything more from me than just a date of getting to know each other.
Danny returns with a wine glass and a drink for himself. He turns on the weather channel after he places my wine glass down, the glass making a collision noise as he sits next to me. I grab the glass of red wine and take a sip. My taste buds jump in excitement as the red wine rolls down my throat. I look over and Danny’s watching me with a glass of whiskey. He’s so handsome, his strong jawline covered in a short beard, and those blue ocean eyes I could stare into forever.
‘I thought military men couldn’t have beards,’ I say with eyebrows raised curiously. It was one of the first things I noticed about Danny. Before Paul became a Navy SEAL, he always had his facial hair clean-shaven and well-kept.
‘Yeah, we typically can’t. I’m getting deployed though so I get the okay.’
‘That explains it.’
‘Who was that at the coffee shop? Is that why you’re so sad?’ Danny asks as he grabs his whiskey, drinking almost all of it.
‘Umm… it’s a long story,’ I reply, drinking more of my wine. I want to get more relaxed with the strong tension going on between us. I highly doubt Danny would be interested in hearing a story about a toxic ex-boyfriend and losing my brother. If he’s like the military men I envision them all to be, he’s probably just looking for a one-night stand before he deploys.
I put my wine glass down, sighing. Thinking negatively about myself always gets the best of me. A guy like him surely couldn’t be interested in me like that.
The rain starts to really pour down heavily outside with strong winds making the house creak. Loud howling through the cracks of the windows. The sound of water splashing down on the porch outside is soothing. I can see lightning hit over and over again amongst the dark clouds, through the large glass windows that showcased his acres of land.
‘I’ve got time.’
I start to bounce my leg up and down, anxiously. I get anxious every time I talk about Shane. Danny seems genuinely interested and curious enough about my life, and it felt good. This man I just met who’s totally hot, and such a gentleman. But… I felt like there was a whole side of him he wasn’t sharing with me. I just didn’t know if that side was good or bad.
‘The guy that called me Ari Cakes,’ I roll my eyes, ‘was actually my most recent ex-boyfriend. His name is Shane. He’s actually in the Marines. He’s your cliche tool bag. He cheated on me several times. And every single damn time, I would forgive him like a dumb ass. Things even got so bad he started putting his hands on me.”
I look up at Danny, studying his expression. His body grows tense and he’s stiff.
‘Finally, after the last affair he had, he ended things and I didn’t take him back. He begged but I stood strong. It took everything I had in me not to give in. My brother, who’s no longer here with me, helped me get past my abusive relationship at the time.’
Then I could feel the sting in my throat. I choke up and I fight so hard against the tears that were starting to fill my eyes.
Here I was opening up to a stranger during a hurricane watch in his house.
What could go wrong?
‘If I were your brother, I would’ve kicked his ass,’ Danny says firmly, grabbing a hold of his empty glass. He stands up and starts towards the kitchen and fills it up with more whiskey.
‘Oh, trust me, Paul, my brother, he almost did. Shane showed up at the house one night, begging me to get back with him and Paul put everything on the line for his baby sister and almost got into a physical fight with him. I got in the middle and separated them before it could escalate further. I lied and told Shane I had called the cops so he fled.’
The memories of that specific night come back flooding into my mind like a movie, as I explain it to Danny.
Paul and Shane stood in front of each other getting into each other’s faces meanwhile Shane calls Paul every name in the book, tempting him to make the first punch. Paul towered over Shane, laughing at his lame attempts to act tough.
Paul didn’t say one word back to him. He just smirked and let out small laughs at his attempts to get under his skin. This only made Shane rage even more. Paul kept his composure, smiling wickedly, and I didn’t know how.
My heart pounded in my chest; I cried out of intense fear because I feared for Paul’s career if he engaged in a physical fight with Shane. I was on the porch looking at them, hopeless, begging them both to stop. They were on the front yard grass, and I could see our neighbors turning on their lights to investigate Shane’s shouting.
‘I just want to talk to your whore of a sister!’ Shane shouts.
‘You won’t ever get that privilege again, Mitchell, as long as I’m around you’ll never lay a finger on her again,’ Paul said it so calmly and I didn’t understand how.
‘She likes my fingers, Paul. Tell him Ari Cakes. Tell him about all the times I made you come on them.’ Shane said with disdain. He’s sick. I can’t believe he just shared that.
I watched Paul uncross his arms from his chest and they turned into fists. He was about to give in to Shane. He was going to risk his career but I wouldn’t let him. He raised his fist but I had to do something. I wasn’t going to watch my brother end his career.
‘Stop it! Shane! Get the hell out of here! I called the police already, they’re close!’
Neighbor’s dogs started barking, attracting more attention to the situation. So, I lied and said I called the police. Shane finally stopped and he stared straight at me when I intervened, over Paul’s shoulder. I locked into his eyes, and they were of hurt and hatred. He pointed his finger at me, and I winced. Soon after, he got into his car and drove away. Paul watched him the entire time as I wept.
That was the last time I saw him, until today.
I told Danny in detail about the things Shane would do to me. The times he slapped me so hard in the face he would make me bleed. The times, when I caught him in lies so he would try to manipulate me and get his way out of them. He would accuse me of being crazy or explain that it was my fault he cheated on me. The times when he was overly jealous if I talked to another guy, he would call me a whore, a slut, and then sexually assault me after.
I never let him put his dick in me though. My virginity still haunting me. But Danny didn’t need to know that part.
After Shane showed me his true colors, I knew if I gave myself fully to him, I would keep running back to him.
I look up at Danny. He’s clenching his jaw, taking in everything I just told him. His body stiffened and I can tell the stories were only making him upset. The way he’s looking at me, it shockingly makes me feel like the safest I’ve ever felt with a man. What felt like the longest minute in time, Danny’s deep voice finally says, ‘You didn’t deserve any of that. That’s not love. I sure as hell don’t know what love is but I know it’s not that. No man should ever put their hands on a woman. That’s a pathetic weak piece of shit.’
I look up at him, aching to embrace him as the words roll out of his tongue.
‘Paul died two months ago. I still refuse to believe it. It doesn’t feel real.’
‘How’d he pass? I’m sorry if I’m asking for too much.’
‘No, it’s fine. He was a Navy SEAL. He died on a deployment.’
Danny stills. He squints his eyes, studying me.
‘Although I don’t know the details, just the autopsy report.’
I decide to change the subject before things grew more uncomfortable. I wanted to know what his interests were. I wanted us to get to know each other without talking about heavy topics. So, we talked about almost everything we liked and eventually went back to the subject of my brother Paul. As I’m opening up about him, I can see Danny’s behavior change as if a light bulb turned on over his head. Suddenly, Danny blurts out.
‘I’m sorry about your brother but his name is very familiar. Are you talking about Paul Alvarez?’ Danny asks me, in shock.
‘Yes.’
‘Ari, I… I knew him. We were friends, best fucking friends. We met years back on my first deployment. We were on different teams but we worked closely together. We did that a lot, actually. We’ve been friends for years. Yet… I never knew about you… Of course, no details were ever spoken about you. Paul was very private about his family life. All I knew was he had a younger sister and a mom waiting for him at home.’
Holy shit, he knew him? Small world.
Danny looks at me to see if I was going to break. With a glance like that, it was like he was asking me for permission to go on. I nod, biting my lip, a tear escaping my right eye. I quickly wipe it away with my hand. Crap. I didn’t want to cry in front of Danny like this. But anytime there was an opportunity to talk about my amazing big brother, I took it. The pain was still fresh, and I didn’t know when it would ever get better.
‘It’s okay, go on, please.’ I urge.
Danny reaches into his pocket, grabs his leather wallet, and pulls out a picture of him and Paul together with a bunch of other guys. A group photo of them on deployment is what it seemed like. All of them with their beards grown out, extremely sun tanned, and dirty, while holding rifles. Danny and Paul were smiling in the left corner as if laughing at their own inside joke. Even in a current situation like a dangerous deployment, Paul always seemed to find light in dark times, this photo shows proof of that. It was the first time I saw Paul with his lame attempt at growing a beard and I couldn’t help but giggle.
‘Wait, are you Rider?’ I ask. It all comes full circle. My brother would tell me about his over the phone while he was deployed and Rider was one guy who he consistently brought up. He shared stories about pranks they would pull on the other guys they worked with.
‘Yeah. My full name is Daniel Rider.’
I put my hand over my mouth.
‘Can I take a picture of that please; he looks so happy in it.’
‘Of course.’
‘Wait, why haven’t I met you before? Why didn’t I see you at the funeral?’ I ask bothersome.
Why wouldn’t he attend his funeral if they were good friends? Why is this my first time meeting him?
Danny lets out a sigh. He looks down at his glass of whiskey, his hands tightening around it showing white knuckles. Then he looks back at me, ashamed. Small wrinkles appear on the edges of his eyes as he glares, sadly.
‘I did. I was there for the burial. In the back, I was overlooking it all. I watched them put him into the ground. I apologize for not privately sharing my condolences with you and your mother, but it was really hard for me. My team showed up to the burial though.’
As soon as he says it, it occurs to me that he’s a special operator too. His head hangs down in defeat. He closes his eyes tight, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
My eyes widen.
‘Team?’ I ask quietly.
He nods.
Holy crap.
‘Oh? Are you a Navy SEAL?’
