AVA
I’m reading a book on the couch in Colton’s living room. I can’t focus on anything new, so I chose one of my all-time favorites. It’s helping distract me from thinking about his talk with his mom.
The front door opens, and then his footsteps follow. The second Colton walks into the room, I know something is wrong. Despair. Confusion. And anger. His brown eyes are almost black. The sorrow in his gaze gets under my skin so easily and so strongly, it feels as if I were the one who got some news about my parent.
He comes over, lays his head in my lap, and closes his eyes. “Talk to me.” I thread my fingers through his tousled hair. “Colt.”
“My entire ride home I had only one thought: my parents’ marriage was like a fucking butterfly effect. The tiniest thing changed everything. Every fucking damn thing.”
“It’s never like that, no. It’s like chess. Certain pieces during the game allow certain combinations. The king is always a king, just like the queen is not a pawn. People’s behavior defines what happens to them in addition to their life circumstances,” I retort slowly, and he shifts a little to peer into my eyes.
“How we react to situations depends on our personality, on our inner strength. Take Layla and me, for example. We have a lot of things in common; we have similar interests, and we have known each other for years, so we’ve had time to get used to one another. We almost got arrested once. Her reaction? Screaming and crying. Me? Racking my brain for a solution. And I fucking got us out of that shit—the police officer even gave us a ride home, letting us out a few blocks early so we didn’t get in trouble with our parents. The same situation, but a totally different reaction. It’s not one thing, Colt. It’s never just one thing.”
He smiles weakly and sighs, sneaking one of his hands under my tee and pressing it to my belly. “You’re too good for me.”
“Nonsense.” I ruffle his hair gently, massaging his scalp with my nails. “What did you find out?”
“I told you before, my father has never been a nice man. Strict. Authoritative. His business success made him harsher, more scheming, more distant. While Mom…she’s the total opposite. You couldn’t find two more different people, and yet they loved each other. It wasn’t a marriage of convenience; she didn’t accidentally get pregnant and he felt obligated to marry her. They fell in love and wanted to start a family. They both wanted me.”
Colt falls silent, and I don’t rush him. I wait, giving him my warmth for as long as he needs it. “The busier he became with his business, the lonelier she felt. I was growing up, and with hockey and my friends, I needed her less and less. My mom always loved art, and Dad gave her an art gallery. He felt guilty for being absent, and he wanted to make her happy. To help her find something she wanted to do. Ironically, that place ruined everything.”
This time, his pause is longer. His eyes are on me, but I doubt he sees me. He’s lost in his memories, trying to find things he failed to notice before. All the details, the tiniest signs, everything went overlooked. I know how Colt feels, even if I hate that he’s experiencing it. Having your world fall apart is one of the worst feelings in the world. Especially when the people you love are the reason it happens.
“Leo waltzed into my mom’s gallery, laughing and charming everyone on his way. He is a funny, easygoing, and incredibly compassionate man. Everyone loved him. I admired him because he was so different from my always busy and stern father.” Colton sighs louder and shuts his eyes again. “As I got older, I noticed how Leo looked at Mom. The guy had a crush on her, but she wasn’t interested.”
I see the direction his story is taking, and I close my eyes too. His hand on my belly spreads warmth across my skin. My fingers slide to his cheek, absentmindedly drawing little circles with my fingernails.
“She went with Leo on a trip to New York, to meet with the owner of a local gallery. They had some drinks to celebrate closing a deal. He was always nothing but nice to her—as opposed to her own husband, who barely had time for her. So she gave in. She spent the night with Leo and left first thing in the morning, realizing what she had done.” His voice is low, so I lean in to hear everything. “A month. She kept it to herself for a month. She talked to Leo, told him it could never happen again. And then she went and confessed everything to my dad. The guilt was eating her alive, so she decided to be honest with him. Hell, Ava, I have no idea what she was thinking.”
“She was lonely—”
“Don’t.” Colt cuts me off, snapping his eyes up and boring his gaze into mine. “Loneliness is not a reason for cheating. Ever.”
“You’re right. Sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be sorry.” He smiles at me, taking a deep breath. “I mean I have no idea what she was thinking telling Dad about it. I get it; she felt guilty. I get it; she didn’t want to lie to him, but Dad is Dad. You can’t hit a rabid dog and expect it not to bite you in return. It wasn’t a fucking fairy tale. She opened herself up to his anger, to his wrath, and she still decided to stay. Knowing who he was, she still stayed.”
“Because she loved him.”
“Because she loved him,” Colt confirms bitterly. “And he cheated on her with Helen. As payback.”
I look away. My thoughts are like a hurricane, speeding up and becoming wilder with each passing second. As payback… Helen getting pregnant must have been a huge surprise to him. “But why didn’t he say anything to your mom? Why did he keep Helen by his side?”
“I have no idea, Ava. He doesn’t love Helen, and he never did. He doesn’t have any other women in his life either.” His tormented eyes find mine, and neither of us looks away. “I need to talk to him. I want to know his reasons. More than anything.”
“When?”
“When I am ready.” He sits up and instantly hauls me to his chest. “I would have never been able to process all this without you. I would have lost it, for real.”
“You’re exaggerating.” I wrap my arms around his neck, staring into his enigmatic eyes. My very first thought about his eye color comes to mind—as if he’s a demon himself. Alluring and tempting. All these months later, and I still think the same. Colton Thompson is my own Hades, and I’m his Persephone. The addiction is strong and unwavering.
“I’m stating facts, Little Miss Lover of Arguments.”
“A new nickname?” I quirk an eyebrow as he winds his hands around my waist and stands up from the couch. I cross my legs behind his back.
“I have a ton of new nicknames for you,” Colt murmurs, inching closer to my face. “But Honey is still my favorite.”
“Oh, I have no doubt, Winnie-the-Pooh.” I kiss his lips. “What are we going to do?”
“Take a bath.” He carries me to his bathroom as a question pops into my head.
“Why did your mom decide to tell you about this now?”
Colt stops in his tracks, eyes on my face. “She feels better these days. Dr. Stewart’s approach is working, and her depression is gone. She started keeping a little diary. It helps to train her memory, and she reflects a lot on her past.” He gives me a little smile, but it quickly disappears. “Dad came to visit her, and she decided to open up to me. I honestly don’t know what else they talked about, or why he suddenly cares, but I want to talk to him.”
As we undress and get in the bath together, I know I was right: his father liked me, and he was happy for Colton. No matter how fucked up things are, Eric Thompson loves his son.
The first game of regional semifinals will be held next week, so the hockey team is spending most of the mornings and evenings practicing. I barely see Colton these days, but at least I always know where to find him. I don’t usually go to the rink when he has practice, but I have some news to share today, and I can’t wait to know what he thinks about it.
It’s been a month since the game against the Gladiators. I’ve made good progress, working through my fear with Colt’s help. My steps are light as I go down the stairs. I smile; my eyes are glued to him on the ice. No one except our friends knows Colton and I are together, but I don’t care about that anymore. Layla is right; it’s ridiculous to continue hiding it.
I’m right on time. Guys skate in my direction, leaving the ice. My phone dings with an incoming message, and I take it out of my purse. The next thing I know, someone snatches it out of my hands. What the hell? I look up and see Moore staring down at me with a smirk.
“Give it back.”
“Why would I? You have something very important to me saved on your phone; I want it gone.” His eyes, which are narrowed to slits, speak volumes about his intentions. The guy hates me. He’s still not over the prank I pulled on him.
“I won’t use the picture against you as long as you stay away from me.” I try to grasp my phone but fail miserably. “Give it back, Moore.”
“Hell nah, that’s not how it’s going to be.” He leans into my face, his nostrils flaring. “You’re going to tell me—”
“Leave her the fuck alone.” A familiar voice rips through the atmosphere, and Colton snatches my phone from Moore’s fingers. “Didn’t I tell you to stay away from her?”
“It’s none of your business, Thompson.” Moore yells. He grabs my elbow forcefully, and I wince from the sudden pain. “She’s—”
His words die in his throat as Colton’s fist connects with his abdomen, making him let go of me and stumble back. I gasp, and someone rushes past me, pulling Colt back. It’s the team’s right defenseman, Bailey, but other guys are here too, watching the scene with surprise on their faces.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Thompson?” Moore’s face is pale, and he presses both of his hands to his stomach. “Does that bitch have such magic pussy that you’ve totally lost your mind? Attacking your teammate—”
“She’s my girlfriend.” Colt bellows, and everyone goes silent at once. Even Bailey lets go of him. “And you don’t get to lay your fucking hands on her or her stuff. Back fucking off, Moore, and this picture will never see the light. But keep at it, and I will fucking destroy you. Am I clear?”
“Fucking jerk.” Moore mutters angrily. Then he turns and storms away from us.
There is an awkward pause, but then everyone around us starts whistling cheerfully. Apparently, Colton Thompson having a girlfriend is a big deal for the team, and they are all happy for him. Hockey guys are such goofballs sometimes. You never would have guessed it by watching them on the ice.
One by one, they leave Colt and me alone—even Drake and Clay, who can’t stop blabbering about how proud he is of his best friend and his accomplishments.
“Make sure to celebrate your big news with your girlfriend since you finally found the balls to say it aloud,” Clay laughs, walking away.
“What news?” I ask, circling my hands around my boyfriend’s shoulders.
“It can wait. I’m more interested in what you wanted to tell me. You sounded too mysterious for me not to be curious,” he murmurs, his strong arms wrapping around me. Before I know it, he lifts me, and my legs lock behind his back. “Let’s get you onto the ice.”
He walks toward the ice, stepping on it gingerly. My grip around his shoulders becomes tighter. Colt catches my gaze, and a soft smile curls his lips. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you. You can trust me.”
“I know.” I flash him a little smile.
When he’s with me, I notice way less than I do when he’s not. He invades my thoughts, just by being himself. He makes me feel safe and secure, even on the ice. The more time we spend together, the more I see how much the color of his eyes changes depending on his mood. With me, they’re always deeper and warmer. And the hints of gold are more noticeable when he smiles. It’s like he wasn’t used to smiling a lot before, but now he does, and new shades appear as old layers peel away. His eyes look softer, not as dark and rough as they were when we first met.
Colton puts me on the ice and turns me around. My back is now pressed to his chest. The last time he tried to convince me to put on ice skates, it didn’t go well, so I’m not surprised he’s letting me wear my sneakers. His arms are around my waist, and warmth spreads through my veins. Colt makes me feel like home, like I belong, and I forget where we are. He starts slowly gliding across the ice, and I allow him to take the lead.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asks, his hot breath warms up my skin.
“You know I have my bookstagram,” I say, and I feel him nod. “I love creating stuff for the stories I’ve read and loved, or just chatting about them with the community. The thing is, I like what I’m doing, and, considering my major, I thought about making this more than just a hobby.”
“What did you decide to do?”
“I love one author in particular; I literally devoured all her stories. What’s more, she’s always nice and ready to talk about her books, or about other books I read. She publishes all her work herself. I told her about my idea to use my bookstagram to spread the word about indie authors.”
I take a deep breath, needing it in order to continue.
“She suggested I work for her. Like an intern, sort of, to see what it means to help an author, to know all the pitfalls of the business. She even wants to pay me, as a thank you. I’m so happy, Colt. This opportunity is like a golden ticket. I’ve never been more excited than I am now, and I feel like this could be it. It’s something I’d like to do in the future. Helping authors promote their work, preparing promos and info campaigns for book releases. I always wanted to have a job I’d be excited about, and this one fits that requirement to a tee.”
I continue talking, adding more and more details about my collaboration. It’s a future I can see myself in. One I can totally enjoy, doing what I love, and this way I won’t be tied to one place. I can go where he goes—but only if he wants me to.
Colt stops and slowly turns me around, and I wrap my arms around his torso. I’m happy and content, feeling overwhelmed with the news I got, with him telling everyone we’re together, with him spending his time helping me love the ice again.
“I’m so proud of you, Ava. You’re so thoughtful and caring, and you give so much of yourself to others without wanting anything in return. I admire you, and I honestly believe you will do amazing.” He dips his head down, taking my chin between his fingers. “You deserve the world, baby. And I want to hand it to you all the damn time.”
“I don’t need the world,” I tell him, standing on my tiptoes. “I need my boyfriend to kiss me and make my head spin.”
“Your boyfriend, huh?” A light peck on the corner of my mouth.
“The best boyfriend I’ve ever had.” And I finally get the reaction I’m hoping for. Colton’s possessive side makes my heart go insane.
“If you’re going to even hint about the other guys you’ve been with, I’m going to fuck that attitude out of you.” His lips are hovering over mine, and my whole body comes to life. “Am I clear?”
“Yes.”
And the world stops existing, disappearing into a vortex of nothingness. No sounds. No scents. No feeling of time or space. Just him and I, and I don’t want it any other way.
