The present
Slowly, I turned away from the fireplace, facing my young wife. She was pale, her lips parted in horror after my story. “When I married Gaia, she was in love with her half-brother. I didn’t know it back then. Her parents did but chose not to divulge the information. Maybe now you understand why I was wary of Christian.”
Giulia covered her mouth with her palm, staring down at the floor as if she couldn’t bear looking at me. I couldn’t blame her. It was a story that had shaken up even my father and Faro. “Oh my God.”
I grimaced. I hated remembering, and worse speaking about what happened, but even worse than all that was the look on Giulia’s face now that she knew the truth. “After I married Gaia, she asked me if her half-brother could become one of her bodyguards. I agreed because she was miserable away from home and I thought it would help. I wanted her to find happiness in our marriage.”
Giulia nodded, not looking up. “Her parents? You killed them.”
“I did. They betrayed me. Their lies cost Gaia and Andrea their life.”
She sucked in a sharp breath, horrified. Giulia was a good girl. Kind and positive, willing to see the light even in the dark. I’d dragged one woman into an abyss. I desperately hoped Giulia would be spared the same fate. “Gaia practically asked you to kill them in her last letter.”
“She knew me well.” Occasionally I would share details of my work with her when I’d been particularly shaken or when she asked, which didn’t happen often.
Giulia shook her head. She’d said our marriage would be doomed if I didn’t tell her the truth, but I had a feeling the truth just ended whatever had been blossoming between us. Losing Gaia hadn’t hurt. For one, because she’d betrayed me, and because I’d never loved her. Losing Giulia—I wouldn’t get over it. We hadn’t been together long, but in the weeks of our marriage, she’d brightened my days more than I thought possible.
“I never raised my hand against Gaia, not then either. I would have never killed her. Whatever you decide, you don’t have to worry about your safety, Giulia. I won’t hurt you.”
Giulia
I couldn’t breathe. Hearing Cassio tell the story of what happened in a raw, bitter voice had unsettled me deeply. This was so much worse than I expected. The idea of finding Cassio with another woman tore at me. How much worse must it have been for him? Finding his pregnant wife with her half-brother, a man he trusted, and finding out his children might not even be his. It was too horrific to contemplate. Even I wasn’t sure what I would have done in a situation like that. Probably not killed someone, but I wasn’t a man raised to survive in the mafia.
Cassio smiled grimly seeing my expression. “That’s the man you married, Giulia. I understand if you’re scared of me now. I won’t stop you from moving into another bedroom, but you’ll certainly understand that we’ll have to stay married for Simona and Daniele. They can’t lose you too.”
I pushed to my feet, crawled on Cassio’s lap, and wrapped my arms around him even as he stiffened. I kissed him hard. God, this was horrible. Everything. It wasn’t okay that Cassio had killed a man in a jealous rage, but he was a killer, and he, like all the men in our world, had killed for less. Part of me understood.
Confusion mingled with hesitant hope in Cassio’s eyes. “What… what are you doing?”
I pressed my face against his throat. He wrapped an arm around me lightly. “Giulia? Say something.”
“I’m not scared of you.” I wasn’t. Maybe I should have been, but I’d always known Cassio was capable of brutality for something as trivial as power and money. That he killed because someone hurt him, it only showed he wasn’t an emotionless killer.
Cassio slipped a finger under my chin and nudged my face up. “You heard what I said.”
“I did. You protected Daniele and Simona. You kept Gaia alive despite what she did. I know it isn’t something many men would have done. It’s more than I expected, knowing the stories about you.”
Cassio’s mouth twisted cynically. “I suppose it’s good that your impression of me was already bad to begin with.”
I rolled my eyes, hoping to lighten the mood.
Cassio cupped my cheek. “Only you make me feel better by insulting me with a simple look.”
I gripped his shoulders, bringing our faces closer. “You wanted to let the past rest, and I want to help you. Stop thinking I’m going to do what Gaia did. I’m not her, and I definitely won’t end up in bed with my brother. Even thinking about it makes me sick. And I won’t cheat on you with anyone else either. I desire you, and I’m loyal. Can you get it through your thick skull?”
Cassio pointed at his chest. “In here, I know you aren’t Gaia.” He pointed at his head. “Up here’s the problem. I’m not a very trusting man, never have been. Now less than ever. But I’m trying.” He cupped my head and molded our mouths together before murmuring, “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t. Not if you keep working on your trust issues, if you keep fighting for us, because I sure as hell am ready to go into war for this marriage and our children.”
Cassio moved back slowly. “What did you say?”
I pursed my lips. “That I’m ready to fight for us.”
“No,” he said gruffly. “You said our children.”
I flushed. Not only had I almost declared my feelings for Cassio, I’d also let it slip that I wanted Simona and Daniele to be ours, not just his. I’d known them for only a month, but I’d be at their side for many years. Hopefully one day they’d be mine in theirs and everyone else’s opinion. “I know they are yours… not mine, not really, but it kind of hurts if you say they are your children as if I don’t care for them—” Cassio jerked me toward him, kissing me fiercely. I clung to him, almost breathless when he finally pulled away.
“I don’t deserve you, Giulia, but my kids… our kids do.”
“I really, really care about them. Even if you never want to have another child, I’ll be okay because I’m going to raise them as if they were my own.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “It’s what I’d do too.”
I searched his eyes. “Have you ever had a paternity test done?” I was fairly sure I knew the answer.
“No,” Cassio said.
That one word encompassed so much emotion. Love for Simona and Daniele, the determination to take care of them, but also the fear. “So you don’t know if Daniele and Simona are yours?”
“No. Simona and Daniele look like their mother… like…”
Like Gaia’s half-brother. “But their hair color is similar to your sister’s’.”
“It is,” he agreed, but doubt rang in his voice and I understood why. Now that I really thought about it, I had to admit that neither Simona nor Daniele shared any resemblance with their father. My heart hurt thinking of the possibility.
I swallowed. “Why?”
“Because I love them and I’m fucking scared the test results might change that. Especially Daniele… I can’t bear the thought that I might resent him for looking like Andrea.” His voice shook.
“You really think you’d love Daniele less if he wasn’t yours?”
“I don’t know,” Cassio admitted in a raw voice. “I don’t fucking know, which is why I won’t risk it. I’d rather not know the truth, rather live a lie than hurt Daniele or Simona in any way.”
I cupped his cheeks. “They are your children, Cassio.”
“You can’t know—”
“They are. Because you love them, because you raise them, and because they love you as their father. That’s what matters.”
“Yeah,” he said after a moment. “How can you be this goddamn wise and kind, Giulia? I should be the one giving you advice. I’m almost twice your age for God’s sake.”
I shrugged. “I had to grow up quickly.”
Cassio stroked my bangs away from my forehead, wistfulness clouding his face. “Because of me. I thought you were another child to take care of after our first encounter, too young to deal with the responsibilities being my wife entailed, but you proved me wrong. You take care of my children, of that dog, even of me.”
“Loulou. That’s her name.”
“Andrea gave her to Gaia a few weeks before I found out.”
“Oh.” That explained why he could hardly look at Loulou. She reminded him of too many hurtful things. “It’s not her fault.”
“She licked up Gaia’s blood!”
I cringed, not wanting to ponder that disturbing image. “She’s a dog. She doesn’t mean any harm.”
Cassio tilted his head to the side with a tired smile. “You can keep her, but don’t expect me to bond with that thing.”
I stifled a comeback. Some things took time. I rubbed my fingertips over Cassio’s stubbled cheek and chin. “Do you know why Daniele avoids you? Did he see anything?”
“He wasn’t present when I killed Andrea or during my fight with Gaia.” He reached for his glass, took a long gulp. “Right after Andrea’s death, he was still okay. But in the weeks that followed, he pulled back, and then after Gaia’s suicide, I couldn’t get through to him. Daniele resents me. I can see it in his eyes. We used to be close, but everything changed… He won’t talk so I don’t know if it’s something Gaia said to him or something he saw.”
I pressed my forehead to his. “We’ll find out together. For us. For our kids.”
Knowing what I did now, goose bumps covered my skin when I found Daniele in his mother’s bedroom the next morning. I could almost see her lying there from the vivid and raw way Cassio had described the scene. A lump rose in my throat, seeing Daniele curled up on his side. I wished I knew what was going on in his head, if he’d seen more than Cassio suspected. I approached Daniele slowly, trying to get the images out of my head. How much worse must Cassio feel whenever he set foot inside this room?
I picked Daniele up and he woke in my arms. It was easy to carry him since he wasn’t a baby anymore. Cassio came out of the nursery with Simona on his arm. He tousled Daniele’s hair gently, but he ducked his head.
I gave Cassio an encouraging smile.
“I’ll be home in time for dinner,” he promised before he left.
Like every day, Elia drove the kids, Loulou, and me to the dog park. Daniele was allowed to take the leash as we strolled through the rest of the park later in the day. He hadn’t even asked for his tablet today. Loulou requested all his attention, and he gave it gladly. It was wonderful seeing them grow closer.
Elia settled on the bench while I held Simona by her tiny hands so she could take hesitant steps along the pathway. Daniele perched on the ground, helping Loulou dig a hole in the cold ground with a stick he’d found. He was dirty, and digging holes in the park was probably prohibited, but I didn’t stop him.
“Loulou.”
I froze and almost let go of Simona, which earned me an angry cry from her, but my eyes were locked on Daniele who’d just spoken. Not to me, and not loudly, but I’d heard the word. I swallowed hard, trying to decide if I should try to coerce more words out of him. He had a small, soft voice, and I wanted to hear it all day.
I decided against pushing him, even if it was difficult. Instead, I peered down at Simona. “Good girl.” She grinned and took a couple more shaky steps.
The moment we were home, and I had a bit of free time, I picked up my phone and called Cassio. I couldn’t wait. He answered after the first ring. “What happened?” The tight worry in his voice made me regret my decision.
“Everything’s fine. I just wanted to tell you that Daniele talked to Loulou today.”
Silence. “You sure?” Every syllable rang with doubt.
“Yes, I heard him say her name. Isn’t that great? We’re making progress.”
“Why would he talk to a dog?”
“Many children develop close bonds to their pets because they can share everything with them without judgment or punishment. They are their best friends.”
“It doesn’t explain why he’s so obsessed with that dog.”
And then it clicked. “For Gaia it reminded her of Andrea, but for Daniele, it only reminds him of his mother, and that’s natural. If he finds comfort in Loulou, that’s good.”
Cassio sighed. “Maybe. I need to return to work now.”
“All right. Will you still be home for dinner?”
“I promised, so yes.”
“Thank you. I enjoy having dinner with you.” I quickly hung up, not wanting to get too mushy.
Cassio asked me to put Daniele to bed that night. He looked exhausted and as if he couldn’t bear his son’s rejection one more time.
After tucking Daniele in, I picked up one of the picture books I’d ordered and began to read it to him, but his focus was on Loulou who’d curled up in front of the bed. I patted the mattress. “Come on, Loulou.”
Her ears perked, and she jumped up onto the comforter between Daniele and me. His tiny fingers found her fur, and he kept stroking her as I read the book to him. “Do you want Loulou to stay with you?”
Daniele nodded.
“But if you walk around the house, you’ll wake her. Can you stay in your own bed?”
He considered that, his head tilted to the side, then he gave a decisive nod. I smiled before pressing a kiss to his forehead. Turning on his dim nightlight, I walked to the door and extinguished the lamp.
“Goodnight, Daniele.” I began to close the door when a soft voice rang out.
“G’night.”
I froze. Slowly, I turned around, but Daniele hid under his covers. I swallowed and left. As if in trance, I headed downstairs, finding Cassio in the cigar lounge, setting up the pool table for our game. One look at my face and he came toward me. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Daniele said good night.”
Cassio took a step back. “He talked to you?” Surprise mixed with disappointment in his voice. First Loulou, now me.
“He only said good night, but it’s a start, right?”
He nodded slowly, but I could tell it hit him hard that Daniele spoke to me first. I wrapped my arms around his middle. “You’re gone a lot, so Loulou, Simona, and I are the people he relates to. You should make time to take a walk in the dog park with us or have lunch. When you see him, he’s always tired and not in the right mindset to bond with you.”
“We could spend his birthday at the beach house. Daniele loves it there.”
I grinned. “That’s perfect. I want to bake a cake and decorate everything with dinosaurs. Maybe we can invite Mia and her family so Daniele has someone to play with. Her daughters are close to him in age, right?”
“One’s a year younger, the other is two years older. And that sounds like a great plan.” He brushed my bangs away from my forehead.
“Do you still hate them?” I remembered what he’d said about my hair the first time I met him. It had hurt back then but not so much now. Our tastes were very different. At least Cassio had by now mostly given up dressing me the way he wanted.
“There’s nothing I hate about you,” he murmured.
My heart thudded wildly. I scanned his face, trying to determine what the tone in his voice meant. His lips found mine, halting my thoughts. His kiss became forceful as he gripped my hips and hoisted me on the pool table. I squealed in surprise. Cassio positioned my butt right on the edge and pushed my legs apart. It was horribly uncomfortable, but I’d be damned if I said anything. My short plaid skirt rode up. “What about my skirts? You don’t hate them either?”
Cassio licked a hot, wet trail up my inner thigh. I squirmed, stifling a giggle. Part of me wanted to shove him away, but the other wanted more. “Not as long as they allow me quick access to your sweet pussy.”
He kissed me through my panties.
“You’re really into oral.” I pushed up on my elbows to see him between my legs. He always went down on me before sex and sometimes just because. He didn’t rush it either. He took his time, and it was amazing. Seeing him enjoy it as much as I did was a major turn-on.
“Fuck yes. I could eat you all day.” He dipped his tongue between my folds, my panties still between us. “Is that a complaint?”
I grasped his short hair, trying to push him back down so he’d lick me. Talking was the last thing on my mind. “Absolutely not. Your tongue is magic.”
He chuckled and the deep rumble caused another flood of wetness to trickle out of me. He hooked his fingers in my panties and dragged them down slowly. I lifted my butt to make it easier for him then spread my legs wider. “What about you, honey, do you like to get on your knees and suck my cock?”
“Yes,” I pressed out, sliding closer to his mouth. He smirked. Instead of his tongue, his index finger began to tease me lightly. He dipped it in, drawing out my arousal. “You want me this badly that you’re going to ruin the pool table.”
“I don’t care. Please stop teasing me. I need your tongue.”
His smile turned darker. “Do you remember when I told you that only I give orders in the bedroom?”
“We’re not in our bedroom,” I squeaked before he lifted me off the table, spun me around, and pushed me forward so I was bent over the edge, my butt jutting out. He slapped my ass hard causing me to arch with a gasped moan. His zipper hissed. He palmed my ass, his tip parting my cheeks slowly until I felt him against my opening, and then he slammed all the way in.
I braced myself on the green surface as Cassio thrust into me.
“You always eat me out,” I managed. “You don’t need me to order you to do it.”
His chest pressed against my back. “Even now I’m hungry for your sweetness.” He slammed harder into me, causing the balls in front of me to clank against each other. He drove himself even deeper into me, and the triangle with the balls actually jerked. And that was all it took, this visual of Cassio’s visceral taking of me, to send me over the edge, spinning me out of control so fast my vision tunneled, focusing on the bright green fabric as my nails scraped over it. My release hit me like a wrecking ball, and I dropped my head on the table, trying to draw in breaths as my body quaked.
Cassio pulled out of me. I gasped and my walls constricted from the unexpected loss. I could feel cold air hit my wet flesh. Then his tongue was against me, heating it up. He lapped at me carefully, knowing I was still overly sensitive. I became slack on top of the table, suspended by its edge as my legs gave in.
Soon the pleasure built again, and he became hungrier, the lapping turning to a thrashing. I lost all sense of time then, letting Cassio take control, letting him give me pleasure and take his own until I felt almost delirious. We both ended up sprawled on the pool table afterward, breathing harshly. I was fairly sure I’d have rug burn and a few bruises tomorrow, but I couldn’t care less.
“Sometimes I wonder what I’ll tell Daniele once he’s older and demands answers. He’ll wonder why half his family died.”
I turned toward him then rolled over and propped myself up on his chest, my chin on my linked fingers. “You sound guilty.”
“Sometimes I feel guilty.”
“You had to kill Andrea. Even if you hadn’t killed him in a fit of rage, you’d have to kill him for being a traitor.”
“I never got confirmation. I didn’t question him nor Gaia. I should have, but I killed him before I could torture the truth out of him. And her… I simply couldn’t press information out of her like that. She wouldn’t have told me anything anyway.”
I gnawed on my lower lip. “Andrea was a traitor. Everything pointed to it, so his death was inevitable. Gaia’s death was a result of their forbidden affair and thus was inevitable too. It was her choice, and you couldn’t do anything to stop it.”
“I killed Daniele’s and Simona’s grandparents also.”
“Daniele is going to ask questions one day, and we’ll answer them. We’ll tell him Andrea was a traitor who ran away. His betrayal broke his sister’s heart, so she killed herself, and their parents couldn’t live having lost both their children. It’s a story few people could challenge and those that could, won’t.”
His palm caressed my back. “I didn’t think you’d be someone who’d opt for a lie.”
“If it protects you and the kids.”
Cassio sighed, his strong chest rising under my chin. “First, he’ll have to forgive me for whatever it is he holds against me.”
