I watch as my eldest brother, Ares, shuffles a deck of cards on his front porch. A year ago, our youngest brother, Lexington, insisted on a monthly poker night when we realized we were all growing apart more than we’d liked as we started our careers. Every month, one of us hosts, and tonight it’s Ares’s turn.
Normally, poker night is the highlight of my week, but tonight I’d rather be in my observatory. I’d rather surround myself with the plants my mother left me, and the ones I’m trying to breed myself. It’s an unpredictable process, crafting new flower varieties, but at the same time, it’s systematic and scientific. Tonight, more than anything, I want to immerse myself in something that’ll keep my thoughts off Celeste.
“Dion said his flight got in late, so we’ll just start without him,” Ares says, and I hum noncommittally. Part of the reason I love poker night so much is that we all get to see Dion, who lives in London and takes care of our foreign assets. I’d never admit it, but he’s probably my favorite brother — out of all of us, he and I are most similar. I wouldn’t dream of confiding in any of my brothers about what happened with Celeste, but if I did, it’d be Dion I’d want to talk to.
“What’s wrong with you?” Lex asks me, and I blink in surprise when I realize the cards have been dealt and I didn’t even pick mine up. “You’ve been weirdly quiet for a few weeks now.”
Luca chuckles, a knowing look in his eyes. “What do you think?” he says, his tone taunting. “It’s Celeste Harrison, of course. You should’ve seen him when she walked into the annual gala a few months ago. I nearly shielded Valentina’s eyes for fear he’d come at the mere sight of Celeste, right there and then. He’s been like this ever since.”
I punch his arm in annoyance as Ares and Lex burst out laughing. Just hearing her name grates on me.
“Raven said you two saw her at brunch three weeks ago and apparently you lost your shit because she was on a date with someone else?” Ares mentions.
Fucking Raven. “Can we just play?” I ask as I pick up my cards. I was so sure Celeste would reach out to offer an explanation, but week after week passed without so much as a single text from her, and for once, I don’t want to be the person who reaches out first. Ever since she came back, I’ve done all I could to show my sincerity, but I can’t just force something into existence when this thing between us is so obviously one-sided. I need her to give me something, anything — just one sign to indicate that she wants this too, that she wants me to fight for her.
Ares chuckles at my expense, and I raise a brow as I glance at him. “Should we discuss why our little sister’s best friend is even telling you things like that? Aren’t you awfully close to a girl that’s a decade younger than you? Fucking pervert,” I snap, knowing full-well that Grandma is actively arranging Ares and Raven’s marriage. I can’t resist baiting Ares, though. Talking about Raven is the easiest way to rile him up and change the subject. He’s far more obsessed with her than he even realizes.
Sadly, he’s saved from replying when Dion walks in, his best friend, Xavier Kingston, in tow. We take our family traditions surprisingly seriously, yet there are a few exceptions. Xavier is one of them. I’m not even sure how it happened — one day Dion brought him with him, and he seems to have invited himself ever since. The Kingstons and Windsors aren’t exactly on friendly terms, but we tolerate Xavier. It has a lot more to do with Dion, to be fair. He is quiet and carries demons he thinks we’re unaware of, and Xavier seems to get that, supporting him in a way we can’t.
“Why does it look like we walked into some juicy gossip?” Xavier asks, as he takes a seat.
Dion frowns too, curiosity flickering in his eyes. “What did I miss?” he asks, and I instantly feel guilty. With him living so far away, I’d hate for him to feel like we’re excluding him even more than we already do, but there’s no way I’m rehashing the conversation.
“Just discussing Zane’s obsession with Celeste Harrison,” Lex quips, and I let my eyes fall closed. I’m fucked. They won’t let this go.
“I thought you hated Celeste?” Dion asks.
“Yeah, I distinctly remember you asking me to help break into her locker to plant all kinds of shit when we were in high school,” Lex adds. “Didn’t you nearly get her kicked out a few times?”
Fuck. Even Lex remembers how much of a fucking dick I was to her. If he can’t forget, how can I expect Celeste to?
Luca chuckles and shakes his head. “Isn’t there a saying about that? What is it? There’s a thin line between love and hate? Or something about boys teasing girls they like?”
I put my cards down on the table and lean back in my seat, annoyed. “There’s nothing going on between me and her. She hated me in high school, and that hasn’t changed. End of story.”
They all stare at me, each of their expressions thoughtful. “Huh,” Ares says. “You actually have it bad for her.”
Luca purses his lips and nods. “I knew the moment I saw you dance with her. You look at her the way Sierra looks at Grandma’s cookies.”
I roll my eyes and pull another card, unsure how to change the subject. I’m tired and discouraged today — I don’t have the energy to entertain them.
“Speaking of Grandma,” Dion says, his tone careful. “You know she’ll never allow this, right? None of us have a choice in who we’ll end up with. We’ll all be in arranged marriages, Zane. Isn’t it better to just let go of this fixation on her while you still can?”
I sigh and curl my tongue around my peppermint candy, feeling even more restless now than before. “Celeste’s family are hoteliers too,” I reply, voicing my deepest, most hidden thoughts for the first time. “It isn’t impossible. If they were open to a merger, it could work.”
“Fuck,” Xavier says. “You’re thinking of marrying the girl? What the fuck? Does she even like you?”
She liked me just fine when I kissed her in my observatory, twice. Didn’t seem to hate the way I kissed her against the wall either.
Lex shakes his head and gets up to pour me a whiskey, neat. I knock it back instantly, already tired of my brothers’ shit.
“Zane,” Ares says, his tone cautious. “Had it been anyone else, it might’ve been okay, but it can never be her. Grandma would never allow you to be with a Harrison — not after everything they’ve put us through. For years now, Celeste’s grandfather has been poaching our staff, sabotaging deals, and just outright slandering Grandma left and right. Had it been anyone else equally suitable, she might have been inclined to hear you out, but Celeste? The only way you’d ever marry her is if you walked away from your inheritance. Knowing that, wouldn’t it be best to just let things be?”
“Perhaps.” It’s true that us being together would be too difficult, too costly. Except my feelings for her aren’t rational — they never have been. She’s like a drug to me. I know I’m better off without her, but I can’t resist her either. I crave Celeste Harrison with every breath, every heartbeat. It’s no longer a matter of choice — she’s in my fucking veins, infecting my heart.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I murmur as I draw another two cards. “There’s nothing between us. There never has been.”
My brothers and Xavier look at me like they don’t believe me, and fuck, I’m not even sure I believe it myself.
“There are so many women that are far better for you,” Xavier says carefully. “Maybe all you need to do is give one of them a chance. Hell, if nothing else, you should just try to fuck Celeste out of your system.”
I grimace. Fuck her out of my system? Maybe. I’ve never been with anyone but her, and perhaps that’s why I’m so fucking obsessed with her. One way or another, I need to forget about her. The blank slate I’d hoped for doesn’t exist, and I can’t erase our history.
