I’m restless as I pace in front of the window, waiting for Zane. It’s been hours since he went to his grandmother’s house to tell her about us, and I’m increasingly becoming more nervous. In this case, no news is not good news.
I jump when my phone rings, only for my heart to sink when I see it’s Lily and not Zane. I nearly decline her call out of fear I’ll miss Zane’s texts, but decide against it at the last second. If anyone can calm me down now, it’s Lily.
“Hey,” I murmur, my voice shaky.
Sniffling greets me on the other end of the line, and I tense, worry instantly taking hold of me. “C-Celeste?”
I tighten my grip on the phone as I take in her ragged breathing. “What happened?” I ask, my voice betraying my concern.
Lily begins to cry in earnest and I freeze for a split-second, before jumping into action and finding my keys. “C-can we p-please talk?” she stammers. “I n-never intended— I…”
“Where are you?” I ask, something about her tone putting me on edge. I haven’t heard her sound so distressed in years, not since we got the news that her mother’s murderer was finally arrested. “Tell me where you are, Lil. Whatever happened, it’s going to be okay. I’ll come to you right now, okay?”
“Yes, I think this is… it’s s-something I s-should tell you in person. I’m… I’m at… at The King’s Bridge.”
My stomach twists violently, every instinct in my body telling me something I can’t quite decipher. “What are you doing there, Lil?” I ask, my voice trembling. She sobs in response, her grief so fierce that it robs her of her words. “I’m five minutes away,” I tell her, my tone soothing despite my unease.
It hasn’t happened in years, but when we were younger, the grief her mother left her with threatened to consume her more than once. Each time, she’d find herself at The King’s Bridge, and thankfully, each time, she asked for help before it was too late.
I just hope I’m not too late this time either.
“Three minutes,” I tell her, driving faster than I reasonably should. “You know I love you, right?” My voice breaks, desperation shining through as I follow my instincts, reminding her that she’s loved beyond measure, that she’s needed. “You’re the sister I never had, Lil. The person who reminds me of my worth, the one who motivates me and sees the best in me when I can’t.”
“Celeste,” she sobs. “Oh god, what have I done? I can’t…”
My eyes widen when the bridge comes into view, panic gripping me tightly when I see her sitting on the ledge. I jump out of the car, leaving the door open as I walk up to her. “Please,” I tell her, my steps slow. “Please come here, and we’ll talk.”
She lowers her phone and shakes her head before leaning back a little. “Stop there, or I’ll jump,” she warns, her eyes wide with something I can’t quite name. Panic? Delirium?
I freeze in place and hold my hands up in surrender, tears gathering in my eyes. “Don’t do this,” I plead, my voice trembling. “I will fix what’s wrong, Lil. I’ll fix it, so come here, and let me help you. Please, Lily. I can’t live without you. You know that, don’t you?”
She shakes her head and crosses her arms, balancing herself on the edge. My heart hammers in my chest as I watch her, fear making me feel nauseous. “You’ll be fine, Celeste. We hardly see each other, and we don’t talk as often as we used to. Each time you called, I had an excuse ready, didn’t I? It’s my fault that you’re better friends with Sierra and Raven now. I wonder if that was part of the reason, you know?”
I begin to shake, my tears falling uncontrollably. “Is this about them? I’ll do better, Lily. I never meant to neglect you or our friendship. I would never abandon you, not ever. I love you with all my heart — you’re a part of me, Lil. I’d never have made it through high school without you, nor college for that matter. I will always need you, your encouraging words and your sweet smiles, your voice of reason when I’m being irrational, your hugs, and your ability to make me laugh when life gets tough. Tell me what I can do to make this better. I’ll do anything, Liliana.” My tone conveys my desperation, my love for her, and I pray it reaches her. I’m so tempted to rush over and yank her toward me, toward safety, but the look in her eyes keeps me rooted in place.
Lily smiles at me, her heartbreak evident through her tears. “You can’t save me this time, Celeste,” she says, her voice disappearing into the whipping wind around us. “You can’t save me from myself — and you won’t want to. N-Not after what I’m about to tell you.”
“Okay,” I tell her soothingly, my breathing ragged. “How about you tell me what happened first, then?” She won’t believe me if I say she’s worth saving regardless of what led her here. If I play my cards right and show her that her worries aren’t worth her life, I might be able to talk her off the ledge.
She looks into my eyes, her own filled with an ocean of tears. In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never seen her look at me with such remorse in her expression. “Celeste,” she says, her voice breaking. “I’ve been s-seeing Zane… ever s-since I started working for him.”
I stare at her blankly, the words not registering until she buries her face in her hands, her body rocking with the force of her sobs. “What?”
She nods and tries her hardest to face me, the guilt in her eyes hitting harder now. “It started off as simple f-flirtatiousness, but it turned into more in a matter of w-weeks. I fought it, I really did — I knew you h-hated him, and I couldn’t forgive him for… for the way he treated you when we were younger, but he… he blew past my defenses so e-easily. It was the hand-picked flowers, the intimate lunch dates, and the trips he’d take me on to inspect his hotels.”
I sink to my knees on the cold tarmac, my mind whirling. “That can’t be true,” I whisper, trying to make sense of what she’s telling me.
“I’m so sorry,” she says, her voice still trembling but calmer now. “I know you won’t ever be able to forgive me for this, and I can’t forgive m-myself either. I thought that… that… that somehow, it would be okay in the end. We both know that your families won’t allow this, so I was going to wait for you to move on and find real happiness, the kind that you deserve — untainted love, with s-someone who didn’t play a role in your worst memories. I thought that once you’re happy… then maybe it wouldn’t matter, and I…”
My heart is pounding in my ears, and nausea makes my stomach flip. “It’s okay,” I say nonetheless, holding my hand out. “He doesn’t matter more than you do.” The words feel false on my lips, coming out rushed, and she looks at me like she doesn’t believe me. “We’ll figure this out, Lily.”
She shakes her head. “He loves you now,” she says. “Zane wants to marry you, and he’s willing to give everything up for you. I can’t even blame him, you know? You’re so perfect, and I love you just as much as he does. I can’t fault his choice, understand it even. Between me and you, I’d also choose you. I knew it the moment I saw you two together at your parents’ house when he was supposed to be on a business trip.”
She looks over her shoulder, at the dark water below, and I lean forward, toward her. Lily’s head whips back to mine, and I freeze when she throws me a warning look. Trepidation seizes me now, in a way it never has before. In the past, looking down brought fear to her eyes — now, it makes her smile.
“He ended things with me, and I’m a little relieved, you know? Each time I thought of the future, I’d envision having to lie to you and tell you we didn’t start dating until after you two broke up — but I’d planned to, because that’s just how badly I want to be with him. It’s sick, isn’t it? You should’ve been the one I loved more than anything, but I still did what I did because I couldn’t resist him. He just made me feel so seen, so loved. He made me laugh, Celeste.”
Tears spill from my eyes, and I try my hardest to trap the sob in my throat. Everything she’s explaining, it’s how he made me feel too. “I love you,” I tell her. “I love you regardless, and if Zane is the kind of man that would do this, cheating on both of us, then we don’t need him in our lives. We just need each other, Lily. Please, come here, and we’ll figure this out.”
A spark of hope shines in her eyes, and I stretch out my arm, holding my hand out for her. She stares at it and shakes her head. “You won’t forgive me,” she murmurs. “Not truly. This will always stand between us, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself. Things will never be the same between us, and I… I know his allure, Celeste. He’ll make excuses, and you’ll forgive him. I’ve never seen you love anyone the way you love him — there’s nothing you won’t forgive. Just like you love me enough to forgive me for this, you’ll forgive him too, and I can’t be around to witness that. I can’t watch you marry him.”
“I won’t,” I promise her. “I won’t marry him.”
She looks into my eyes and smiles, her expression somber, resigned. “I love you, Celeste. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I can’t bear that look in your eyes. I deserve to be punished for my sins, and I will be, I’m sure of it.”
“Lily,” I yell, my tone hysterical.
“I really do love you,” she says, the wind carrying her words to me. She smiles at me, her heartbreak evident, and I leap forward just as she lets herself fall backward.
My fingers graze over her body, but I’m too late.
Too late to save her.
I saw this coming.