After ensuring Dustin’s rooms were right next to my favorite parlor on one side, with my rooms on the other, I had gone to Beth’s parlor to listen at the door. Dustin wanted to go home, and I could understand that. I had heard that when Dustin started shouting in the hallway. Now, all I heard was my son telling stories. Yes, they were true, but Dustin shouldn’t want to stay out of guilt or compassion, but because he truly wanted to be here. But should I be upset due to that? If Dustin were to leave, he would become a science experiment at worst or a recluse always looking over his shoulder at best. That was no life for a burgeoning elf. Truly, it was no life for anyone.
All I knew was that if Dustin left, I would be alone again. There were no other elves on Earth except for one, and he rarely made an appearance. Yes, I had Kevin and Beth. Yes, I had made a life here since my exile so long ago. Yes, I had a comfortable life. But I missed home. This place would never be home, no matter how much I tried. Not without Dustin, at least. He was my link to home, to what I’d lost. Once he turned into a full-blooded elf, he would need guidance. He would find the changes strange and possibly frightening—as frightening or more than he found those changes now.
My young alpha would need me. Wouldn’t he?
I couldn’t listen anymore. Instead, I headed to my office to hole myself up in the one place I had made my own, the one place I allowed myself to truly relax. I had built a castle to mirror that which I had left so long ago, and I barely used any of its rooms. The grandeur had lost its appeal because, unlike that castle of my memories, this one was not filled with elves, not filled with my son’s laughter.
Family. My greatest wish was to see my son again. Could that be why I clung to Dustin? Because he was a young elf, and I terribly missed my son?
I closed the door behind me and contemplated locking it to ensure my solitude, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. No matter what I believed would happen, I wanted Dustin to come to me. I wanted him to want me.
And how silly was that? How pathetic? Not even a full night, and I wanted him to want me. I wanted him in my life always. It wasn’t a prurient interest as much as I wanted to keep another elf near so I wouldn’t have to face eternity alone. To watch my human family wither and die, and yet again be left behind—first, my son, then my people, then my soul-mount. Now, I had to face losing my human family. If I didn’t have Dustin, I thought I might go insane.
The very thought of him leaving me had my heart in my throat and tears burning my eyes. I wandered to the window to stare out at my beloved forest, and that tugged at my heart worse. I couldn’t leave and spend time in Mother’s embrace lest Dustin need me. But would he? I doubted it. Dustin had said he would rather take me up on my half-hearted offer of an apartment in the city. He didn’t want to stay here, didn’t want me even though he had melted in my arms not long ago.
There was only so much heartache I could tolerate in one day. If I couldn’t escape to the forest, I would escape into a book I loved. I had many, as Dustin had pointed out, and they were all well-loved. I had, indeed, read them all many times. Yes, I read other books. Many books, but these were my favorites. These were the ones I could read again and again without ever tiring of the stories they held.
I plucked one off the shelf, but as I sat down and opened to the first page, the words swam, and I couldn’t focus. Even with the throw blanket surrounding me in comfort and the fire stoked to chase the chill from the room, I couldn’t get comfortable. I couldn’t focus enough to lose myself in the pages.
I stared blankly at the book in my lap and heaved a sigh. No matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t even read the first sentence, so I got up to return it and paced the length and width of my parlor like a caged beast. I knew I should return my public relations manager, Bradley’s, Comm call. He was in charge of keeping my presence out of the media. I couldn’t avoid him forever, no matter how much I wished for it. Tonight, however, I couldn’t face him. Not in the sorry state I was in.
The hidden door that led to Dustin’s room opened, and one of the security guards, Don, entered the room. He bowed his head respectfully and approached when I waved him over.
“Dustin’s room has been set up per your instructions, sir,” he said, keeping his voice low. “I’ve done a sweep of his belongings, and the things he has no use for—his cookware, bed, and the like—are in storage waiting for his word.”
I had the sudden urge to tell Don to burn it all. Burn it all so that Dustin would have to stay with me longer. But I was not that cruel, nor was I his jailer. Once Dustin could manage to hide his ears with a glamor when they grew in, he could technically do as he pleased. Until then, I just had to ensure his safety.
But was I doing what was best for Dustin? Would he flourish under my care once he got used to it, or would he wither? He seemed so strong, but he was still a sensitive young man with hopes and dreams. I couldn’t squash those. I wouldn’t.
Instead of telling Don to burn everything, I gave him a weak smile and nodded. “Thank you. I’d like you to be his personal security. But keep yourself hidden from him for now. He must get used to things before he knows of an assigned security detail. It may unnecessarily upset him, and I would like to avoid that as much as possible.”
“Of course, sir,” Don said. He brightened because the man was born to serve. His past in the military had suited him well, and he excelled at his job in security for just those reasons. He enjoyed it, and it showed. “I won’t let you down, Mr. Ardal.”
I smiled a little more genuinely. “I know you won’t. Take the rest of the night off. He is with Kevin and Beth at the moment. I mainly need you around in case he tries to take off outside.”
Don scrunched his face up and gave me a quizzical look. “Is he a prisoner?”
All the blood rushed from my face, and I shook my head. “Of course not. But he is in protective custody for the time being. If he’s caught, he could be killed. Do you understand?”
“Perfectly, Mr. Ardal.”
I nodded. “Thank you. You may go. Have a pleasant night.”
Don gave me a winning smile and headed for the door to the hall. “You as well, sir.”
He paused at the door and turned toward me. “And Casersis?” He rarely called me by anything but my surname, so this surprised me enough to look at him. He smiled. “Give him time.”
Time. All an elf had was time. I nodded and turned away, dismissing him without a word.
Once the door shut behind him, I relaxed. Few of my guards knew of my true nature. Kevin was the only one. Don likely guessed. The cleaning staff knew nothing, or at least they didn’t as far as I knew, but they were paid well not to ask many questions.
I groaned and went back to my window to stare out at the moonlit expanse of old-growth forest. As I stood there, watching the tops of the trees sway in the breeze, my heart broke all over again. Dustin. Would he overcome this fear and agree to stay? Or would he fight me for every step I asked him to take?
It was too much to ask, but it was necessary. I couldn’t save him from anything if he weren’t here with me. No matter my other feelings, no matter how much I wanted to keep him close for personal reasons, I wanted him safe above all else.
But he had to come to me. If I went to him now, the young man would bolt. Or, at least, he would try. It would frighten him further, and that was the last thing I wanted. And waiting hurt more than hearing him angrily say he wanted to go home, more than how angry he became that I had quietly arranged for his lease to be terminated and for his things to be brought here.
I had officially cut him off from everything he had ever known except his job, and that would be happening very soon. “Ashamed” didn’t even come close to the level of self-loathing I felt over removing his freedom from his grasp.
I only hoped he would forgive me.
And as these thoughts scrolled through my mind, I found myself sniffling. My face had become wet, tears dripping onto my favorite sweater. I rested my hand on the chilly pane of the window, leaned my forehead against the glass to cool my overheated face. How was I supposed to protect Dustin if I couldn’t get him to see reason?
The scene from our private dinner in this room replayed in my mind. He had called me beautiful. Then he fled as if I were a monster about to kill him.
He rejected me, just like my son had rejected me. He left me just like my soul-mount had. Would I forever be left behind, forever rejected?
Just as I was about to fall into complete despair, Kevin must have activated his mic as I heard Dustin say in my earpiece, “He’s a good man.”
“Yes, he is,” Kevin replied. “He’s not a monster, D.J.” My heart shredded. Did he think me a monster? “He’s a person, as are you. Turning into an elf won’t ever change that.”
Dustin went quiet for a moment, then said, “It does change something more important, though. I’m trapped now, caged.”
I heard the sound of a cart rattling, and Beth said, “You are not trapped, sweetheart. You just need to keep out of public until you learn your glamor.”
I could have kissed that matronly woman. And my son. They were both working so hard to convince my beauty to stay. The mic went quiet again, and I felt its loss keenly. I wanted to speak up and demand Kevin turn it back on, but my son most likely had good reasons for cutting the line. He always did.
I took a stuttering breath and squeezed my eyes shut. The tears just wouldn’t stop. Without their voices, the only thing I could hear was the thundering of my own heartbeat. The loneliness bore down upon me, crushing me.
I couldn’t leave my office, my parlor. I couldn’t bear to see Dustin leave, hear his footsteps fade down the hall to the front door to collect his jacket, and head to one of my apartments.
One of my staff slipped in, quiet as a mouse, and without a word, deposited a box of tissues on the windowsill before me and left a tray of tea on the window-side table. I thanked her absently, though I knew she deserved more. I never opened my eyes but could tell she curtsied by the sound of her dress swishing.
It had to be Amanda. She was the only one who ever curtsied to me. I certainly never demanded it. But she had romantic notions about this castle and loved the atmosphere. She was the only one who wore dresses to work every day, who dressed up in fine gowns in the styles of bygone eras when we had the occasional public tour of the grounds and inside.
I loved her because she enjoyed her work and took care of me when Beth was otherwise occupied.
I loved all my staff. My human staff. Couldn’t that ever be enough for me? Would they ever love me the same? Could I deal with their deaths in short years? Their lives were so short and precious, but each generation, I had to watch them fade away and leave me.
As if she knew my morose thoughts, Amanda squeezed my arm before slipping back out of the room. Her absence just made every intense, wrong feeling inside me intensify.
Moments later, another sound overlaid my heartbeat. Someone paced outside my door, their steps quick and agitated. I could almost smell my beauty through the door. None in my home had such a stride. Kevin’s was always sturdy and strong, decisive. Beth’s would click on the hardwood floors like a metronome. The staff all padded around on kitten feet, silent and swift.
Why would Dustin be pacing the hall? Why would he be anywhere near me?
I heard him stop outside my parlor door. The handle turned, and I wrenched my eyes shut tighter. To have him see me in such a state… I couldn’t bear to face him. Not like this.
He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I went preternaturally still.
“Cass,” he murmured.
What would this bring?
