Asher has been doing his best to try and make things seem like they’re back to the way they were before last night. I’ve been trying to let him distract me in an effort to force my brain to go back to focusing on our friendship. I don’t regret what happened between the two of us. It was honestly better than I ever imagined—but I don’t want to lose Asher as a friend.
And that’s the only way he’ll be in my life. He’s made it clear from day one that he doesn’t do relationships. So, I’ve let him keep me in the friend zone, even though we crossed that clear line last night. That doesn’t change anything between us, though. My mind and my heart need to get on the same page about that.
Because now my thoughts about him are more clouded than they’ve ever been.
Asher pulls his car up outside of the outdoor ice rink. The parking lot is relatively full and Christmas lights are strung between the lamps that light up the lot. He insisted on going ice skating this evening, after we spent all afternoon helping his mom bake more Christmas cookies.
I swear, if that woman bakes any more, they’re going to be eating cookies until next Christmas.
“So, I need to tell you something,” I tell Asher as we both climb out of his car and begin to walk over to the booth that is near the entrance to the rink. My stomach is in knots and my anxiety is making me want to dig my heels into the snow-covered ground. “I’ve never been ice skating before and I’m actually pretty scared to do it.”
Asher stops in his tracks, turning to look at me as his eyebrows tug together. “Like, not even when you were a kid?”
I shake my head, stopping beside him. He’s at least a foot taller than me, so I tilt my head back to look up into his gaze. “My parents weren’t really into doing family activities like that. And I think it may have snowed, like, twice my entire life where we lived.”
“You don’t have to be afraid,” he tells me, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. “I don’t know if you know this or not, but I spend a lot of time on the ice. I won’t let you fall.”
I swallow hard, his words hanging heavily in the cool air between us.
I’m terrified of falling… and I don’t mean on the ice.
“Come on,” he says, his gloved hand warm as he wraps it around mine and begins to drag me closer to the rink. “I’ll help you, okay?”
I let Asher lead me over to the booth where he pays for both of us. He gets a pair of white skates for me and walks over to a bench for us to get our skates on. I take a seat, slipping my feet from my shoes as Asher sits down beside me. He brought his own skates with him and quickly laces them, while I’m still getting my feet in mine.
He looks over at me, flashing his bright white teeth as he shifts his body and crouches down in front of me. “Let me help you.”
Swallowing roughly over the lump lodged in my throat, I nod, releasing the laces as he takes them in his own hands. He starts at the bottom, pulling them tightly as he works his way up. As he begins to loop them through the hooks, he glances up at me, his eyes glimmering under the Christmas lights above us.
“Do they feel like they’re tight enough?” he asks, pulling on them once more before he begins to tie them. “You always want to make sure that they’re secure enough to provide more stability for your ankles.”
“They feel tight,” I tell him, my voice barely audible as I remind myself that all of this is fake. He’s just helping a friend tie her ice skates. Nothing more and nothing less.
Asher finishes and helps me to my feet as he laces his fingers with mine again. He leads me over to the entrance of the rink and stops. Using his other hand, he slides the protectors off his skates and steps out onto the ice. His hand is still in mine and he gently pulls me along with him, helping me as I enter the rink.
It feels unnatural and abnormal, like I have absolutely no control over how my feet are moving. I struggle to gain my footing, feeling my legs move as my feet begin to slide on the ice. It’s slippery as hell and I don’t know what to do. My heart pounds erratically in my chest and panic builds in the pit of my stomach.
Asher is still holding my hand, but I quickly drop it and grab onto his biceps for more support. A soft chuckle vibrates in his chest, his hands finding my hips as he tries to steady me. “You’re good, Syd. I got you.”
The panic is building and I want nothing more than to feel the normal ground under my feet instead of ice. “I can’t do this, Asher. I’m going to fall and bust my ass.”
“No, you’re not,” he laughs, his eyes twinkling under the lights above. “You just need to get your feet steady underneath you. I’ll help you and I promise I won’t let you fall. Do you trust me?”
I nod, inhaling deeply through my nose as I try to control my breathing. It’s a weird feeling, like I’m not in control of my own balance right now and for whatever reason, it almost brought on a full-blown panic attack. But I do trust Asher. I trust him to keep me safe, even if it means that my heart is in danger.
Asher waits for me to get my balance and my fingers dig into his flesh as my feet begin to slide again without my direction. “Here,” he says softly, wrapping his hands around mine as he pulls them away from my hips. “I’m going to help you.”
“Wait, why are you making me let you go?” I question him, my words coming out in a rush as I notice my breath in the air. “I need to hold on to you.”
Asher laughs softly again as he moves behind me. His hands find my waist and he holds on to me tightly. “I’m not going to let you go, Syd. Just do exactly what I tell you to do. You need your hands free to use your arms to gain balance.”
“This was a terrible idea, Asher. Can we just go back?”
“Nope,” he says matter-of-factly. “We’re already here, babe. It’s scary trying new things, but are you really living if you’re not trying something new? We’ll go around once and if you absolutely hate it, then we can be done.”
An exasperated sigh slips from my lips and I glance at him over my shoulder, feeling the panic as it races through my veins. “Fine. What do I do?”
“I’ll help you move, but start off by slowly gliding your feet. One at a time. Push one forward and push off with your opposite foot until you’re shifting your weight back and forth.”
I try to make sense of his words but get tripped up as I try to move my feet the way he just instructed. Asher pushes me along, moving his skates effortlessly as I attempt to mimic the same action. It’s not as easy as he makes it seem, but I’m determined to do exactly what he said. There’s nothing wrong with trying new things and I need to live a little.
“See, you’re getting it,” Asher breathes softly in my ear. “I’m going to let go of your waist and move beside you, is that okay?”
“I don’t know,” I choke out, feeling the anxiousness again at the thought of doing it by myself.
“You can do it, Syd,” he whispers, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear. His breath is warm on my neck and a shiver slides up my spine. “I’ll be right here beside you. Believe in yourself the way that I believe in you.”
“Easy for you to say,” I mumble, shaking my head as Asher pulls me to a stop. My stomach rolls and my legs shake as he lets go of me and moves beside me. “You practically live on ice skates, so this is like riding a bike for you.”
Asher chuckles softly, wrapping his hand around mine. “I don’t know when the last time was that I rode a bike. I don’t think that would be a pretty sight.”
“Tell you what,” I respond, my voice shaking as Asher begins to move the two of us across the ice. My feet feel weird and my legs feel unnatural as I attempt to move them back and forth in the way he told me to. “Since I agreed to do this with you, you need to agree to riding bikes with me sometime.”
“You do know that it’s the middle of winter and it snows pretty often, right?” he questions me, tilting his head down as he gives me a crooked grin.
A laugh bubbles from my throat and I shake my head at him as the panic begins to ease from my system. I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable the more we move, and knowing that he has my hand in his gives me a peace of mind. I trust him to catch me if I fall.
“In the summer then? You owe me a bike riding date.”
Something unreadable shimmers in his eyes and he stares down at me for a moment. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Phillips.”
I smile back at him, feeling the warmth spreading through my body as he squeezes my hand. Snow begins to fall, the white flurries drifting around us as Asher continues to help me as we move around the circle. Other people skate past us and I know that Asher could easily outskate any of them, but instead he chooses to be with me.
It’s a magical moment. The snow falling, Christmas lights hanging above, and the soft classical holiday tunes playing from the speakers that are lined around the rink. It feels like a moment straight out of a holiday movie, but it’s not. This is all real.
The thought of being Asher’s fake girlfriend doesn’t even enter my mind. Instead, we’re both lost in the moment together, hanging on to every minute that we have together like this. His palm warms mine through our gloves and I begin to skate with more ease with him.
“Thank you for being here with me tonight,” Asher says softly as he turns to face me, sliding effortlessly on his skates.
I attempt to turn to face him and my feet begin to shift faster than I want them to. My hand flies out of his, my arms flinging into the air as my legs begin to wobble and slide out from under me. I yelp as I lose my footing, but Asher’s hands dart out and he grabs me before I hit the ice.
He holds me upright, helping me straighten out as he wraps his hands around my waist. My hands find his shoulders and I tilt my head back to look up at him, my heart pounding erratically in my chest. Losing my footing scared me—I thought for sure I was going to fall.
But Asher kept his word. He promised he wouldn’t let that happen and he was sure to catch me before I busted my ass.
Moving one hand from my waist, he slides his gloved hand along the side of my face as he cups my cheek. His dark hair pokes out from under his beanie, his cheeks and nose a rosy color from the cold air. The snow continues to fall around us and we’re standing in the middle of the rink as others skate past us.
Asher’s throat bobs as he stares down at me. His eyes shine back at me and his tongue darts out as he wets his lips. A shiver moves up my spine and it’s not from the cold air of the winter night. My fingers dig into his shoulders as I hold on to him for dear life.
His face dips down to mine, his lips soft as he presses them to mine. Asher claims my mouth with his in a slow, gentle kiss. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around the back of his neck, pressing my body to his as his tongue tangles with mine.
He slowly moves his lips against mine before pulling away. His eyelids flutter open, bouncing back and forth between mine as he searches my eyes for any regret or hesitancy. Asher presses his lips to mine again before he puts some space between us.
“You want to get some hot chocolate and get you warmed up?”
I stare back at him for a moment, my chest rising and falling with every shallow breath that escapes me. He caught me off guard, throwing me off-balance with the kiss. And then he goes and acts like it didn’t just happen. He’s giving me whiplash and I’m not sure if he knows what he’s doing.
Because friends don’t kiss friends the way he just kissed me.
