“Good morning, Sydney,” Rachel, Asher’s mom greets me the next morning as I walk into the kitchen. She’s busying herself over the stove, cooking breakfast for everyone. She motions to the coffee pot and mugs. “Help yourself if you’d like some coffee.”
Smiling at her, I walk over and pour myself some before mixing in some creamer. I glance out the back windows, watching Asher as he stands out in the middle of the snow-covered yard. My head tilts to the side out of confusion as I watch him with a perplexed look on my face.
“What is he doing out there?” I question Rachel as I watch Asher’s lips moving like he’s talking to someone, but he’s staring up at the roof instead.
“He’s helping his father.” She glances out where I’m looking, a soft laugh falling from her lips at how Asher looks like he’s just talking to himself. “He’s up on the roof, fixing some of the Christmas lights. That is who Asher is talking to.”
“I thought maybe he was having a minor mental breakdown or something, out there staring at the sky as he talks to himself,” I tell her, laughing along with her at how ridiculous the notion sounds now. When we got back here last night, he took to his bed on the floor again. He didn’t cross the line any further while we were at the gardens. He didn’t make an attempt to touch me or kiss me, other than holding my hand the entire night.
Perhaps he’s decided it’s best we keep things the way they are, putting on a show in front of everyone, and then we can resume to the way things were before.
Rachel finishes up at the stove and moves all of the food onto the table before calling up for Asher’s sisters and their husbands to come eat. As I take my seat at the table, I glance over at Rachel who sits across from me.
“I have a favor to ask you, if that’s okay?” I say, my voice quiet as I look over my shoulder at Asher still standing in the yard. “I was wondering if you could give me some ideas of what to get Asher as a gift.”
A smile touches his mother’s lips and she nods. “I have a few ideas. Did you want me to take you shopping today? I know you don’t have a car or anything, and I don’t think you really want to go shopping with him when he’s who you’re buying a gift for.”
“That would be amazing.” I smile back at her, feeling at ease with her warmth. “We never discussed gifts or anything like that and I’m pretty sure he got me something yesterday. I can’t be the one who doesn’t have something to give him in return.”
Rachel looks at me for a moment. “Sweetie, you don’t need to give that boy a gift. You being with him is more than enough. I don’t know the last time I’ve seen him so happy about something that doesn’t involve a stick or a puck.”
I stare back at her, my eyes widening slightly as my lips part. Words fail me in this moment and thankfully, the rest of the family comes strolling into the dining room, effectively saving me from coming up with any type of a response to her admission.
Asher’s mom takes me shopping, after telling them we were going out to get lunch. Asher didn’t question it and instead seemed pleased that I was spending some time with his mother. She helped me pick out the perfect gift for him and I was able to sneak away to get everyone else something too. It only felt right, almost a way of showing my gratitude for them taking me in for the holiday.
There’s a part of me that feels like I’m being no different than my parents. Their love language was always buying someone’s love. They were never actually affectionate with me as a child and instead just spoiled me with materialistic things. I know that Asher’s family doesn’t need any types of gifts, but it’s the only way I know how to show something other than just giving them my words.
Rachel takes Asher’s gift from me as we pull into the driveway, promising me that she’ll wrap it. It makes things much easier because I don’t know when I’ll have any time to sneak away from him and wrap it myself.
I grab my few bags of what I bought for everyone else and disappear up to Asher’s bedroom when we get back to the house. It’s Christmas Eve, and like the rest of the days, this evening is filled with another tradition. Thankfully, it’s much more low-key than the rest of the activities that we’ve done. And with the way that the snow is beginning to fall outside, it seems like a good night to stay in.
“Hey you,” Asher greets me softly from his bed as I walk into his room and softly shut the door behind me. He’s watching some sports show, but he quickly mutes the TV and gives me all of his attention. “I was beginning to think maybe my mother kidnapped you or something. You guys were gone for a long time.”
Rolling my eyes, I drop my bags onto his bed as I laugh at him. “We weren’t gone that long. And I wanted to get your sisters and parents something for Christmas.”
Asher sits up straighter in bed, his eyebrows tugging together. “You didn’t have to get anyone anything.”
“I know,” I tell him as I drop down onto the edge of the mattress. “It just felt kind of weird thinking about being here with everyone tomorrow morning and not having a present to give anyone. It’s nothing big, it’s just small stuff. Something to show my appreciation for them extending their home to me for the holiday.”
His head tilts to the side, a thoughtful look passing through his eyes and a smile creeps across his mouth. “I’m pretty sure my mom is just glad to see me bring someone home for once.”
His words sink in, a sadness washing over me as reality rears her ugly head. It’s been so easy to get caught up in this alternate reality that sometimes it slips my mind that none of this is actually real. I’ve been spending time with his family and after Christmas, I don’t know if I’ll ever see them again.
“What’s wrong?” Asher questions me, his voice worried as his smile falls from his face.
“Nothing,” I tell him dismissively, shaking my head. “I have just really enjoyed my time here with you and your family. Dare I say, this might be the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”
Asher stares at me for a moment. “So, why do you seem upset about that?”
I swallow hard over the lump lodged in my throat. “Because I know this will never happen again.”
My words hang heavily in the air between us and Asher’s eyes don’t leave mine. I watch his throat as it bobs while he swallows. His lips part slightly, like he wants to say something, but he quickly clamps them back together. A sigh slips from my lips as I turn away from him, casting my gaze down to my hands in my lap.
The mattress dips, shifting under Asher’s weight as he moves across the bed. My breath catches in my throat as I feel his warmth. He positions himself behind me, my back pressed to his warm chest as he wraps his arms around the front of my body.
“It doesn’t have to be like that,” he whispers, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear. A shiver goes directly up my spine. His words soothe my soul, but I don’t know what he means by that.
I don’t bother asking him, both of us falling silent as he presses his lips to my neck. They’re soft and warm against my skin and I instantly relax against him. I’m afraid to ask what he might have meant by his words and he doesn’t bother to elaborate… almost as if he’s afraid to.
“Do you want to get these presents wrapped? Or we can do it later?”
“Aren’t we supposed to be doing something later?”
Asher chuckles lightly, burying his head in the crook of my neck. “On Christmas Eve, we usually watch Hallmark movies together and eat the millions of cookies that my mom made.” He pauses for a moment, lifting his head as he rests his chin against my shoulder. “And don’t you dare tell anyone that I watch any of those movies, you got it?”
Laughter bubbles from my chest and I shake my head. “You afraid to have anyone know that you actually have a soft side and some feelings?”
“Exactly,” he murmurs. I instantly feel his absence as he moves away from me, a rush of cold air replacing his warmth against my back. “Let’s wrap them now so we don’t have to worry about it after everyone goes to bed.”
It’s almost as if the moment between us never happened, but Asher doesn’t act any differently toward me. He’s back to his normal self as he slips out of the room before returning with some wrapping paper, scissors, and tape. He sits cross-legged on the floor by the bed, spreading everything out as I grab my bags and sit down on the floor with him.
By the time we’re finished, it’s time to head downstairs for dinner. His mother ordered pizza, since I would imagine she’s tired of having to cook for so many people. Especially with all of the cooking that will be done tomorrow.
After everyone eats, we all settle in the living room with popcorn and cookies and Christmas Hallmark movies. Asher pulls me down onto the couch beside him, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as he moves me flush against him. I glance up at him for a moment, no one paying any attention to us.
“I don’t think we need to convince them any more that we’re together,” I whisper to him, feeling too comfortable with how his arm feels around me. I need to separate myself from him in an attempt to get him out of my head. My thoughts are too cloudy when it comes to him, and I’m almost beginning to believe this is real too.
“Who said that I’m trying to convince anyone anymore?” he murmurs, his eyes shining back at me as a ghost of a smile plays on his lips. “Now, be quiet. The movie is about to start and this is one of my favorites.”
A giggle slips from my lips and I lean closer, nestling in against him as everyone else piles onto the couch to watch the movie. I’ll worry about sifting through my muddled thoughts when all of this is over.
For now, I’m going to enjoy the time I have with him, even if it’s going to hurt me in the end.
