‘Morning.’ I sit up too fast, surprised to hear Gabriel’s voice. He laughs as I pull my duvet up around my neck and groan. ‘Here. I made you a coffee. Thought you might need it after the bottle of whiskey you and Amara polished off last night.’
‘Thank you.’ I take it gratefully and drink it down. He gestures to the end of the bed where there are several bags heaped up in piles, as well as boxes. ‘What’s all that?’
‘Well, I couldn’t sleep, so I did some online shopping last night. You don’t have many clothes, especially since you accidentally set fire to them all the other night with your nightmare. So I brought you some. An amazing thing, online shopping. You click a few buttons and someone delivers what you want to your door a few hours later.’ He looks thrilled as he gets to his feet and tosses me one of the many, many bags. ‘Jeans. Long sleeves. Boots. And just a few dresses. If there’s anything you don’t like, or that doesn’t fit, let me know and I’ll change them for you. But…’ he looks to his feet but has the cheekiest grin ever. ‘Can you still wear that?’ he asks, nodding to the top I’m wearing. ‘I love that you sleep in my clothes.’ I lower the duvet and he’s right, I’m sleeping in one of the tops he lent me my first day here.
‘You didn’t have to do this.’ I’m so taken aback by his kindness.
‘No. But I wanted to.’ He gives a small bow and doesn’t hide how happy he is as I smile. ‘Merry Christmas Eve, Beautiful.’
∞∞∞
Tomorrow is Christmas Day. I can’t leave the house. Not without putting everyone at risk, so I spend the day crafting gifts. And I craft hard. Growing up, I spent a lot of time on my own, trying to find ways to entertain myself. Turns out, I’m rather good at making trinkets from not much at all. So that’s what I do. By the end of the day, there are four little presents wrapped beneath the tree from me to my friends. Yep, that’s right.
Friends!
One for Amara. One for Collins. One for Grayson and one for Gabriel. Then I spend the evening doing something utterly amazing. I sit in the lounge with them all having fun. Playing board games. Watching films. Drinking mulled wine and eating a ton of chocolate. Everyone is super relaxed. Even Grayson. There’s no magic talk. No Nomads bursting in with a drama. No blood. It’s just…normal.
We end the night watching A Christmas Carol. And as everyone starts to fall asleep on the various armchairs and sofas, Gabriel, who’s sitting beside me sharing a blanket that covers both our legs, slides his hand into mine. No one else can see. Not that anyone is even awake. Not even Grayson who has had his fair share of whiskey. His fingers entwine with mine and mine with his. He has such a lovely smile as he looks at me. And I feel perfectly happy too. We continue watching the film, hand in hand. And I fall asleep with my head on his shoulder.
∞∞∞
‘MERRY CHRISTMAS!’
I’m greeted with a more than enthusiastic chorus as I walk into the kitchen the next morning. Everyone holds up a glass of champagne and beams at me as I’m adorned with a Santa hat and a glass of champagne for myself.
‘Merry Christmas,’ I laugh, holding up the flute before we all take a sip.
‘Right!’ Amara says, ‘You two have a dinner to cook. I know you said that you would do it, but I just want to go through a few things before you start. No one wants to be ordering a pizza on Christmas Day.’
Gabriel stands next to me as we listen to Amara’s instructions about turkey and vegetable timings. I’m too busy picking at peanuts, pretzels and orange chocolate slices to pay much attention.
‘Hey!’ Gabriel calls over, throwing a tea towel at me. ‘Head out of the clouds and fingers out of the chocolate. We have a dinner to cook and Amara’s instructions are confusing the hell out of me.’
She goes through it all with me instead. It all seems simple enough. When she leaves, we get to work.
‘I like your dress,’ he says, nodding to the knee-length red dress with long lace sleeves.
‘Why thank you. I was given it as a gift.’ I grin.
‘Well, whoever bought it for you has excellent taste.’
∞∞∞
The day is perfect in every way. We eat, drink and play cards together. Except for Hendrix who lurks in the corner watching the festivities from afar. And the Nomads who continue their silent patrolling. We all went outside to watch Collins give Amara a bright pink beetle, and in their moment of absolute bliss, Collins took her face in his hands, looked straight into her eyes and said,
‘I love you.’
With tears of joy she tells him, ‘I love you too. Completely.’
‘Now,’ I say nervously as I hand out my gifts. ‘I had one day, no money and could only use what I could find. So forgive me for their…. well…crapness. I hope you like them.’ I shrug.
‘With everything that’s happened, I would have thought gifts would have been the last thing on your mind,’ Collins smiles, taking the small envelope I hand him. He opens it and looks at me with a “She’s crazy” kind of look.
In his hand is a small picture.
‘It’s St Bernard of Menthon,’ I explain, gesturing to the hand-drawn picture.
‘And who’s he?’
‘He’s the patron saint of travellers. Specifically, climbers. If you carry this with you when you go rock climbing or abseiling, he’ll protect you.’ I shrug, knowing it’s rubbish. But it’s all I could think of.
Amara takes the drawing and looks at it.
‘You drew this?’ she asks, her eyes scrutinising my work as I nod. ‘Bloody hell,’ she hands it to Gabriel who nods approvingly.
‘That’s impressive, Lilly! You have a real talent.’
As he hands it to Grayson to look at, I give Amara her gift.
‘Holy hell!’ she gasps, unrolling the large sheet I hand her. It’s a hand-drawn map of the constellations I can remember and where to see them in the world.
‘You enjoyed stargazing with me so I thought you might like it.’ I wait nervously, but she absolutely beams at me.
‘It’s such a thoughtful gift!’ she says. ‘This must have taken you ages!’
‘Do you like it?’
‘I love it!’
I hand Grayson his gift.
‘It’s a bookmark.’ He suddenly notices and smiles. ‘With one of the flowers from my greenhouse pressed into it. It’s lovely, Lilly. Thank you.’
But it’s the gift I’ve made for Gabriel that I’m most nervous about. He opens the wrapping paper and holds it up with silent awe.
‘Ohh…Lilly,’ he gasps. ‘It’s beautiful.’
It took me hours to get right. It’s a necklace made of dark string with a handmade pendant. I found the smoothest black pebble I could and used a small chisel to carve an image of angel wings onto it.
Gabriel…like the angel.
I used to do it at Harry’s. I made quite a collection. But this one is my favourite by far. And the detail I managed to create is truly something special. Because he’s special.
‘You made this?’
‘I did. Do you like it?’
He slides it over his head and beams at me. ‘I love it!’
Amara has bought me a new pair of Dr Marten boots that lace up my calves, telling me, ‘I know they won’t replace the ones you lost the other night, but I think your mum would definitely have approved of these.’
I pull her into a hug and tell her I love them.
Collins has bought me a lovely leather jacket which I’m positive Amara chose, and then Gabriel hands me his gift. Well, gifts. The first is a small box wrapped in bright blue wrapping paper. I can’t help but notice that it’s the exact same shade as his eyes. I almost don’t want to rip it. But the excitement has me tearing at it.
‘What’s an iPod?’ I ask, reading the words on the white box. Gabriel takes it from my hands and opens it up. After a moment of fiddling, I have an earbud in my right ear and music playing just for me.
‘I’ve loaded it up with hundreds of songs for you,’ he says, handing me back the small square device. ‘As well as audiobooks so you can listen to them while you go to sleep.’ His fingers linger on mine ever so slightly. Then he hands me his second gift. It’s larger than the iPod and this time wrapped in red wrapping paper. Almost my exact hair colour. I open it up and stare at the gift in amazement.
‘Oh…Gabriel. This is…it’s…it’s amazing.’
In my hand is a book. But not just any book. The most important book in the world. Well, to me anyway. The crimson of the cloth-bound hardback is a little faded, and the edge of the spine is a bit thin, but the gold lettering and illustrations across the front are pristine. I open it up, and except for the doodles I added as a child, the book could be my very own.
The Brothers Grimms’ Fairy Tales, illustrated by Arthur Rackham.
It’s the same as the one I lost at my uncle’s home. Inside are all the stories my mother would read to me before bed. My fingers gently feel the pages as I lift them to my nose. It smells like an old book. A well-used, musty smell. To some, it would be repugnant. But to me, it’s my mother’s arms around me as we revisit the story of Cinderella for the hundredth time. My absolute favourite. Tears prick at my eyes and a lump forms in my throat as my longing for those embraces and sweet kisses goodnight weigh heavy on my chest. But in a good way.
‘I’m sorry,’ Gabriel says worriedly. ‘Is it wrong? Was it a bad idea? I just thought…when you told me about how your mother used to read it to you…I thought you might…shit. I fucked up. I’m sorry.’ He goes quiet, but when I look at him, and he sees the happy tears glide down my face. He relaxes and breathes a small sigh of relief.
‘I love it, Gabriel,’ I whisper. ‘Thank you.’ I close the book with the utmost care, and clasp it close to my chest. ‘I love it. I really, really love it. It’s amazing. So thoughtful and meaningful. Truly.’
‘Is it the same one?’ he asks.
‘It is. It’s as close to the real thing I’ll ever get.’ I reach out and take his hand, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze. ‘Thank you.’
‘Merry Christmas,’ Grayson says, almost thrusting a black box tied up with a silver bow in my face. I’m reluctant to put down my book, but I need both hands to open his gift. I unwrap the delicately wrapped bow and open the box.
Inside is an elegant white gold necklace with a pear-shaped, brilliant green emerald.
‘It matches your eyes perfectly.’ Taking it from my hand, he moves behind me and lifts my hair so he can put it around my neck.
‘It’s lovely,’ I tell him as I look at the clearly costly gift. ‘Thank you, Grayson. It really is very pretty.’
The gift part of the day is done, and we all resume chatting, drinking and eating. I, however, remain quiet, sitting in the armchair by the fire with the book open on my lap reading Cinderella. Everyone around me is engrossed in their activities. Amara and Collins are in each other’s arms, kissing and giggling quietly to themselves. Hendrix is sitting with Grayson and Gabriel, and for once, all three men look at ease and relaxed. They’re even laughing and joking. Occasionally, Collins will join in with whatever anecdote they’re telling. I love watching them all. I love hearing their laughter. I love that my belly is full. That I’m warm and safe. Wanted. And as I look at them all with a smile firmly on my face, I notice that someone is watching me. He has an affectionate smile and warm eyes. He raises his hand and rests it over the necklace I gave him earlier today.
By midnight, we all call it a night. I’ve had the best Christmas Day of my life. Scratch that. The best day of my life full stop.
We bid goodnight to Amara and Collins on the first floor and Gabriel, Grayson and I continue up to our rooms. On the top of the landing Grayson takes my elbow, keeping me with him as Gabriel continues towards his room.
‘I do hope you enjoyed today,’ he says.
‘I did,’ I tell him. ‘I absolutely did.’
‘I’m so glad.’ He glances at Gabriel who seems to be taking a phenomenally long time getting to his door. ‘I wondered if maybe you would like to join me for a drink?’ He looks at his bedroom door. ‘I have a comfortable sofa and the finest whiskey. If you fancy it?’
‘Oh, that’s really nice of you to offer,’ I say with as much casualness as I can muster. ‘But I really am tired. I’m just going to head to bed.’ Only then does Gabriel open his bedroom door and go inside.
Grayson kisses my hand like a gentleman and wishes me goodnight before I turn and go to my room.
It’s really been a fantastic day. I’m completely blown away that a day could even be like that! I pull off my clothes and pull on Gabriel’s top before crawling into bed. Sinking into my pillow, I yawn and stretch out but freeze when I hear a light thump from inside my bathroom.
There’s someone in there!
The door opens, I sit up quickly and go to scream. But instead, I’m left laughing and shaking my head.
‘What the hell are you doing in there? Did you really just climb in through my bedroom window?’ I whisper.
Gabriel chuckles and gives a small shrug as he walks over and perches on the edge of my bed.
‘There are Nomads outside your door. I don’t fancy another black eye from my jealous brother so I thought I would go old school and sneak in.’
He taps the jewel-encrusted diamond that dangle on a white gold chain around my neck.
‘Do you like the gift Grayson brought you?’ he asks.
‘It’s stunning,’ I reply. ‘But it feels a little like I’m in his debt with it on. Like I should be grateful for receiving such a clearly expensive gift and in return, let him feel a little more ownership over me. Does that make sense? I don’t ever want him to say “Well, I brought you a ridiculously expensive gift the least you could do is let me…whatever”. I hated it when Toby used to do that.’
He reaches behind my neck, unhooks the necklace and holds it in his closed fist.
‘Better?’
‘Much,’ I sigh happily. ‘What are you doing in here?’
‘I didn’t get to say good night.’
‘You snuck in here to wish me goodnight?’ I say rather disbelievingly.
‘And to see you in your pj’s. I love seeing you in my clothes and those little shorts,’ he teases, raising his eyebrows suggestively. ‘Plus, I’m worried about you. It’s not been an easy couple of days for you.’
I lay down and hold out the book he gave me.
‘Read it to me?’
He takes it and settles next to me on the bed. I snuggle into him and lay silently as he reads. His hand rests on my waist, then in my hand which he holds affectionately.
‘Can I stay in here with you?’ he whispers when the story has ended.
‘I would love it if you stayed with me.’
He lays beside me and holds me close. ‘Goodnight, Beautiful,’ he whispers. ‘Merry Christmas.’
‘Merry Christmas, Gabriel.’
∞∞∞
My eyes fling open. A feeling of dread washes over my entire body from my head to my toes. I feel sick with it. Gabriel’s still by my side fast asleep with his arm draped loosely over me. The clock tells me it’s three a.m. I’ve been sleeping a matter of hours but now I’m suddenly wide awake. It wasn’t the mumblings of two Nomads on guard out in the hall that woke me. It wasn’t even my nightmares. It was something else. Something that has my senses on high alert.
I sit and look around the room. Nothing here is cause for concern. But still I know, deep down, something’s wrong. I can sense something. Someone.
And they don’t belong here.
I sense Gabriel. I can even sense Grayson a little as he sleeps across the hall and Collins below. But there’s someone else. The more I concentrate on my Sensativa, the more I know that there’s someone outside this house that shouldn’t be here. I stand and pull on Gabriel’s black hoody that’s draped by the foot of my bed and head to the window. It’s snowing hard. There’s a thick layer of white on the ground.
I peer through the curtains and see a man standing below on the gravel driveway, cast in shadow as the full moon dimly lights the front of the house. He stands there, hands in his pockets looking straight up at me with a hood pulled over his face. As I watch him, he pulls the hood down, and my heart begins to hammer hard.
‘Toby.’
He’s standing there, bold as brass looking straight up at me with his sly smirk firmly in place. The white snow falls on his equally white hair, and he raises his hand giving me a little wave. I close the curtain and step out of sight, focusing on steadying my breathing. He’s out there. I pinch myself hard. I have to be dreaming. I pinch again. No, I’m not asleep. He’s really out there. He’s done sneaking about and finally, he’s come for me. I look outside again, peeking through the curtain hoping I’m just imagining it. Nope. He’s still there. He gestures for me to come down and puts his finger to his lip.
I’m frozen.
He places his hands together as if pleading with me before settling his hands over his heart and pointing at me. He would do that every time he left. He would stand beneath my window, look up at me and rest his hands over his heart to wordlessly remind me that he loved me. I would always do it back.
There he is. The man that saved my life. The man that gave me a reason to live. The man that ruined me. I can’t help it. Part of me wants to go to him. That lonely lost little part of me that belonged to him. That still, belongs to him.
A gentle hand rests on my back as Gabriel stands behind me. My hand grips his t-shirt as if I’m anchoring myself to him. To stop my old self resurfacing and taking over.
‘What is it, Beautiful?’ he asks, looking at my white knuckles. ‘What’s the matter?’
I stand back, pressing myself into him. His arm wraps around my waist. I can’t take my eyes off Toby who’s still looking up at me.
Gabriel opens the curtain further to see what it is that I’m looking at. His arm tightens around me. I feel him go rigid.
‘Bastard,’ Gabriel hisses. ‘Don’t worry. He won’t get to you.’
Toby, seeing that I’m not alone, loses his self-assured grin and glares at Gabriel loathsomely.
‘That’s right you little shit,’ he mutters. ‘I’m here too.’
Toby points up to us both and slides his finger across his throat.
‘He’s come to get me. Gabriel…what do we do?’
‘He won’t get anywhere near you. Stay here. You’re well protected.’ He turns, but I grab him.
‘You can’t go down there! Are you insane?’ I pull him away from the door. ‘He’ll kill you!’
‘I’m going down there, Lilly. We’ve been looking for him for years. We need the journal, and we need to stop him from hurting you anymore!’ He goes to leave, but I yank him back. My hands are bunching his t-shirt in my fists.
‘I’m going!’ he insists.
‘You can’t!’ I almost plead. ‘Gabriel, he will kill you!’
‘HE’S HERE!’ Gabriel yells towards the door. ‘TOBY IS HERE. OUTSIDE THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE!’ He looks down at me sternly. ‘Stay put. This won’t take long.’
He turns on his heel and runs out of the room before I can stop him. The two Nomads watch him leave the room with extreme confusion before turning their attention to Grayson who has joined Gabriel out in the hall.
I look down at Toby as he shakes his head. His loathing written all over his face.
The Nomads inside the house have sprung into action. Grayson’s barking orders from out in the hall, telling someone to stay up here with me. My bedroom lights are turned on by a Nomad who has a large gun at the ready and stands beside another equally well-armed Nomad. Looking back outside, I see Toby’s turned and started running. But not away from the house.
‘HE’S COMING INSIDE!’ I yell. Toby’s hands are covered in his fire as he shoots it skilfully at those around him. I have to shield my eyes it’s so bright against the night sky.
Amara barges into my room, ignoring the armed men and sprints to my side. Her hair’s a mess, and she’s wearing one of Collins’ oversized T-shirts. I take her hand, desperate for comfort as we watch the fight unfold below.
‘Collins has gone down there,’ she tells me. I can hear the absolute panic in her voice. ‘Oh no, Lilly. He’s really here. Toby’s really here.’ I tighten the hold I have on her hand as she looks at me. Those big eyes of hers are brimming with tears. ‘He won’t kill them, will he?’
I can’t meet her gaze because yes, if Toby wants to kill them, he most certainly will. But how can I say that to her? Instead, I look back out of the window. I can’t see him anymore, but we hear one hell of a crash below and feel the house shake.
‘He’s inside,’ I realise.
We abandon the window and turn to the door. I head towards the hall, desperate to see what’s going on below us, but the Nomads stop me.
‘RED!’ Toby’s voice booms clear across the yelling and the chaos of the fight below. The sound of his voice and the anger that comes with it has my insides plummeting like cement in water. ‘RED, YOU COME HERE NOW!’
Amara’s hand tightens in mine. ‘Don’t even think about it,’ she warns.
‘I WON’T STOP COMING FOR YOU!’ he calls. ‘I’LL NEVER FUCKING STOP!’
‘YOU WILL IF YOU’RE A DEAD MAN,’ Collins bellows back over the sound of smashing glass and splintering furniture.
The look of fear on Amara’s face is heart-breaking. She’s shaking as the man she’s only just declared her love for risks his life to try and stop Toby. A psychopath that’s here only because of me. This isn’t right! Gabriel and Collins are down there as I hide away up here like a coward. Any harm that comes to anyone tonight is squarely on my head.
‘Move,’ I tell the Nomads.
They stand straighter and hold their guns clearer in view as if reminding me that they’re armed.
‘Sorry, Miss Hooper. More than my life’s worth to let you past.’
I look past them standing on my tip-toes. There are more of them in the hall, all pointing their weapons at the top of the stairs, standing in lines just waiting for the fight to come up to us. It sounds like absolute chaos below. I hear Gabriel yelling. Telling Toby to stand down but the violence continues.
‘Why don’t they just shoot him?!’ Amara sobs.
‘They won’t shoot him. They need him alive to find the journal,’ I tell her.
‘How are they going to stop him then?’ she cries even harder, tears streaming down her face. ‘Gabriel’s orders clearly aren’t working.’
I can’t stand the panic in her voice. We hear a pain-filled yell echo through the halls.
‘Collins,’ she sobs ‘That was Collins. Lilly! We have to do something.’
She’s right. I won’t be the reason anyone dies. I run back inside my room, take my new boots from the bottom of my wardrobe and put them on.
‘Miss Hooper,’ one of the Nomads warns as I finish lacing them up. ‘I won’t allow you to leave this room.’
Boots tied up to my calves, I get to my feet, completely ignoring him. I take off my watch and shove it into Amara’s hand, letting my magic return to me in a mighty wave.
‘Keep this safe for me,’ I tell her. ‘I’m going down there.’
‘You can’t go down there!’ she says, horrified, trying to hand me back the watch. ‘He’s here for you!’
‘I can’t let people die because of me, Amara. Not anymore. And besides, I have my magic. I’ll be fine,’ I lie, determination coursing through my veins.
‘Lilly…you’re in your pyjamas,’ she says, pointing at my blue and white striped shorts and Gabriel’s top.
‘I don’t care. It will be okay. I promise.’ I kiss her cheek and hug her. ‘If he gets up here, hide. You hide and don’t come out for anyone or anything until it’s safe. Promise me.
‘I promise.’
I turn to face the Nomad.
‘Move.’
‘No, Miss Hooper. You are to stay put. Grayson’s orders.’
‘Move,’ I take a step forwards. ‘Before I move you.’
‘Miss Hooper. You will not leave this room,’ the Nomad repeats.
‘Oh no?’
With a wave of my hand, I send the two Nomads guarding the door flying into the wall so hard they fall dazed to the floor in a heap. I step over them and walk out into the hall. I won’t hide up here and listen to the people I care about get hurt or die. No way. I walk forwards to at least eight men, all armed and dangerous, standing guard at the top of the stairs.
When they see me coming, they turn their weapons on me.
‘YOU CAN NOT GO DOWN THERE!’ one of them shouts. ‘STOP!’
‘No,’ I reply as I continue walking straight at them. I channel my magic, sending them all into the air and smashing them hard into the wall with a blast of Telekinetic power that explodes from inside me. Some are unconscious. Some are staggering back to their feet, but I have a clear path. I walk through them, stepping over the slumped bodies as I go. Amara calls after me but stays exactly where I told her to.
I make my way down the stairs to the first floor which is empty and then down into the lobby. The table in the middle is a charred mess, and there are unconscious and injured men all over the place. Most have burns on their skin and some look like they’ve been slashed by a knife. I don’t see Gabriel, Collins or Grayson.
‘Where are they?’ I ask one man who’s tending to a friend. He doesn’t say anything. ‘Gabriel and the others…where are they? Where’s Toby?’ I demand. I create my own fire on my hands as a warning. ‘Tell me where the fuck they are.’
He points towards the kitchen. ‘They drove Toby out the back door. He’s run off towards the cliffs. They’ve gone after him. There are men with him. Three of our men, they turned on us.’
I take off at a run, straight through the throng of the injured and the random patches of fire and into the kitchen, not caring who he’s with.
The garden’s in darkness. There’s a thick layer of snow on the ground and my breath hangs thick in the air, but that doesn’t stop me. Ahead is a line of men, evenly spaced out, creating a protective barrier around the house and all pointing their weapons into the night. On the patio are three dead men. Toby’s men I assume, judging by the lack of care anyone is taking with them. Grayson’s and Gabriel’s voices carry clear over the night air, and the odd flash of torches tell me they’re searching for Toby down by the orchard.
Why are they looking there?
I look to my right. To the woods. I can sense him in this direction. It’s getting fainter, but I’m positive.
They’re looking in the wrong place.
I turn and sprint towards Toby, leaving them all behind. I know it’s stupid. I know it’s dangerous for me to go after him alone, but I would rather put myself in the line of fire than Gabriel or Collins. Even Grayson. I have my magic. I can handle Toby. I knew the man for years. I can talk him into reason. And if I can’t? Whatever happens, it will be away from them. Away from the people I care about.
We need the journal. But more than that, I need this never-ending threat to be over. He said it himself. He won’t stop. I know he won’t. He never did. When he gets something in his head, it becomes an obsession, and I can’t live in fear like this for the rest of my life. Who knows when I might get another chance to end this.
At least if I’m chasing him, he’s not sneaking up on me.
I soon disappear into the darkness. I wasn’t seen and as I run I can feel I’m getting closer to him. The snow’s falling so hard it covers my tracks almost straight away. The humming in the air gets stronger as I go. The sound of my feet in the snow and the heavy breaths I need to take to keep myself going are soon all I can hear as the voices of the others fade into the distance. I keep going. Running till I can’t anymore. So I walk. He’s still moving. So I carry on following. As I always did.
After what must be another hour, the snow has slowed. I can see the slightest trace of Toby’s footprints as I emerge from the woods and come face to face with the enormous wall. I was right. It surrounds the whole estate.
Where the hell has he gone? His footprints go up to the wall and then stop by a bush. As I get closer, I notice there’s a small hole hidden behind it. I climb through and come out onto a thin country road with no street lights. If it wasn’t for the full moon, I think it would be pitch black.
His presence is still here. He’s walking ahead of me in the distance, but I can’t see him, just his trail in the snow. I carry on, desperate not to lose him and terrified to catch up with him. The adrenaline’s eased and the bitter night air on this Boxing Day morning is starting to take effect as I begin to shiver. I’m relieved I put on Gabriel’s hoody before I left. His scent has been my only comfort. But a hoody, pyjama shorts and Doc Marten boots aren’t effective against this level of cold.
Ahead in the distance to my left, I spot the silhouette of a man walking alone across a field.
Toby.
He’s heading towards a parked car on a dirt road just ahead of him. He’s planned his escape well. But I can’t let him get away. This has to end.
‘TOBY!’
My voice echoes in the vast emptiness around us. He stops.
Slowly, he turns.
I continue walking towards him and he heads my way too. I keep telling myself to be brave. To be strong. To be careful. When he’s about ten feet in front of me I stop. So does he.
We face each other for the first time in two long years.
He’s just as entrancing as I remember. Folding his arms across his chest, he looks at me with that mischievous grin of his.
‘There you are,’ he says. ‘I knew you’d come. Eventually.’ He reaches out and beckons me forwards with his finger. ‘Come here.’ I stand frozen. ‘Come on now, Red. Don’t make me ask twice. You know I never liked repeating myself.’
My feet start to move. I’m shaking as I make my way towards him. I’m nervous. Terrified, but compelled to go to him. My old self is resurfacing, and I obey. Just as I always did. As I get closer, he remains as he ever was. Cool, calm and entirely in control of everything around him. Myself included. It was one of the most alluring aspects of him. No matter what was happening, no matter the chaos or the risk. He enjoyed the situation, whatever it was, and made sure everything went the way he wanted it to go. He was in charge. Always. I was sure the world only turned because he wanted it to. Physics be damned.
His skin is just as pale as I remember. His lips still a deep red and his eyes an unnatural violet. But the most unusual thing about Toby was always his thick groomed hair that lacked any colour except the whitest of white. It’s a little curly and reaches just above his eyes. He’s twenty three. A little older than me. I can’t look away. And neither can he. He comes to me, his hand brushing my arm as he positions himself with his body flush against my back.
‘Long time,’ he says in my ear, moving my hair out of the way so his lips can get to my neck. They’re cold. Like his hands which he slides under my top to caress my stomach. I should push him away. Make it clear that I have no interest in his hands, his lips or his words. But I don’t. I’m thrown back two years when I was completely and utterly obsessed with him. When I was so happy to have someone look at me the way he did. Like everything between then and now just isn’t important.
I’m finding it hard to steady my breathing and organise my thoughts. His touch is too distracting. It always was. He’s beyond reason. Beyond sense. He was everything to me. Everything.
‘I’ve missed you, Red,’ he whispers longingly in my ear. ‘Have you missed me?’
‘No.’ My mouth is dry and every nerve on fire. My voice is barely a whisper as I stand in his arms not knowing what the hell to do. Now he’s here, I don’t believe he wants to hurt me. But I always thought that. Until he did.
‘Are you trying to hurt my feelings?’ he asks sweetly, his lips pressing into my neck. ‘Why would you want to upset me like that? Of all the people in your life, I’m the only one…the only one, that ever gave a damn about you. When your aunt starved you, I fed you. When your uncle beat you, I tended your wounds. When Ryan put his hands on you, I killed him.’
‘Don’t say his name.’
‘When you tied a rope around your neck and tried to take your own life, I saved you. Or have you forgotten all that?’ His hand slides up my back. His fingers are tracing the scars he knows so well. ‘I know you inside and out. I know every dirty little secret. Every dark desire. Every single one of these marks on your delicious body. Your battle map. Remember that, Red? What I used to say about your scars?’
‘Yes,’ I reply in the same weak whisper. ‘I remember.’
‘Tell me. Tell me what I used to say.’
‘You…you would say that you loved my scars.’ I look at him over my shoulder. His lilac eyes bore into mine. ‘You would spend hours running your fingers along every single one of them. Making me tell you who had given that specific one to me and why. Even the ones you put there.’ His fingers continue to trace the marks as his grin grows. ‘You called them my battle map.’
‘Only the strongest could survive what you’ve been through. I was proud of you. Proud to be loved by you. I still am.’ His chin settles on my shoulder. His hands hold me firmly around my waist as we just look at each other. ‘You do still love me, don’t you?’
I did. My god I did. He was like a drug. The strongest heroine. Completely addictive. An incredible high and just like any good addiction, he completely took over my life. Made me do things I would never dream of, but most of all… he was destructive. I’d spent my life alone and suffering. I’d spent my life hated and feeling nothing but fear and loneliness. Then he came along and everything inside me ignited. I finally came alive. He had me in every way. Heart, mind, body and soul. Of all the women in the world he could have chosen…he chose me. Despite my scars. Despite my situation. Despite my fear of touch. He decided to want me.
That was until he left. That night, everything fell spectacularly apart.
‘Tell me. Tell me you still love me.’ He watches me as I stare back at him in silence. His smile starts to disappear, and his nails dig into my hips. ‘Don’t make me repeat myself. Tell me-’
‘I don’t,’ I tell him. My voice slightly more my own but still timid and wary. His eyes frown and his smile goes altogether.
He spins me quickly and holds me in place, his hands gripping my hips painfully tight and his nails digging in deeper.
‘That’s a lie.’
‘It’s not.’
‘I know you. The real you. Gabriel doesn’t.’
‘Gabriel has nothing to do with this.’
‘He was in your bedroom,’ he snarls. ‘You think he would want you if he knew the truth about you? About what you’ve done?’
‘What you made me do,’ I correct him.
‘Is that what you tell yourself to help you sleep at night?’
‘I don’t sleep, Toby. I can’t. I’m haunted by the things you made me do.’ I try to prise his hands off me, but he jabs his fingertips into my skin hard, making me wince.
‘You can act like the victim with them. But don’t you dare pull that shit with me. I know the real you. I’ve seen the darkness that’s in your soul. It was there long before I came along.’ He leans in. ‘And I love it. I love you. What can we be in the dark, Red?’
‘I’m not playing that game with you.’
His nails dig deeper but I don’t make a sound.
‘What can we be in the dark, Red?’ Small, powerful fires springs to life on the tips of his fingers, burning my skin.
‘Toby, stop!’ I gasp, grabbing his wrists to try and push away.
‘What. Can. We. Be?’
‘Whatever we want! Get off me!’ I plead, trying to get away. His fire goes, and his grin returns.
‘What can we do in the dark?’ he asks.
‘Anything,’ I reply. His motto.
‘Red,’ he says with a desperate longing. ‘My Red. Always and forever. You shouldn’t be locked up behind high walls and guarded by pathetic wannabe witches. Told where you can go. What you can do.’ He releases his vice-like grip, peeling his nails from under my skin so he can run his finger slowly and sensually down my cheek. He’s so close I can see every shade of lilac in his mesmerising eyes. ‘Come with me. Be free with me. Let’s show the world, and Grayson’s Coven, exactly what we can do.’ He takes hold of my chin. ‘Name a place. I’ll take you there. I won’t make you bring down the veil. I won’t hide you away. There are no rules with me. There never were. You’ll be happier than you’ve ever been. I guarantee it.’
I’m a second away from agreeing. Leaving all this behind. The veil, Theo, Grayson and his unwanted affections, his rules. Perhaps Toby is the answer. But I remember my fear at the idea of Toby coming for me. I remember his violence and manipulation when we were together, and I inwardly slap myself because here we are again. I’m exactly where he wants me to be, and the only one that’s going to suffer is me.
What the hell am I doing?!
I reach up and hold his hand. Then, I guide it away and step back.
‘I say no, Toby. I’m not going with you. The Orchard is my home now.’
He looks at me like he has no idea what he’s looking at. Like I’m a bewilderment. I am, because I’ve never, ever said no to him. Not until today. And it’s more terrifying than anything I’ve ever done in my life.
No one says no to him. No one.
The familiar dangerous flash I remember so well lights up his eyes. The corner of his mouth twitches as well as his hand. A subconscious act as his instincts tell him to attack, but his reason tells him to hold back. I know his reason will lose out soon enough. But I don’t need to keep him happy. I have no interest in trying to make him stay. To prove that I’m enough for him. Because I’m enough for me.
That’s all that matters.
And when I’m with him, under his influence, I’m not me. I’m Red. I’m his.
No more.
‘I’m not coming with you, Toby, because I don’t love you.’
‘Are you sleeping with him?’ he says through gritted teeth. ‘Is that it? You let him fuck you?’ He takes a menacing step closer as I stumble back. ‘Answer me, Red. Are you fucking him? ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH MY BROTHER?’
‘Y-your what?’ I reply in a stunned gasp. ‘Your brother?’
He scoffs at me. ‘See? You have no idea who they are. None. And they don’t know you. You think Gabriel would look twice at you if he knew the real you?’ He steps closer, his fists clenched. ‘If he knew about Ryan?’
‘Don’t. Don’t you dare-’
‘He wouldn’t. Trust me. I’ve known the man my whole life. He likes his girls strong. If he knew what you let Ryan do to you for all those years, he would see you as pathetic. Damaged. Second hand.’
‘He knows I loved you. If that hasn’t put him off, nothing will.’
‘Shut your mouth,’ he snarls.
‘No. I won’t. Not anymore.’ I stand straighter. Stronger. ‘I need the journal. Rebecca Hooper’s journal. Where is it?’
‘After everything I did for you. After everything I sacrificed… you turn your back on me like this?’
‘Where’s the journal?’
I see him start to lose control over his reason as his jaw tightens and his eyes twitch. And I’m so angry that he may be related to them and no one told me!
‘GIVE ME THE GODDAMN JOURNAL!’ I scream.
That’s his last straw. All reason leaves him, and his instincts take over as he charges me. I don’t get a second to react before he body slams me into the ground and wraps his fingers around my throat.
‘I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING I HAD YOU UNGRATEFUL…’ he lifts my head and slams it into the ground. ‘LITTLE…’ again, another whack. ‘BITCH!’ Thud. He leans down into my face and tightens his grip so I can’t breathe at all. ‘You betrayed me. No one betrays me. Never. Tell me you’re sorry. Tell me you love me and I’ll forgive you. TELL ME!’
‘Toby…’ I gasp, whacking his hand that’s wrapped around my throat. ‘You’re killing me.’
‘I’ll see you dead before I see you with another man.’
I claw at his hands and try to kick him away, but he was always too strong. He laughs as I struggle for breath and pointlessly try to loosen his grip. His hands may as well be made of stone.
I grab the hand he’s choking me with and set it alight with my magic. I’m released as he lets go and stumbles back.
‘Please,’ he scoffs as he creates more fire in his palm. His flames are just like mine, black and white. ‘I taught you how to manifest fire. I taught you how to control the movement of objects around you. I gave you the will and the strength to channel your magic, and you think you can use it against me?’
‘Was it you?’ I gasp, massaging my throat. ‘Did you do it?’
‘Do what?’ he laughs angrily.
‘Did you kill her? Was it you?’ I sit up. ‘Tell me what happened. I killed people in the barn and then you ran. And when I woke up back at Harry’s, she was gone.’ Tears sting my eyes and fall fast and plenty down my cheeks. ‘What happened when we left Harry’s house that night?’
‘Is that all you remember?’
‘Tell me what happened.’
‘My little spies told me you had no memory of those six weeks. Part of me didn’t believe it, but you don’t. Not a clue.’ He shakes his head. ‘You’re not ready. Trust me.’
‘TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!’
‘NO!’ He seals his lips together and takes a moment to try and calm himself. ‘I’m not talking about that. I’m not.’
‘Just tell me-’
‘I SAID I’M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT!’ He’s deadly serious and I know that there’s no way in hell he’ll talk without some violent persuasion. My fire springs to life on my hands. He glances at them briefly before choosing to ignore them completely. ‘I’m going to give you one more chance. Tell me that you still love me and I will take you back. I’ll give you the life you always wanted. You want to live abroad? Rome or Jamaica perhaps? I can take you there. We can live by the beach.’ He looks at me with a forced smile, but I can see the anger raging beneath his surface. ‘Come away with me.’
I shake my head. ‘I’m not leaving the Coven. I’m bringing down the veil. I’m staying with Gabriel and being honest, I would rather be back at Harry’s than be with you. Just give me the journal and run. Because they’re coming for you. I may not want you dead, Toby. But if they kill you, I won’t shed a tear.’
He lunges at me with a furious yell and again, I’m on the floor. And again, his fingers are wrapped around my throat. He squeezes.
‘You’re mine. Mine. MINE! You will NOT leave me. Not for anyone. Not again. ESPECIALLY, NOT FOR HIM!’
I grab his hands with my inferno. But he just yells against the pain and tightens his grip. I try to buck him off. I kick out my legs. But it does nothing.
Behind him, someone’s running straight at us. Toby doesn’t see. He’s too busy trying to kill me to notice, but I see him.
It’s Gabriel.
He runs full pelt towards us, bends down and swipes up a fallen log. When he reaches us, he strikes Toby over the head knocking him off me before pulling me to my feet. I gasp for air, breathing it in fast as I cling to Gabriel who wraps his arms around me.
‘Are you okay?’ he asks in a breathless panic. I nod and cough. ‘Jesus, girl. I thought you were as good as dead.’
I’ve never been so relieved to see him. He kisses the top of my head and pulls me close to his body as we both turn to face Toby.
Toby stumbles to his feet, reaches up and touches his head. There’s blood on his fingers. When he sees Gabriel, he looks livid.
‘Get your hands off my girl, Gabriel.’
‘She ain’t yours. Not anymore. You can’t beat both of us, and you know it.’
‘Come here,’ Toby orders me through gritted teeth. I cling to Gabriel and shake my head.
‘She doesn’t want you anywhere near her,’ Gabriel says equally as vicious. ‘After everything you’ve done to her.’
‘I’ve done nothing! Whatever they told you, whatever lies they’ve put into your head, don’t you believe it, Red.’
‘We haven’t said a thing about you. Your actions towards her have proved what a sick, depraved little freak you are.’
Toby laughs and points to himself. ‘You think I’m the sick, depraved one?’ He shakes his head. ‘Oh, you have no idea what that girl is capable of. I could tell you stories that would turn even your stomach, Gabriel. Shall I?’ he asks me.
‘Go to hell.’
He looks instead to Gabriel.
‘And what about you? Does she know about you? What you’ve done? Why didn’t you tell her who I am? Hmm? That you and me are brothers!’ Gabriel glances at me briefly before returning his full attention to Toby. ‘You think she would be clinging to you right now if she knew the truth? If she knew about Rose? Hmm? You’re the biggest liar I know, Gabriel. And she’s so full of shame and secrets I’m amazed there’s room for anything else.’
Who the hell is Rose? I want to ask, but now is most definitely not the time.
‘Shut your mouth,’ Gabriel says firmly. ‘Another word and I’ll-’
‘You’ll what? Kill me?’ he laughs. ‘You’ve been looking for that journal I took for years. You’ll never find it. Not unless I want you to. I didn’t bring it with me if you were wondering. I’m not that stupid.’
‘One day with me, you’ll talk. They always talk.’
‘What more could you do to me? Hmm? Torture me? You’ve done that. Maybe you could banish me from the only family I’ve ever known? Oh wait, you did that too. Perhaps you could betray me and toss me to the Hunters to save your own skin?’ He slams his hand against his head. ‘How could I forget, you already did! I know. Maybe you could steal the only woman I’ve ever truly cared about.’ He looks at me.
‘He didn’t steal me.’
‘Did he tell you I Broke because of him?’ I look between them as Toby becomes more and more unravelled. ‘The Hunters took him. They had him in their cells for six months. Torturing him. I was the one that snuck into their cells. I was the one that got him out.’ Toby turns to Gabriel. ‘I carried you for miles. And then they caught up with us.’ He points at Gabriel with more hatred than I ever thought possible. ‘And you jumped on that horse and fled like the coward you are. You left me there on my own.’
‘It wasn’t like that, and you know it!’ Gabriel argues. ‘I told you to get on that damn horse with me. I told you that we needed to run. You refused. You were hell-bent on fighting them, even though I told you I could barely keep my eyes open.’
‘You left me.’
‘YOU LEFT ME!’ Gabriel yells back. ‘You put me on that horse, turned around and tried to win an impossible fight. As soon as you threw that fire the horse spooked and bolted. I came back, but you were gone. They had you. We went back to where they kept me, but you weren’t there.’
‘Six years,’ he says hatefully. ‘They had me for SIX YEARS, GABRIEL. I BROKE IN THOSE CELLS!’
‘We looked for you-’
‘You and Grayson want Rebecca Hooper’s journal?’ Toby interrupts. ‘There’s only one thing that will make me hand it over. One thing that will make me turn around and leave you to your plans in peace. Hell, I’ll even tell you where Theo’s camp is if you like? I found it you see. I could tell you right now, and you could eradicate them. Wipe them off the face of the earth. Him and his traitors.’
‘Is that so?’ Gabriel says disbelievingly.
Toby nods and smiles smugly.
‘What do you want?’ I ask. He’s offering everything we want. The book. Theo. For him to leave us in peace.
He turns and looks at me. ‘You, of course. I want you back.’
‘Not gonna happen.’ Gabriel stands in front of me as a barrier.
‘You give her to me. I’ll make sure she does the spell and brings down the veil for you. I swear it. But, then I get to keep her, and you leave us alone.’
‘I don’t want you to keep me.’
‘I don’t really care what you want, Red. So…Brother? What do you say? You get it all. If I get her.’
I watch Gabriel nervously. He won’t, will he?
‘You’re not touching her again,’ he replies, thankfully.
Toby creates fire on his hands. ‘You’ve turned the only woman I’ve ever loved against me with your lies, and started fucking her in the house I used to call home. You’ve turned me into an outcast. I’ve lost everything because of you, Gabriel. I’m going to make you pay.’
‘You lost everything because you’re sick. You’re a sick, twisted little boy. A psychopath. And you’re not touching my girl ever again.’
As he says that, my heart swells. Despite the situation.
‘Your girl…’ Toby repeats the words with malice. ‘Your girl?’
‘Yes,’ Gabriel says firmly, taking my hand in his. ‘My girl.’
Toby charges forwards with an enraged cry as Gabriel shoves me out of the way to the floor. Gabriel goes down with a punch.
‘I don’t need my fire to kick your ass.’
Gabriel’s up again, holding the same heavy log he used to knock Toby off me. He slams it across Toby’s face, and he goes down. Gabriel brings it down on him again and again, shouting and yelling. Toby kicks him straight in the knee, making Gabriel’s leg buckle, giving him time to hurl himself on top of him. There’s blood streaming from his nose and a large gash across his eyebrow, but that doesn’t slow him down. I watch him wrap his hands around Gabriel’s throat and start banging his head on the ground again and again just as he did with me.
‘STOP!’ I use my magic to hurl him away from us and run so I’m standing between them. Toby scrambles to his feet as Gabriel rolls onto his front, shaking his head and trying to regain his focus.
Toby and I stand to face each other. I create my fire on my hands.
‘You won’t hurt him. I won’t let you.’ My fire doubles in size. The logs and rocks on the snow-covered ground begin to tremble as my fists clench. ‘Last chance. Tell me where the journal is.’
He’s looking at my fire then at me anxiously.
I pull my hand back, ready to send my flame at him before he can attack us again. But before I can, he sends out a blast wave of fire and heat straight at Gabriel and me that hurls us both several feet back through the air. Toby watches me as I try to get to my feet. I have him in my sights, but the pain-filled moan I hear from Gabriel who’s slumped on the floor distracts me. He’s bleeding. A thick trail of red is flowing from beyond his hairline.
‘Gabriel…’ I run to him as he lays on his back, blinking blood out of his eyes. ‘Stay still. Don’t move.’
‘I’m alright. Lilly, I’m fine!’ he insists as I fuss. He lowers my hands and looks at my face, scanning it for injury. ‘Are you okay?’ he asks in a panic. ‘Are you hurt?’ I shake my head, and we wrap our arms around each other.
I almost forget Toby’s still there. He watches our intimacy and looks…heartbroken. Genuinely devastated.
I look at him filled with hatred. ‘I’m going to make you pay,’ I threaten, letting go of Gabriel and getting to my feet. Gabriel’s right by my side, his hand in mine as we face Toby together.
Toby glides his hand through the air. A wall of fire springs to life between us. I stand and watch him through the flames. He watches me right back.
‘I’ll spread it to you if you so much as move,’ he warns, gesturing to the fire.
Gabriel still attempts to move, but I keep him by my side.
‘You’re still there you know,’ Toby tells me. ‘Still in my heart. Still in my head.’
‘We can’t let him go!’ Gabriel whispers. But we have no choice. I won’t risk his life.
‘I’ll be back for you, my love. This isn’t over. And you…’ he looks Gabriel square in the eye. ‘This isn’t over.’ Toby turns and walks away. I watch him go.
I let him go.
He gets into his car and speeds away. The brake lights disappear out of view, and Toby’s gone.
Gabriel looks to the corner where Toby just disappeared and then to me.
‘You just let him go. How could you just-’
‘Don’t,’ I say firmly, watching the darkness of Toby’s escape route. ‘Just…don’t.’ I look up at him as he frowns. ‘He’s your brother!!’
